Warnings: Crackyness! Language, Akuroku (or soon to be)
Disc: None of it's mine!
Author Notes: This was originally supposed to be an Akuroku fic for the Akuroku clubs Christmas contest on DA. But crack took over me and well this is what happened! Much love to my Beta crazy-novelist-san! Or WriterVeraChan on DA! She came up with the intro and I only tweaked it! She also helped me bunches in being inspired to write something like this! (And this long! XD) I hope you enjoy and the more reviews I get, the more inspired I'll be to update with another chapter. heh!
Christmas Chaos
Chapter one: Axel's idea
The observational report entry #173 of VI: There has been a ban placed on Christmas and the singing of any and all Christmas carols in the castle. I can assure you that I am not to blame for it though. The last time I attempted singing I ended up with an 'X' shaped scar on my face; and people wonder why I hate Xigbar... But, I digress, it all started when Axel came back from Halloween Town, having visited the more wintry side of the world…
The members of the organization were gathered in the usual meeting room, discussing whatever new plan Xemnas had come up with. Xemnas was in the midst of speaking when Axel stumbled out of a dark portal, snow falling off of his hair and shoulders and a goofy grin adorning his face. "Merry Christmas everyone!" The room was silent as everyone just stared at him. What the hell was he going on about now?
Xemnas raised a brow, irritation written clearly on his face. "So nice of you to finally join us number VIII. I'm sure you'll be giving me a written report fairly-"Axel waved his hands frantically, cutting Xemnas off. "Wait wait! You all didn't understand what I was saying!" An amused snort came from Xigbar, "Since when do we ever understand anything you say?" Axel shot him a glare, which was brushed off, and then held up a bag he had been carrying. "I learned about something really interesting while I was at that winter place!" This time it was Xemnas' turn to be amused. "You actually learned something? Do enlighten us with your vast knowledge then…"
Axel gave a slight twitched and huffed. "You know what? Fine. I won't let any of you have presents then!" Demyx's head shot up. "Presents? You brought us something back then?" Axel threw the sack over his shoulder. "I had but since none of you seem inclined to listen to me…" Xaldin gave an irritated sigh. "Oh just tell us what the fuck it is you have to say and get it over with." Demyx nodded. "Yeah! And hand out the gifts!"
Axel smirked and wagged his finger. "Nu-uh. You don't get the presents until tomorrow night on Christmas eve!"
Xemnas rubbed his temples, feeling a migraine coming on, just like it always did whenever Axel acted like this. "What exactly is this 'Christmas' number VIII?" Axel's eyes seemed to shine at this question, which made a few of the members twitch. "Ahh see that's the fun part! It's a holiday that is celebrated every year in December! You give gifts, eat lots of food, kiss under some plant and you sing!"
Larxene stood up, and started toward the door. "The thought of celebrating something that will involve Axel singing and trying to kiss us is enough reason for us not to listen anymore. But I'll let you all enjoy this nonsense." With that, she left the room and Xemnas watched her enviously. Sure he could just as easily leave, but he knew eventually he'd have to hear all of this anyway. And from past experiences, it was always better to listen to number VIII's rants the first time then try and escape and be forced to listen a second time.
Axel shrugged, unfazed by Larxene's blatant disinterest, and continued with his story and explanation of Christmas. Demyx seemed to be the only one who was truly interested, or at least the only one to show interest, and continued to question Axel about presents and all the musical aspects of this 'Christmas' thing. Xemnas had a very, very bad feeling about this. Yet, unfortunately, he knew there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it.
It was about an hour after the whole meeting incident. Things were quiet. Way too quiet. A feeling of foreboding overcame Xemnas as he realized just how quiet it was. He stood up from his desk and went to the door, his hand twitching above the knob. He knew that he would probably regret opening the door. Because he would see something that he wouldn't like. And not only would he not like it, it would make him twitch horribly. Just like the last time, when he opened his door and found Demyx and Axel running down the halls, streaking. Yet, his hand rested on the door knob and turned it. He could only pray that Demyx and Axel would be fully clothed.
As the door was pulled open, the site that greeted Xemnas was not of naked org members (Thank Kingdom Hearts for that!), but of an explosion of red and green. Xemnas honestly couldn't think of a way to react. Axel ran by, holding a bundle of some weird plant, and looked over at Xemnas, grinning. He wore an odd, white and red hat that clashed horribly with his hair and seemed to have a bell around his neck. The urge to just turn back around and pretend nothing was going on came over Xemnas.
"Xemnas! Good timing! Like the decorating Demyx and I have done?" Xemnas looked around, "Not particularly," he muttered. But Axel of course just ignored him, continuing to ramble. "We haven't gotten the tree set up yet, but that's because Xigbar and Xaldin are arguing about how to take it down. Xigbar wants to shoot it of course and Xaldin has his spears ready to chop it down, which is what they should do. But you know how Xigbar always..."
Xemnas brought his fingers up to his temples again, wishing there was a way to drown out Axel's voice and incessant rambling. Why me? He thought to himself. To add to his misery, Demyx came bounding over (And he was jingling! What the hell?), some weird pointy stick like objects resting on his head and wore a collar of bells (Ah so that's where the annoying mass of jingling came from…) "Xemnas! You wanna hear the really cool carol things Axel taught me?"
Xemnas narrowed his eyes and replied quickly, "No." A crestfallen look crossed Demyx and he lowered his head pathetically, "Oh, ok." Xemnas stared at number VIV, the weird things on his head (What the hell are those things?) making him look all the more pathetically wounded. Xemnas gritted his teeth, "Fine. But only one song. Got that? One. ONE." Demyx's head shot up, the bells around his neck jingling merrily, and he grinned. "Really? Great! Lemme just go get my sitar and the music sheets." Xemnas twitch. "Music sheet! One song damnit!" The blonde just continued to run off, each jingle of the bells causing Xemnas internal pain.
Axel chuckled and Xemnas looked at him warily. He eyed the plants in Axel's arms and raised a brow. "What is that?" A sly smirk crossed Axel's face, "A way for me to get Roxas to finally give in to my kisses!" Xemnas groaned, not really wanting to know how some plants were going to do that. Were they some type of drug?
Note to self: Do not accept any food or drink from Axel.
Axel seemed to hug the plants in his arm as though they were some kind of prize. Xemnas took a step away from him. Poor number XIII, if only he knew what was to be his fate…
Demyx finally ran back over with his sitar and a handful of paper. He shuffled through them, obviously searching for one to sing. "Hey, Demyx, why don't you sing that one about Santa and the rooftop?" Xemnas glanced at Axel, and saw that he was smirking deviously. Not a good sign. Demyx looked up and then grinned. "Ok!" He set a sheet down and held his sitar up to play. That sense of foreboding came back and Xemnas was regretting ever agreeing to listen.
Music soon filled the air and Demyx's voice followed after.
Up on the housetop reindeer pause
Out jumps good old Santa Claus
Down through the chimney with lots of toys
All for the little ones, Christmas joys
Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn't go? Ho, ho ho! Who wouldn't go?
Now, normally, Xemnas enjoyed Demyx's playing. Not that he would ever admit that of course. But this time...this time Xemnas would love nothing more than to shove that sitar somewhere would Demyx could never play it or sing again.
Up on the housetop, click, click, click
Down through the chimney with old Saint Nick
Xemnas twitched, almost violently actually. This song it was so damn…merry! And cheerful! The melody, the lyrics, so disturbing! It made him want to take one of Xaldin's spears and shove it through his head to make it stop. It was that bad. How could someone come up with something like this? If the writer of this song was still alive Xemnas knew that he would need to send Xigbar on a side mission…
First comes the stocking of little Nell
Oh, dear Santa fill it well
Twitch.
Give her a dolly that laughs and cries
One that will open and shut her eyes
Twitch.
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go? Ho, ho-
Snap.
"STOP! I DEMAND YOU STOP SINGING NOW!" Xemnas would rather give up Kingdom Hearts than listen to this horror any longer. His body shook and his lasers had been summoned. It was taking all his self control to not destroy Demyx and his sitar. Demyx looked at him in fear and stepped back, hugging his sitar close. "B-But you said-" Xemnas raised one laser, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Forget what I said! I should relieve you of your vocal chords for singing that monstrosity!"
Axel was covering his mouth, trying so very hard to not laugh. But it was obvious he couldn't help it. He laughed loudly and Xemnas sent a darker glare towards him. "You…this is all your fault!" Axel's laughter stopped and his eyes widened with fear. He knew there was only one thing to do.
Run. Run as fast as possible.
And he did just that. He quickly turned and darted down the hall, the bell around his neck jingling wildly and the plants he had been holding flew from his arms. He rounded a corner and slammed into Roxas, sending them both to the ground.
"Damnit Axel, watch where you are going!" The blonde groaned and rubbed his head. Confusion crossed his face as he felt something odd on the top of his head. He picked it off and held it in front of his face. It was some weird green plant. "What the hell is this?" Axel looked up and his face brightened, all fear and worry of Xemnas wanting to do awful things to him disappeared. "That, my dear Roxy, is mistletoe!" Roxas glared at Axel irritably due to the use of that annoying nickname. "And what the hell is it for?" Axel gave a huge grin and Roxas immediately regretted his question. "Allow me to show you…"
Axel moved forward, taking the mistletoe and holding it up above them, while Roxas moved back. He did not like that grin on Axel's face and he most certainly did not like the fact that the red head kept moving closer. Really. He didn't. A blush crossed his face, but he tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke. "Axel, what the hell are you-" Roxas was rudely interrupted by Axel's lips on his. He froze in surprise, unable to bring his hands up to push the pervert away. The kiss was unfortunately brief. No! It wasn't unfortunate! It was fortunate! Roxas thought to himself. Axel pulled away, grin back on his face. "Pretty great, ne? Anytime you and another person are caught under the mistletoe together you have to kiss! I'm going to put it up all around the place!" Roxas stared at him in horror. "N-No…" Axel just grinned as he stood and Roxas could only watch the evil red head walk away, arms filled with an evil plant, his mind forming an evil plan. He shivered. Somehow he'd have to find a way to stay in his room during this whole Christmas celebration.
Axel moved through the halls of the castle, hanging mistletoe in random places, with a smile on his face. He had finally gotten to kiss Roxas! And he hadn't been pushed away! Granted, it wasn't as long or as breath taking has he had wanted it to be, but still! Beggars can't be choosers! And he was happy just getting to make contact with the blonde boy's lips!
Roxas on the other hand was not anywhere near as merry as Axel was. He had gone back to his room, brushed his teeth (a lot) and then laid onto his bed. He knew that Axel was always trying to hit on him and saying weird things. But Roxas always blew him off or ignore him because he knew that whatever Axel was 'feeling' was false. They had no hearts. They couldn't feel. That was that. So why couldn't he push Axel away when they finally kissed?
Because, I was just completely caught off guard, that's why. That's all. I didn't enjoy the fact that it was actually ni-NO! Stop it. This is stupid, and if I'm not careful he's going to end up doing it again!
He sighed and closed his eyes. They may not be normal beings, but couldn't this place be a little less crazy? He sighed tiredly and rolled onto his side. He heard a soft melody playing next door. Seems like Demyx has stopped causing chaos with Axel. Xemnas probably made him, Roxas thought to himself. He shifted slightly and listened as Demyx's voice joined the melody of his sitar.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Roxas frowned slightly. Wasn't this whole Christmas celebration thing supposed to be filled with happiness? From the tone of this song it sounded so sad and melancholy, nothing like what Axel had excitedly rattled on about.
Once bitten and twice shy (Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again
Roxas snorted. Love, pain, betrayal. Is that what one had to go through with a heart? Although love…it's supposed to be a really wonderful feeling, right? If I had a heart, would I respond to Axel? He rolled back onto his back, arms behind his head and opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling. He responded to Axel. He knew he did, but he would deny it. Because it just wouldn't make sense. No heart means no feelings. He couldn't explain why he blushed at the things Axel said to him or why his stomach would feel light and…fluttery when they would brush against each other. And that drove him insane! He grabbed his head and sighed in irritation. He was going to blame all these confusing thoughts on that stupid song Demyx was singing…
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
"Sounds like Axel…gah!" He brought his pillow over his head, wanting to drown out the lyrics of this song. Damn Axel for telling them about this holiday and teaching Demyx all those stupid songs. He closed his eyes and tried to make himself fall asleep. He needed to escape this madness. He could only hope that somehow it would be over in the morning. But he had a feeling it wouldn't.
TBC