A/N: Well, this was done for a challenge my friend gave me, which I never actually met (it was to have Sirius admit to being Harry's father, and explain how things happened)...but I liked it enough that I left it like this, and here's the finished result. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: yada yada yada, if I owned it wouldn't be dying for book six...yada yada poor english student...

Dues Ex Machina

Sirius Black's eyes fluttered shut again, then popped open as a fresh wave of pain surged through his veins. 'I'm not cut out for this,' he thought vaguely to himself. This was the longest Sirius'd ever gone without chickening out and finding some cloth to bandage himself up with, and now he knew why. The pain was unbelievable. But after his fight with James had left him more or less required to pack up and leave the Potter's, Black was too miserable to bother trying to stop, and was far too desperate to care. Finding a decent place to live on 16 galleons was NOT an option this wizard had. No, Black wasn't going to wuss out: he had no place to wuss out TO.

He hadn't remembered that draining his wrist was so painful, but since Sirius had the tendency to try to black out the memories he'd kept of those things, his memory didn't really count for much. Nausea rattled through him for the fourth time in seconds, and he went diving for the toilet, knocking things over as he flew. 'Thank Merlin,' he had the presence of mind to acknowledge. Bleeding out or no, Black still couldn't allow himself to purge his disgusting organ chunks on the carpeted chamber pot floor. 'Damn manners lessons,' he cursed inwardly as he puked. 'Who the bloody hell has carpets in the lavatory anyways?'

Black managed to finish emptying himself, then half-crawled half-fell back into the tub of water where he'd been letting his wrists flow out. The warm water was supposed to prevent them from healing, and this way he wouldn't make too big of a mess. Not that he really cared - Padfoot just wanted this over with.

A particularly sharp stab hit him just as a strangely high pitched note rose in the air, which was followed by a loud bang. Sirius cursed himself. 'How pathetic,' he thought in disgust. He figured he was whining like a girl, and kicking and thrashing...yeah, a slow check confirmed, he was definitely thrashing. But he wouldn't have called it that- no, he was just withering slowly, ebony locks plastered tight against his forehead with sweat and other goodies. His innards burned, but he refused to throw up again. Tears fell unbidden, and still the unforgiving darkness just wouldn't come.

The high-pitched waverings grew louder, and it wasn't until Sirius' own low and inhuman whimper over-powered them that Black noticed it was separate from himself at all. Forcing his remaining coherent thoughts towards the noise, he exuded the little bit of control he still had over his body to keep from jerking too badly. Like a fish out of water it took him twice as long as normal to recognize the familiar tone, and when he did he wished he hadn't. 'Dammit, Lily!'

Sirius clamped his eyes shut and prayed to that same god that he didn't believe in for her to just realize James wasn't here and go away. His hazel portals slowly re-opened, however, as nausea threatened to win-out and his mismatched and upside backwards memory managed to piece together the fact that he had left the door open. He was moaning "shit" before he even realized he had spoken. In reality, he'd never stopped whimpering, just softened it, so when the frustration came he'd just kept muttering...but he didn't know that. He cursed his body for betraying him once more.

Black hoped she would just call out once or twice more and then...what? Ignore the sound of running water? It didn't seem like her, but nobody seemed like anybody anymore, so Sirius couldn't be sure. Either way, he summoned enough energy to move his hand towards where his wand had fallen to the floor (nothing would stop him now, not after all that pain, no way in hell) but stopped cold when a shriek echoed from several feet away. At least, he thought that was what that obnoxious sound was.

Black refused to look up, even if he did think his exhaustion would let him. His hand was dripping on the floor, and he focused on the steady rhythm and shut his eyes tightly. 'If I can't see her--' he thought childishly to himself.

Within moments arms were circling his numbed waist, and Black pried open his eyelids in time to see pale and slender hands dancing over his bloodied limbs. The dark-haired boy remembered wanting to curse Evans all the way to Hell (and worse) before the darkness took him.

--- --- ---

The next thing Sirius Black knew he was lying down, the fire in his veins gone but not forgotten. Every inch of him ached, and he felt shittier than after the absolute worst beating his parents had ever given him. It took Padfoot several seconds for his brain to process what was happening, and a bit longer delay for him to discover why he hurt. Trauma seemed to do that to a person.

In fact, it wasn't until he felt a cool cloth on his forehead and heard Lily's voice that things seemed to click. He'd tried to kill himself - he'd been so bloody close when Lily'd shown up and whisked him away. At least, he THOUGHT she'd whisked him away. He felt (strangely) that it was an absolute certainty, in fact...and yet, Merlin, what if she'd just left him? What if James had come back with her? What if she was only here now to check up on him, and Prongs thought he was---

Black's silver eyes popped open and he pressed (despite his protesting body) up against the bed's high, white-painted headboard. His breathing had sped up and he all but panicked, taking in his surroundings in utter confusion. Things didn't seem right. It wasn't Lily's room, he knew that, but it wasn't his place at James, either...'Where the bloody hell'd they take me!'

His eyes fell on a form next to him, and realized with some relief that Lily was still there. Talking, as usual, probably trying to penetrate Black's murky thoughts with her own cool logic. Something near Sirius was sopping wet, and it seemed to be what Lily was gesturing at hopelessly.

"For Merlin's sake, Sirius!" She'd found a towel to mop up the mess with right about the time Sirius' ears managed to sort her grunts and shrieks into words. Padfoot realized the spill must have come from the bowl she'd used to wet the cloth he'd felt earlier. Another sigh and a few mutters later left the towels in the metal bowl on the floor, and the cinnamon haired siren peering up at him.

She moved closer to the edge of the bed Sirius was on, and sat back down, reaching out to press her milky white skin against his feverish forehead. 'Merlin, she's so soft, and so cool and gentle...'

"You had the same nightmare," she told him, trying not to let her frustration show. "Again. Sirius--" Padfoot's eyes narrowed in confusion, and then darted down to take in the old, pale scars on his wrists. Lily noted this and placed her other hand in his. "--it's just a dream, alright? It happened a long time ago, you're fine now."

The dream. Of course. "It seemed so real," the ebony-haired man croaked out. He wet his chapped lips with his rather dry tongue, and tried again. "It felt like it was all happening again..."

"I know Sirius, I know," Lily Evans- no, Potter now -murmured consolingly. She pressed her lips to his forehead and Sirius reached out, tiredly pulling her close to him. Merlin, she was so soft, so beautiful, so real... and she should be untouchable, Padfoot knew. But she wasn't, for some sick reason; by the same disgusting twist of fate that had caused the thin man's earlier nightmare they were held together.

He pressed his lips to her neck and rested his head in the crook of her shoulder. Sirius seemed to fit there perfectly. He smiled as best he could into her skin, and reveled in the silken feel of it.

"I shouldn't be here," Lily began to resist, but only enough to let Sirius know he had a chance of keeping her with him.

"Just one more night." He lifted his head and locked his hazel eyes with her emerald ones."Merlin, Lily, please just keep me safe for one more night."

More air billowed from Lily's lips as she soundlessly opened and shut them, then moved her head down to capture the lips of her husband's best friend. Yes, she'd stay, just like she always did, to protect Sirius Black from self-destruction for one more night.

A/N: Well, there we go, R&R, flames used to bake by night.