Dear John
By the time you will be reading this I will be dead. There is nothing logical that you can do or say that will change that outcome. There were many things that I wanted to say to you but the timing has become inconvenient. The thing about timing is that it always slips through your fingers. I never had any control over it and it cost me my life.
I can never make you understand why things had to end this way. I cannot fully explain it myself to tell the truth. You stuck by my side when the world had turned against me. You stuck by when the world had labelled me a fraud, a fake… A freak. I never could put quite put my finger on why you had done so. But I am thankful that you had done so.
Someone once said to me that caring is not an advantage. For many years I thought that true. And unfortunately, I die with the same point of view on the matter. The sentimental defect that comes into play with the human mind. Only casting pain and suffering upon. Maybe that's why I always tried to avoid it. Maybe because I was afraid to lose the people I hold so dear.
I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. That there was something wrong. I spent years on end trying to figure it out. And it seems that I have finally found the answer. The solution to the problem. That I never had anything to lose. That I had never loved.
People seem to mix up the words, love, misery. Pain. A life without love is misery. Love is the only think that covers up all the scars and makes the world seem wonderful again. Unfortunately, I had learnt that a little too late. But loving you still caused me a disadvantage. Loving you meant that had something to lose… Something that I would one day, I would finally have to say goodbye to. I'm afraid that day came, sooner than I anticipated. I'm lucky to have someone that makes the world a better place. Someone that I would never stop loving.
Continue to write your wondrous stories and your adventurous tales. That maybe one day we all be able to read them together.
Yours,
Sherlock