Happy Family - Or "Why Natasha Always Laughs at the Word Pudding" - because after spending an entire day reading the Avengers headcanon Tumblr, I had to create a weird headcanon myself.

"So I heard you missed me."

"Who told you that? Tony? You shouldn't believe him, he's a prankster."

"It's a subject too serious, he wouldn't play with my feelings."

"When it comes to feelings, you can never know, they're so unreliable. For an example, how can I know you haven't been playing with mine?"

"Oh. So you do have feelings? I thought Russia had turned you heart to ice a long time ago."

"Is that you trying to talk your way out of it? Because that ain't gonna work for everybody."

"We both now that, thousand miles rule or not, you'd break every bone in my body if I tried anything."

"I'm not a jealous bitch at the point of hurting you, but I sure as hell would consider hurting the girl."

"'Tasha, I think being an american is slowly making you softer."

"You think?"

"Yeah. Back when I first met you you'd think of a better way to torture me if I cheated on you. Bone breaking is so... mainstream."

"I don't think so, I like the cracking noise. But I do have ways to torture you, much worse, now."

"I think you haven't."

"Will you shut up and kiss me?"

FIVE SECONDS LATER

"Pudding"

"Stark, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, I thought it would be a good idea to check on the love birds. Or bird and spider. Why couldn't you at least keep it in the animal kingdom?"

"Is this a hint of voyeurism or you have any other motive to watch people while they kiss?"

"Dear Widow, I just wanted to warn you both that dinner is ready. I can't deny the voyeurism, though."

"I'm pretty much sure you had some other better way to do it."

"Other ways, yes. Better ways? Not so sure. C'mom, you both. Quit the welcome routine, let's all have something to eat like a big happy family."

"This guy is seriously nuts, I can't believe he actually said puddi- Clint? Clint, you're listening? What's with the sheepish smile?"

"What? Huh...Nothing. Big happy family.. Yeah, right."

"Yeah... Silly."

"Silly. I wonder if we're having shawarma again..."

"You can't be serious."