Pirates of the Karenbean Parody
(A/N): I've decided to try my hand at a parody. It will be more than one post, I might just go on with it forever. When I'm bugged about something, I'll be sure to make fun of it mercilessly in this parody. That's why it's Pirates of the Karenbean. It's mine.
Disclaimer: I do not own Governor Swann, Norrington, Will, Elizabeth, Jack, Pintel, Ragetti, Gibbs...I don't own anyone except Lord Smith down there...and I'm ABOUT TO OWN THE JACK/ELIZABETH SHIPPERS! I own you real bad!
------------------------------------
(Everyone is seated around the tea table. Characters include Will, Elizabeth, Governor, Norrington, Lord Gerald Smith, others)
Norry: 'Tis a beautiful day.
Will: Your mom is a beautiful day.
Elizabeth: (gasp)
Gov: (blubber)
Norry: Well, yes…my mother is definitely a beautiful woman….she…WHAT?
Smith: He said that your mom is a beautiful day.
Norry: I heard what he said! How dare you…
Gov: Yes, how dare you! GUARDS! ARREST THIS MAN!
Liz: OMG, DADDY NO! WTF?
Gov: I'LL TELL YOU WTF!
Will: NO YOU WONT! (smacks governor)
Norry: YOUR MOM WILL! OR WONT! WHATEVER, YOU MASKED PIRATE!
Everyone: Wtf? O.o
Gov: Norrington, just shut up.
Norry: How dare you…..!
Liz: Yes, yes, we know. How dare he….!
Will: Haha! Moded! Want some ice for that burn?
Smith: I've had ENOUGH! I'm leaving.
Everyone: Who the hell are you?
Smith: Well, I never…..
Will: (to Liz) We know he's never…..
Will and Liz: (giggle suggestively)
Smith: I HAVE TOO!
Will: Have not.
Smith: HAVE TOO!
Will: Have not.
Smith: HAVE TOO!
Will: Have not times infinite.
Smith: HAVE TOO TIMES INFINITE PLUS ONE!
Will: Have too!
Smith: HAVE NOT! HAVE NOT! HAVE NOT!
Liz: Ahaaaa! He got you, you blumbering buffoon.
Smith: Your mother is a blumbering buffoon!
Everyone: (gasp)
Random person: Dat's not right. Talkin' 'bout someone's mama, nah ah.
Liz: (GASP GASP GASP GASP GASP) How….DARE…you!
Will: (stands, brandishing sword) How dare you speak of her mother, you bastard!
Smith: MOMMY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!
Norry: Get him, Gerald! Get him good!
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Smith: (stands) At least I have servants who will prepare my bath for me after this fight!
Will: O.o wtf?
Gov: I said that I'd TELL you WTF!
Liz: No you didn't…you said that to me.
Gov: Oh…..cheerio, carry on then.
Liz: (gets popcorn and 3-D glasses)
Jack: (comes in holding GO EUNUCH sign)
Liz: Put that down, Jack! He's not a eunuch!
Jack: He is...
Liz: …not!
Jack: And how would you know?
Liz: Hm…just trust me. (shifty eyes)
Will: Ahem….(blush)
Jack: (quickly squeezes NON in front of Eunuch with pen)
Will: Where'd you get that contraption? (looks at pen)
Jack: I dunno, SHE gave it to me. (points at me)
Me: (waves)
Everyone: Hi.
Me: (waves again)
Will: Anyways, Gerald…we have some unfinished business. (is interrupted)
Liz: RAW RAW SISS BOOM BAAH! GOOO WILL! (sees everyone staring…slowly lowers pom-poms)
Will: Yes, anyways…
WILL WILL HE'S MY MAN! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE CAN!
Everyone: (stares at Jack)
Jack: Wa'nt me!
Liz: It was me! (grin)
Will: Darling, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but honestly…..
Smith: (pokes Will with sword, but it only bends against his flesh) Damnable sword….
Liz: AH! WILL!...what the…?
Will: HAHA! Should have bought a sword at Will's Blacksmithing and Co.
Will: (walks closer to Liz, putting arm around her…suddenly walking off-set to a different set which is his blacksmith shop)
Will: In fact, here at Will's you can find all the best metal works! Low prices, high quality, we guarantee!
Liz: AND it's a family practice. Will's Blacksmithing and Co. is all about the family. So bring the kids!
Will: Yes, do!
Elizabeth: Don't let them near the bellows, though. It gets mighty hot and they might burn to a dirty little crisp.
Will: Oh, but never you mind! There's more where that came from!
(They both walk to swords.)
Will: Look at the shine on these swords! (pushes Liz offscreen)
Liz: (comes back onscreen with black wig, looking around shop)
Will: (surprised, walks to her) Why hello, miss that I've never seen before! Might I help you? (aside) Here at Will's Blacksmithing and Co. we're very people oriented! (turns back to Liz amiably)
Liz: Oh, yes kind kind KIND sir! I'm looking for a sword.
Will: A woman! Looking for a sword! Well, that's scandalous! Scandalous indeed! (aside) Of course, I am joking. We're very funny here at Will's. (wink)
Liz: Oh yes sir. I would like a sword. Because I know Will's Blacksmithing and Co. ALWAYS has high quality, low price swords….
Me: Alright, that's enough….both of you, back to the foyer.
Will and Liz: Awwww, c'mon, yo! We're getting customers for our pan!
Me: Well, you know what they say…(pushes them back to foyer) …out of the frying PAN and into the FOYER! HA! HAHA! Aha! Ha...ha...aha...hehe...ahem.
Everyone: (cough) (hear crickets)
Me: Alright wtf ever.
Will: Ah yes, Smith…..(takes glove from Smith and slaps him with it)
Smith: GASPETH! (aside) He slapped me with my own glove!
Liz: OOOOHHHH! YOU GOT DOUBLE-BURNED!
Will: Actually, Liz sweetheart….I only burned him once…if I had burned him twice, it certainly would be a double-burn.
Liz: (counts on fingers)
Gov: This is out of hand!
Norry: I agree!
Ragetti: So do I! (eye pops out) ME EYE!
Me: Get the hell outa my story…wtf are you doing here?
Ragetti: I don't know! YOU'RE THE ONE WRITING IT!
Me: (looks down and sees that, yes, I have) Oh….oopse…well, get out!
Ragetti: GLADLY! (picks up eye and gets out)
Everyone: I'm utterly confused.
Me: So am I….I think this is enough for now….
Smith: (slaps Will all girly-like) Eh..
Will: Jack! You called me a eunuch!
Jack: Ye are a eunuch….
Will: I'm not a eunuch.
Liz: Well…ok, no….he really isn't Jack. Trust me.
Jack: Well, yeh know Lizzy baby….a lot of fanfiction writers think I'm pretty sexy…and they think we'd be a pretty good match….
Liz: That's nice…but they're idiots. What were you saying Will?
Jack: Well, I mean…I'm not entirely prone to the idea of sleeping wif' a girl tha' could be my daughter…
Liz: Yes, I agree. The age difference is quite nauseating.
Will: Whereas Elizabeth and I are the perfect age!
Liz: Right!
Rabid Jack/Elizabeth shipper: NOT TRUE! MY FICTION SAYS THEY ARE VERY MUCH ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER, ATLEAST LUST-WISE! And I should know because I REALLY paid a lot of attention to BOTH movies. (not!)
Jack: (randomly is totally OOC) Elizabeth….I never thought I would say this…but I am in love with you. From the moment I saw you, I was like "What? Strumpets and whores who? The sea? I don't care about the sea! And my Pearl? Baah! What Pearl!" I only love…one…woman..now….WHAT AM I SAYING! I'm getting eerie vibes from the Jack/Elizabeth shippers. AHH! Get 'em off! GET THEM OFF!
Gibbs: Jack/Elizabeth shippers! (does the black spot dance) AH!
Liz: (whines) Omg, I'm whining! I NEVER WHINE! I think I'm getting vibes too! I have a sudden urge to use Will to gain my own ends and feel like kissing Jack! But…he's dirty!
Will: And I have a sudden urge to sit by and let you! And then be upset that you don't love me anymore, even though I sailed all over the damn place to rescue you and be lashed by my own father! Now I feel like killing you both! What?
Everyone: STOP THE MADNESS!
Me: (erases rabid Jack/Elizabeth shipper)
Everyone: Thankyou.
Me: Welcome…
Will: I feel like having tea.
Smith: Five minute break?
Will: Yes, after you, kind sir.
Liz: (pours tea) Mind you, this isn't a woman's job, but because I grew up doing things like this at parties, I feel I must.
Will: Understood.
Jack: Hehehehe….
Liz: What is so funny, Sparrow?
Jack: CAPTAIN! …and I think the rum's getting' ter me.
Will: There is no rum.
Me: (already looking through pages confused to see if I did indeed put rum) He's right, there's no rum. What are you talking about, Jack?
Jack: Um….dunno…BUT WHY'S THE RUM GONE?
Everyone: Figures he'd say that.
Jack: OI!
Smith: Hehe…hehe….if you added an N and a K at then end of OI, it would say OINK…and Jack would be like a pig! HEEHEE!
Everyone: (blinks)
Me: (looking through pages again to check that I didn't have rum in the story)
Norry: Ok, really…go away, Gerald.
Gov: Honestly, man.
Will: Yeah, you're totally fired.
Liz: Agreed.
Me: I can't argue with that. Bye bye.
Smith: FINE! BLIGHTERS!
Me: (makes him trip and fall on his face)
Everyone: (laughs)
Me: The End.
Will: What? Really? Why?
Me: Because I have homework to do.
Liz: That's ballocks.
Me: Don't I know it.
Barbossa: I've just randomly come and decided to pop into the end of this! (grins holding green apple)
Me: Where have I seen that before? …OOH DEAD MAN'S CHEST! Of course!
Dead Man: (looks down at chest and squeezes it to him) Mine!
Me: What? Not you….(erases him)
Everyone: (blink)
Me: Ok, really the end.
------------
(A/N): I know it's random, very out of character, and I know you're thinking "Why, williz? Why?" Well, in the words of Governor Swann "I'll tell you wtf!"
This kind of stuff TOTALLY cheers me up. When I'm pissed at someone or something, I'm like "Hmm...why don't I make fun of them?" So I did. And there will be more, make no Davy Jones bones about it! Whether I get reviews or not.
(bow) I am...williz. And you are...the weakest link. G'bye.