Author's Note: Warning! This story is NOT canon. Please read author's profile before continuing, lest you be annoyed at this AU. Also, this is the fourth story in the series, and knowledge of the first three is assumed without summarizing here. Lastly, I am continuing the punctuation convention of using asterisks to denote mental conversations. Personal thoughts and dialog with God remain in italics.

Chapter 1

Kirk found himself in a room whose sole occupant was seated at a table in the center of the room. There had been no sensations he would have associated with dying, but perhaps the creature had been able to kill him painlessly. He looked down at himself, but could see no apparent change in his body. Seeking information, he stepped toward the seated figure. At his approach, the figure rose and stood facing him.

Kirk's first impression was that this was friend not foe, but he wasn't sure why he thought that. Tall and slender, he was basically humanoid in shape, with pointed ears. But the thing that shocked Kirk was the massive scar tissue where he would have expected eyes. This man could not see. Curbing his own need, Kirk instinctively sought to satisfy the other's unspoken need.

"Would you like to see me by touch?" he asked.

"I regret that I am still not fluent in Klingon."

"My apologies." Kirk reverted to Standard. "I have been thinking in Klingon for months." He repeated the question in Standard.

"I do not think you understand what you are suggesting."

"Possibly. Nevertheless, the offer stands."

"You are kind, but I will not take advantage of your ignorance. Please, sit down."

They sat.

"Then perhaps you can alleviate my ignorance by answering a few questions, starting with, am I dead or alive? Where am I? And who are you?" Kirk stopped with those three, even though his curiosity was prompting dozens more.

"You are definitely alive. I apologize for the deception, but it was necessary to give the Klingons a reason for your departure. Further explanation will have to wait until I am certain that you are who I believe you to be."

"But you don't want to touch me to find out?"

"I do, but what you mean by touch is not what I mean. I must also ascertain the state of your mind. Finally I must secure your agreement to participate in a mission which will be decidedly unpleasant, and from which survival is by no means guaranteed."

Kirk snorted, "Surely you're joking!"

"I assure you, it is not a joke."

"That is not the criteria I would use to judge a mission, and if you think you know who I am, you should know that. Furthermore, I have just come from circumstances which were anything but pleasant, and for months I have lived with the prospect of imminent death. Incidentally, am I to infer that if I refuse your mission, you will return me to Konti?"

"That would be difficult, but if you insist, yes."

"I cannot give you my agreement without more information. But let's come back to that. What do you mean by touch? What do you want to know about the state of my mind? And how can I help you be certain of my identity?"

"Answer these questions, if you will. For how many nights did you hang by the neck in the corridor of an enemy vessel and discuss theology with a friend?"

"One." Kirk's attention was riveted.

"At the end of that night, what did that friend do?"

"He took thirty years of my memories."

"Would you still call him friend?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Would you submit to a similar violation of your mind by the same friend?"

"Yes, but you'll have a hard time convincing him to do it. It was bad enough the first time."

"I am now 99% certain of your identity. No one else would have answered these questions as you have. But I must still determine whether your mind has been further tampered with. I know of only one way to find out."

"If you have a mindsifter type of device, feel free; I have nothing to hide."

"This is more personal than a mindsifter. It is my mind directly probing yours. I believe I can do this without damaging your mind, but I cannot promise it won't be painful."

"What's a little pain between friends," Kirk murmured.

"You call me friend?"

"Any friend of Spock's is a friend of mine."

"If you are willing, please guide my hand to your face."

Kirk felt the slender fingers touch his face, and suddenly there was a presence in his mind. He reached out to welcome it and encountered a brick wall.

*I know it is not fair, but I must know you without letting you know me.*

*I don't mind. You're welcome to see whatever you like.*

The voice was hauntingly familiar, but Kirk didn't stop to analyze. He was too intrigued with the probing process. The probe covered every nook and cranny of Kirk's mind. It didn't hurt, though Kirk supposed it might if he had been trying to resist it. Finally, after skirting the edge of the aching void repeatedly, the probe stopped on the edge of the abyss.

*I must,* the voice said simply.

*Go ahead.* Kirk knew what he meant.

The probe plunged deeply into the hole half a dozen times. Kirk suffered the agony in silence, without even a mental scream. As Kirk welcomed the pain, he felt the presence embrace it as well. Suddenly the brick wall dissolved in a mist of tears.

*I am Spock!* the voice cried. *I did this to you!*

*Spock!* Kirk's voice was a cry of joy. *It's really you! I thought I'd never see you again - never have a chance to tell you how grateful I am for what you did. Because of you, I could face it without fear, knowing they could not get what wasn't there. Thank you, Spock.*

*There are consequences you do not yet know. We have much to discuss.*

Spock withdrew and Kirk just stared in amazement. Spock's form was so unlike what he had imagined, it would take some getting used to.

"Why-" Kirk stopped. "It's not important."

"Please ask. No question is frivolous."

"I wondered why you didn't just probe my mind to begin with. I would not have tried to stop you."

"I know. In our many years' association, you have never refused me entrance. On more than one occasion, you have been decidedly annoyed at my insistence on quoting the negative consequences. But mostly you have understood the reason I require informed consent. To do otherwise would be a misuse of power.

"I too have a question. I am somewhat surprised that you did not guess my identity."

Kirk laughed. "I was completely thrown off by your appearance. After you left, I had no memory of your form. I knew you could not be human. I imagined a very non-human shape. I am still adjusting to the fact that you have two arms and two legs, just like me."

"I am half human. Most consider me to be all Vulcan. You are one of a few who have understood my divided nature. But know this: no Vulcan would willingly do what I did to you."

"As I recall, you weren't very willing either. You mentioned other consequences."

"The mission I spoke of cannot succeed without your participation. That is the reason we retrieved you from the Klingons. An essential ingredient is the presence of three scars on your chest."

"I have lots of scars on my chest. Which ones are you talking about?"

"If you will remove your upper garments, I can verify that they are still visible."

"I'm not wearing any garments, upper or lower. Here, give me your hand."

Kirk guided Spock's hand to his chest, where Spock easily found the three long, thin scars he was looking for.

"That is good. Recreating these scars would have been exceedingly difficult. Unfortunately, you do not remember how you got those scars. Your lost memories make the odds of success rather low, although you are functioning a good deal better than I was afraid you might be.

"There is another aspect to the problem that I must tell you, but first a question. Have you accomplished the purpose for which you went to the Klingons, or will you wish to return?"

"I believed all along that my work there would end in death, and thanks to your snake monster, they think it did. Konti gave his life to the Lord several weeks ago; Koh became a Christian less than a week ago. So I was not entirely surprised to find that the day of my death had come. As to whether I should return, I would wait for God-ordained circumstances. If He orchestrates it, I would willingly return, but I would not try to engineer it."

"A wise answer. It makes what I have to say marginally easier. When I took your memories, I did not expect to see you again. Nevertheless, I did not destroy those memories. I have kept them locked deep inside my mind. It was my intention to keep them until I was certain of your death. I would then have taken them to Vulcan where they could be preserved." Spock paused, looking almost uncomfortable.

He subtly straightened his back and continued. "However, as time passed, I discovered an almost irresistible temptation to indulge myself by visiting your memories. Such tampering would have corrupted the original. I could not permit myself to do that, so I created a lock on those memories that cannot be broken without endangering my life.

"If my life were all that was at stake, I would gladly risk it in order to give you back your memories. Your life would also be at stake, but I can well imagine that you would choose to risk it in order to be whole again. But there is more at stake than our own lives. An entire civilization and many lives with it rest on the success of this mission.

"Therefore it is my recommendation that we attempt this mission without restoring your memories. If we survive it, I will journey with you to Vulcan, where there are those trained to help in such situations as this. But the decision is yours."

"I should imagine Starfleet has something to say about it," Kirk objected.

"All who join this mission do so as volunteers."

"So they don't expect any of us to survive it."

"Possibly, but the reason for volunteer status is because it is outside Federation jurisdiction."

"An espionage mission, then."

"No, it does not concern any known enemies. We are being asked to do this as a favor to potential allies."

"So it does carry the Starfleet stamp of approval."

"Yes, although because of its nature, the mission carries no specific orders or restrictions. All decisions must be made by you, and you alone. Starfleet has often relied on your judgment during crises where quick decisions must be made."

Kirk frowned. "Does Starfleet know I've lost thirty years of experience upon which that judgment was based?"

"No, they do not. I thought it inadvisable to advertise that what we had done was possible, especially since I don't know that it could be duplicated."

"Konti's superiors never did believe it, even after three rounds with the mindsifter. But let's come back to something else you said. If the decisions are all mine, that sounds like I'm in charge of this mission. I don't mind being in charge of myself, but I got the impression there were others as well."

"Six altogether, including myself, will be under your command."

"Including you?! But-" Kirk was speechless for a moment as he tried to assimilate this idea and why it felt wrong. "You take orders from me? But you have twice the mental capacity that I have. And I'm sure I felt as if we were equals."

"One of your great strengths as a leader is the ability to treat everyone under your command as an equal, while in no wise diminishing your authority or responsibility. I have willingly taken your orders for years. I can command when it is necessary, but I have long preferred the interaction that is possible when you command."

"You sound as though you would willingly continue that precedent in spite of my incapacity."

"It is absolutely essential that you command this mission regardless of your ability or lack of it. Without you, there will be no mission. But it may interest you to note that I have already secured a leave of absence in order to undertake this mission."

"So the need is great, or you wouldn't be asking. And even though the odds of success are low, they're greater than the odds of surviving an attempt to retrieve my memories."

There was silence between them for a long moment. Six lives, Kirk thought, resting on Spock's opinion that I can do this. It was like him not to count his own. Six lives against an entire civilization. There really was no question what he should do.

"Okay. Count me in. Apparently God isn't through with me yet. At least, I'm not likely to be bored."

"Thank you. I cannot guarantee you won't regret it, but I am grateful." He tilted his head upward. "First, we have agreement. Take us to Enterprise, if you would please."

"Certainly. Arrival in approximately ten minutes. And may I also express my gratitude. Your willingness to attempt the impossible continues to astound me."

"And who, may I ask, are you?" Kirk inquired politely.

"I'm your snake monster." The voice chuckled before the speaker went dead.

"I'm glad he has a sense of humor."

"Indeed. It is his people we are going to help."

"What is Enterprise, and what happens when we get there?"

"It is a Federation vessel. We will be stopping there briefly to pick up the other five volunteers. Also, you have to pass a medical exam. The chief medical officer has the authority to declare you unfit to command this mission."

"Then we're sunk before we start!" Kirk protested.

"Not necessarily. He already knows of your memory loss. He also knows that since this is a volunteer mission, we can all choose to go anyway, regardless of his verdict. The medical exam is largely a formality that permits him to see you first. He is one of your closest friends, and he cares deeply."

"Do the volunteers know about my memory loss?"

"As yet, only Dr. McCoy knows."

"Then we don't leave Enterprise until everyone understands the situation, and has an opportunity to back out."

"As you wish, Captain."

"You call me Captain?"

"Usually. When the conversation is very personal, I have addressed you as Jim. The others call you Captain, except for Dr. McCoy, who calls you Jim. You call him Bones, except in formal situations."

"How much do the others know about this mission? Have they been briefed?"

"Only in very general terms. It was unknown whether we could retrieve you, or what condition you would be in. They have agreed to come without knowing a great deal more than you do."

"You must be very persuasive."

"I do not believe so. Your decision was not based on my persuasion, nor were theirs. We all hold similar values, and our decisions are based on what we believe to be right, regardless of personal cost. You have personally exemplified that moral code for all the others for many years."

"Just how many years have I known these people?"

"The seven of us have worked together for most of the past twenty years."

"Twenty years! That seems like a long time for the typical Starfleet career path. Most people move from post to post much more frequently."

"We are not most people. Starfleet has permitted it because of the results we have achieved. No one set out to create this unique group, but we have functioned so well in crisis after crisis, that they cannot deny the value of our continued work together. We know each other so well that each knows what the others would do in any given situation."

"And I don't know any of them. I hardly know you!"

"You know what is most important - that I serve Jesus, just as you do; that I have been, and always will be, your friend; and that I will do what I have to, regardless of the cost to me, to you, or to our friendship."

Kirk was a little surprised at this transparently emotional summary, but instinctively sensed the truth of Spock's words. He also knew Spock wouldn't appreciate any effusive gratitude for being that open, so he tried to simply accept it and go on. "Yes, but how is it possible to lead such a group as you describe, when I no longer know any of you?"

"The same way you have always done - just be yourself."

First interrupted the conversation. "Approaching Enterprise now, Spock."

Spock's communicator beeped.

"Enterprise to Spock. Come in please." The voice was female.

"Spock here, Commander. Phase I successfully completed. You may inform Dr. McCoy that his patient eagerly awaits him."

"Ha! That'll be the day!" She laughed. "But I'll tell him. The rest of us are ready whenever you give the word."

"Thank you, Commander. Spock out."

"I take it I have a reputation regarding medical exams," Kirk deduced.

"Indeed. A well-known reputation."

"Based on what?"

"You dislike being nagged to lose weight. You are frustrated that your body cannot do what it could thirty years ago. Lastly you dislike being fussed over. Your standard response to any injury, large or small, is to ignore it."

"Well, some things haven't changed."

"I suspect you will find that very little has changed. And what has changed will be due to things you have learned during your stay with the Klingons. Incidentally, a word of warning: Dr. McCoy is the best doctor in the Fleet, but he does like to fuss."

At that moment, McCoy materialized with black bag in hand.