A Simple Life
I often ask myself the question what if. It is surprising how long the game can go for. Perhaps more surprising for where it can take you! And it is not like I regret the decisions I have made. I am happy in my choices. But there are days when I am sad. Sad for what I have lost. For what I had to give up to achieve what I have gained.
Ted and Nymphadora are all that matter to me now. I would give my life to protect them. But it was not all that long ago when I would have said the same for my sisters. We were inseparable. The Black Sisters. So intertwined with each other, we knew every fibre of every being. And yet we were, we are, polar opposites. One as black as the darkest night, another one so fair that even God's angels above are jealous. And then there is me, the brunette, the mediator.
I wonder what would have happened, if I had kept with my chosen path. I would have married Avery. I guess in the current climate, with Voldemort gone and little Harry Potter left without parents, the world has been turned upside down. We would be living a lie. Pretending we were honest citizens, instead of the death eaters we would have been. I wonder if I would be as close to my sisters though. Would it have been worth it to have them near? To see them everyday? Could I have stopped Bella delving too deep? Could I have saved Narcissa the pain of losing two sisters?
I guess no matter how hard I try, no matter where my thoughts take me, life will never be like it was. It will never be as simple as it was when we were young. All the politics, the disputers - all distant echoes in our sheltered little lives. Now life is hard. It is real. But I think no matter what path I chose, what side of the war I am on, it was always going to be like this.
No. I could never have lived that life. I could never have suppressed my beliefs, or my love for Ted. And now I have my little Dora. So young and fragile, in her little sheltered life. I cannot offer her a life of security, or one of peace, but I can give her love and happiness. I can give her hope of a better world. I can give her all the things I wish I had in a family. And when you think about it, all these beliefs, they are all at a basic level. At a simple level. What does any parent want out of life, but the simple joys that their child can bring.
I made my choice. I made the right choice. No matter how many times I ask myself the question, no matter how many different realities it brings, I have all that matters in front of me. It may be hard at times. It may be scary. But it was the right thing to do. It was the only thing to do.