I don't understand, I told Elfangor, my father.
I know, my son. I didn't think you would. You've been very brave. But now you are needed somewhere else. There is another mission. You have to trust me.
Father, I… I don't know if I can be brave this time. I'm sick of having to be brave all the time. I'm sick of the war. I'm sick of never being able to sit with Mom – Loren – for more than two hours. I'm sick of seeing the pain in Rachel's eyes when she sees me, the hawk, eat. I can't take it any more. And if I was human…
Not yet. Don't make the mistake I did. I know it hurts. But you can't leave the war. The fate of you and your people depend on it.
How do you know this? I asked.
I can't explain it to you, now. But you must keep fighting. The war is almost over. He smiled with his eyes, as all Andalites do. You love Rachel. You love her as I loved your mother. I see that now.
I hesitated. Yes… Yes, I do.
We will speak again soon, Tobias.
Wait. Don't leave yet. There's so much that I don't understand.
I know. But I must go now. Until next time.
Wait!
The Andalite in front of me vanished. I was once again the lonely hawk, sitting in his lonely tree, all alone in his forest.
"Tobias! Tobias, are you awake?"
I woke up and opened my eyes to see my mom standing below me. I was still the lonely hawk sitting in my tree.
Yes. I landed on the ground and morphed to human.
Once I had, I said with my human voice, "Is something wrong?"
"Well… I don't know. That alien, Ax, are there more like him here?"
"Here? Like on the planet? Just Visser One, why?"
She hesitated before she spoke. "It's just that… Well, I just woke up. I had a dream about someone, and I was young once again. He was… I don't know. He was human, but then he became an Andalite, like Ax. He had the power you have, the morphing power. It all seemed to real…"
"Go on."
"Well, I just remember us in a weird place. It was like…several worlds put together. Parts of it were Earth, places I remembered. Other parts were…evil, scary. And other parts were similar to Earth, but things were different – like the grass. He was with me the whole time. We were running…"
I didn't yet understand. "Do you remember anything else?"
"Mostly I remember feelings. Tobias, I need to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Do you remember your father? I mean, did you ever meet him?"
I swallowed hard. "Once."
"Was he…an Andalite?" I saw things come together. And I realized that I would have to tell her. I would have to tell my mom about Elfangor.
"Um…Mom? Now I think we really need to talk?" I sat down, leaning against a tree. My mom sat down near me.
"Tell me, Tobias. I don't have memories. Please, tell me."
I looked my mom straight in the eyes. Saw the pain in them. "Yes. Yes, my father was an Andalite. He was a hero, a prince. He – His name was Elfangor."
"Was?"
I felt my eyes grow wet. "Yeah. Uh…he died. He was the one that gave us the power to morph. He died for us. He crash landed here on Earth, and gave us our power. He saved us. But…" A tear rolled down my check, but I quickly wiped it away. "But then Visser One – he was Visser Three then - killed him. We – me and the others – hid…we saw the whole thing."
My mom was crying. Crying because her husband was dead. Crying because she couldn't even remember this husband. All she could remember was the love that she felt. She was crying for her son, whom she barely knew, had watched her husband die. But he couldn't do anything about it.
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"Are you okay?" Rachel asked me.
I looked down and saw Jake, Cassie, Marco, Ax, and Rachel. I stayed perched in my tree. Hawks can't cry.
Yeah, I said.
"How did she take it?" Cassie asked me. I had just told them that I had told my mom about Elfangor.
Okay, I guess. I don't know. How would you take it if you found out that the husband you didn't remember was dead? And that you son stood there and watched, not being able to do anything about it?
"That wasn't your fault, Tobias," Rachel told me. "It wasn't anyone's."
I'm not so sure, I said to her privately. What if there was something that I could have done?
Rachel stood up. "No. If any one of us would have tried anything, we would have been killed as well."
The other sat silently, realizing that we were speaking privately.
Rachel… Maybe you're right. But it still feels bad. I see him sometimes, in my dreams. Like last night. He told me that I couldn't leave the war. That I have to keep fighting.
AH,
BUT TOBIAS, HOW ARE YOU SO SURE THAT IT WAS A DREAM?
Ellimist.
There was a burst of light and color as a being that looked like an old man surrounded by white light and mysterious clouds appeared in front of us.
"What the –" Marco yelled.
HELLO
AGAIN. TO ALL OF YOU.
What do you mean? I dreamt if last night, I said, going back to the old subject.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE SAYING THAT ALL DREAMS MEAN SOMETHING? IN FACT, SOME DREAMS ARE NOT DREAMS, BUT MESSAGES.
What are you talking about?
He smiled. YOU ARE NEEDED, TOBIAS. YOU ARE NEEDED FOR A MISSION, ONE THAT MIGHT
COST YOU YOUR LIFE. BUT IF YOU SUCCEED,
YOU CAN SAVE YOUR PEOPLE, YOUR FRIENDS, AND THE WAR WILL FINALLY COME TO AN
END. FOR YOUR FATHER, TOBIAS.
The last sentence hit me hard. What mission?
AH, YOU UNDERSTAND. THERE ARE ANDALITES, PASSING CLOSER TO EARTH THAN THEY EVER HAVE BEFORE, YOU MUST SPEAK TO THEM, AND BRING THEM HERE.
Why can't we just radio them a message?
YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO THEM IN PERSON. TRUST ME.
Why me? I demanded.
I CANNOT TELL YOU NOW. BUT I WILL. WILL YOU ACCEPT THE MISSION?
"No, Tobias. Don't do it. You could die," Rachel said angrily.
I remembered what Elfangor had told me in my dream. He had said that I was needed somewhere else. What if it really was a message?
What do I have to do?
TAKE MY HAND, TOBIAS. I CAN GET YOU ON A SHIP. I CAN SEND YOU TO THEM. BUT YOU MUST SPEAK TO THE ANDALITES. YOU, THE SON OF ELFANGOR. JUST TAKE MY HAND, TOBIAS.
I understood now. And I morphed to human, faster than I ever had before. The Ellimist probably used his power to help me.
I walked toward Rachel.
"Tobias…" she started.
I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to say something to make everything okay. But there was nothing to say. I hugged her and buried my face in her beautiful blond hair.
"Please don't go…" she whispered. She knew that I might never return.
"I have to. I'll be back. I promise."
I let go of her and nodded my goodbye to the others. Then I walked towards the Ellimist. He outstretched his hand.
THE THINGS YOU WILL SEE, WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.
"My life is already changed forever." My hand touched his, and I could no longer tell the difference between reality and fiction. Between truth s and lies. Between the dream world and the real world.
I was in a spaceship. As quickly as I blinked. I looked around quickly, trying to figure out where I was. There was no one around me that I could see. I was sitting in a chair, in front of a set of controls. This was definitely some kind of spaceship.
DON'T LOOK SO SURPRISED, TOBIAS.
The Ellimist appeared behind me. He really needed to stop with the whole appearing and disappearing thing.
"You never answered my question. Why did you choose me?" I asked again. "It isn't just because I'm Elfangor's son, is it?"
NO. BUT I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION. YOU ARE MY FAVORITE ANIMORPH. YOU AMAZE ME. YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO BE LOOKING AT SOMETHING THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE. YOU HAVE LOST SO MUCH TO THIS WAR. AND YOU REMIND ME SO MUCH OF YOUR FATHER.
"Why does he keep coming back into this?"
BECAUSE HE HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
"How?"
SO MANY QUESTIONS. BUT I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. I'VE KEPT THIS HIDDEN FROM YOU FOR LONG ENOUGH. IT IS TIME YOU KNEW.
"Knew what?"
Hello, Tobias. I jumped out of my chair and spun around, desperately trying to figure out who had spoken to me. The voice seemed so familiar.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, an Andalite appeared next to me.
I jumped back and fell down.
TOBIAS. DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?
I spoke, surrounded by fear and confusion. "Elfangor? Father?"
Yes, my son.
"No…no, you died. I saw you die. Visser One killed you. No. What kind of a trick is this?" I screamed at the Ellimist. "Why are you doing this?"
THIS IS NOT A TRICK.
"No…" I pointed to the Andalite, "You're dead…"
Only a part of me. A false part of me. Do you know what happens to you when you go through a black hole?
"What?" I still didn't trust him. I still thought it was some kind of trick that the Ellimist had done. Some kind of a sick joke.
You…you change. You're no longer alive, but you aren't dead either. You become, kind of like a spirit…but with power. You can do things, see things that you could never see or do before. You can create a piece of yourself, sort of like an illusion. The Elfangor that gave you your morphing power – that wasn't me.
"If what you say is true, then why doesn't everyone just go through black holes? And then why didn't you ever come back? You wouldn't leave Loren like that, blind, and no memories. And me – Well I don't know if you love me, but I know that you love Loren, and you wouldn't leave her like that."
Everyone doesn't go through black holes because no one knows about it. And even if they did, you lose everything. And you can never go back. I tried, Tobias. But every time the Ellimist stopped me. He is more powerful than I. After a while, I realized that I could not go back. Not yet, anyway. And, Tobias? I do love you, my son. And I am so proud of you. So proud of you.
He held his hand out to me, still on the ground. I hesitated for a moment, but then I took it. He helped me up.
I touched his hand and I felt… I don't know what I felt. It was almost like a relief. And understanding. I understood why he could not yet go back. It was for our protection. No one knew he was still alive. Not even Crayak. If he ever came back, he would be dead. And so would we. Crayak could never find out.
And I realized how hard it was for him. To know that you love and your son were alone, thinking that you were dead. And he couldn't do anything.
"Father?" I whispered.
Yes. Yes, Tobias. He let go of my hand and hugged me. That was weird. I'd never hugged an Andalite before.
IT IS TIME. I'd almost forgotten about the Ellimist.
Yes. We must go before it is too late. I will help you pilot the ship. I didn't ask questions. I didn't ask where the ship came from. Or where we were going. When the Ellimist disappeared again, I didn't ask why.
But I asked one thing, once we got underway. "Father, when this war is over, will you come back?"
Of course I will. I promise.
"Mom…lost her memory. She doesn't remember you. She doesn't remember anything."
I know. If she did, they would kill her.
I changed the subject again. "I'm not a human. I mean, not in my natural form. I'm a nothlit.
I know. But time doesn't matter right now.
"You're one of him. You're like the Ellimist."
Yes, in many ways. But he has much more power. We are entering Z-space.
"What do I do?" At that moment, as my father showed me how I could help him fly the ship, I finally realized what it was like to have a dad. But it wasn't just that. It was almost like I was talking to myself. Ellimist was right. We were so much alike.
The things we take for granted.
A screen turned on in the middle of the window-less room. It was white.
This will show us where we are when we re-enter real space, he explained.
"It's an honor to be here with you. It's like a dream come true."
For both of us. The honor is mine. We re-entered real space. The white screen in the middle of the room changed to a black screen with stars. TO the sid eof the screen was a small blue dot.
"What is that?" I asked.
A Bug Fighter. Come take control of the ship. I'll bring the weapons online, ready to fire. They shouldn't recognize us, but just in case.
On the screen I saw a small beam of light. It got bigger and bigger.
Brace for impact!
I grabbed on to the ridges in the wall. But it didn't help any. It felt like I was the size of a fly and I was hit by a hammer. I was flung through the air and thrown against the other wall. There was a sharp pain in my side.
If I was in a hawk body, I would have died.
I saw my father, still standing somehow. Tobias! Are you alright?
I ignored the pain of a thousand knives in my side as I stood up slowly. "Yeah, sure."
I can't fire the weapons. Something is wrong. We have to run. Entering Z-space.
I struggled to stay standing. I sat back down in my chair. I touched my side with my hand. My hand came back red. The pain was incredible! All I had to do was morph back to my hawk body. But there was no time.
I don't think they're following. We're re-entering real space right now, just to make sure. He saw me holding my bloody side. You should morph.
"I will. Once we find out if we're safe. A hawk can't help you."
He nodded. I felt a jolt as the white screen turned black once again. But I couldn't see any stars. I fell to the back of the ship.
I screamed in pain. Everything got so loud. "What's going on?" I couldn't hear an answer. All I could feel was the pull, incredible pull. And the pressure. Like the life was being squeezed out of me.
And then…nothing.
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My eyes blinked, adjusting to the bright light above me.
"Am I dead?" I asked.
No. My father stood next to me.
"The Andalites?"
There will be others.
"I have failed you, Father."
No. No, you haven't. You have made me very proud.
That was what I needed to hear. "Am I human?"
NO. I saw the Ellimist at my other side.
"Am I hawk?"
NO.
"What am I?"
YOU ARE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE. YOU'RE ONE OF US NOW.
"No. I have to go back."
YES, YOU DO. AND YOU WILL. BUT YOU CAN'T LET ANYONE KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY ARE. NOT LOREN, RACHEL, OR ANYONE ELSE.
"What happened?"
You were sucked into a black hole. Like Ellimist was, so long ago. Like I was, when I was on my way to Earth to warn all of you.
"Can I morph?"
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO.
"Am I still a nothlit?"
THE RULES NO LONGER APPLY TO YOU. YOU CAN STAY IN MORPH FOR AS LONG AS YOU PLEASE, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T REALLY IN MORPH. BUT YOUR FRIENDS CAN'T KNOW THIS. YOU HAVE TO ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED.
"Can I make the Andalites come?"
No, my father answered. Neither can I. It's beyond our power. Only Ellimist can do that, but he's playing by game rules. He glared at the Ellimist with his stalk eyes.
I sat up. The pain in my ribs was gone.
Lay back down, my son. Sleep. When the war is over we will be together. All of us.
I lay back down. I closed my eyes.
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Tobias.
My eyes opened and I sat up immediately. My friends all stood around me. Rachel stood next to me, holding my hand. She had been crying.
"Where am I?" I asked.
Safe, Ax said. How long have you been in morph?
"I don't know."
You've been here for almost an hour. Can you morph out?
I wanted to say yes, but I said nothing. I morphed to my hawk self.
"What happened?" Jake asked.
I don't remember, I lied. How did I get here?
"We don't know. You just appeared, out of nowhere. You were in your human morph, all bloodied and stuff. We thought you were dead. But after a couple of minutes, you started breathing again. It was weird."
"Are you okay, man?" Marco asked.
Yeah. I think I am. I couldn't tell them. I had to keep my secret.
But then I added privately, I love you, Rachel.