You Live what you've Learned;
You Rip what you Sow
Disclaimer: I'm not JKR
Summery: Darkness is not the evil Lord that is trying to become a god, Darkness is when the sun goes down and you do not expect it to rise in the morning. Severus has been raised in the darkness, but turned to the promised light… only to find himself lost in the night forever.
xXxXx
The sun is bleeding when goes down
We watch the colors filled with pain
The sun is dying every evening
And it is happening in vain
Could universe survive if somehow
The sun's rebirth would not exist?
If dawn next day won't be a given,
Could ever man evolve from beast?
Sit down and watch the last sun dying.
When seen is only smallest part,
Please tell me, what amount of anger
Can person carry in the heart?
And when amount is exceeded
When anger fills up every cell
Could he be blessed with absolution,
Or will he be condemned to hell?
NO, please conceal the answer
I'll soon find out anyway…
I should just watch the last dusk falling
And solemnly pretend that it's OK.
xXxXx
The room looker horrible: everything was broken or dropped all over the floor. The man lay on the black leather couch with bottles of empty Firewhiskey lying right beside it. The man was trashed. The Headmaster only saw him in such a state once before, 20 years ago, the day everything changed for him.
xXxXx Flashback xXxXx
Albus Dumbledore entered the pug in Hogsmade. It was not his regular place: the Three Broomsticks, but the only dark place in the vicinity of Hogwarts. Hog's Head was known to have a shady reputation and customers of all sorts. Many of the illegal deals were made in this place and most of the betting in Scotland was hosted under this roof. Dim lights and dust that never saw cleaning charms enhanced the dark atmosphere to the point where it could almost be tasted. The noise level was as high as usual with all of the screaming of drunken customers arguing with each other or complaining to the public about one thing or another. In the unlit areas outlines of men and other beings could be guessed as they whispered to each other.
Dumbledore headed directly to the counter and bought a bottle of Firewhiskey. His project has started. The spies had told him about a young man, his recent graduate and now a "certified" Death Eater, drinking in desperation just a mile away from the school. Considering the name of the man in question, this information proved itself very useful to the leader of Voldemort's opposition.
Severus Snape, the most controlled person that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has seen in many years, was not thrown into despair easily. Something strong enough to force him into his current position could be strong enough to force the young man to change sides with the right amount of guidance and/or manipulation.
"Hello, Severus. It is nice to see that you are driven to visit our good old school areas despite being out and free."
"Free! Right, just like a caged beast… Free to rage within the iron boundaries for the amusement of master and the crowd."
'Well, you had to give this man the credit. Even drunk beyond reason, as Severus was, there was no evidence of it in the man's speech. The famous sarcasm was undeniably present as well, just like it would have in any other situation,' thought the Headmaster as he sat down opposing his ex-student at the table in one of the corners of the pub.
"And what can the Great Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts Headmaster, Defeater of Dark Lord Grindevald, owner of the Order of Merlin, First Class and many other long titles be doing in a hellhole like this? Not visiting the favorite pub and the lovely mob, I would assume."
"Can't an old professor just decide to treat an ex-student and a brilliant Potion's Master to a drink when a chance arises?"
The reply was combined with the twinkling of the old man's eyes while the bottle was placed on the table.
Snape threw the Headmaster a suspicious glance which momentarily changed into a mocking one as re reached for the bottle with amber liquid and poured it into his glass.
"I certainly would not object, especially since my bottle had been emptied already… You know, Professor, I might have actually believed you were here on a social call, if it wasn't the reputation your spies have earned in certain circles, - he added after a minute of silence."
xXxXx End Flashback xXxXx
That day Severus Snape became a double agent and got a chance of clearing all the guilt that he felt for his actions. That day Dumbledore got a spy almost in the inner circle of Voldemort's army. That day Severus shared his worst experience and Albus, for the first time, truly realized what it means to serve a Dark Lord.
Today something horrible had happened again, since Severus never showed up before the gargoyle that leads to Dumbledore's office. He was summoned by Voldemort to a meeting, and was expected, as usual, to report the developments in the enemy's camp. Severus always reported first thing after returning. There were only few exceptions to the rule, and those happened when the Dark Lord went on the torturing spree and hurt the Death-Eater-Turned-Spy to the point where the victim needed immediate medical attention. Tonight was not the usual case since Voldemort never keeps his gatherings that long and Poppy reported that Severus was not in her care. There were only two possibilities left and now the Headmaster found himself in front of the door to private chambers in the Potions' Master's office. It seems that Severus locked himself in his rooms with Firewhiskey as his company.
An infamous sneer greeted the Headmaster as he entered the guestroom. It was obvious that the Potions' Master was quite alive. He lay on the couch and looked relaxed.
"Came all the way down here just to join me, Albus?"
Lazy baritone of Severus Snape broke the silence in the room and gave the older man the message that things are worse then he could imagine. Albus was well aware that the man in front of him used relaxation to hide devastation and anger.
"Severus, tell me what happened at the gathering," – Tentative voice had done nothing to improve temper of the younger man, the opposite actually.
"No attacks were scheduled today if that's what you're asking."
"Tell me what had happened."
The following reply indicated how drunk the Professor was better then the four empty bottles beneath the couch since this man never volunteered personal information and opinions without being forced into it (Opinions about Griffindors, were an exception, of course).
"Aren't you just the nice, warm, grandfather of the Magical World? Ready to take care of everyone's problems while facing the evil? The ray of light against the darkness of sin? When by the end of my schooling here I was approached by the Dark Lord, it felt like a blessing. He promised us power and recognition. Us, you understand, the Slytherins, the slimy snakes, the sons of aristocrats who's only purpose in life was to be proven wrong, useless and be taught about the purity of blood in our veins by our fathers. The Dark Lord took us in and made us believe in our superiority. He helped us overcome out fathers, but then things got bad.
After he helped us to fulfill our wishes to was our turn to honor our side of the bargain: eternal servitude. First were the attacks on Muggles and Muggleborns. Simple "Avada" did the job and we didn't mind mush since we learned to despise them with the mothers' milk. Then rituals were brought in: kneeling and crawling in front of "our master", mindless torture and rape of Muggles, Mudbloods, and later – opposition. You know well enough that I was sick of the cruelty of my own and that that of my fellow DE's. Once the victims were my mother and sister; simply for being at the wrong time at the wrong place. I was forced to torture them into oblivion or suffer consequences with them. I stopped worshipping "my master" then.
It was your turn after that. You're the second person who made me believe that I was worth something. You told me that to repay my sins, I had to help to bring the Dark Lord's downfall. You told me I had to spy, and I did. You told me to forgive myself for the pain I brought to my victims while spying because it was necessary to hurt in order to help thousands of other people, and I believed you.
You know, I remember the conversation I overheard between you and Moody years ago. Back then I couldn't understand much, and it took me almost 16 years to get the real meaning of it. It happened in the beginning of peace after the first fall of Voldemort. Major cleanup was going on in the Ministry and Black was just caught after he apparently blew up half the street. Moody was telling you about some tests to prove that someone was alive, the wrong wand signature of the spell and Priory Incantem. You were saying that Black became too powerful and dangerous, so it was better if he was eliminated. I though back then that it was because he was a traitor, but now it is obvious that you knew the truth from the beginning. You put Black into Azkaban because he was too powerful and uncontrollable for you. I hated that man more than anyone other than Voldemort, and yet even I would not have thrown him to the Dementors.
They call you the Light General, but you seek the same power that the Dark Lord and Fudge do.
Now that was a little uncalled for, Severus. Let's not assume such things. I gave you a second chance and a way back to the Light, after all.
Second Chance! Back to Light! I was never given a first chance to be given a second one. They say that you live what you have learned, what you have been taught. For my father I was a property and disappointment; for the school – just another slimy snake. As a student, I have heard both teachers and students refer to us as untrustworthy, backstabbing and many other not so nice names. Just look at Minerva: she will believe anything a Griffindor tells her and never something coming from a student in Slytherin house despite the fact that many of their lies and truths are the same. Riddle promised "the forsaken ones" a future: something that the society refused us. Do you know that many of the employers will refuse us jobs because they fear our ambition and cunning? It is no wonder that many of the dark wizards come from Slytherin, since we don't have much choice otherwise. The proper and good citizens just rip what they sow. Yes, Riddle was a vicious bastard and he helped me only to use me, but when you think about it, didn't you do the same thing?"
Suddenly all of the anger and hurt was gone from the voice of Severus Snape. It became obvious just how tired and vulnerable this man is inside.
"The only point in today's agenda was Draco Malfoy. You told me two years ago to try to talk him discretely against becoming another Dark Lord's minion. It seems that you should congratulate me on my success. We were told that he found out that Lucius planed on taking him to the gathering today to be marked, so he ran from the Malfoy Manor. What Draco didn't know was that his father placed a tracking charm on him years ago, so he was caught within an hour after Lucius realized that his son is gone and why he is gone.
Let me just say that the Lord was not too happy with the developments. Lucius got of lightly: after half a minute of Cruciatus he blamed Narcissa for weakening the boy. Voldemort dealt with her himself, and it was not a pretty view. Draco was given to the Death Eaters for his punishment, and everyone had to participate. Hours and hours of torture, but that was not the worst. His eyes were filled with betrayal and hurt as he looked at me. I did this to him. I knew he would have no choice, and yet I tried to talk him out of "darkness". Maybe I saved his conscience, but killed him. It was I who killed him at the end, even if the last two words were said to him by his father. Two more names are added to the list of people I have wronged in the name of Light and Albus Dumbledore.
I'm sure that you are not surprised by the outcome, Headmaster. I wanted you to know, that I will fight until the Dark Lord is defeated or my death, whichever is sooner. Once I'm through with him, remember, you may never rely on my help again. Not in life, nor in death. Now, please leave me to my misery. Good day, Headmaster."
With that he got up and left the guestroom. Dumbledore also left the room and went back to his office.
In the hallway one of the portraits whispered to the next one:
"One more man lost his hope and trust for the world… How many more will there be until the end of this war? How many after that?"