Chapter One: Honesty

"Are you okay?" said Horatio, pulling a sobbing Calleigh into his warm arms. She had appeared on his doorstep in a sobbing mess at ten-o-clock at night. He felt in the way she was shaking, something was seriously wrong.

"It's...it's..." she said, barely able to speak.

"Shh. It's going to be okay." he said, pulling her inside of his house, still holding her close. He led her to the couch to sit down. She clung tightly to him as if he was the only thing keeping her alive. He let her cry into his chest while he rubbed her back trying to get her to calm down.

"Horatio, I'm scared." said Calleigh, still softly crying into Horatio's chest, afraid to look into his eyes.

"Why? You're safe." said a very worried Horatio.

"Horatio, I've been... well..." she began in a very shaky voice.

"What is it, Sweetheart?" he said, pushing her back and pulling her chin up so he could look into her eyes. He searched them to see if he could figure out what was going on. All he saw was confusion but mostly hurt.

"This isn't the easiest thing to say, Horatio. I've kept it a secret for almost a year now."

"I'm listening, Cal. You can go on." he said, holding her hands and looking deep into her eyes.

"It all started after Speed died. It came like it was a normal thought. I didn't know what to think. Is it real? Is it something I should do? I kept thinking about it. Especially at night, when I was alone in the dark. I was just so scared that I wasn't able to sleep for a long period of time. That's why I've been so distant at work. It was there."

"Cal, what is it? It's okay, just tell me. I'm here for you for a reason." he said as she began to cry again.

"I've been tempted to... um... cut myself." she said, sobbing so hard that Horatio could barely understand her.

"Oh Cal, why, sweetheart, why? I love you! Why would you ever think of going through this alone? I'm here. Tell me everything." he said, pulling her deep into his arms hoping to get his message through to her.

"Well, that's not even the worst part."

"Don't tell me you've done it. Have you?" he said in a soft, very concerned voice.

"Yes, unfortunately I have, Horatio," she said, ducking her head like a bad dog that misbehaved. "Tonight. That's why I came over."

"Oh Calleigh. I'm so sorry. But why did you do it?"

"That voice, in my head, seemed so real. Do it Cal, it had said. You'll feel so much better. If only that were true. I thought it would get rid of my pain, my hurt for Tim. It only made it worse. Now I hurt more for him and more for myself, and you." she said, saying the last words while looking into his deep, caring eyes of comfort. "I've hurt you now. That's something I'll never forgive myself for."

"Oh, Cal. You must forgive yourself. " he said, as his tears began to mix with Calleigh's. "I love you. That's all that matters to me. That and you . When you walked into my office your first day of work, I thought, wow, that's a girl that I could spend the rest of my life with. From then on, I made sure that you were never hurting without my knowledge . I can't believe I never saw this coming. I could tell that something was wrong from the way you were acting but I never got a true response. I could see it in your eyes that you were hiding something from me but I couldn't tell what. I didn't want to pressure you into telling me. I'm just glad you told me now. I wish that you had told me sooner so I could have prevented it." he said, holding her close to him. It hurt him just to think about the pain and trials Calleigh had been through in the last year. He couldn't imagine how it felt to be her right now.

"Horatio, I'm sorry. I'll leave. I'm just too big of a pain." she said, pulling away and heading towards the door when Horatio caught her hand.

"Calleigh, you can't go home alone right now. We both know what will happen. You're too fragile. Emotionally and physically. Stay here with me tonight. Let me hold you and hear about all your problems and hurt." he said, standing up and pulling her into his arms. "Let me into your head and heart." He lifted her chin and as she closed her eyes, he did likewise and kissed her, ever so gently but enough to let her know that he cared and he was there.

"Thanks, Horatio. Thanks for everything." she said, laying her head against his chest and putting her arms around his neck as a lifeline.

"Anything for you, Cal. Anything for you."