Gazing through the Glass

Thanks to my new beta, Rayne from the Kneesocks99 account. You rule!

Minerva's reflections on HBP, her thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears for the future. Sort of Song Fic.

So much has transpired in the past few days, I can't believe most of it. I keep hoping it's some kind of dream, but then something'll happen. And I know it's no dream. Dreams don't hurt you, they can't hurt you. But this hurts, more than anything in the world. The castle is empty, no students pulling pranks, laughing, or just filling up this place with their presence. Peeves has calmed down, he has pulled no tricks on us, for like us, he still has to believe Albus is gone. When Potter said it was Severus, I couldn't believe it, but now I have to. I am sat in your office, Albus, at your desk, the desk and office that are now to become mine by order of succession. Parchment and quills litter my desk, screwed up bits of replies to the minister, and to the international confederate who want me to take your place. Your portrait is a kind of talisman, in some ways, Albus. It reminds me of what we have lost, and what we have yet to lose, and yet to gain.
This emptiness,
Is more than I can bear.
You lit up my life,
You made all the jokes.

So much I wanted to say,
The night before you left me.
I never realized,
You would never return to me.

What would I say?
If I could see you one more time?
Would I say I love you?
Or that I hate you?
Would I speak what should be spoken?

I now have two new professors, a Miss L. Trevethan for transfiguration, and a Mr. G. Kilworth for DADA. They both come with excellent references, Miss Trevethan's thesis on "Continual change in DNA structure," which is a paper on the effect of continual transfiguration on animals, what happens to their DNA through these changes, and if it affects them in the long-term.

Mr. Kilworth is another kettle of fish. He has a practical approach to DADA which is what we really need; he has authored a few books, which have been on our reading lists in the past few years. He seems to love his job, and the past magical schools he has taught at seem to give him quite a lot of credit, so I hope everything goes well for those two. I hope you would be proud of my choices Albus, your portrait said they were good candidates, but I wish you were by my side. I made Xiomara head of Gryffindor, and Filius deputy headmaster. I know Filius will take to the job easily, though Xiomara might not, but then again, she'll love it. Just keeping the bias out of her refereeing might be tough, but she'll cope. I'm sure of it.

I never really knew how much it could hurt,
Because I never expected it to happen to me.
My knight in shining armor,
Gone.

You taught me to love,
And be loved.
You made me laugh,
No more games,
No more jokes.

What would I say?
If I could see you one more time?
Would I say I love you?
Or that I hate you?
Would I speak what should be spoken?

I'm standing at the window now. Gazing out at your tomb, the "White Tomb" as it is now known as. I hope we will not lose more than we need to, and I hope Mr. Potter realizes what burden he carries. The one you carried once upon a time, Albus, remember? The one were everyone was counting on you to defeat Xavier Grindelwald. Which you did, but everyone knew what was lost, and it never was really rebuilt, was it? Nothing was the same- sure the buildings were rebuilt, and everyone could sleep safely after the last of his followers were rounded up, but the lives of those lost couldn't be restored, could they? No. The living in some way resented the dead during the time when he was just defeated. They were living in hard times, most were lucky to have survived: some didn't, and those in between just resented the dead. I could see their point, though, as could you.

Now I don't know what'll happen. They are talking about closing Hogwarts, but I know it is not what you would have wanted. We are staying open, even if it means going against Scrimgeour, after all, you often went up against Fudge and won. So now it's my turn to against the minister, not that I care much for what he thinks. I know Potter won't be coming back, he's got a lot on his mind, he never told me where you two went. Neither did you. I told you not to take Potter, but you did. At least he was there to tell us what happened up on the Astronomy Tower. Did you know Aurora hasn't been up there since? She won't do it. She can't believe it, like the rest of us. Aurora can't believe her tower was used in a plot to kill you, and that it worked. She knows she'll have to go up there sometime, but I think she wants to get over your death first. You were like a father to her, you gave her a job, and you allowed her to return three weeks before the start of term when she was a student. You were there when she lost her brother, now she's on her own, at the age of 25. Everybody else is getting over it, besides myself and Aurora. We will eventually, Aurora will, but I don't know when I will.

You are gone,
Nothing left but memories.
But the unspoken words linger in the air.
So much,
So little,
No time.

If I was given one last chance,
To say goodbye.

What would I say to you?
I love you?
I hate you?
Hello?
Goodbye?

Would I speak what should be spoken?

But now I have to hope that everything will be all right. No matter what we lose, I must remind myself that Voldemort must be stopped. I can't fear him; you wouldn't have wanted that, would you? I have to go draft a reply to the minister, then to the confederate. I never knew how perfect the view from your office was, until now. But you're not here by my side, pointing out the little quirks of the view that only you would know. I just want to say one thing, that I should I have said before you left me forever. I love you. Shame you never heard it, shame you never knew, shame it'll never be heard by anyone but me.

Would I speak what should be spoken?

AN- Do you like? I had done one attempt at a Angst story with Minerva in, but it wasn't any good, so I got rid of it. R&R please.