Hello this is AuraBlackWolf and first off I just want to say that this is all just completely crack!
Ok then…this is a sequel challenge that my friend Reanna-Kris-Katelyn asked me to write. R is her original character, just telling you. If you are very confused with this just go to here profile page, or go find the story 'Welcome to the Wammy House' it is a one-shot fic that she made. We both decided to try making small sequels for it. For the pure fun of it!
Hers is a lot better then mine (mine is just pure crack with no plot and is totally random)
So…yea…umm…laugh my puppets laugh…and watch Near rape a bunny and L wear shoes!
Bet that got your attention didn't it? HAHAHAHAH
---
It was a beautiful midmorning day, the birds were singing, the chipmunks were chipping, the hawks were circling…and diving at the chipmunks…munch munch…swallow…ouch.
Watari was sitting down relaxing with a cup of liquored laced tea contemplating his wonderful life…which wasn't so wonderful right now.
He only had enough time for one small sip of his wonderful liquored drink before his young employer came storming into the room wearing leather and spandex…oh dear.
"Hey bitches where's my Harley Davison combat boots?! I can't well ride my Harley Davison VR100 in fucking sneakers can I?"
Mello had just walked into the room to ask Watari for some money so he could order some foreign chocolate…he stopped as he overheard L bitching to Watari about…shoes…
"WTF L!!? You don't even wear shoes!"
L turned around and gave Mello an unimpressed look.
"Shove off you blonde biker tranny wannabe, I can talk about shoes if I want to, and I can wear any shoes I want to too!"
L flipped his magically flatten hair in a huffy girly manner and walked away…mumbling about pink pointy toed high heels…
0.o; (everyone expression in the room. Bug eyes with sweat drop.)
"O…k…what's up with L?"
Mello asked to the air in front of him and jumped about 5 feet in the air and shrieked like a banshee with a high frequency microphone as someone answer back to him from somewhere below by his feet.
"I believe that L's getting ready for R's arrival…which should be sometime today. I hear that she's taking him to a gay bar and a human rodeo show."
"WTF NEAR! Don't do that!...Wait R's coming today?! I thought she was coming on the 15th?!"
Near looked up into Mello's buggy eyes with a look of boredom.
"It is the 15th…"
"No it's not! I should know I have my Barbie calendar marked off for this! Right next to when my time starts…"
Near's look of boredom didn't change as he heard of Mello's calendar theme choice…while inside he was laughing gleefully as his little pink pudgy piggy bank contents went up mentally…he so won that bet with Matt. He knew Mello had to be obsessed with Barbie…Matt had betted it was Peach Princess from Mario…Gamer nerd.
"I would suggest you look at it again Mello…you might just want to wear those bottle cap glasses of yours that I know you hide under your bed…the contacts that you wear don't help much do they? Also if the 15th is just before your…time…you might need to go shopping for your…stuff…I believe L used the last of them."
"Screw you, you friggen albino penguin!"
Near just shrugged as Mello huffed away to check his ugly pink paper with flowery hearts…urg!
Near shuddered, and sat there playing with his playgirl poker cards that R had given to him before she left…a perverted smirk peeking out of his face as he thought of some of the advice she had given him about Mello and Matt's personal habits…it made his little hobby of stalking and humiliating them so much easier…
---
1.5 hours later…
"Goddamn it Watari where the fuck are my boots!?!"
The scream vibrated around the entire orphanage, the frustration and wrath in it made all the semi-normal orphans run for cover…except for a chosen few…the elected morons of this story…the princes of chaos…the idiots of the realm.
Basically the supposed top three smartest kids didn't even flinch as a fire breathing panda stormed into the room.
"Ok who did it?! Who the fuck stole my shoes!!?"
Near looked up from playing with his questionable cards and adopted a thinking expression…which was basically his normal monotone face.
"There is a 38 percent chance that Mello hid them…a 14 percent chance Matt's hiding them…a 0.9 percent chance I'm hiding them…and a 99.9 percent chance that Watari took them yesterday to get them cleaned for you to wear today…which I remember hearing him say that to you yourself yesterday right before he took them…but I think that porn site your eyes where glued on distracted you…what was it about again? Hmm…something about some cross-dressing exhibitionist…what was his name again? Raito or something like that? That role-playing you did with him about how he was a mass murder with a god complex and you as a world famous detective was all on the message board yesterday you know. The way you used those handcuffs and the strawberries was…creative."
L turned a shade of red only found on a tomato and flipped his hair again with a huff and walked out with what was left of his dignity....and crashed straight into someone else.
CRASH!!!
"Oww!"
"Fuck!"
"Son of a-"
"Who the fuck-"
"L"
"R"
"Brother!"
"Sister!"
SMACK!!
"Ahhh why the hell did you hit me?!"
"Because you're metal buttons just carved into my freaking breasts idiot!"
"Oh…"
"yep…"
"…"
"…"
Cricket…cricket…
"R!!!!"
R only had a second to brace herself as a blonde whirl wind threw himself on top of her. Knocking them both onto the ground, L only just managed not to be dragged down with them.
"Mihael goddamn it!"
"R!!!"
"…shit…"
A second whirl wind this time in the shade of red came tearing through the room not 5 seconds later and added himself to the dog pile that had compiled onto the ground.
"Mail!!"
Just then Watari walked into the room, with a dignity that spoke of many years of dealing with similar situation he side stepped the mass of bodies on the ground in the doorway and walked to the giggling L.
"Sir your sister as just arrived, I have taken the liberty of taking her stuff to her room also here's those boots of yours that you've been whining about." He handed over the bulky black boots to a squealing chibified L.
With that done Watari calmly walked back out…he had a long over due cup of tea waiting for him…
Back to the mass of limbs and body parts…
"Okey okey I missed you too…now get the fuck off of me!!"
Laughing Matt and Mello hurriedly got off of the thoughtfully pissed off R.
"Jeez you are all a bunch of girls you know that?" R huffed in good humor.
L went to properly hug his sister.
"R I didn't expect you to come here so soon, I thought your plane didn't set down until 2. Watari and I were going to come and get you, I wonder why he didn't tell me you were coming early."
R just gave him a look of expiration.
"L you are a idiot it's already 4 o'clock, Wammy got tired of waiting for you in the car so he just left and came to get me."
"Oh"
"Yes oh you idiot." R sighed.
"R thank god you're here! I've been dying to have another Wow tournament. I've had it up to here playing with Mello and Near. Their both freaking Griefers and I've had it!"
"Whoa calm down Mail and take a chill pill. Besides we played Wow last time I was here…I want a DotA tournament this time."
"But-but-but…DotA sucks!!"
Suddenly Matt had gone pale and covered his mouth as if he could reverse what he had said. The room was suddenly empty except for the two of them. The rest of the inhabits knew better then to hang around…in the case that what was about to happen to the poor late Mail Jeevas might happen to them as well.
Silence…cricket…cricket…
"What-was-that-speak-up-Mail-Jeevas-what-was–that-about-DotA?"
"Oh god…look R I didn't mean it…please have mercy…"
The sound of someone cracking their knuckles sounded around the room.
"Sorry Maily mercy is for the weak and stupid good try though."
The screams that sounded that once nice afternoon would haunt everyone to their dying day.
---
(Hours later)
"WTF! R where the hell did you put my boots?!"
"No one took your damn boots L! Their under your freaking bed!"
"Why the hell are they there? I've haven't been near that thing since 1990."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…because I hide them there."
"R!!"
---
(more hours later…)
"Hey Mail you've seen Mihael around here?"
"uh…no…"
"Oh alright…hey Mail your fly's down…nice."
"Shit…godddamn it Mello said that he had put it back up…"
"…what…?"
"…oh shit…"
"…Mail Jeevas you get your skinny ass back here right now and confess to your boy smut!"
"…over my chocolate covered dick!"
---
(and more hours later…)
"Nate little buddy how's it going?"
"No R I'm not going to rape a bunny just so you can youtube it."
"But you're practically in the same species! Come on the fangirls demand it!"
"No!"
"…I'll give you the new mint action figure of the All Might L in a thong."
"…Really?"
"Yep and I'll make sure it's in mint condition to. I'll also put in a few pictures I snapped of Mail humping a guy in a Pikachu outfit."
"…only if you add the picture you took when Mihael molested that old guy in the Willy Wonka outfit."
"Deal."
"Ok then…where's the bunny?"
---
(more freaking hours later…)
"Hey L are you ready yet?"
"Not yet!"
"It's been almost 4 hours! How much more time do you need in there!?"
"I need as much time as possible…oww damn Watari that doesn't fit right!"
"Stop squirming L…hold still…urg…I need more gel…that's it…that's it…"
"Ow Watari…stop please…it hurts…"
"I know L I know don't worry it'll all be over soon…"
"neeh…ah.."
"Almost there…"
"…"
"…"
"WTF!!! L! Watari! WTFK(what the fucking kira) is going on in there!?!"
R breaks down door causing it to splinter and become a useless pile of splintery wood.
"Why are you screaming R? Watari's just trying to flatten my hair."
"…oh"
---
(2.533335 hours later…)
"So you've finally done with making yourself girly yet?"
"Shut up R…you don't know how important this night is to me."
"Let me guess…does it have something to do with a caramel haired, sun kissed skinned, golden eyes man with the tightest ass in the history of bubble butts?"
"…shut up!"
"Oh great Ryuk and the holy apple…look L…we're going to a human Rodeo which will feature a corral filled with naked men and women that will pleasure you until you come red…why are you so hung up on this guy?"
"…you want to know why?"
"Yes!"
"…because Raito-kun was my first love…and my first masturbation subject."
"Oh ok then that's different…want me to help you kidnap him before he gets butt rapped by the masses?"
"Please"
---
(After a night of unspeakable and secret acts…just kidding it's all on Youtube!)
"…"
"…L is that a naked male that you have on a leash?"
"Yes Watari this is Raito-kun, can I keep him?"
"…as long as you remember to feed him and bath him and give him love."
"Giving him love won't be a problem I assure you, and I'll make sure to feed him my cake scraps and hose him down now and again."
"Ok then."
---
In the background…
"Yes L rape that golden god…muhahaha"
"Hey Matt?"
"Yes Mello?"
"Does Near seem a bit different to you?"
"Hmm…now that you mention it he does seem a bit more…vocal."
"Yea I noticed."
"Come on L hump that ass! You can do better then that…oh come on I freaking hump faster then that…and with a freaking bunny to!"
"Matt?"
"Yes?"
"I'm scared."
"Me to."
In background of the background…
"Well I think my work here is done for now…hehe but I think I've got some vacation time in about 2 months time…bye-bye for now sweet Wammy House…hello Disneyland with all of its mousiness…say hello to my little friend…dynamite."
And then R Lawliet walked away into the sunset…conspiring about talking mouses and dynamite tails…
The End
---
God my minds mush right now…and know I have to now concentrate on serious and angst like stories like my 'Wammy Manor' and 'Darkness within your Light'…shit…
Starts to listen to the Dos Dedos Mis Amigos by Pop Will Eat Itself…if this music doesn't do it I'll listen to Evanescence or something like that.
Enjoy this purly crack fic and make sure to go over to Reanna-Kris-Katelyn profile and read her stuff…you will hurt yourself laughing.
Review if you want…I don't mind…ok I do…Review or the plot bunny for my other stories gets it (Near has a new found love for bunnies…oh dear) RUN BUNNY RUN FOR THE LOVE OF APPLES AND SUGAR!