Author's Notes:There is some content that might be sensitive to some readers. If you can not deal with PTSD, clinical depression, or thoughts of suicide, please do not read this. I'm making it sound worse than it is, but still, I don't want to upset anyone. If I did not handle anything well enough, please message me and I will try to fix it. Thank you!
The wedding had been a quiet affair with only the bride and groom, their family, and a handful of demigods present. Percy was bouncing on his heels at the altar, his face as giddy as a child in a candy shop. Jason had to admit that Annabeth was as beautiful as a goddess with her hair done up in an elegant bun; it shone like spun gold in the summer's sun. There was a radiant smile on her face as her father led her to the makeshift altar that the Athena and Hephaestus Cabins had carefully constructed out of sand before letting the Apollo kids take over to smooth out the detail work.
Piper, Thalia, Calypso, and Hazel looked gorgeous in their teal bridesmaid dresses. Piper managed to catch Jason's eye from where he had been standing. He was a groomsman. Her smile told him all that he needed to know with its content reassignment. The breakup had been mutual. After the war had ended, they had all found themselves changed, some for the better and some for the worse. Jason found himself thinking back to Cupid's words more and more. He tried to push them out of his mind, but they kept returning with frightening clarity. He grew distant. Piper hadn't been able to deal with it. They were still friends, close ones in fact. They were happier, and as a result, the group was ecstatic. They were all a huge bunch of co-dependent saps. They had resigned themselves to that fate the moment that they got back to camp.
Finally, the ceremony ended (It had been shorted in an attempt to help all of them deal with their ADHD, but they had still all ended up bored) and the party began. Dionysus had been put in charge of the alcohol, and thank the gods that he had: the drinks were amazing.
As Jason looked around the group that had been invited, he noticed that they were one person short. Where oh where was the Best Man? He sighed and walked out of the pavilion where the reception was taking place. He made his way down to the beach, kicking off his shoes and pulling up his pant-legs so that he could get his feet wet. He made his way around the bend.
Nico di Angelo was sitting in the sand, his toes curling into the soft golden grains. His dark eyes stared into the darkening sea as the sun went down, as if he was trying to figure out a complex puzzle. His suit was getting dirty, but he didn't seem to care. Jason bit his lip and moved to sit beside him. The son of Hades didn't even acknowledge his presence, he just continued to stare.
Jason sighed, "I'm sorry."
Nico blinked and the lines of his mouth seemed to be carved in marble. "What for?" He muttered his voice flat, without anger or bitterness. It was empty. Jason stayed silent.
I'm sorry that you are hurt.
"I already told you that I am over him." It was clear that neither of them believed Nico's words.
I'm sorry he chose her and not you.
"Percy's happy with her. That's all that I could ask for." Ah, there was the bitterness. It was back in full force, bleeding venom into Nico's words.
I'm sorry that I can't help you.
Jason wanted to reach out and run his hands through those dark curls. He knew that Nico wouldn't appreciate it. The last thing that he wanted to happen was for Nico to run away again like he had after the war ended. After the battle with Gaea, they had won and Nico had disappeared for two years. Not even Hazel had known where he was. He had vanished, only to appear one day, fast asleep on Jason's couch. Jason should be appreciative that Nico thought to show himself to him first. He had just been shocked and appalled as he took in the state of his friend. It looked like he had crawled out of the Tartarus again, all pale flesh, skin and bones.
I'm sorry that you've given up.
Nico had lost too much and gained too little. He had been barely surviving. The last straw had been at the party that Jason and Hazel had hosted in his return. Percy had proposed to Annabeth right after dinner. He had the nerve to get down on one knee at Nico's party in the middle of bringing out desserts. Jason had almost punched the son of Poseidon. The only reason that he hadn't was that there had been thin fingers curling around his arm. The only reason that he had stayed put were the fiery black eyes that were as sharp as onyx when a pale head shook minutely. Nico just watched as Percy laughed and kissed his fiancé with all the love that Nico would never obtain from him. He smiled at them. He smiled for them. When his smile began to falter, Nico went into Jason's guest room and had calmly shut the door.
That had also been the night that Piper and Jason had broken it off with each other. Jason still remembered the sad spark in Piper's kaleidoscope eyes when she took in the look on his face as he watched Nico depart. "It looks like you have someone more important to take care of." She had whispered into his ear, right before she kissed him one last time. He hadn't corrected her. She had been right. She was still right.
Jason looked up into the quickly darkening sky. The stars were coming out. He mapped out constellations in his mind. "Look there," He said, his voice soft, "It's Hercules." Nico's dull eyes looked up at the sky.
"He was a hero." He whispered.
Jason gave off a soft laugh, "Yeah, had a bit of a hard life, but he was."
"Most heroes have hard and depressing lives."
"I can't think of any that haven't."
"There is one." Nico said, his voice soft and cool and alive for once, "Perseus." Jason winced at the name.
"Yeah," he whispered, "It's always Perseus, isn't it."
Most days are okay. Most days, Jason can get Nico to eat at least one meal and get out of bed before noon. Some days, he can even get him to smile. Those days are normally the days when Percy and Annabeth invite them both to have lunch or dinner with them in New Rome. Those days, Nico came alive in such a way that Jason almost forgot that it was only a well-crafted mask. It was all a charade to keep the two of them from worrying too much.
Those days were the days that made him forget. But for every good day there was at least one horrible. Ones where Nico couldn't even manage to bring himself to get out of bed. Jason would find himself looking down at the bleak black eyes that were staring up at him as Nico remains as still in the covers.
After the War, Apollo's Cabin had diagnosed many of the Greek and Roman warriors with PTSD. It was to be expected. They were all too young to be soldiers and many weren't even sure what they had been fighting for. Nico had been one of the worst cases. Post-traumatic stress disorder in combination with clinical depression. The Tartarus had done a number on him. Nico had left the night after Will Solance had checked him over.
Even now, years after the war, there are nights where Jason woke up to screams coming from the other side of the bed (they started sleeping in the same bed after the first night-terror, only a few days after Nico came back. It was only for comfort's sake, to make sure that they were never left alone with their own thoughts).
The night of Percy's wedding had been a restless one. Both of the men had difficulty falling asleep. After only about an hour of silence, Jason was awakened from an uneasy sleep by Nico's harsh breathing. He sighed and reached over to trail a hand down the Ghost King's arm. Nico's breath hitched and eyes opened to reveal dilated pupils and wet eyelashes. Jason just looked down sadly at the other teen. There was a tense moment of hesitation before Nico reached a hand to tug weakly at Jason's faded SPQR shirt. The former praetor leaned down and wrapped his arms around the much smaller body. Nico was still too thin. He was shaking. Jason could only nuzzle the Italian boy as Nico started to curse himself and his weaknesses in his old language. He waited until Nico began to try to break out of the embrace.
"Let me go. ¡Lasciami andare! Jason, please, I'm already enough of a coward! D-Don't—"
"Stop, stop, Nico, you're not. You're one of the bravest people I know. One of the strongest too. Please, stop talking. Just be still." Jason tightened his hold on the boy (Was he really only seventeen? That wasn't possible. He seemed so much older. Too old). He could only bury his face in the other's hair when Nico began to weep, silent and angry at the world, at Jason, and himself. Jason pretended not to notice. He just started to hum a lullaby that Nico had once taught him on one of the good days. He had said that Bianca had sung it to him when he was little.
Nico gradually calmed down. His tears dried slowly. His grip tightened on Jason's shirt. As Jason was falling into Morpheus's realm, he heard the words that made his blood go cold.
"I wish that I had been in the hotel with Mama."
Jason didn't know what he could say. He had saved so many people. He was both camps' golden-boy. He was the demi-god version of superman. The only person that he couldn't save was the only one that mattered at this point. He pressed a kiss to Nico's temple, but Nico was already asleep.
And so, life went on. They managed. They survived. Jason headed off to college. Nico followed him to USC like an ever present shadow. Jason majored in philosophy and had hopes in going into law. Nico surprised them all by majoring in Human Biology and eyed the pre-med track with a wary appreciation. All that he would say on the matter was that it would keep him busy. After the first semester, he was volunteering at a local hospital. A part of Jason hoped that he was doing all this so that they could keep each other going in graduate school. He did not voice these hopes. They rented a small apartment with only one bed. Frank and Hazel settle down in a small apartment near them. The couple was happy together, which made Nico happier.
Percy and Annabeth had their first child right when Jason and Nico were ending their second year. They named her Andromeda. She had her mother's sharp eyes and pointed chin. She had her father's hair and smile. Nico instantly adored her. Jason knew this when he saw the way that Nico's eyes softened ever so slightly the moment that he saw her. They stood just outside the hospital room, waiting for Hazel and Frank to get coffee, looking in on the happy scene with fond expressions. Leo and Calypso were coming in from Oregon. Reyna was traveling from Camp Half-Blood, where she was acting as an ambassador. Piper was arriving on a plane from New York City in about two hours. Jason nudged Nico's shoulder, "Why don't you ask to hold her?" Jason muttered.
Nico didn't say anything. He just looked slightly sick as stepped into the room, as quiet as a mouse. Percy looked up at him with a joyful expression. He looked so happy that Nico had decided to come. He motioned for the younger man to come over. Very slowly, Annabeth relinquished her hold on her newborn daughter to her husband. Percy kissed her sweaty-ridden curls in gratitude as he placed Andromeda into Nico's arms. For the first time in a long time, Nico's lips twitched upward; a smile so ecstatic that Jason had to fight to keep a smile from his own face. He lost that battle.
Nico looked up at Percy, curious and so hesitant that Jason's smile became a grin. Percy glanced at Annabeth, who nodded as if urging him to do something. He sat down on the floor beside Nico's chair. "Nico," Percy said, his voice unsure for one of the first times in forever, "We were wondering if you would like to be her godfather."
Something flickered in those black eyes. Jason could see the hurt, amazement, wonder, terror, and love so clearly that he wondered how Percy missed them all. Nico's nod was barely noticeable and something in it made Jason's heart flutter. He walked in, passed an analyzing Annabeth and an oblivious Percy to stand beside Nico. Their hands weren't touching but it was clear that if one going to be placed in charge of another being's life, the other would be protecting it as well.
Later that night, when Nico and Percy had fallen asleep in chairs and Jason was nodding off beside Nico, Annabeth called out Jason's name. Her voice was soft but sure of herself because she was Annabeth: she knew every single thing that she was doing. She had made calculations in her gifted brain and figured out all of the possible outcomes. Jason jerked to attention and looked over at the woman. She motioned for him to come closer. "You know why we did it, don't you?" Jason tilted his head, not wanting to speak and risk waking either of the men or the baby. Annabeth chuckled. "Perce sleeps like a rock and I'm pretty sure Andromeda inherited that from him. I'm not sure about Nico, but I think you're safe to whisper."
Jason licked his lips, "I'm not sure what you mean." He said.
Annabeth looked up at the ceiling. "I figured Nico out about two weeks after he left the battle. I was thinking back to the battlefield and then I remembered… when I saw him fighting, it was always defending someone else's back. There were three people he kept circling. Three people he could not let get hurt. One was Hazel, which was obvious: she is his sister. Another was you, which I thought wasn't too odd; something had gone on between you two that made you closer. He trusts you enough to deem you worthy of his protection." Here was where Annabeth took a breath, "Then… then there was the last person."
"Percy." Jason said for her when it looked like she was having a hard time getting the name out.
Annabeth smiled at him. It was a bitter and crooked little thing. "Yeah," She breathed, "It was Percy. It was never me that he had a crush on at all. Hades, I felt stupid for thinking that for months. After all, it had been clear if you knew that signs. But, you know, hubris and all. It made me think that I was the center of attention."
"Does Percy—"
"No." Annabeth's voice was sharp, "He doesn't know. I never told him and he's too oblivious to even think of such things. Not that he's against it in any way." She wiggled her way down into the blankets until she was nearly buried. "Help me, Jason." She whispered. "I feel horrible. I want for it to only be us. I want to be the only one in Percy's heart. But… but then I look at Nico and…" She trailed off.
"The last thing that Nico would want is your pity."
"I don't want to pity him, I want him to be happy!" Annabeth glared at Jason with those sharp eyes of hers.
Jason looked over at where Percy and Nico were still fast asleep. Andromeda was cradled in Percy's arms. She was clinging to Nico's fingers. "I think that you just gave him that chance." He said, walking over to Nico to straighten out the son of Hades's jacket. Annabeth watched him.
"Oh." She whispered, "Oh. You and him—"
"It's not what you think."
"I wouldn't be against it. Percy wouldn't be either."
"Your opinion isn't the one that matter's the most." Jason said, brushing at dark bangs before stepping away.
Annabeth nodded, "He's still afraid of himself, isn't he?"
"He hates himself."
"He cares for you… more than you think. I'm sure of it."
"Not even I want to be a substitute, Annabeth." The daughter of Athena went quiet at Jason's words. Her lips were drawn tightly together and she was looking down at her folded hands.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
"For what?" Jason said.
Him. The word that was left unsaid filled the air. Jason went back to Percy's seat. He carefully lifted Andromeda and placed her into her mother's arms.
Nico spent more and more time with the Jacksons after that. Jason came too, looking after the Italian the way that a bodyguard would look after his prince. The horrible days became few and far between. They stilled happened, but instead of once every week, it was once every month. Jason couldn't be happier for Nico. If only he could say the same about himself.
One night, when Percy and Annabeth were out eating with Sally and Paul, Nico was baby-sitting Andromeda. Jason was sitting at the table, contemplating banging his head on the mahogany. There was no way that the words that he was reading were in English. No way. It was in some alien language that consisted of scribbles and philosophical jargon.
Jason sighed and closed the book with a bit more force than necessary. It made Nico jerk to attention. He had been sitting in the living room with Andromeda in his lap, surrounded by a sea of anatomy notes. They had all been highlighted to the point of looking like a rainbow. "Jason?" He called over to the blond.
"What?" Jason's voice was thick and he shielding his eyes from view. Nico immediately got to his feet, placed Andromeda in her carrier, and hurried over. He took in the way that Jason's fingers trembled ever so slightly as well as the way that he bit at his bottom lip. Now, normally, it was Nico that would have these bouts of self-hatred. But they weren't excusive. Even Percy and Annabeth got them at times. All of them would, at times, look down at what they were doing and thing, 'What the hell am I doing?' It came with the territory of saving the whole world when you were a teenager and then being forced to adapt to normal life with a normal job too quickly.
Nico walked up behind the son of Jupiter, careful not to make sudden movements. Jason was as protective of his back as Percy was. It was a blind spot, an area of weakness that shouldn't be there because Jason was supposed to be perfect. Gently, Nico put a hand on Jason's shoulder. It was a trial because, even after all of this time, Nico still was hesitant to initiate physical contact. He was even more fearful of people trying to touch him. Jason let out a long sigh and leaned into the touch. When he reopened his eyes, they were dry and calmer. He looked at where Andromeda's carrier was. "Go back to your work. I'm okay."
"No, you're not."
"Go anyway. I'll be fine." It took Nico a minute to do as Jason pleaded. He padded back over to his make-shift nest of articles on pelages and metacarpals, circled around it twice, and sat back down. He continued to watch Jason out of the corner of his eye. Once he had assured himself that Jason was at least semi-alright, he dragged the carrier over to his spot. He began to rock the carrier with one of his feet.
Jason watched him, not even trying to go back to his work. "You're so good with her." He said, putting his pencil down to simply gaze at the other man. Nico tilted his head, putting his pen down. It's as if he was expecting Jason to say more. Jason regretted saying anything. "You'd be a good dad." He didn't see it, there a twitch of Nico's lips. They began to pull upward at the ends, almost against Nico's will. Jason continued, "When you find someone, you could have a family of your own, you know."
Something flickered in Nico's expression at those words. The smile that had been forming immediately disappeared. "Why would I want to find anybody else?"
Jason tilted his head to the side, confused, "You should at least look for someone, Nico. You shouldn't want to be alone forever."
"I have y—" Nico's face crumbled. The shadows of the room began to flicker and lengthen until the entire den was dark. When it lightened again, both Nico and Andromeda were gone. Jason immediately jumped to his feet. The door to the master bedroom slammed shut. Jason started to walk down the hallway. "Go away, Grace. I don't want to talk to you." Nico's voice was empty as an abandoned house.
"What did I do?" Jason asked, completely confused.
A tremor ran through the earth, nearly making Jason fall over. "You're no different!" Nico's voice was loud enough to seem amplified. "No different than any of them! You promised that you would stay for as long as I needed! Yet-yet—"
"Nico, I don't know what you are talk about!"
"GO AWAY!" Another tremor, this time larger, shook the house. Jason caught a photograph that was about to fall onto the hardwood floor. He placed it back on the counter and began to put his books into his backpack.
About two hours later, Piper (who had just gotten back to New Rome and had been expecting a nice, relaxing evening) found a very distraught son of Jupiter at her door. Both Leo and Calypso were there to help her unpack and were peering curiously out of the kitchen. Leo let out a low whistle when he took in Jason's state. "You okay, man?"
Jason just buried his head into Piper's shoulder. She sighed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "What happened, Jay?"
"Nico, who else?" Leo said. Calypso shushed him by hitting him over the head. Jason threw him a half-hearted glare and began to explain the situation.
"And then I left, just like he asked." Jason finished, helping himself to another cookie that Calypso had baked. Calypso was busy putting pots of moonlace around the apartment. Leo was tinkering with something in his lap. Piper looked like she had indigestion.
"Jace, you know that I adore you and would never say anything bad about you, right?"
"Um, sure?"
"You are an idiot." She didn't even let him defend himself. She held up a hand and continued, "How long have you and Nico been living together? Two years?"
"Three, but—" Even Calypso's eyes widened at that statement, but Piper cut them off too.
"Okay, Jason, listen here, because I am only going to say this once. At first, we were expecting Nico to try to kill you when you wouldn't leave him alone. But he didn't. After about a month of gritted teeth and praying to our parents, we took a collective breath and revaluated the situation. At first, you two's absolute obliviousness to each other's feelings was cute. Then we got into the second year. It started getting hopeless."
"What do you mean by feelings , I—"
"Jace, you share a double bed with a boy who refuses to be touched by anyone else and has the social skills of road-kill. I am the daughter of Aphrodite; I know romantic relationships when I see them."
Here was where Jason gave a small, almost defeated smile, "I'm not the one that he wants, Piper."
Piper's eyes flashed and she pulled him out of the room, "Look," Here she used his full name, and he had to admire her dedication, because his father didn't even know it, "A part of him may still be in love with Percy, you're right, but it seems to me like he is trying to move on. First loves are always hard to get over. Most people end up carrying at least some of those feelings with them for the rest of their life. I know that I will." Her eyes were wet, but they were hard and determined. Jason wanted to hug her again, but he knew that she probably wouldn't appreciate that. Piper smiled, "Now, you need to go back to him and apologize."
"What did I even do?"
"You insinuated that you wouldn't be together forever."
"Will we?"
"Maybe," Piper sighed, "Nico has abandonment issues that are a mile wide, Sparky, and for good reason. He picks two or three people that he will all but refuse to leave unless they tell him to."
"And I told him to, didn't I?"
"In a twisted way, yeah."
Jason groaned, running a hand through his blond hair.
The apartment was dark when Jason got back. It was also as quiet as a grave. Jason hung up his jacket and walked into the kitchen. He turned on the light, halfway expecting for Nico to just be waiting there in the dark. There was no one at the table. There was no one in the living room. Jason bit at his bottom lip, shivering at the cold. Had he turned the heat down before he left?
Shoulders slumping, the blond walked down the short and narrow hallway to the bedroom. The door was cracked ever so slightly. The little light that that managed to get through showed Jason a room in disarray. Pictures were broken, clothes were lying all about the room and drawers were off their hinges. Nico's mirror had been shattered some of the pieces glinted red. There was a prone form on the bed. Jason rushed into the room with all the tact of a bull in a china-shop. Cold terror had flooded his brain as he reached for his sword.
Something rushed by his right cheek, leaving a burning sensation. Nico was sitting up in bed, his eyes hard and faded. Jason raised a shaky hand to his cheekbone, feeling warm liquid trail down his fingers. When he brought his hand away from his face he saw crimson. He turned back to Nico, shock in his eyes. Nico remained rooted where he was, his skin paler than normal and is eyes wide. Carefully, with far more concentration than necessary, Nico rose to his feet. He swayed where he stood, "I-I thought you," He gave off a small hiccup, "I thought you weren't coming back."
"You're drunk." Jason said, almost dumbstruck. He could count the number of times that Nico got drunk on one hand. All of them were the anniversary of Percy's return to camp when Nico was ten. Nico just scowled at him, swaying where he stood. He raised his hand, and began to mutter something inaudible in Italian. Jason was more focused on the gash that went from one side of Nico's palm to the other. He briskly closed the distance in between them and held up Nico's fist for closer examination. It was too dark to see anything.
It was only when Jason managed to all but drag Nico into the small bathroom that he noticed that the boy's eyes were puffier than normal and red. Jason rubbed his thumb across the young man's face, starting at the bridge of the nose and sweeping outward. He felt the sticky, slightly damp residue before Nico pulled away with a frown. He proceeded to glare at Jason as the blond examined the wound. Thankfully, it wasn't a deep cut. Probably no deeper than the one on his face, which was no more than a scratch. It had only bled a lot because Nico wouldn't stop moving. Jason wrapped an arm around Nico's waist, and placed him on the sink countertop. He got out the peroxide and the first-aid. He quickly fixed himself up before turning his attention to Nico.
Nico pulled away from the peroxide's sting, before returning to glare heatedly at Jason's head as the son of Jupiter began to wrap the cut in gauze. Jason kept his eyes focused on his work; he was reluctant to start this conversation. Nico was quiet for a minute longer, and then he opened his mouth. "I thought you had, hic, left, Grace."
Jason continued to wrap the bandage around Nico's wrist and fingers, "No," he said, "I haven't."
"But you will," Here, Nico's voice turned both dull and sharp and Jason winced, "Everyone always does."
"I promise you that I won't." Jason looked up to meet hazed black eyes that were clearly a very dark brown in the light. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I wasn't clear on what I meant." Nico tilted his head to the side, his entire body following him into the gesture, nearly knocking him off balance.
"What did you meant—mean to say?"
Jason looked back down at the dressed wound, "That I want for you to have someone who you can trust, and who will help you when you need it." He stopped again, steeling his nerves, "And that, if you want, I am willing to be that person."
There was silence; all that filled it was Nico's attempts at calm breathing. There was a splattering of red across his cheeks. He swallowed. "Prove it." He choked out, his hands folding together in such a way that must have been painful.
That threw Jason in for a loop, because if there was one thing that he had learned while living with Nico di Angelo for three years, it was as to respect personal space. So, very, very slowly, without making any sudden movements, he took the Italian's face in his hands. He let his eyes scan over the almost eerily beautiful features, before they settled on dark lips. Nico shuffled around on the counter-top, clearly uncomfortable with the attention.
"Hurry," he hiccupped again, "up." He snapped, trying to look away from the dark blue eyes that could literally see everything that he was thinking. He felt Jason's left thumb skate across his cheekbone as the blond demigod leaned in. Nico could nearly feel sparse hairs on Jason's cupid's bow. He began to close his eyes.
"Are you sure it's okay… if it's me?" Jason whispered, his breath hot on Nico's lips. Jason watched as Nico's eyes flew open, as his expression turned dark. The smaller man pushed the son of Jupiter away with all of his might, only to grab the front of his t-shirt. Nico dragged himself up to the other man, craning his neck up, crashing their lips together in an unexpectedly passionate way that had Jason's head swimming.
There was no movement for a minute, until Jason realized that Nico had no idea what he was doing. Slowly, carefully, Jason began to move his lips, reaching up shakily to run a hand through black waves. Nico's hands were fisted in Jason's shirt, his knuckles were nearly white. Jason smiled slightly into the kiss, leaning down so that Nico could get more comfortable. One of his arms snuck around to Nico's waist to pull him closer. The Ghost King shifted before widening his legs just a few inches to let Jason settle in between them. Jason bit the bullet and gave Nico's bottom lip an experimental lick. Nico jumped, opening his mouth in hesitant invitation. Jason couldn't help but to smile in the kiss.
He felt Nico's hands begin to travel up his neck to intertwine around his neck as he deepened the kiss. Nico began to tremble when Jason's tongue met his own. His fingers tugged gently at blonde locks. A quiet moan lit the air with tension. Jason could feel Nico's long fingers travel down his back only to dip underneath his shirt to feel the hard muscles beneath it. It was his turn to let out a soft sigh of pleasure at the exploring digits. There was no way that this was going to end well if they kept this up. Nico was drunk. Nico was drunk and was more than likely, not going to be happy tomorrow morning. He would probably panic and run if he woke up next to Jason naked and sore.
That thought sobered Jason up immediately. He brought his hands up to Nico's cheek and slowed the kiss. If the muffled protests and fervent nips were anything to go by, Nico was not happy with this progression. "Jason," he whimpered (Oh yes, Nico was completely smashed, no way on Demeter's green earth would he whimper voluntarily). "Jace—" His hands curled around the back of Jason's neck.
Jason broke off the kiss reluctantly; he pressed their forehead together so that he could look straight into deep brown eyes, eyes that were misted but at the same time so genuine. "We can't keep this up, Nico." Man, his voice was wrecked. How long had they been kissing?
Nico giggled, a wide smile edging up his lips in a way that was as beautiful as it was just plain weird. "But you are back, Jason, il mio cielo, il mio amore." Jason wasn't sure if the swooping feeling in his gut was due to the fact that Nico was all but purring Italian to him, or the fact that he figured out what those words meant. Either way, he couldn't help but press a gentle kiss to the tip of Nico's nose.
The Italian smiled and clung to Jason's jacket. The blond returned his smile, hesitant to do anything that would break them out of the trance that they were in. "We should go to bed." He whispered.
Nico's eyes widened, "Propositioning me before our first, hic, date, Jason Grace? My, I didn't know that you had it in you." His smile widened to a tipsy grin, "Fine, hic, do what you will to me, Don Giovanni."
"There will be no 'doing' of anybody tonight if I have anything to say about it." Jason mumbled to himself, his face flushed red. Nico raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him.
"Even so, you are going to have to carry me where you want for me to go." He hiccupped and swayed, "After all, yur—you are one of the reasons I'm like this." He yawned as Jason winced.
"I'm sorry." The blond whispered.
Nico frowned, "Don't apologize for something you have limited control over." He proceeded to wrap his arms tighter around Jason's neck and buried his face in his shirt. "Like I said before, everyone always leaves."
"I won't. I promise you, I won't."
The morning light was harsh to Jason's eyes. He groaned, and pulled the covers tighter around himself. He reached beneath them, trying to find Nico, because the smaller man was a furnace when he slept. All he felt was cold mattress. Jason shot up in bed, his eyes alert and his hair wild. The shower was on. While that eased some of his panic, it did nothing to alleviate it. He threw the covers off and shakily stood up. It only took him three steps to get to the bathroom door and once he was there, he knocked incessantly. "Go away, Grace." Nico responded, his voice a dismal reminder of how he had been when Jason had left the Jackson's house.
"Nico, I'm going to come in, okay?" When there was no answer, Jason opened the door. Steam came rushing out. Nico was sitting on the bath mat, his back resting against the shower curb. His knees were drawn up to his chest and his arms were wrapped around them. His face was hidden from view. "Nico," Jason whispered.
"Don't." The Ghost King hissed, "Don't talk to me right now."
"What did I do? What can I do to fix it? I—"
"It's fine."
"No it's not! If it was then you wouldn't be hiding in the bathroom!" Jason reached out to lift Nico's chin so he could see his eyes.
"It was a mistake!" Nico shouted, recoiling from Jason's touch. "A big damn bloody mistake, I know! I know, alright?! I get it! Who the fuck would want to be with a person who is not only a son of Hades, but is also a frocio?!" At the last word, he broke down, drawing in upon himself like a child expecting to be hit. "I get it," He said, his voice cracking, "I understand. Just… just go away."
Jason just came closer until he was kneeling in front of the other man. "Do you remember what I said last night?" Black eyes met his with a hesitance and fear that he had only seen in them twice before. "I want to be that person, Nico."
"Why?" The question sounded so puzzled, so absolutely bewildered that Jason had to grimace.
"Because I am just as messed up as you are." At that statement Nico scoffed and looked like he was going to start arguing when Jason held up a hand. "I am." He whispered, "I literally need to have someone beside me at all times, someone who can look at me and remind me that I am not supposed to be perfect. If I don't, I'll forget that and beat myself up whenever I do something wrong." He took a deep breath and continued, "When I look at you, I don't see another nameless person who I need to save and keep safe. I-I mean, I want you to stay safe, but… I don't need to show off around you because you can see through that. You're just… you, and I care about you. I want to stay here, with you. I never want to let you go." When he finished talking, he found that Nico was shaking.
"You don't know what you are getting into, you—"
"Have lived with you for close to three years and have found nothing wrong enough to make me even think of leaving."
"Damn it, Grace," There was a desperate and pleading glint in Nico's eyes. "Don't make me be the one. My name is tarnished enough as it is. Don't make me be the one who will live on in infamy as the man who led the camps' golden boy astray. Don't make me have to deal with more sneers and disgusted looks. Please."
Jason had to smile just a little at that, "You aren't leading me anywhere, Nico. The only disgusted looks that people are sending you are the ones who have realized that you have worn that jacket of yours for about ten years now."
Nico jumped up, his eyes flashing with a manic glint, "You think this is funny, Grace?! You, you—"
"I'm trying to get you to relax." Jason cut him off, "I mean, in Jupiter's name, Nico, we live in a Greco-Roman society. All of the famous heroes were bi at least! Most of the gods have had homosexual relationships! Come on, look at my dad! He kidnaped a baby and made him into his boy-toy who occasionally filled his wine goblet because he was pretty! No one is judging you for being what you are, expect yourself!"
Nico just stood there, staring down at the blond. His lips moved but no sound came out. His arms came back up to wrap around his torso. "H-How can you be so open about it?"
Jason sighed and got to his feet, "I'll be the first to admit that you have every right to be afraid. I've read about how Fascist Italy dealt with people who were fearless enough to love who they loved. I can't comprehend it all, but I can sympathize with you at least." He walked up to the Italian. He ran his thumb down Nico's cheekbone until it rested at the corner of his lip. This time Nico didn't pull away or yell. He just stood there, transfixed. "But you have to realize, this is not then. Our world, while not perfect, is far different. It's more accepting. If you don't want to go public, fine. If you don't even want to be in a relationship, I'll understand. I'll give you some space. But, just, please, realize that this time is different and stop tearing yourself up for being who you are. It hurts me to see you like this."
"I'm too broken, Jason. I can't even make myself eat some days. The only reason that I haven't ended it all is because I am terrified of death. Can't you see that?" Nico mumbled, all the fight his features. All that was left was sadness and perhaps just a glimmer of hope.
Jason breathed out a small sigh, "I know. I also know that I can't fix you. I still want to try, though. Maybe we can salvage something."
Nico just continued to stare at Jason as though the blond man was an angel that he could see but not comprehend. "You want to try?"
"That is what I just said." Jason said, a small and hopeful smile gracing his lips. Once again, it was Nico who bridged the gap between them.
Everyone was taking part in the annual Jackson Christmas Party. Leo, with the help of Travis and Conner Stoll, had managed to spike the eggnog twice, much to Calypso's annoyance. Clarisse la Rue was sharing war-stories with Frank, who had joined the army last fall. Hazel was helping Annabeth by putting up last minute decorations. Piper had surprised everyone by arriving with Renya, who she kissed passionately the minute that she got her underneath one of the mistletoe traps that Grover and Jupiter had set up.
When Nico and Jason appeared at the door, everyone went quiet. There was still a bit of tension in the air from the last meeting a week ago. Nico looked at everyone in the eye, almost defiant. In a quick blink and you miss it moment, he pecked Jason on the cheek before going to find Percy to make sure he wasn't burning the food. Jason blushed when everyone began to cheer.
"Well," Piper said, "Aren't you two the life of the party?" She nudged Jason with a smile. He grinned at her.
"Wait for next year. I'm planning to propose to him to give Jackson a taste of his own medicine. I'll have already done it privately and run the plan by him, of course."
Piper could only laugh as she watched Nico drag Jason off to find Andromeda again. "Of course." She muttered to herself as she leaned against Reyna.