Lena hears the thump of Supergirl landing on her office balcony, but she doesn't turn - only squares her shoulders to brace for the inevitable and continues packing away the files on her desk.
She could have had Jess or Sam pack them up and ship them to Metropolis after she's left; but she needs this.
Needs to physically go through the motions of turning the page on this chapter of her life.
Otherwise, she doesn't think any of this will seem real.
She hears the balcony door open and close, but still she doesn't turn.
She isn't going to make this any easier on Kara than she has to.
Lena's felt so many things in these past few days - hurt, anger, betrayal . . . loss.
She thinks Kara deserves to feel a few of those too.
A month ago she would have sacrificed anything to keep her friend from feeling even a fraction of the anguish she's felt.
But now . . .
Well, now things have changed.
"I came to say goodbye." Kara's voice cuts through her thoughts, and she does turn now - turns to see Kara in her full Supergirl regalia - looking small and timid in a way that Lena's never quite seen.
She quickly forces down any thoughts of pity, taking in the crinkle in Kara's brow; the way her eyes shift and her fingers play with the thumbs of her uniform.
She examines the superhero the way she would size up a chess opponent for take down; looking for tells, looking for fear.
"Well, Supergirl, I suppose this is goodbye then." She drawls it out, like it's the most casual thing in the world, like she isn't fighting back the tears threatening to prick her eyes.
Because curt words and quick brush offs would just let Kara know how much she's hurting, how much she cares.
She does, of course - she cares so deeply for the woman in front of her that she can feel it in her soul; can feel it twisting through her gut like a car driving too fast on a mountain road, destined to crash.
But that's the point, isn't it?
They were always destined to crash.
A Super and Luthor.
And maybe Lena had hopes that they would be star-crossed lovers; destined against the odds to fall together in some sort of cosmic fate.
She knows now that that fantasy isn't true.
That any hope she felt was a cruel joke of the universe.
She isn't meant to be loved.
With finality, she turns back to her desk, leaving Kara to study her.
But if her former friend is looking for weakness; she won't find any. Lena has been through this too many times - has been betrayed so often by those she thought she was close to that she knows exactly how to shut herself off.
Evolution, she supposes.
Self-preservation.
"I don't want to, you know." Kara finally speaks, and Lena straightens - hands stilling.
"Don't want to what?"
"Say goodbye."
Kara's voice is choked, and Lena knows without looking that she's struggling at holding back tears. She refuses to let it affect her.
"And yet here you are."
"Lena . . . "
Something snaps inside her, and Lena does turn then, crossing her arms and leaning against her desk.
"What did you expect, Kara, that you would come here and give me some sob story and I would suddenly change my mind? That I would cancel my plans and drop everything to stay here with you? You, who couldn't even bother to tell me your true identity after years of friendship; who couldn't even manage to trust me when it was most important. Who went behind my back and had people break into my lab . . . you used the Luthor name against me, Kara, do you know how much that hurts?"
Kara flinches.
"Lena -"
Lena can feel her facade crumbling, the list of accusations meant to neddle at Kara also serving to prick holes in her cool exterior.
"You were the best friend I had since -" she swallows. "You were the best friend I ever had. I lovedyou Kara. I would have died for you. I would have given you . . . anything you ever asked for." She can feel the tears streaming down her face, can see them reflected on Kara's own; but she's too far gone to care.
"I would have taken the beating heart of my chest and handed it to you if you'd asked for it. But instead you went around leading a double life and then you stabbed me in the back."
"Lena -"
"It's over, Kara." She turns back to her desk, unable to meet blue eyes any longer.
"Lena, please just - "
"I told you Kara, I'm not staying."
"Then let me go with you."
She can't help but bark a laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
"To Metropolis?" She scoffs.
"I can find a job there, the Daily planet just opened a new office in midtown."
"And I'm sure your other identity would just love flying around, saving the day with Superman. What do you think he would see if he knew you were here now? Begging on your knees in that short skirt?"
There's silence for a moment before Kara speaks again.
"I would give it up. For you, I would give it up."
Lena whirls back around, surprised to see nothing but complete seriousness in Kara's eyes.
"You would give up being Supergirl."
"I took on the mantle of Supergirl to save someone I love. I would give it up to save someone I love too. Because I love you, Lena. I know that my actions haven't always seemed . . ." She trails off. "I was trying to protect you."
"From what?"
"Myself."
The confession settles in Lena's stomach like a hot ball of lead, uncomfortable and burning with truth.
The most truth she's gotten from Kara in weeks.
"I don't really like her sometimes." Kara continues, and Lena has a little trouble following.
"Who?"
"Supergirl. She's . . . She has a god complex. And sometimes she only sees things in black and white, and she's too easily swayed by logic and justice when she should be more worried about helping people, and the things that really matter. Frankly, she's kind of . . ."
"A bitch?" Lena offers, and they both share a small smile.
"Yeah a bitch." Kara's brow crinkles and her eyes bore into Lena's. "But with you, I didn't have to be Supergirl - I didn't have to think about the greater good, and saving the world, and my mandate to protect the earth. I could just be Kara."
She takes a shuddering breath before continuing.
"But then, you were spending more time with Supergirl, and seeing the parts of me I didn't want you to see, and - and everything just went to . . ."
"Shit?" Lena offers again, but this time there's no smile, only a long moment of silence.
"I have no excuses." Kara finally says. "As much as I'd like to blame Supergirl and separate our actions, I betrayed you, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry. And if I need to give up Supergirl for you to see that . . . then I will. I wouldn't think twice about it."
As much as that small part of Lena is screaming at her to take Kara up on her offer - or to drop everything and stay - she knows that isn't what's best for either of them.
They need time, and space, and as much as it breaks her heart to say it; sometimes no matter how much you love someone, it isn't enough.
But then again, sometimes it is.
"You should stay in National City." She says, and Kara's face falls. "They need a hero, and you need to work on being a hero that you can be proud of."
Kara nods, gravely accepting Lana's words, even as fresh tears fill the once dried tracks.
"You could stay?" Kara pleads, eyes shiny and voice thick.
"I have been away from Metropolis far too long." Lena almost chokes on the sorrow clutching her throat. "And there are things I need to get back to there. I stayed here, because I had a reason to - I had hoped . . . I had hoped things would be different. But now I see they're not."
The defeat on Kara's face is devastating.
"I suppose I should go then, and let you pack."
She's halfway through the door before Lena breaks, her voice cracking.
"I have a board meeting in National City at the end of the quarter. If you want to grab lunch while I'm in town . . ." She trails off, but feels her heart lighten slightly at the hint of a sad smile quirking Kara's cheek.
"I wouldn't miss it."
Lena nods swiftly, biting her cheeks to hold back the sobs. She turns back to her desk, holding stock still for a long moment, knowing Kara is still watching her.
"I will alwayslove you, Lena." Kara promises firmly, and it takes every bit of Lena's willpower not to run to the other woman's arms.
She fights it for a long time, long enough that Kara's departure sends the papers on her desk fluttering.
She isn't even sure if the superhero can hear her when she finally whispers -
"I love you too, Kara."
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