Title: For a Moment
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Jack/Sawyer, mentioned Sawyer/Kate
Warnings: Spoilers through "Tricia Tanaka is Dead"
Summary: Sawyer can't sleep, so he goes for a walk, and runs into someone unexpected.
Sawyer didn't know if it was the old beer catching up with him, but he just couldn't seem to relax and fall asleep. People were acting like they'd never left, like nothing happened, and nothing had changed, but the fact of the matter was that everything had changed. Sawyer had been accused of having a death wish before, and yet his time with the Others was the only time he actually thought he might not live to see the next day. They weren't going to get the pleasure of seeing him scared, though - especially not after that stunt they'd pulled with his fake heart surgery.
Sitting up, Sawyer felt like he was on edge, all strung out and frayed at the edges. Charlie had taken his pornos, though, despite the fact that he seemed to be getting some action from Claire. He was also certain that Kate would punch him in the jaw if Sawyer suggested anything, which left him having to go burn some energy the significantly less fun way - by taking a walk.
No one had been eager to tell Sawyer how long he'd been gone for, and he wasn't going to ask. He'd missed the ocean though, oddly enough. Seeing it reminded him that somewhere out there lay the rest of the world, but Sawyer wasn't sure how eager he was to return to it. Life sucked here, but it had sucked there, too.
A dark shape at the corner of his vision made Sawyer look up from the invisible path he was following along the shore, seeing a lone figure seated in the sand, gazing out to sea. Sawyer had to do a double-take and then look away to look back once more for good measure before he believed his eyes weren't deceiving him, and even then he was still skeptical. He started to wonder if thirty year old beer started to develop hallucinogenic properties as Jack seemed to sense his presence, turning to look at where Sawyer stood, staring at him dumbly.
"You made it back," Jack said, his mouth curving into a small smile. "I didn't really think they'd let you make it, but here you are."
"Here I am," Sawyer repeated, not quite understanding what was going on, but these days he hardly ever did. "You didn't want us to come back for you. You knew they'd just let you go?"
"They didn't let me go. And I didn't escape."
Sawyer shifted his weight, not sure he wanted to know the answer to how he was seeing Jack in front of him. "So either they killed you and I died from drinking ancient Dharma Initiative beer, or I'd actually managed to fall asleep without realizing it."
Jack laughed then, that quiet, giggly laugh he gave while he was kicking Sawyer's ass at poker. It wasn't comforting to hear - Sawyer associated the sound with Jack's smug I-know-something-you-don't grin that left Sawyer wanting to fold instead of stubbornly upping the ante, refusing to believe Jack had the better hand. Sawyer slowly closed the distance between himself and Jack, torn between hitting the other man to get him to stop laughing or himself to stop dreaming. "Neither of us is dead, and you're awake." Sawyer reached out a hand, wanting to grab Jack by the shoulder, shake him, feel that he was real, but Sawyer caught the glint in the other man's eye. "You can't touch me - the illusion will break, and I'll be gone."
"So I am hallucinating."
"If that's easier for you to believe. How I'm here talking to you breaks the laws of science, so I try not to think about how it works."
Sawyer lowered himself into the sand next to Jack, thinking he understood as far as he'd be able to. "Funky island voodoo," he said like it explained everything. "Kate's trying to assemble an away team to get you back."
"I figured she would as much as I figured you wouldn't."
The tone in Jack's voice wasn't lost on Sawyer. "What the hell, Doc? You told us not to, so don't be pissed at me for listening."
"Then don't pretend your sudden obedience has nothing to do with the fact that you don't put your neck on the line for others." Sawyer felt himself shrinking away from Jack's level-eyed scrutiny. "You slept with Kate the second you figured I was gone."
That drew a snort from Sawyer. "Well it balanced out, then, didn't it? She slept with me the second she figured I was a goner." His lips twisted into a scowl, Jack very suddenly wearing on his nerves. "Hope you don't have a quota on these out-of-body experiences, Jack-o, because you sure as hell are wasting this one."
"I'll be on my way, then," Jack said, starting to stand. Sawyer reached out a hand to grab him by the arm, pull him back and not let him leave, but he stopped, remembering how Jack had said contact would break the illusion. Jack seemed to notice this and stood over Sawyer with his hands on his hips, staring at him impatiently like Sawyer was keeping him from something important. "So you don't want me to leave." There was no question in his voice.
"Rather you are here for real than be here...imaginary-like." Sawyer rose to his feet to look the other man in the eye. "Nobody seems to care that you're gone. Kate wants to get you back because she feels guilty. She's so used to running from people that she can't stand them running from her."
"I'm not seeing your point, Sawyer."
"Point is, Doc, I do miss you. You're the only one around here who made things interesting. It's like Stepford around here without you. We need you back. I need you back, but they out-gun and out-number us. I don't know what the hell to do."
"You're the resourceful one; I'm sure you'll figure something out." Jack turned away, like he was really going to leave this time, and Sawyer felt even edgier than he had when he'd left his tent, like he was a coil wound too tightly, ready to snap.
"Jack?" he called out, noting how the other man paused, looking back at Sawyer with a confused expression on his face. Sawyer closed his eyes, bridging the gap between them, placing his hands on either side of Jack's face and kissing him. For a moment he could feel Jack's breath, the stubble against the palm of his hands, taste the wet warmth of his mouth and tongue. For a moment they were connected, despite being on opposite sides of the island, despite the fact that Sawyer knew somehow Jack really wasn't there, but at the same time he was. Sawyer heard his name in Jack's voice, sounding like it was coming from the wind, the ocean, the neighboring jungle, like it was enveloping and swallowing him whole.
He opened his eyes to look, but Jack was gone, the illusion broken, and Sawyer was left standing alone in the sand, the incoming tide lapping at his feet.