Title: The Astronomy Tower
Fandom: Harry Potter
Timeframe: Marauder Era
HBP Compliant: Yes/no reference made
Pairing: Sirius/Lily
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What they have is perfect, and maybe that's why it will never be enough.
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There's a forever there, in the way he holds her hand and the way she smiles at him-half in exasperation and half in absolute adoration. There're no gaps in this perfectly synchronized dance, no moments when improvisation is needed and no clumsy falls that leave them both sprawled across the commonroom laughing giddily. What they have is perfect, and maybe that's why it will never be enough.
Seven o' clock the night of graduation and she should be down there dancing the night away in his arms. Instead, she's keeping Sirius company in the Astronomy Tower, both of them lying in comfortable silence and counting falling stars. Maybe he's wishing for forever, maybe she's wishing for that too. But those wishes won't come true-they're only flaming rocks, after all.
"Lily…" he whispers, turning his face to see her. His black hair falls haphazardly into his hair, blocking his eyes from view, but she's still able to see right through to his soul. "Lily…get the hell out of here." He says the words with a cold sort of calm that makes her flinch back and turn away. She knows he wants her, he knows she wants him, but it's not enough-it's never enough.
She begins to count the stones in the wall, trying to keep her mind off the pain building in her chest. "I don't dance," she bites out, trying to keep her voice level and her body from shaking. Every movement of her body seems over pronounced and she really just wants to touch him. She wants to scream at him and tell him he's a cowardly idiot. She wants to tell him that she is his, always.
But not forever, because that belongs to James. Sirius has accepted this; he's well beyond the state of denial he felt in fifth year. There was anger and there was grief, but now he's reached an unstable state of acceptance, and he'd really rather Lily didn't screw with his emotions anymore than she has. He turns back to the stars and tries to find his own, smiling slightly when he sees it there, proud and majestic against the dark backdrop of the sky. It looks so perfect there, so untouched. Why couldn't he live up to his namesake? Why did he have to be so imperfect?
"I wish you wouldn't…" tease me, but he's not about to admit that she is. Since third year they've been chasing this elephant in the room, forcing the poor thing to run in circles for hours on end. He just wants it all to end, but he doesn't think it'll make any difference if she's married with a dozen kids, he thinks he'll always love her. "I wish you wouldn't neglect him. He's going to be even more inconsolable than usual once this is over."
Not that he really cares. James got the girl, didn't he? Why should anything else matter? James got the girl and Sirius had to watch as his world fell apart around him, crumbling into a painful state of half-existence and walking through life blind. He gave up everything for James and Lily, gave up his one shot at happiness so his friends could have perfection.
Lily goes to move, her long dress robes flirting with the wind as it brushes pass. She runs her fingers through her curls and checks her jewelry to make sure it's all there. She moves to him, leaning down so her cleavage dangles amazingly close to his face and he's unable to stifle a slight moan at the view.
"Just don't jump, Black. There'd be a bloody mess and the parents would be terrified," she only means it partially in jest, she doesn't doubt that he'd do it, she came up here thinking about the same thing.
He's not the only one who's broken.