Author note: People should have realised that it would happen eventually – that I would parody this movie. Well, this is my first feature length parody, but you all know me! I always make things uh… Funny. Sort of. *innocent grin* This is only part one – up to the Council scene. I got a bit of writer's block past there, but I assure you all that more is coming! ^_^
Well, I should get to the disclaimery bit. I don't own any Final Fantasy characters (though I wouldn't mind Auron as my bodyguard and Kefka as my personal slave!) I also don't own anything to do with Windows, Pac-man, Sony, Pepsi, the Ginyu force (who are from Dragonball Z for the unknowing amongst you) or uh… anything really. Though the Shallow Teeth name is mine, and I don't want it stolen as I am somewhat (pathetically) proud of it!
Well, enjoy, ne? Cookies (as always) to those who review. A free trip to the centre of the Sun for those who don't!
Final Fantasy – The Spirits Outside (A slight… Adaptation…)
(EXT – A barren plain
The camera pans up over the deserted wasteland, to reveal a young woman, staring at the sun)
Woman: Woah… Bright…
(The sun suddenly turns around to show that it actually has a cartoon face, complete with stupid grin and over-large sunglasses. Weird? Well, this is a dream, isn't it?)
Sun: Dontcha just love it? Bright, bright, bright!
(The woman shoots a derisive glare at the sun, and looks down. Instead of being stood on the dusty ground, she finds she is actually standing on a small, disgruntled fish)
Fish: Get off me, you over-weight glob of grease!! Oh, the paaa…
(The fish's laments are cut short as the woman – clearly unappreciative of the author's treatment of this scene – scowls and stamps on it. Shaking her head, she looks up. There is an explosion in the distance, but before she can investigate it further, she wakes up)
Woman: (V.O.) The dream is always the same…
(We see her wipe a hand over her face, watching as her nifty dream recorder attempts to save her dream. Instead, it lets out a disgruntled "bleep" and crashes)
Woman: Piece of crap… Compatible with Windows 98 my ass…
(She shakes her head again and pushes herself out of her chair)
Woman: (V.O.) I'm standing, waiting for something…
(A frown crosses her face, and she turns to glare at the camera)
Woman: What the hell am I saying? The dream is always different, and I'm always crunching that damned fish!
(She has now reached the window of the room. We realise – as she looks down at the earth – that she is in a spaceship. We move to the EXT of the ship, watching as it enters the earths atmosphere in a none too smooth fashion)
Woman: (clearly being shaken to pieces) These recon jobs are the pits! Why does the sample have to live in the middle of nowhere?!
(We continue to watch as the ship flies through a deserted city. It passes by many advertisements, always blocking out a single letter that might lead to accusations of product-placement. We see an "Ony" sign, a "Pepi" sign, and a "Inal Fantasy X" sign as we fly through the city.
Finally, the ship lands, and we watch as the woman steps out, wearing a headset that she appears to have stolen from a member of the Ginyu force. She looks around, consulting a small device attached to her wrist and nods slowly. Before setting off, she turns to the camera and smiles brightly)
Woman: Hi there! My name's Dr Aki Ross, and I'll be your heroine for the rest of the movie. I have very expensive hair, extremely neat gadgets, a dark secret –
(She stops abruptly as ominous music plays suddenly in the background. She frowns and looks around for a moment, before shrugging and continuing)
Aki: - I'm also a sucker for a pretty face, and I don't appear to have any common sense whatsoever. Clear?
Audience: Yup.
Lone heckler: I hate you already!
(Aki ignores the heckler and begins to follow the bleeping on her wrist. It's obvious that she's looking for something, but the darkness around her does not appear to be helping. Every time she enters a new area, she lets a flare into the air, watching it as it explodes in lots of pretty sparks)
Aki: Oooh… So pretty…
(Still she continues)
Aki: Heeere, little sample. I got a biccie for yooou…
(She finally enters a smallish courtyard, and pauses. For some strange reason, she does not notice the large translucent shapes behind her; the darkness helping to hide their utterly hideous fo - )
Phantom 1: Hey! You can't treat us like that!
Phantom 2: Yeah! We translucent beings –
Phantom 1: Or "Phantoms" as we prefer to be called!
Phantom 2: - have feelings too, y'know!!
Phi: (appears from nowhere) I was only setting the scene – trying to give this some sense of atmosphere! Didn't realise you Phantoms were all so prissy… (disappears)
Phantom 1: HEY!!
(As I was saying; the darkness helping to hide their utterly hideous forms. They edge ever closer to our heroine, who is blissfully aware of their presence. The Phantoms are almost on top of her when suddenly, a loud battle cry erupts from somewhere above Aki. She looks up to see four heavily armoured soldiers, apparently falling from the sky.)
Aki: It's raining soldiers. Hallelujah!
(About 100 feet from making very close friends with the pavement, the four soldiers all shoot off a few rounds of what looks like green jello. Three of the soldiers manage to land in the jello, thereby averting certain pain. The fourth, however, misses the jello and slams hard into the ground)
Soldier 1: (panicky) OHMYGOD!! They killed the Captain!
Soldier 2: You bastards!
Soldier 3: As second in command, I must take the lead, with a heavy heart and a…
Soldier 4: (somehow manages to peel himself off the sidewalk) It's alright! I-I'm ok! (staggers towards the others soldiers, obviously very dazed) See? No harm done. (he falls over)
(Aki is desperately trying to suppress a giggle as soldier 4 again picks himself up, and stumbles over to her)
Soldier 4: What are you doing here? It's very dangerous, miss. I'm going to have to ask you to come along quietly, or else…
Aki: Not today!
(She grins evilly and kicks soldier 4 in the balls. Hard.)
Soldier1, 3 and every male within earshot: Aiiiiiie!
(Soldier 4 collapses in a heap. Aki grins evilly and scampers off)
Soldier 4: (obviously in extreme pain) After… her…
(Aki continues to run, until she comes up against a dead end. Soldier 2 is following her, gun drawn)
Soldier 2: C'mere, little scientist… I got some lead for yooou…
(Aki looks around desperately, and spies a handily placed ironing board. After raising an eyebrow, she grabs it and whacks soldier 2 around the head. Soldier 2 goes down, leaving Aki free to run. However, not long after, she is trapped down another dead end by soldier 1)
Soldier 1: You're so not going nowhere! (pauses) Not going nowhere? Now that's a double negative… Not good…
(As soldier 1 mutters to himself about his lack of grammar, Aki finds a convenient-looking rake, and places it just at soldier 1s feet. Then…)
Aki: Boo! (runs off)
(Soldier 1 gives chase, but does not notice the rake at his feet. He takes one step forwards and gets a faceful of rake handle.
Aki continues to run, and only manages to see the open cellar hatch in time. She steps around it, and sprints in the direction that her wrist device is indicating. Soldier 3 does not see the hatch as he pursues Aki, and falls seven floors in a flurry of armour and family-unfriendly curses.
Finally, Aki reaches her destination, and finds her sample)
Aki: There you are. Do you realise the trouble I've had to go through to find you?
(She readies to take the sample – a small chibi of a young man with shockingly spiky blonde hair, a scowl and the largest sword you ever saw. Just as she is ready to leave, a loud shout echoes through the yard)
Soldier 4: That is IT!
(The four soldiers stagger into the yard, all holding each other up, with sticking plasters over various parts of their armour)
Soldier 1: Let me shoot her! For the love of GOD, let me shoot her!
Soldier 2: Back down, you male pussy! I'm gonna shoot her!
Soldier 3: As second in command, I will be the one who shoots her.
Soldier 4: (still slightly squeaky) Stand down. No-one's going to shoot her…
(There is a long pause)
Soldier 4: Except me!
(The four soldiers begin to fight over who will kill Aki. Meanwhile, our heroine has finished collecting her sample, and is trying to find some means of escaping. She peers up a long staircase that leads to the roof. Soldier 1 spots her as he tries to escape the headlock that soldier 2 has him in)
Soldier 1: She's trying to escape!
Aki: No I'm not.
Soldier 1: Ah…
(There is another long pause)
Soldier 4: Uhm. Why the hell not?
(Aki is about to explain that the rest of the movie will have no point whatsoever unless she goes with them, but an unholy scream pierces the silence. The five whirl around to see gruesome Phantoms - )
Phantom 1: We're warning you!
Phi: (V.O.): And just what are you going to do about it?
( - Gruesome Phantoms apparating through the wall)
Soldier 3: As second in command, I think we're being surrounded.
Soldier 2: (sarcastic) Oh really? Did they make you second in command for your powers of deduction?
Soldier 3: No. They made me second in command because you're too much of a psycho for the job.
(Soldier 2 is about to retort, but a loud crash of a few falling pieces of brick startles her)
Soldier 2: Phantoms!! (screams a battle cry and shoots an innocent wall to pieces)
Soldier 1: (dryly) Wow. Jumpy today, aren't we?
Soldier 2: Shut the hell up.
Soldier 4: Less arguing. More gratuitous violence!
(The four soldiers continue to shoot innocent walls, whilst Aki peers up the staircase again. Content that she's found a decent escape route, she taps soldier 4 on the shoulder)
Soldier 4: (stressed) What?!
Aki: I just thought that maybe we should be trying to escape, rather than decimating the masonry.
(All four soldiers look at Aki as though her idea is wholly original and groundbreaking)
Soldier 4: Good plan! (strikes a stupid pose) To the roof!
(They head to the roof, soldier 4 in the rear. Still dazed from earlier incidents, he trips as he climbs the stairs; dropping his gun. The translucent form of a Phantom's slimy hand appears through the stair…)
Phantom 1: Slimy?! We are so NOT slim…
(Moving quickly along. The hand passes through soldier 4s ankle, but he doesn't notice. Instead, he flails around, failing miserably in his attempt to climb up the final stair)
Soldier 2: (crouching down) Grab my hand, sir!
Soldier 1: We'll get you out of there, Captain!
Soldier 3: As second in command, it is my personal opinion that we should leave him and try to escape while we still can…
(Everyone stops what they are doing and turn to stare incredulously at soldier 3)
Soldier 3: What? Am I not allowed to have a little ambition?
Soldier 2: You're an idiot.
(They finally pull soldier 4 to the top of the stairs, just in time. The horde of Phantoms are following. Soldiers 1, 2 and 3 all shoot wildly, whilst soldier 4 bravely cowers behind Aki. Even though they are having entire clips of bullets fired at them, the Phantoms seem strangely unharmed)
Soldier 4: (into the comm-link on his wrist) Might be a good time to get us out of here!
(There is nothing but static. A Phantom lunges forwards, but is shot back)
Soldier 4: (really panicky) Now, please!
Soldier 2: Almost out of ammo.
Soldier 1: Same here.
Soldier 2: We don't want to hear about your problems. Especially not ones that concern your "ammo"…
Soldier 1: Hey! That's not my fault. It's genetic, and I just have a very stressful life…
Soldier 2: Stressful? What's stressful about this?
Soldier 4: (angrily) Could you two shut up for three seconds so we can die in peace?!
Soldier 1 and 2: Hell no!
(The Phantoms have almost broken through the hail of fire. At the last possible second, a rope appears from above. We look up to see a ship hovering above the soldiers. Everyone grabs hold of the rope, and they are hauled to safety)
Soldier 1: (to the Phantoms) Seeya, suckers!
(The Phantoms can only watch – shaking their grotesque fists at - )
Phantom 1: That is IT! We won't stand for this anymore. I'm going to my trailer, and you - (points at the author) - will hear from my agent in the morning!
(Phantom 1 storms off set. No-one cares)
Phantom 1 (V.O.): Hey!
(We move to the INT of the rescuing ship. Aki sets her sample down carefully on a spare seat, and turns to look curiously at the armoured soldiers)
Aki: Boy. Those suits must stink after a hard day's work, huh?
(The soldiers ignore her. Soldier 1 is the first to remove his helmet, and grin happily at the camera)
Soldier 1: Hey there! I'm Neil Fleming, and I'm the technogeek! Not only do I have the best lines, and the best voice…
(Everyone snarls at him. We all know that General Hein has a better voice…)
Neil: … but I also have a secret crush on one of my fellow soldiers.
(Neil giggles. Soldiers 3 and 4 edge away slightly, while soldier 2 shakes her head. She then removes her helmet and attempts to smile at the camera. It's less of a smile, and more like a pissed off grimace really)
Soldier 2: I'm Jane Proudfoot and I'm the "woman in a man's world" character. I have a better voice and better lines than him. I just choose not to use them.
(She jerks a thumb in Neil's direction. Neil blows Jane a kiss. Jane punches Neil in the face)
Neil: (clutching his nose) Just a lovetap… Ouch…
(Soldier 3 ignores Jane and Neil, removes his helmet and stares gravely at the camera)
Soldier 3: Hello. I am Ryan Whittaker, and I am second in command.
Everyone: We know!
Ryan: Just checking. I'm the ethnic minority character…
Final Fantasy Fans in the audience: It's Barrett! Minus his gunarm!
Ryan: (puts his head into his hands) It's going to be one of those movies…
(Aki looks at soldier 4, who appears to be nursing his sore head)
Aki: What about you? What kind of stereotype are you?
Soldier 4: I'm not a stereotype! None of us are!
(We look across the four soldiers. Neil is fiddling with a computer chip, Jane is sharpening her knife and Ryan is listening to hip-hop)
Aki: (sarcastic) Course not.
Soldier 4: You're a very naughty girl. Wandering around New York at this time of night without a big, strong guy to keep you company! You could have been hurt! Or killed! Or ritualistically raped with a cactus!
(Everyone stares at him)
Aki: (frowning) I only know one person who would say something that stupid…
Jane: Wow. Met the Captain before have you?
Aki: Gray?
(Soldier 4 removes his helmet)
Gray: Yup. (turns to the camera and gives us a winning smile) Hi there! I'm Captain Gray Edwards, and I'm the main male character! I'm Aki's love interest for the remainder of the film. (lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper) We already had a thing, but we won't hear about that until much later… Don't you all just love my handsome good looks, and vivacious personality already?
(There is utter silence, apart from the chirping of the occasional cricket)
Gray: (unamused) Great.
(He shakes his head, but soon recovers)
Gray: So now you know who we are. And together, we make up…
(All four soldiers strike painfully cheesy poses)
All four: The Shallow Teeth!
(There is more silence, except for Aki's hysterical laughter)
Neil: I knew our name sucked…
Jane: … We wanted a new one…
Ryan: … But the Captain had to get on the wrong side of the author, didn't he?
Gray: It's not my fault we have a crappy name. Blame the butche… I mean, author…
(All the characters gaze uneasily up at the author, swallowing slowly)
Gray: (recovers first) What the hell were you doing out there, Aki? It's far too dangerous!
Aki: (more interested in her nails) I didn't ask for your help.
Gray: But you used to rely on me so much! We used to be so close! (drops to his knees and clasps his hands together in a gesture of pleading patheticness) Take me back, Aki! Please!
Aki: (raising an eyebrow) Now I remember why I dumped you…
(Neil, meanwhile, has been eyeing the sample suspiciously. When it growls and leaps forwards, poking him in the nose with its sword, he jumps back and frowns)
Neil: What the hell is that, and why did we have to risk our necks for it? (pauses for a moment, rubbing his sore nose) And why did it poke me?
Aki: I imagine it poked you because you smell… (continues before Neil can argue) I can't tell you what it is exactly. All I can say is that it will help us destroy the Phantoms… (long, dramatic pause) Once and for all…
(Dark, ominous music rumbles in the background, causing everyone to look around and blink)
Aki: Am I being followed by a Strings section or something?
Jane: You been messing with the speakers again, Neil?
Neil: (picture of innocence) Moi?
Jane: I don't see any other half-brained idiots here…
(She eyes Gray for a moment. The Captain is on his knees at Aki's feet, trying to reason sorrowfully with her as she ignores him)
Jane: Then again…
Gray: (still on his knees, but dropping the sorrowful tone for the moment) This sample had better be worth the risk, Aki.
Aki: Or what?
Gray: (opens mouth as if to retort, but can't think of anything) Or… Or I'll uhm… Hate you forever! (sticks his tongue out childishly)
Jane: (dryly) Way to tell her, oh wise leader of ours.
Gray: Just shut up.
(EXT: Barrier City #42 – New New York
We watch the ship as it lands, somewhat awkwardly, dropping the final few feet. We hear a chorus of "Ows" from the Shallow Teeth, along with a few overly colourful curses aimed at the pilot.
Finally, Aki and the Shallow Teeth reach the scanning station)
Neil: Honestly! I saw this little green pile of goop crawl out of the scanners! These things are dangerous, Captain! Dan-ger-ous!
Jane: I thought you were a genius.
Neil: (proudly) I am.
Jane: Then why can't you spell "dangerous" properly?
(Neil opens his mouth to retort, but Jane has already stepped past him and into the scanner)
Neil: You'll be sorry!
Jane: Why? You gonna come onto me again? Get a girlfriend.
Neil: I'm trying, but you keep blowing me off!
Phi: (appearing from nowhere) Wow. Lookit at the sexual tension. No wonder there are so many Jane+Neil fics out there.
Jane: (horrified) There are?!
Neil: (grinning) There are?!
Phi: Yup. I don't write them myself, but I know a few people who do…
Aki: (looking at her nails again) You don't have time to write Jane+Neil, do you? You only pick on General Hein and try to pair him up with me…
Hein: (faint, V.O.) What?!
Phi: I have my reasons for doing that… (coughs nervously and disappears)
Gray: (trying to ignore the intrusion of the author) C'mon, Neil. You're next. And you're going in too, Aki.
Aki: (pouts) But it messes up my complexion!
Gray: (shrugs) It'll eventually make me impotent. Do I complain?
(Neil is currently in the scanners, and an expression of sheer terror crosses his face)
Neil: IMPOTENT?! Let me out!!
Aki: But I'm allowed to bypass the scanners. The script says so.
Gray: Do I care what the script says? I saved you, so you do what I say.
(He nods firmly and steps into the scanners. A few seconds pass by before the machine lets out a low hum)
Scanner: (delighted that it has lines) Bleep! Bleep!
Gray: (carefully) "Bleep! Bleep!" Just what the hell does that mean?
Controller: An infestation!
Neil and Jane: (together) No!
Ryan: (somewhat sarcastic) Whatever will we do?
Aki: (in full "I'm a doctor, get out of my way" mode now) How far along is he?
Controller: He'll be Code Red in three minutes! Dispensing treatment shield.
(A big, mean-looking needle approaches Gray. His eyes widen)
Gray: Holy cows of Texas! You are not sticking that damned thing in m…
(The needle plunges savagely into his neck)
Gray: OW!! Owowowowowowowowowowowow!!
Aki: (rolls her eyes) Quit whining. I'm going to show some technical know-how now and save your life. (looks around and spies a cot in the adjoining room) We're going to operate on him. (a dramatic pause) Right now.
(There is more dramatic music in the back ground. Aki's brow furrows)
Aki: I'm gonna have to see my agent about this music…
Controller: We have to take him to the ward! He'll be Code Red in a minute and a half! We won't be able to stop the fragments from spreading! (panicked, and obviously over-acting) YOU'LL KILL US ALL, WOMAN!!
Aki: (stares at him for a moment, before shrugging) I know. But it'll make a cool set-piece.
(Everyone slaps their foreheads with their hands. At that moment, Gray faints and is helped to the cot by Jane and Neil. Ryan follows afterwards, trying to hide his gun behind his back)
Ryan: I will be Captain…
(Aki moves to the controls of a cool-looking machine. She twiddles a few knobs and pushes a few buttons as Gray is placed onto the cot)
Aki: Quick! If I can't stabilise the foreign shard, we may have to use plasmographic fusion to stop the anti-diuretic effects from taking control of his neural net!
(Everyone stares at her blankly)
Neil: What?
Jane: In English, please!
Aki: (unamused) Just stand the hell back…
(She taps a few more buttons on the console before her, and a holographic screen appears before her – floating over Gray's unconscious body. It shows an overly large Pac-man screen, with Pac-man labelled as "Phantom-killer" and the ghosts labelled as "Phantom scum")
Jane: (sarcastically) Oh, the technology…
(Aki ignores her and deftly manoeuvres the Pac-man around the maze of Gray's body, gobbling up all the sweets as she goes. Within moments, she has taken out three of the four ghosts, but one still remains. Suddenly!)
Aki: Agh! My ghost-gobbly-up thing ran out!
(The only other sweet is on the other side of the screen, and the lone ghost is edging ever closer to it. Everyone chooses this moment to distract Aki and shout hints all at the same time)
Neil: Go up!
Jane: Go left!
Controller: Go right!
Scanner: Bleep!
Ryan: Don't play at all!
Aki: (irritable) Just let me play!
(Showing remarkable skill for one so ditzy, Aki grabs the final sweet, and takes out the last ghost; all just in the nick of time. Phew. Isn't that lucky?)
Aki: Thank the God of Plot-Devices!
(Gray stirs slightly, opening one eye)
Gray: Awful dream… Pac-man… Ghosts…
(The Shallow Teeth gather around their leader)
Neil: Wow. Thanks, Doc.
Jane: Ditto what he said.
Ryan: (somewhat subdued) Yeah… Thanks…
Voice: (V.O.) Not again. Can't I let you go anywhere without you saving the life of a potential romantic lead?
Aki: (sighs) I know you have a "Don't save the cute ones" policy, Dr Sid, but…
Sid: No buts, Aki. (turns to the camera and shoots us a pleasant smile) Hi there. I'm Dr Sid…
FF fans in audience: Cid?
Sid: No, not that Cid. Sid. With an "S". I've been Americanised.
FF fans in audience: Americanised!? Blasphemy!! (start to moan about why a FF stalwart has had his name changed)
Phi: (appears) Eesh. I knew this would cause trouble. (Invokes her Godly Author Power and points to Sid) You're now Cid. With a "C". Got it?
Cid: (nods) Uh… ok.
Phi: (to FF fans) Happy now?
(The FF fans all nod as one and settle down)
Phi: Glad we sorted that one out. (disappears again)
Cid: (looks a little disturbed as to his change in name) I uh… I'm Dr Cid. With a "C" now. I'm Aki's mentor, a top scientist and I look pretty damned real.
Gray: Hey! We all look pretty real too!
Cid: (dryly) You, my friend, look like Ben Affleck's CG twin. Now, come along, Aki. We have work to do on that sample.
Aki: I want to stay here.
Cid: (firmly) Come now, or no lollipop for you.
Aki: (silent for a moment) Strawberry lollipop?
Cid: Of course.
(Gray et al watch in silent amazement as Aki gives a little cheer and bounds off, followed by Cid – who is rolling his eyes)
Cid: Young people…
Ryan: What's with her?
Jane: What's with her and that sample?
Neil: What's with her and that stupid lollipop?
Gray: What's with her and that Cid guy? What does she see in him?!
(The Shallow Teeth stare at him)
Gray: What? I wanna know why she left me for him!
(INT: Cids lab
Cid and Aki are watching tests being run on the newest sample. The sample is running through a miniature assault course, thwacking everything with its sword. Cid nods with approval as Aki – a red lollipop sticking out of her mouth – walks to join him)
Cid: This is excellent, Aki. The sixth Spirit. It's a perfect match.
Aki: I thought we weren't supposed to use the "S" word…
Cid: (puzzled) What? Sixth?
Aki: (rolls eyes) You know exactly what I mean. But it's nice to know that my wandering around Old New York wasn't totally in vain.
Cid: Indeed it wasn't. We only have two more Spirits to find. Two more… (he sighs quietly, the smile on his face fading somewhat)
Aki: (slurps on the lollipop as she sits next to him) What's wrong, Cid? Like you say, we only have two more to find, and then everything will be complete.
Cid: But will we last that long? You know the Council has had it in for us ever since we played that Halloween practical joke on them.
Aki: But their faces when they found those farmyard animals!
(They both burst into childish laughter)
Cid: (wiping a tear from his eye) Well, they didn't find it quite as funny.
(He reaches into a drawer and pulls out a book, which he then hands to Aki)
Aki: What's this?
Cid: Read.
Aki: (reads silently for a moment, before her eyes widen) "Major Elliot, I can't wait to be with you again, feeling your warm hands wrap around my waist…"
(Cid pales and rips the book from her hands, dumping it into the incinerator beside him. He coughs nervously as he searches through the drawer again, this time pulling out another book and checking it before handing it to her)
Cid: Other one… Just nonsense… (nervous cough) Read that one.
Aki: (gives him a dubious glance and edges away a step before reading) "All life is born from Square and each life has a Spirit. Each new Spirit is housed in a physical body…" Why am I reading this? The other one was more interesting…
Cid: Just keep reading.
Aki: "Through their experiences on Earth, each Spirit matures and grows, developing a taste for computer games as it does. When the physical body dies, the mature Spirit, enriched by its diet of Crash Bandicoot and Tomb Raider returns to Square, bringing with it the experiences, allowing Square to live and grow and make much better games…"
Cid: My old diary.
Aki: You write that kind of crap in your diary?!
Cid: (ignoring her as he grabs the book and dumps it in the incinerator as well) Just the evidence the Council needs to shut us down. They think we're crazy. You know they're just looking for a reason to stop us.
Aki: Ungrateful sonsof… Without you and your theories, we'd all be dead!
Cid: I know. I'm so unappreciated. The point is, Aki, that you have to hide everything; just in case something can be used against us.
Aki: Aw… I was gonna go in for the Nobel Prize this year…
(She sighs and begins to leave the lab, but Cid stops her by coughing impishly)
Cid: And, Aki? Stay away from Captain Edwards.
Aki: I had no real desire to see the lughead again.
Cid: Oh. Right. Everything's fine then.
(There is a long silence between them)
Aki: I'll… Just be off then… (coughs nervously and leaves the lab)
(EXT: The barren plain of Aki's dream
Aki is stood watching the bright sunshine again, shielding her eyes with one hand. There is the explosion in the distance, and then more; much closer to her. She frowns slightly, trying to find the source of the destruction. All she can see is something like a wave of creatures running towards her from the horizon. They are getting closer, and closer, but then…)
Alarm clock: BEEP!
Aki: (sits up suddenly, clasping her heart) Agh! (glares at the alarm clock) Why you little…
(We fade to black as there are sounds of a very annoyed scientist beating the crap out of her alarm clock)