Let's just say; Riku had other problems to worry about other than the talk of the birds and the bees. -Dedication to Soraslilangel-
Side story to O.L.V!! Huzzah! It's fairly Riku-centric.
Don't you ever wonder about Riku and his kid Kadaj? Well, now you will!
Anyways, -cough- I'd like to dedicate this one-shot side-story to Jessie who really helped me plan out O.L.V from start to finish. I don't think it would've done as well as it did without any of her help, so kudos to Jessie! And Happy one year friendship anniversary to you too!
Disclaimer - Uh…it ain't right of me to use Axel's quote with a one-shot that doesn't even INVOLVE said red head. So no.
And well, if I owned Kingdom Hearts, let say that the game would be pretty fucking long. And well…-shrug- pretty long…Wouldn't you agree?
You know what they say about being a parent. It's tough work. You never get a lunch break or even a break for that matter, and even if you do, it'll end up getting interrupted half way in between and you'll be forced back into work.
It's constant. Day in, day out. Mornings, afternoons, nights. Twenty four hours, seven days a week, three-hundred and sixty five days a year, fifty two weeks, twelve months. You never get a break.
There is no break.
Sure looking after a baby is tough work, but you gotta pull yourself through it, because you know in the end, all your effort and love and care is going to pay off and it's going to be so worth it.
I tried to convince myself that as I try and appease the baby that's crying in my arms.
"Shh…don't cry." I coo softly as I rub the small of the baby's back; a small attempt to help settle whatever is bothering the child. It doesn't work, but after a while, you can feel the baby grow calmer and is soon drifting off into sleep.
It's tough, really tough. Straining, draining, and tiring. But hey, there're some good times too.
In one of those rare moments when the baby gurgles happily or laughs at nothing in particular, you can't help but just smile in return.
And when the baby sleeps, you feel relieved and for a moment, all the burdens on your shoulders are lifted off for a second and you smile in thanks.
I continued to smile softly as I gazed down at my baby boy sleeping in the cot, all tucked in by his blankets and surrounded by toys. I leaned down, my forehead bumping into the mobile animals that hung over the cot, and kissed the baby's forehead.
"Sweet dreams."
For a moment, I don't think. I can't think.Because my mind is suddenly so quiet, there're no noises about the place, and once I settle into my own bed, I fall into some much needed sleep.
Being a parent is tough work. Being a single parent is even harder. Sure there're some times when I just want to quit and give up and never return again, but I pull myself through, with the help of my friends, and I tell myself that I won't abandon him. Not like she did.
I won't do that to Kadaj. He needs me. More than ever now that his own mother is gone.
But that's an entirely different story altogether; best left for a later time. But for now, sleep is on the agenda.
"Hey look, isn't that cute? They're both asleep."
"Yeah, maybe we should leave. He looks tired."
"I feel bad for him. He's trying so hard."
"He's Riku, he likes to make things hard for himself."
He heard laughter, but soon, it faded away to nothing, and his subconscious dove back into slumber.
"Dad…?"
"Yes?"
"Why don't I have a mommy?"
Riku paused as he was doing the dishes and felt a tug on his pants. He wasn't sure how he should explain something like this.
Another tug, "All the other kids have mommies, why don't I have one?"
He could feel the little bubbles on his hand pop and send little vibrations up his arm. It took him a while before he composed himself and started doing the dishes again, "…Well…"
Another tug, "Can we go get one? I want one."
Riku laughed a little and turned to smile down at the boy who was staring up at him with mimicking aquamarine eyes, "Um…" he really wasn't sure how to go about the situation in subtle terms.
Right now he was thinking, 'Your mother didn't--' but he stopped himself before he thought too far and returned his gaze back to the dishes in front of him still needing to be cleaned.
Right now, Kadaj was still too young. He wasn't old enough to understand, but maybe, one day, they'll talk about this properly. A day he sort of dreaded, yet at the same time, wished would come sooner so he wouldn't have to keep on avoiding these awkward moments with the small boy.
Another tug, "Daddy?"
"I'll tell you when you're older." he reasoned as he turned on the tap and washed away the suds that piled up on his hands and on the dishes.
A frown, followed by another tug, "Why?"
He sighed softly and decided to leave the dishes for a little later, "Daddy feels a little tired right now ok?" he reasoned as he wiped his wet hands on the sides of his pants and leaned down to pick the boy up.
Looking disappointed, but loving the feeling of being so high, Kadaj didn't mind the excuse and merely nodded, "Ok."
"Do you want to go visit auntie Kairi and uncle Sora?" the silver haired boy asked, as a sort of bribe for the little one to forget about the question, as they moved out of the kitchen and into the living room where a majority of toys were strewn about the floor, tables and couches.
Forgetting his earlier troubles, the small boy laughed happily and waved his arms in the air, "Yay! Can we? Can we?" he asked excitedly.
Riku laughed as he set the boy down and started packing some toys away to bring over to a certain crimson haired girl's home.
A shrill laughter rang through the air closely followed by a slightly deeper voice happily playing in the living room.
Riku watched with tired eyes and a smile as he sat in the dining room looking into the now messy living room of his friends' home, his tea cup lay forgotten at his finger tips, the liquid having long already gone cold.
A moment was noticed from beside him, but he continued to watch his son play with his best friend, Sora.
"Are you ok Riku? You haven't even touched your tea." a voice asked.
He ignored the question, and asked another in return, a weary smile on his face, "Kadaj asked me why he didn't have a mother today after we had lunch." he spoke, quiet enough to be missed by the two boys in the living room but loud enough for the crimson haired girl to hear.
She seemed worried, evident through her eyebrows drawn together and the slight worried frown on her lips, "What did you say?" she asked quietly.
He sighed, feeling as though he had been through his conversation many times before when in actuality, he had only thought to himself about it, "What was I supposed to say to a kid? He's not old enough to understand." he pointed out and watched as the brunet whisked the little boy up and tossed him a small distance in the air.
Laughter rang throughout the whole house.
The crimson haired girl nodded her head in understanding and turned to watch her living room turn into a bomb site.
"You're going to have to tell him eventually." she spoke softly, her gaze never leaving the little boy as he continued to run around in circles with a toy in both hands.
Riku sighed again and turned to his barely touched cup of tea, "I know…" he paused, as though contemplating his next words, "Just…not now."
She nodded her head again in understanding.
He furrowed his eyebrows together, feeling the burden of the world rest on his shoulders once again, "It's too soon Kairi."
She looked at his best friend with worried eyes, feeling guilty and bad about the situation. She wasn't sure how to help. What else could she do other than to provide some support and a distraction for Riku every once in a while?
He smiled, letting a quiet chuckle escape his lips, "He asked if we could go get one."
Kairi returned the smile, finding what the silver haired boy said to be funny, "That's cute."
If only it was as easy as going shopping to find the perfect mother.
Riku nodded and picked up his cold tea cup, swirling it around before raising it to his lips, "Yeah…"
Even though he was only twenty, never in his life had he felt so old and worn. Never in his life had he felt so ready to just retire. He just wanted to rest, nothing more than just some rest.
"Kairi…" he started, his lips touching the cold rim of the tea cup, "I don't know what to do." he spoke softly, the effect of his words rippling over the cool surface of the subtly flavored water.
She turned to him, worry evident in her normally happy features, "What do you mean?"
"I don't know how much longer I can do this, being a single parent I mean…" he could feel the weight on his shoulder fluctuate with every word he spoke. Sometimes, it grew heavier, while others, it seemed to lift off for a bare second before falling back on. "Sure I have help, from you, Zex, mum and dad and everybody else. But…" he spoke as he placed his tea cup back down onto the saucer with a shaky hand, "He's still my kid. One I have to look after myself, but it's just so damn hard." his voice shook just a little.
A piece of weight coming off his shoulders, two more piling on in its place.
"Riku," she started softly as she placed a reassuring hand on the silver haired boy's shoulder. It felt weightless compared to everything else on there, "You have us, you're not alone."
The sound of Sora laughing along side Kadaj penetrated through the air, and he had no idea why he had ever felt alone when in truth, he was never alone.
But still, sometimes, he couldn't help but feel as though he was the only one alive in the world filled with nothing but burdens, "I know, but…" he lost his place, unable to find the right words to describe exactly how he was feeling, "Dammit, it's just so hard." he couldn't help but feel slightly pathetic due to his whining.
But Kairi seemed to understand his dilemma and merely stood as a support and lent him a ear whenever he needed it.
He sighed, the air sounding shaky, "Having to go through everyday and avoid the subject of why he doesn't have a mother," he paused and stared down helplessly as his empty hands, "He feels left out because it's always just me, and my parents and my brother and he's always asking 'Where's mother? Why don't I have a mother?'" he never knew being a parent would be this troublesome and started to feel horrible about the turbulent times when he was a teenager and started to rebel against his loving mother and father.
Kairi watched helplessly, and began to feel horrible that there wasn't anything else she could do to help ease the silver haired boy's burden. Because if she could, she would.
He took in a shaky breath and continued, feeling the weight fly off and build back on constantly as he talked, "I'm always just telling him, 'I'll tell you next time, I'm feeling tired.'" and almost as though he had snapped, he buried his face in his empty hands and mumbled his next words, "God I hate avoiding this, I wish I could just tell him." and then he laughed softly, bitterly, "But he's only a four-year old kid, how much would be understand?" he asked to no one in particular as he watched his son, one he hadn't been ready for, continue to play and make a mess in the living room with his best friend. "He's a smart kid, and I'm really proud of him, but…"
"Riku, shh." she hushed him, "You're worrying too much," much like how her own mother would sometimes, "Just try and relax a little," she suggested, but almost immediately knew that her advice would be thrown out the window and forgotten, "You're only nineteen."
He frowned, more like a pout actually, as he turned to the crimson haired girl beside him, "I'm twenty…"
She blushed, feeling a little embarrassed as she laughed softly, "Oh, right. I forgot."
Riku merely rolled his eyes, took it in stride and turned back to Kadaj and Sora, their activities slowing down just a little. They probably tired themselves out already.
He sighed softly, remembering the time when Kadaj was just a new born baby. He held him in his arms, safe and warm. And the little baby had stared up at him curiously with the same colored eyes and a silver, almost white, fuzz of hair.
He remembered the mother.
A mother who was gone before it even began…
"Hey…" he cooed softly and tickled the skin of the baby's cheek.
The baby merely made gurgling noises, opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, and blinked owlishly.
He was really cute.
"What should we name him?" he asked softly, as to not suddenly scare the little baby boy in his arms.
"…I don't--" there was a slight pause in her words.
"You don't know either huh?"
"…No, Riku. That's not--" she paused again, uncertainty lacing her words but going unnoticed by the silver haired boy.
"That's ok, we can take our time." he spoke and continued to coo at the boy, bouncing him just a little with each step he took around the hospital bed.
"No, Riku." there was a tone of urgency in her voice now, and the said person looked up to see her. "I don't--" she paused again, trying to be careful with her words but failing, "I don't want him."
He stopped walking, feeling the need to unplug his ears. Had he heard right? "What?"
"I don't want him Riku." she was much too young, much too young.
"I thought we were going to do this together." he spoke, worry evident in his voice and his features as he stepped closer to the bed, the baby still in his arms.
"It's too much." her voice shook. Was she doing the right thing? "I changed my mind Riku. I can't do this." she shook her head, looking away from the pleading look of the silver haired boy, "It's too painful," she whispered.
He didn't understand. Why was she doing this? "But the painful part's already over." he tried to convince her with a smile, despite its lop-sidedness.
She slammed her fists onto the mattress, her action not going unnoticed, but the sounds, deaf, "It's not!!" she almost screamed.
The baby started to make more noises, close to being in tears, looking frightful and scared.
What could he do? What was he supposed to do? Why did she want to leave? "I…" He doesn't understand why.
She shook her head again, "I don't want this Riku, I'm too young." she reasoned, "I'm only sixteen."
He didn't understand, "Me too, but you don't see me wanting to abandon a baby." a baby which was only just a few days old.
She frowned, unhappy about the situation, "Then you can keep him." she spoke as she gingerly got off the bed, her legs and her back sore, "I don't want him."
He could feel his anger flaring, but he held back, for the sake of not disturbing and scaring the baby boy. He trailed after her as she began to pack her things that her mother brought over from home into her bags, "Look, you can't just throw--"
"DON'T MAKE ME INTO THE BAD GUY HERE!" she screamed as she turned around to the silver haired boy. The one who caused it all to happen.
Frightened by the sudden noise, the baby began to cry and wail, all the while kicking and screaming in his arms. He didn't know what to do, wasn't sure how to react to her and the baby at the same time.
She continued to pack her things away, unhindered by the silver haired boy who was cooing away softly at the baby in a small attempt to calm the little boy down.
"Shh, shh."
She zipped up her bags, quickly, and somewhat carefully, slipped into a new change of clothes and prepared to leave.
He spotted her just as she walked to the door of the hospital bedroom, "Wait, Xion, you can't do this." he whispered harshly, all the while trying to appease the baby boy in his arms.
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This isn't what they had planned. Why was she doing this? To him? To them. To the both of them.
She turned and glared into aquamarine eyes, as though daring him to stop her from leaving, "Watch me."
"Xion!!"
How was he supposed to tell a four-year old boy that his mother didn't want him? He wouldn't understand. He's too young to.
He frowned at the memory and quickly shoved it to the very back of his mind before any other appeared, but as they said, one door closes, another opens.
"Riku?" he heard a voice call to him.
But he was lost in thoughts.
Times were slow, times were fast, and by the time he slowed down enough to take notice of it, he was two years older and Kadaj just reached the milestone of being alive for two years.
Kadaj was young, and he was reckless, much like any child was. But the only thing that's missing, was his mother.
Aquamarine eyes watched as his boy ran around with chubby legs and a toothy smile, playing with other kids around his age at the kindergarten.
"Riku?" a familiar voice asked suddenly.
He turned around, still with a smile on his face, but it promptly fell off as soon as he caught sight of the speaker. His mind turned into a horrible blank.
He didn't know how long he had been staring for, but the sound of Kadaj laughing shrilly in the background woke him up from the trance, "Xion, what're you--"
"How is he?" she asked, her tone worried, filled with urgency.
He paused, unsure how to answer.
She could just look behind him and she'd be able to see for herself. But why she preferred to ask him, he had no idea why, although a little part of him felt that the question was half directed to him as well.
He turned away, his eyes barely focusing back on the little boy running around the mini playground, "He's fine…"
The laughing had stopped, and another figure, looking tired and breathless, sat by the dining table with a plop on the chair.
"I managed to tire Kadaj enough that he fell asleep on the couch." the brunet spoke as he yanked the cold cup of tea from the silver haired boy's finger tips and drank the whole thing down.
He hummed, a small smile of thank playing on his lips, "Thanks Sora." and then slowly got up, walked over to the little boy who was sprawled out on the couch, one hand still tightly holding onto one of his favorite toys. He kissed the crown of the boy's head before returning to sit at the dining table with his two other friends. "Thanks for letting me come over."
"No problemo." the brunet grinned as he waved a hand in front of his face, a small attempt to cool down faster. "What were you guys talking about anyway?" he asked curiously as he made a move to pour himself another cup which was barely lukewarm.
"Never you mind Sora." Kairi smiled and noticed from the corner of her eyes, Riku getting up from his chair again after sitting back down on it seconds ago.
"I guess I better get going huh?" he spoke as he walked back into the living room and started to pack away Kadaj's toys back into the bag. They didn't seem to fit as well as they did before.
"You don't have to go just yet." Sora spoke as he got up after the silver haired boy and picked up one of the toys that were nearby.
"Yeah, I know, but now, no thanks to you, I'll have to go home and prepare the bath for Kadaj." he reasoned as he turned back to the brunet and smirked.
Sora took it in stride and returned the smirk with a smile, "Hey, at least you got yourself a break right?"
He laughed, "Yeah." and smiled as he picked up the bag and slung it over his shoulder and walked over to his son still sprawled out on the couch, "I'll see you guys next time."
The brunet nodded, "Yup, don't be a stranger now." he smiled as he handed back the toy which the silver haired boy merely tucked it into his pocket.
He scoffed, "Like you're one to talk. You don't even live here." he pointed out as he gently bent over and picked up the little boy in his arms and heaved slightly. Kadaj wasn't as light as he used to be when he was younger.
Soon, they were saying their goodbyes at the door, Sora waving happily, and Kairi trying to smile and be happy but failing.
"Don't look at me like that Kai, you're making me feel bad." he sighed and shook his head. Maybe it had been a bad idea telling her his woes.
"Riku…" the crimson haired girl started again, feeling the need to say something, "It's all going to work out for the better." she didn't want to promise, because she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to fulfill it. She could only hope that it would get better.
He smiled, and nodded, "I know." was all he said as he continued to hold onto the little boy in his arms and walked away, ready for the day to end.
Times were slow, times were fast, and by the time Riku finally decided to take a breather, he suddenly realized that he was thirty-two, and his son, his teenage son, was all grown up. Almost anyway.
How time flies without him noticing until it's already gone by.
He had been doing the dishes, rotating the plate in one hand and brushing the soaked sponge over it with the other. Just as he was done with the dirty dishes and was about to wash the soap and suds off, Kadaj, who had been busy doing his homework in the dining room, suddenly piped up.
"Hey dad?"
Riku hummed a reply as he turned the tap on and began to run the soapy dishes under the running water.
"You know, at first, I didn't understand." he started.
He assumed that it had something to do with homework, and wondered if he remembered enough from his old high school days to help, "Understand what?"
"Why I didn't have a mother."
Riku almost dropped a plate that he had been holding.
He suddenly remembered that he had yet to have this particular conversation with Kadaj. And well, the talk of the bees and the birds was a much easier feat than this. He wondered if he could slip the subject and start on that one instead, but pushed himself on.
Kadaj deserved to know, after being left out in the dark for so long.
"I don't really care about it anymore, it's in the past…" he reasoned and shifted around in his seat until he was a bit more comfortable, "I just wanna know if she…" he trailed off, as though a little afraid to go on.
Riku belated switched the tap off and turned to the silver haired boy sitting by himself by the dining room table, "If she…?"
He forced himself to continue, he wanted to know, he needed to find out, whether it be from his own father, or from somebody else who knew.
"If she ever regretted, if she ever loved me." his cheeks were slightly tinged pink, as though a little ashamed and a little embarrassed by the sudden talk of his 'mother'.
Riku sighed and wiped his hands off using a nearby tea towel, "I'll be honest with you," he started, he owed Kadaj at least that much. "She did regret it…But she already had her life all planned out, she couldn't turn back from what she wanted."
He remembered that time when Kadaj was only two years old, he and Xion had somehow met again despite their bitter circumstances and talked it through.
"I'm sorry I ran away Riku. I really am."
"Hey, I mean, it's your life too. Who am I to drag you down?"
"But I was so ready."
"Sixteen was hardly the age to be ready for a kid…You and I both know that."
He settled down on the seat opposite the teenager and stared into mimicking eyes of aquamarine, "She loved you," he caught the look of disbelief flash over Kadaj's face when he said it, "But her fear overtook her and scared her."
The both of them grew silent. Tension was felt vibrating through the air as apprehension settled across their shoulder.
It was the younger silver haired boy who spoke first, "Did she even look at me when she threw me away?" he asked softly, a little bit of fear creeping through his voice.
Riku frowned, just slightly, more out of sadness than anything else, "She never threw you away," even though she technically did, "She was scared, she was too young, she didn't want to be a parent," even though at one point she did, "It was too soon."
Sometimes, he wondered, if they had waited, maybe two years, or until they graduated high school and had Kadaj, would things have been different?
"And what about you?" the teenage boy retorted, almost bitterly.
Riku found his vision losing focus of the sight ahead of him at the memory of the new-born baby boy. It was something he would never ever forget.
"I…saw you. And I held you in my arms." he started as he stared down at his empty hands, almost reliving through the memory of having a small child placed in his arms, "I was only sixteen, your age," he suddenly noticed that Kadaj was his, indeed, his age, "But when I looked into your eyes, I felt so…" he paused, unable to find the right words to fully describe how he felt, "Happy…"
Kadaj widened his eyes, unsure if he should believe his father or not, but when he saw that smile, that rare, carefree, heartfelt smile, so soft and gentle, he knew his father meant every word of it.
He was ok not having a mother; as long as he had a father who cared, really cared for him.
"…Thanks dad." he couldn't help but smile in return as a burden lifted itself off his shoulders and he was free again.
"I love you, you know that right?" Riku spoke as he glanced at the boy in front of him.
He made a slight face, "You're being sort of corny now. Let's just stop this right here ok?"
Riku laughed and didn't want things any other way. He was happy where he was. Kadaj was happy where he was. The both of them were fine.
Just fine.
Woot! Side-story to O.L.V complete! Huzzah!!
And hahaha! I'm sure most of you know this 'mother' of Kadaj's.