Olivia fumbled for her clothes, trying to salvage something to wear as her pager went off minutes earlier, hoping Brian Cassidy was not staring at her ass. She was never into the whole post-sex cuddling thing, she either wanted them to leave, or she left. She didn't want a relationship, just sex. Nothing more, and nothing less.
She was never a relationship person; her engagement at 16 was an escape route. Her subsequent encounters with men were for sex.
Never the same one, never more than once. She was by no means promiscuous, but with her job sometimes she needed to reaffirm that sex could be a good thing, a great thing even.
"Olivia. Liv, babe seriously?"
She could tell that Cassidy was pouting. She didn't like that childish side of him, he had a tendency to mimic people in their mannerisms, and to act like a petulant child.
"Cassidy, I've got to go, you know exactly what it's like when you're called in." She was fumbling around her underwear drawer, trying to find something that resembled a bra and panties.
"Can we at least talk later?" He was still in her bed, sheet barely coming up to his navel, leaving his torso and his tattooed arms on display.
She put her bra and panties on, and turned around to look at Brian. He was incredibly good in bed, she'd give him that, but something deep inside of her started giving off warning signals. She didn't want a relationship.
"Brian, we always talk. We're in the same squad, remember?" She found her pants in a heap on the floor, and started searching for a shirt and a jacket in her wardrobe.
"I mean, about this."
She strapped her gun holster around her waist, making sure her gun safety switch was on.
"About what? It was just sex. That's it. Sex, pure and simple."
She picked up her badge off the floor, made sure it was hers and slid it into her pocket. She picked up her cell and began to walk to the bedroom door.
"It's not just sex Olivia."
She spun around, and made sure she could say the words that would easily hurt the man in her bed.
"Well, for me it was. Lock the door on the way out would you?"
"Sure." His response was lost to Olivia's ears as she had already bolted out of her apartment, and was almost to the stairwell.
She sat in her car, thinking. Why didn't she want a relationship with Brian? He knew about the horrors of working in SVU, he worked similar hours, he was good in bed, but somehow she knew that she didn't want a relationship. Relationships can lead to marriage, marriage inevitably leads to children, and children were what Olivia Benson was afraid of. At least, biological children.
She knew somewhere that she had violence genes inside of her. She had to, considering who her father was. She didn't want to have children and have them turn out like him.
But they're 50% someone else as well. Her subconscious stated. But she didn't want to risk that.
She wasn't going to have a relationship, she was going to do her job.
As long as she was working in SVU, a relationship was always going to come second. It was always going to be the affair.