Disclaimer: I own Severus Snape. I own Severus Snape. I own Severus Snape. Opens one eye Is it true? Nope. But I'll keep saying it to see if it'll work eventually. I own Severus Snape. I own...

Kasey

Chapter 1

Severus Snape stood, pacing his rooms, with a small velvet box clutched between his long, graceful fingers. Never in his life had he been so concerned about what to say. He had not even considered his groveling to the Dark Lord this carefully. But somehow, this felt more dangerous than anything with the Dark Lord ever had.

We agreed that marriage would be far too public for the lifestyles that we both want... However... No. She'd hex his bits off, and he quite enjoyed his bits right where they were: attached to his body. Quite useful at times.

He continued pacing the floor of the room. Why was he so nervous? He'd been dating this girl for six years now, six long years. He'd more than likely seen everything she could do with her infuriating temper. What was the worst she could do? Leave him?

He had to admit that the thought actually terrified him. He knew she didn't realize the amount of power she held over him. She had quickly become the most important thing in his life, and she was always there. He'd wake up, and she was next to him, either asleep with her brown bushy locks tickling his nose, or staring at him and smiling sleepily. And he'd come to need her presence to wake up and have any form of patience for the rest of the day.

She was there at every meal, sitting next to him and chatting animatedly with whomever happened to be sitting next to her at the time about a variation of topics. She'd turn to him and give him a small smile, and he'd nearly smile back. Though, he had a reputation to uphold, and looking nice would ruin that.

After classes were over, she was in his chambers, flipping through the pages of a worn book and fully enthralled with the things that it said. There were times that she wouldn't realize he was there, and he could sneak up behind her, simply standing for a full minute, before he couldn't keep his hands off of her anymore, and he would brush her hair from her face, or kiss her neck, or remove the book from her hands, all of which would make her jump and hit him for "surprising her".

And they'd sit there, reading, or talking, or just staring at the fire and thinking. It was those moments that had made her presence easier to bear early one. She, too, could appreciate the beauty that came with silence.

Ironically, at that very moment, she chose to break the silence that had fallen over their chambers as he had ceased pacing, lost in thought. She walked into the room happily, a bounce in her step that told him she had bought a good book that she could not wait to read.

"Severus!" she smiled at him, setting the cloth tote back down beside the chair and sitting down. "You'll never guess who I ran into at Diagon Alley!"

"Hermione—"

She evidently didn't hear him, continuing on as if he'd said nothing. "Luna Longbottom! Can you believe it? Six months pregnant and wandering around Diagon Alley looking for something to keep Lorkiks away. Apparently they sneak into your ears and make it so your baby gets into Slytherin at Hogwarts. A conspiracy, you know."

"Hermione—"

"And so we went to the Leaky Cauldron and had a few drinks. Or,well, she made me have a few drinks. She sat there sipping gilly water and smiling at me."

"Hermione—"

"And then we went to Madame Malkin's and got some maternity robes for her and some random thing for me that I'll show you later. I think you'll appreciate—"

"HERMIONE!"

Hermione stopped, looking up at Severus, and he could see that the 'few' drinks she'd had with Luna had made her slightly tipsy. "Yes Severus?"

Suddenly, her eyes were on him and he realized that he still had no clue what it was that he wanted to say. "Thank you for ceasing that infernal chatter," he began, stalling for time. "I've been thinking a good deal lately..."

"Oh Merlin," Hermione said with a smile.

"Yes. And I remember that we agreed that marriage was not in the making for us—"

Hermione giggled. "Mhmm." Merlin, she was drunk. But he had fought to get the nerve to do this, and he wasn't about to back down now.

"But we're both a little older and, at least in my case, slightly wiser. So, I thought that maybe..." He opened his hand and the box sat on the palm. He cracked the case opened and walked over to her, sitting on the couch next to her. She stared at the ring for a moment before her face turned red and she jumped up.

"Holy Mother of God!" she screamed, and Severus cursed inwardly. She reverted to Muggle phrases like some people reverted to a mother tongue. Meaning that she was very, very surprised and possibly very, very angry. Uncomfortably, she shifted and looked at him, "Severus, we said..." She trailed off, clutching her stomach.

She rushed away from him, heading for the bathroom attached to their chambers, she threw the door open and slammed it behind herself. Severus made to follow, grabbing the doorknob only to find heavy wards on it. "Hermione!"

He could hear the sound of her retching into the toilet. "S-Severus! G-go away." Her voice was weak and queasy, and he pinched the bridge of his nose quietly.

"Come out here and we'll talk about this rationally." He heard another round of vomit hit the water and winced. "Please?"

The only answer he got was a whispered spell, and then the password that activated the portkey. Her voice floated in from the locked room. "5-4-3—"

"Hermione, that portkey's only for emergencies!"

"This is an emergency! One!"

And the wards lifted from the bathroom and when he threw the door open, the only sign that his lover had even been there was the swirling of the toilet as it flushed the contents of her stomach down the drain.

A/N: I know you can't tell from this chapter, but this is a Romance/humor story. I'm not good with humor stories, I'm not going to lie. I'm more of a straight romance or a romance/drama/action/adventure type. So making people laugh is not my talent. But this came to me last night when I was half asleep, and I liked it. The humor starts soon, I hope.

Yes, I am truly dumb to take on a third story, with plans in the works for a fourth. This'll be short, with short chapters.

But I still would like five reviews before I post the next chapter, okay?