Drowning in Spite

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

Disclaimer: Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

Warning: This is a very Dark fic. Please DO NOT READ if you are offended by ANY of this.

A/N: Alright, so I have some hints through out the story of some future conflicts that will occur later. Are they too vague?

Chapter One: Boys Don't Cry

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

Fearfully, he moved down the giant stone corridor, his feet slapping against the stone, bruised and sore. He had worn his pajamas, with boxers underneath, hoping it would put him off tonight.

It didn't work.

Draco pushed open the door to his Father's office. There, Lucius Malfoy stood writing on a piece of parchment from behind his desk. He looked up to see his son standing in the doorway.

"Well, Draco. Shut the door, we don't want to wake your mother, do we?" Lucius put down his quill and stood walking over to Draco gracefully.

"Father, do we have to tonight?" Draco whimpered, stepping away from his Lucius. He received a swift slap to the face and Draco immediately fell silent.

"You're to be a true Malfoy, my boy."

Draco's lips quivered as his Father leaned in to capture his lips.

It was a normal day; there was nothing out of place to fit in with the destruction that overcame him. Draco lay in his bed, falling into an easy sleep until Lucius came in, grinning and tearing the sheets from off of Draco. He tore Draco apart savagely, claiming that he has reached his coming-of-age now. He was a Man now. In some sickening twisted way, Lucius had shown his son another side of living—the traditional side, a shameful side, of a Malfoy. Draco lay sprawled and bleeding across his bed after his Father had left. Images of his Father's naked body and the tearing feeling haunted him until he cried himself to sleep. And when he had awoke, he had a new broom sitting at the bottom of his bed, Zeus had a note attached to his little leg. With all the strength he had, he pulled the note from off of the Bird's leg.

Clean yourself.

These two words sliced Draco apart as the remainders of his sanity disintegrated.

Draco pulled his sheets above his head, waiting to hear the click of the door as his father left his room. He felt the bile rise up into his throat, and upon hearing the door click, Draco swallowed the disgusting substance back. A Malfoy never embarrassed himself with tears, throw-up-from-pity and hurt. His father had taught him the right way, and this was just another obstacle to overcome.

He remembered the day he got home, the day it started…

"God damn Granger, beating me in ranking," Draco mumbled as he held up his grades. He was sitting against the plush seating of the Hogwarts Express, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle surrounded him.

"Well, what d'you expect Draco? You never really did any of your work…" Blaise drawled, un-crossing his legs and plucking the parchment from out of Draco's limp hands.

"Mmm…seems here you're passing all your classes with an "Excellent". What are you complaining for? Excellent is the highest a person can get."

"It's not that…it's just…she's a fucking mudblood."

"A smart one…with a tight ass," Blaise laughed. Crabbe and Goyle nodded in agreement.

"What? You've been checking that mudblood out Blaise?" Pansy asked shrilly.

"Sort of…she's in my Advanced Astronomy Class with Draco. Sits right across from us," Blaise shifted uncomfortably. Draco's piercing gray eyes devoured Blaise's movements in anger.

"I see where your minds been this year Blaise," Draco said in a clipped tone. He took his grades back, folded it, and slipped it back into his pocket. Blaise shrugged.

"Well it's a lot better than mine Draco." Pansy said sweetly. She placed a hand lovingly on his thigh. He pushed it off and glared at her. She sighed, nodding to herself.

"She has a point Draco. You did exceptionally well this year," Blaise said.

"You have no idea how Father is. He's very stern with me concerning my rank. This isn't going to please him. Knowing that a mudblood outdid me…"

As Draco said this, Hermione Granger stumbled into the hall. The people around her burst aloud with laughter, pointing at her as she clapped her hands around the shreds of her shirt and ran down the hall. Tears flowed down her face as she ran. Harry and Ron were yelling at each other, pushing one another off in order to reach her.

Draco opened the compartment as she was nearing it. She saw it open and immediately threw herself in it, slamming it behind her. Everyone, including Draco, gasped as they soaked in her presence.

She was wearing muggle clothes, and she was holding her shirt closed with difficulty and she wouldn't stop sobbing…at least until Draco stood in front of her.

"You jumped into the wrong compartment Mudblood." Draco sneered, he caught sight that Harry and Ron had just passed their compartment. Hermione scooted against the door as he neared her.

"What happened to you mudblood?" Pansy asked from behind. Hermione looked over at her and then back at Draco. She glared as Draco raised his wand at her. Draco chuckled, an evil crackle of power expelled from him, but in a split second, Hermione had somehow summoned her wand and stabbed Draco in the thigh, screaming, "STUPEFY!"

Draco, shocked, fell over. His eyes glared as Blaise stood over him.

"Now stop that Draco!" Blaise now took off his robe to place around Hermione. He undid Hermione's spell and Draco jumped up. "Can't you see she's defenseless…well, not really…Damn it, give her some space!" Draco backed down in shock as Blaise squatted down to Hermione's level to whisper to her.

"Can you stand Granger?" Blaise asked kindly. Hermione nodded and he helped her stand.

"What happened?" Crabbe asked dully.

"What happened Granger?" Blaise whispered. Draco couldn't help but think that Blaise and the Mudblood had gotten to know each other over the year.

She leaned into his ear and whispered, "Its Ron. I've broken up with him, and he hit me." Blaise gasped.

"Bloody animal, why'd he do that to you?"

"I don't know Blaise, damn it, I don't know…" He embraced her and she sniffed up her tears.

"Maybe…he found out?" Blaise asked quietly.

"He couldn't have, we were so careful."

"But still."

"Could you bloody well tell me what the hell is going on Blaise? Are you shagging the mudblood?" Draco asked angrily, pushing him away from Hermione. Draco felt a pang of hurt over wash him.

"No! That's not it. It's nothing Draco." Blaise yelled, drawing Hermione to him.

"Can you see the irony? I can." Pansy said musingly, but mostly to herself.

"Get out of the compartment Mudblood." Draco grabbed Hermione by the hair, making her scream as he tossed off Blaise's robe, catching a glimpse of a full breast in a pink lacy bra, he growled in disgust.

He opened the compartment door and pushed her out.

Hermione cried aloud in anger.

"Draco!" Blaise yelled, moving around him to reach the door of the compartment. Blaise looked through the glass to see that she was gone.

"DAMN IT DRACO!" Blaise bellowed, pushing him into his seat.

"I knew there was something between you two! I saw the spark during the whole bloody year!" Draco said, pointing an accused finger at Blaise from his seat.

"Why do you even care? What? You mad 'cos the "mudblood" didn't spare you a glance!" Blaise asked disgustingly.

"Do you think I care for her Blaise? You're WRONG! It's YOU. Your FAMILY will KILL you if they knew that you were befriending a mudblood! I can't let that happen to you!" Draco said, he felt unshed tears press against his eyelids, but he willed them to stay back.

"I would never think of you scooping down to a level of tattle-telling on me Draco."

Draco shocked, whispered, "Blaise, I would never."

"Then why not have something with her? You know I'm not like my Father! I…I liked her Draco."

Pansy's eyes widened as Blaise sat in his seat. Draco looked stubbornly out the window.

"You fancied her through the year?"

"Yeah Pansy, I have."

"I know how you feel…" she whispered.

"What's that? Who'd you fancy that need not be fancied?" Draco asked angrily, his gaze reentering the compartment.

"I fancied her as well," Pansy continued. Everyone in the compartment grew quiet as she bit her lower lip.

"Can this day get any worse?" Draco groaned, covering his eyes with his hand in exhaustion.

"You, a sodomite Pansy? I would never think of it. Anyone else knows about your secret?" Blaise questioned her, an interested gleam in his eyes.

"Only the girls I've been with."

"Oh? And how many is that?"

"I don't remember," she said with a sly smile. Blaise grinned.

"Can we drop it? I can't believe a MUDBLOOD sparked up this much confession and anger from out of us," Draco said exhausted staring idly at Blaise's upturned grin.

"I want to, I'm becoming tired of this conversation," Pansy said, leaning happily back in her seat.

The train moved along, and soon Draco found himself stepping onto the platform to get home. His Father's driver stood waiting for him as people began loading his luggage onto a trolley.

"Young Master Zabini, Master Malfoy has requested that you do not spend the summer with young Master Malfoy," The Driver said as Blaise approached him.

"What? Why not?" Blaise asked, taken aback.

"He would not say sir. Only that you don't come."

"Father's being a prick, as usual." Draco grabbed Blaise briefly by the hand, pulling into him to embrace. Blaise smiled against Draco's shoulder.

"Owl me over the summer, mate?" Blaise asked, pulling back from Draco.

"I will. Have fun."

"Oh please…better dead than at home." Blaise walked away from him, hopping over to Pansy to ask for a ride. She smiled grimly and nodded her head. She looked towards her driver and pointed to Blaise's luggage before waving at Draco and turning her back.

"Your Father said that you are to come home immediately young Master Malfoy."

"Okay, let's go then."

Draco never really saw a lot of London when leaving the Platform to Diagon Alley. Deep down inside, he really wanted to explore the muggle world. He glanced at Granger and Potter walking towards the opening leading to London. Harry had given Hermione one of his shirts, a Qudditch undershirt with a large H on it. Ron was standing next to his sister and twin brothers yelling at one another.

Draco, somehow felt free of everything. He was nearing sixteen; he was free of homework, free of curfew and free of the Golden Trio's presence. He entered the driver's muggle-like car. Draco relaxed against the leather interior feeling the breeze of cool air circling throughout the car.

"Mum?" Draco asked, upon entering the house. It was colder than he remembered, and it was darker. He kept on his shoes as he entered his mother's favorite room. He stepped on her plush carpet, hoping that later she wouldn't realize someone had been on it with shoes. He was led into the gigantic kitchen, where his mother, in the far corner was sitting with coffee and a small telly. It was a muggle gadget that Father didn't know about. Draco knew no one in the house was supposed to know she had it, but he had seen it several times and haven't called her out on it.

"Mum?" Narcissa jumped in her seat as the telly disappeared in air as Draco came towards her.

"You went through my room with those shoes, didn't you?"

"No mum."

"Good. How are you dear? I've missed you so much." Narcissa threw her arms around Draco and squeezed him. "Oh my boy, you've gotten so thin. Have you been eating all right?" She spat in her hand and rubbed it across Draco's cheek, "you got dirt on you."

Draco scrunched up as she smeared the saliva over his flesh. "I've eaten just fine Mum. I'm naturally thin."

"No, you're just looking like your Father more and more lately…shame." Narcissa looked away, still holding Draco at arm's length.

"What's wrong mum?" Draco asked concerned, his mother was now softly crying.

"You're strong Draco. I have full confidence in you, that you'll overcome this…" Narcissa whispered, hugging him again, "you're not my little man anymore. You're going to be a big man…your Father's said so…" Narcissa released Draco, stood, and walked eerily away, leaving him dumbfounded.

Draco later on that day ventured into the Garden, admiring the Cherub Statues mother had designed to have placed for their Summer Ball Father had annually. Draco had always loved lounging in the garden with a book or magazine. He couldn't help but run this hand through the rough texture of the newly made statue. He shivered as some of the fountain water splashed onto his hand; he stood straight up, wanting the shiver to travel all the way down his body and up. A beautiful bird flew to perch itself in front of him, and chirruped at him.

"Do you like it," asked a smooth voice from behind, making Draco jump and turn around to the House's back entrance. His Father stood leaning against one of the larger statues, staring attentively at him.

"Which do you mean Father? I like what Mother has done, but I also like the bird that has flown in front of me," Draco said carefully. He turned back to the lovely white blonde bird.

"It's yours Draco. He's not an owl…he's better. Faster and smarter and he will do your bidding, whether or not it is for mail purposes." Lucius moved to stand behind his son, sighing and resting his hands on his shoulders. Lucius moved to whisper into his ear.

"You've grown quite a bit my boy."

"I've been trying to stay healthy," Draco replied, tensing up as his Father stroked his hair. Suddenly, his hand dropped. Draco turned around to face his Father. Lucius, his paleness, thin lips and platinum blonde hair filled Draco with fear—intimidation.

"You're old enough to know what's right from wrong now Draco."

"That is true Father," Draco confirmed, looking away from Lucius.

"Well, I'm glad of your arrival Draco." At that, Lucius turned and left Draco. The Bird flew onto Draco's hand as if waiting.

"What will I name you?" Draco asked the bird. He felt stupid asking a bird to reply to him.

"Well," Draco said, amused by his own stupidity, "Maybe I'll name you Zeus-- God of all Gods, eh? Oops, mind your wings!" Draco laughed as the bird flapped eagerly.

"Good night my Son," Narcissa was tucking Draco into bed, pushing his hair from his now sharp face. She remembered when it was plump, like that of a baby angel.

"Mum, I'm almost sixteen; you don't have to tuck me in…"

"It's your first night back my boy. I wanted to make sure you slept peacefully."

"I understand." Draco leaned back onto his pillows. He smiled sheepishly up at his mother.

"I would never have any harm come to you Draco. I—I would…never—never want anything bad to happen to you. But you would forgive me, if I had no control of it?"

"Mum, what are you talking about? I can never stay mad at you, Mum, I'd forgive you. What's wrong?" Narcissa began to cry again, this time drawing out long sobs. She balled her fists up and placed them in her lap. "Mum! You can tell me…did Father do something to you?"

Narcissa shook her head, shushing him.

"We don't speak of such things in this house Draco, he hears everything."

"Mum, if he did anything, we could always find a way…" Narcissa covered his mouth with her hand.

"Shhh…no, you'll be fine. It's tradition in this family, to go through such obstacles."

"MUM! What are you talking about?" Draco asked, bewildered.

"I'm leaving."

"Goodnight mum." Draco watched as she drifted from out of his room. He didn't understand the lack of conversation they had just exchanged, and he didn't want to ponder it either. He closed his eyes, hoping to find sleep ahead of him.

"Wake up Draco."

Draco, finally having dozed off to sleep opened his eyes to see his Father standing on the side of his bed. His heart jolted…the only time his father entered his room was to yell at him. What had he done this time?

"Yes Father?" Draco asked politely. Lucius was dressed in nothing but his robe. Draco, in all his life, had never seen his Father wear his robe outside of his own quarters. This made Draco's eyebrows quirk in curiosity.

"It's important to know Draco, that all families have secrets."

"I know of that Father…we have pretty large ones ourselves." Draco said dismissively, trying to doze back off to sleep. Lucius saw this and ripped the covers from off of Draco, making him yelp in fear.

"The one I'm about to show you, is beyond any I have ever explained. It is something every male has to go through in this Family. It tests our wits, our strength and most importantly, our loyalty, Draco. I am to initiate the beginning of your manhood in this family. It will be for the entire length of your break and other breaks until you turn eighteen and I sign your name onto The Family's Will. It is an honor, Draco." Lucius opened his robe, exposing Draco to his naked flesh. In an instance Draco bolted from off of his bed, trying to head for the door, but Lucius had grabbed him, fighting against him as he pushed him to the floor.

"It is my love to you, Son," Lucius panted on top of Draco.

No one could hear the piercing screams that erupted his life.

Hey! Thank you for reading. Please review, it'll help me a lot. Tell me what you think. I can take constructive criticism guys, haha. Oooh, and please read my Bio. There are a few things I would like you to know, so please visit there for a few. Read please! I will be updating it regularly. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have written two chapters already for this story, and after editing (and a hefty amount of reviews :wink: haha) I will be uploading the next one. Yay!