You shot me.
You thought there was no other option, you didn't even try. You thought I wasn't worth it, that there were more important things than the life of your friend.
You killed me.
But I don't blame you- I can't blame you. Because you were right. And I would have done the same.
There were more important things than me at the moment, more lives to be saved. And if you had spared me, I would not have returned the favor. I would have killed you, and then went on to kill the others. While I cannot be glad I am dead, I am glad you stopped me, for I would not have been able to stand my guilt.
I know you blame yourself, and I cannot tell you not to. You were the one who killed me. But you were not the one who caused my death. That blame lies with those too obsessed with knowledge and power to see good and recognize evil.
Sacrifices needed to be made, and it was my life or yours and countless others, people who would not defend against themselves, lest it be considered selfish. I do not know if it is selflessness, knowing I was protecting others from death, or if it is selfishness, knowing I avoided the guilt of killing more of them, but I do know that a part of me, whether selfless or selfish, is glad that you shot me.
It is always difficult, deciding who to sacrifice. You will always be left with guilt, regardless of your decision. But maybe that's what life is. You have to choose the best option, not the one with the least personal guilt.
But the choice you made, to sacrifice me, saved the most lives; saved the innocent lives. I was not innocent; I had blood on my hands. And while it may not have been what felt best, it was the right thing to do. People always talk about how doing the right thing isn't always easy, but they never mention that it doesn't always even feel best. Sometimes it leaves you wracked with guilt, thinking you could have- should have- done better. And sometimes it leaves you empty, because even though you know it's the right thing to do, it's not always what you want, not what you think you need.
I know you blame yourself, and maybe that's ok. But what's done is done, and you need to move on.
Just know it's not your fault, you weren't the one behind it all. There was nothing you could do, and there's nothing you can do now but move on, and make it all worthwhile.