He was hidden in an alcove off the corridor, almost across from Wedge's office, ewok in hand and ready for action. If Tycho would convince Wedge that going to lunch was a good idea for all commanding officers, he would be able to get his plan in action and get to lunch himself. Unfortunately, the two officers were taking their time catching up on squadron business. Wes frowned, he usually had a lot of patience for laying out one of his pranks, but Hobbie was waiting for him and they hadn't had much time to catch up yet.
He jerked back into the alcove, back pressed against the wall, as Wedge's door slid open. ". . . long until you do it?" Tycho was asking something, sounding a bit skeptical. "Are you sure he doesn't know what you're doing?"
Wedge laughed, "So you think he'd still be sleeping with me if he knew? I don't think he'd be that forgiving. Wes has had this coming for a very long time, he won't be forgetting it that easily."
Wes froze completely as Wedge and Tycho moved out of hearing range, his mind caught on two thoughts. 'Sleeping with' and 'had this coming', and the two together led to one horrible conclusion. Wedge was sleeping with him to teach him some sort of lesson, it was just a joke, a prank. Ha ha, I don't really love you. Suddenly he didn't feel well, and he let the ewok toy drop to the floor, not even noticing as he moved out into the hallway and toward his quarters.
He kept walking, feeling as though he had just been kicked in the gut, until he ran into something, or someone. Hands grabbed his shoulders and stopped him and he found himself looking into Hobbie's concerned eyes. "Wes, are you okay? Are you sick, you're as pale as a sheet? Do you need help to the Med Center?"
Wes shook his head slowly, "No, I just. . ." He trailed off, looking over Hobbie's shoulder, "Maybe I should lay down for a few minutes. I don't. . ." He trailed off again, and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I can get to quarters on my own, you should go to lunch. Wedge and Tycho will probably be there." He moved to pass his friend, who was still staring at him with worry.
He managed a few steps away, before he snorted softly, "Hobbie? You know how I feel, you know, about Wedge?" Wes's voice lowered, "Sometimes I am so stupid." He shook his head slightly, his jaw clenching, and then started down the hall again without looking back.
Hobbie watched Wes until he disappeared around a corner, mostly confused at what was going on, but starting to get a little angry. He knew Wes too well to think that whatever was going on was trivial; Wes wasn't the sort to have dramatics or get depressed over. . . Well, that was part of the problem, he didn't know to what Wes was reacting, but he knew it wouldn't be something insignificant. He sighed, and started making his way to the Mess. With any luck, Wes would be right and Wedge and Tycho would be there and he resolved himself to finding out what that last comment had meant.
Every time the door to the Mess opened, Wedge looked up, frowned, and then looked back down at his tray. He hadn't eaten much, and he had let Tycho do most of the talking. He had been sure that Wes and Hobbie would be joining them for lunch, or coming to the meal at the very least. It wasn't like them to be completely absent. He was studying his caf when Tycho nudged his elbow and gestured with a fork, "Hobbie. You were looking for him, weren't you?"
Wedge waved to get his friend's attention, and was acknowledged with a sharp nod. Hobbie was looking particularly pensive about something, and didn't take much from the meal selections. He was frowning when he finally sat across from Tycho.
"Did you see Wes? I thought that he'd be with you." Wedge sipped his caf and looked toward the door, almost missing the headshake.
"He isn't feeling well, went to lay down." Hobbie took a deep breath and leaned closer over the table, "He was acting a bit odd, for him anyway." He glanced to the sides to see how much privacy they had, "Is there some kind of problem between the two of you, Wedge? Other than his pranks, I mean."
Wedge exchanged a look with Tycho, and shook his head, "Other than pranks, no. Not that I'm aware of anyway." He took a deep breath, "Hobbie, did Wes tell you about us, him and me?" He glanced around the table now too and lowered his voice, "This isn't the place to talk about it, and it's probably against every regulation about fraternization within a chain of command, but we've been, um, getting involved."
Hobbie schooled his face into a blank expression, "Is it serious?" Maybe that was what Wes had alluded to in the hallway. Long ago, as far back as Hoth, they had talked about loves and crushes and their infatuation with the people they served with in the Rebellion. It had taken a lot of horrible, probably dangerous, liquor for Wes to confess how he had felt about Wedge and the hopelessness he had about an infatuation he thought would never be reciprocated.
"As serious as it can be in our situation. We can't exactly run around declaring undying love; we're in the same chain of command and you know what would happen." Wedge looked frustrated, "It's complicated."
"Are you at least honest with each other?" Tycho opened his mouth to say something and Hobbie cut him off with a sharp gesture, "I'm not trying to insult you, Wedge, but you both know what kind of effect there would be on our friendships if the two of you can't get along one day because of a bad breakup. I know exactly how Wes feels about you, and you've never shown any signs of reciprocating that." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Do I need to warn you about breaking his heart?"
Tycho looked thoughtful at that, "I understand what you are saying, Hobbie. Wes may be a flirt, but he is serious about his passions. I don't think he would invest himself in any relationship lightly." He glanced over at Wedge, "I don't think you would ever hurt anyone on purpose, but I hope you know what you are doing in being this involved with him."
Wedge was frowning now, "I appreciate the concern, but this isn't the time or place to discuss this subject further. If someone overhears and connects even half of it, the subject would become moot." He took a last sip of his caf, looking at each of his friends, "I know you are only concerned, and I can't hold that against either of you. I'll talk to Wes, later."
When he tried to keep his promise, Wedge started running into problems. No one had seen Wes in hours. No one had seen Hobbie since lunch, Tycho was busy reviewing Rogue Squadron sims, and though Hobbie had said Wes had gone to quarters earlier, he wasn't there now. There were limited places to go when they were on Mon Remonda. He finally went back to his office to get some work done, resolving to look again later.
Tycho was the only one who showed up at the Mess for dinner and had no fresh ideas on where Wedge should look for their missing friends, but believed that they were probably together. "Just keep looking, Hobbie will probably bring them out of hiding this evening so you can have that talk with Wes. If you see Hobbie send him to the lounge later, I'm going to try to set up a game of something."
That wasn't very helpful, and Wedge soon exhausted all of the areas of the ship he hadn't had time to search earlier with the same results. Finally he gave up and went to his own quarters, after checking the room Wes had been assigned one more time. And felt like a fool because Wes was sprawled across Wedge's bunk, soundly sleeping and with all appearances of having been there for quite some time.
Wedge sighed and leaned against the wall next to the door. Even when Wes wasn't trying to be a problem, he managed to be problematic. "Always in the last place I look," he muttered, shaking his head. He moved toward the refresher, abandoning clothing on the way, and tried to stay quiet.
Wes was still sleeping when he returned, but as soon as Wedge got into the bed he mumbled something and moved closer. His hand slid across Wedge's chest, causing a shiver, and his eyes opened a slit. "Found me," he murmured, pressing himself closer to Wedge's side, his mouth ghosting over Wedge's ear. "Want you." He didn't seem to be completely, or even mostly, awake and Wedge was tempted to wake him to talk until Wes's hand slid under the sheet and began distracting him. When Wes moved down Wedge's body, replacing his hand with his mouth, all thoughts about talking flew away and it was all Wedge could do to prevent himself from clutching at Wes or thrusting.
He closed his eyes, bit his bottom lip, and focused on sensation until it overwhelmed him. Then Wedge couldn't help but pull at Wes's hair, and he didn't want to let go until several moments later when he could think again. Wes wasn't moving, just looking up at him with half-open eyes until Wedge untangled his fingers. "Wes. . ." He grunted as Wes wriggled up the bed again, elbowing Wedge's side by accident.
Wes pushed Wedge's questing hands away, yawning against his shoulder, and settled himself for sleep. Wedge was feeling too good to put up an argument, so he gave in and closed his eyes again, but right as he was about to fall asleep he could have sworn he heard Wes whisper, "Please don't leave me."
When Wedge woke in the morning he was alone in the bed. He glanced around the room and toward the refresher door, but there was no sign that anyone else was in his quarters. He sighed, and slapped the bed next to himself. He should have made Wes talk to him last night, he shouldn't have allowed himself to be distracted. Now he was back to his first target; find Wes.
He mapped out possible locations for the wayward pilot on his way to the Mess, and then had to stop short in the entry as Wes was there, along with Hobbie and Tycho. That was completely unexpected, as was the animation that Wes was showing this morning. It was characteristic of him, and yet after what Hobbie had said the day before Wedge hadn't expected to see it. Maybe things were back to normal, he could hope, but he had a lingering bad feeling about that as he joined his friends.
He ducked under one of Wes's hands, narrowly missing becoming part of whatever he was demonstrating, and sat. "Sorry, Wedge, didn't see you there."
"Isn't that what you said during our last sim?" Hobbie smirked, "And you missed him then too." He reached over and slapped Wes on the back, before turning to Tycho, "Another day of forms and requisitions?"
Tycho shook his head, "I set up a morning sim." He was paying more attention to his caf than his friends, "Maybe the forms can wait until this afternoon."
"Isn't that what executive officers are for?" Wedge nudged Wes's shoulder, "Isn't that what I make you do so often?"
Wes gave a long, dramatic sigh, "One of the many things you make me do. I'll survive. Maybe." He frowned at Wedge, "Was that supposed to be a hint about how I'd be spending the day?"
Wedge nodded, "In part. Briefing in an hour I think, and then breaking into planning teams. We need to get everything prepped for our next move, including the office work." He gave Wes a wry smile, "After we figure out what the next move will be though, so later today or tomorrow. I need to talk to you later too," Wedge paused when Wes flinched, "after dinner perhaps."
"Alright." That odd feeling that Wedge had had the day before was returning and getting stronger, the longer that Wes refused to look at him. "I'll call the Wraiths together for the briefing, if that's all?" Wes picked up his tray, and carefully avoiding looking in Wedge's direction, left the table.
Wedge sighed loudly as soon as Wes was away, "Tell me I wasn't imagining that tension, please."
"You weren't imagining it. You didn't have a chance to talk to him last night?" Hobbie sounded very neutral again, which was almost as bad as being accused of doing something wrong.
"No. He was in my own quarters. I didn't think to look there until I'd given up on looking everywhere else, and then," Wedge sighed again, "he managed to distract me."
There was an edge of a smile on Tycho's face, "You don't need to tell us how he did that. Please, don't tell us how he did that."
"I won't, I promise." Wedge looked into his mug of caf for a few seconds, "Hopefully today I'll manage to catch him long enough to talk, but if he disappears again tonight I might need help with the hunt." He looked up again, frowning at Hobbie, "You said that you knew how Wes felt about me. I won't ask you what that is now, but if he tries to avoid having this discussion you are so keen on us having, I'm going to expect you to become more forthcoming about those feelings and why he's been acting oddly."
Wes regretted leaving as soon as he was out of the Mess hall, not having finished his breakfast. The alternative seemed worse though, he knew what it meant when someone you were in a relationship with 'wanted to talk' and he was going to try avoiding that discussion with Wedge as long as he could get away with it. He was committing himself to a day full of the most tedious tasks he could think of, but they did need to be done and there was an excellent chance that they would be an acceptable excuse for being too busy to think or worry about what the talk was supposed to be about.
Calling the Wraiths to tell them where and when the briefing was to be held was easy, collecting the data cards with the notes and checking the room to make sure it was ready only took a few moments as well. He busied himself in the temporary office that he was assigned as the Wraith XO until it was nearly time for the briefing. Wedge hadn't been wrong about the amount of work they had to get ready for the next moves in their latest campaign, just the scheduling of planning, sims and briefings for the next few days was going to keep him running. Coordinating supplies with Squeaky, and seeing to the other needs of the squadron would take longer. And all of it would be done with Wedge, though they were sure to keep those discussions professional.
Even with all of the data work that needed to be finished, Wes found himself wishing there was more to do to keep him occupied and to keep Wedge's mind on the Wraiths and not on any particular pilot.
There was an ewok sitting in the briefing room when Wedge arrived. It was sitting in one of the chairs in the front row, dressed in the ewok-sized flight suit. Of course Wedge knew it was the same ewok doll that had been moved from room to room, base to base, and even x-wing to x-wing, but that didn't stop him from sighing and shaking his head when he saw it in attendance for the Wraith's briefing. He couldn't even blame it on Wes as his XO was just coming into the room now, not late but cutting it close.
He valiantly ignored the stuffed doll for the rest of the briefing, noting that Wes also paid it no attention but seemed intent on the details of their current predicament instead. He contributed to the discussion, asked questions, and didn't stray from the topic even when the other Wraiths made side comments. And he didn't smile or show anything other than serious consideration of their mission objectives. It made that bad feeling that Wedge had even more pronounced.
He tried to push that feeling away, but it was stubbornly persistent through the briefing and then during his afternoon meetings. He had to get a quick lunch, which had to be eaten between meetings in his office, and then he was meeting with Wes but not in the way he wished. They met with Squeaky and managed to accomplish a lot. When Wes was focused it didn't take nearly as long to go over the details, and that might have made Wedge happy on any other day but today it just emphasized that something was wrong, even if he didn't understand what that was.
Dinner was awkward. Wedge spent most of the meal looking at Wes and thinking; Wes spent most of the meal avoiding looking at Wedge; Hobbie stared at Wedge, as if ready to give another warning about the talk he should be having with Wes; and, poor Tycho felt trapped and uncomfortable because he hadn't been told what was going on and it didn't seem as though things were going well, but he couldn't do anything to help any of them.
When they finished Wes had a ready excuse for avoiding Wedge, but it was mostly legitimate, and when Wedge didn't protest as vigorously as Hobbie liked, Tycho made a decision. He made their excuses to Wedge, and holding onto Hobbie's elbow, led his friend back to his own quarters. Hobbie didn't say anything, though he sighed and shook Tycho's hand off when they got through the door.
"I want to know what is going on. Hobbie, you know something and I think you should share it. If nothing else I can help you in forcing Wedge and Wes to talk." He gestured to a chair and took the second one, waiting as Hobbie seemed to gather his thoughts.
"I'm not sure how much you know about Wes's feelings. He's very good at hiding them in his own way; we've all developed our own strategies for that over the years, but there have been times when we've shared a lot with each other as well." Hobbie ran a hand over his hair, "When we were on Hoth Wes and I were bunking together, you know what that meant back then." He looked up at Tycho and waited for the nod of acknowledgment. "We talked a lot when we were alone too. Most of the Rogues knew that our chances of surviving more than three or four engagements were slim. I was sure I wouldn't be around at this age. Maybe that's why we were a little more open about some things than we would have been in other circumstances.
Wes was trying to get me drunk one night, there was that horrible stuff the ground crew was brewing. Probably closer to solvent than alcohol; it always gave me the worst hangovers so I tried to avoid it as much as I could, and Wes ended up getting drunk while I was still mostly sober. We talked about sex, love, marriage, what we would have been doing if we weren't at Hoth, or if we weren't with the Rebellion. One of the things he told me was that he was falling in love, but that it was a hopeless love that would never be reciprocated."
Tycho interrupted, "He was in love with Wedge, wasn't he?" Tycho nodded to himself, "I think most of us have been at some point or other."
"Yes, and he still feels that way." Hobbie took a deep breath, "Only this is where it gets tricky, because Wes still thinks it's impossible and that Wedge couldn't possibly reciprocate. And he thinks that Wedge is planning something, to do something to him which will make that clear. You and I both know that Wedge isn't the kind of man who would be purposefully hurtful. He's put up with too much from too many people without being cruel to those who don't deserve it. But Wes is convinced that he heard you and Wedge talking about a prank, and he thinks it has to do with his relationship with Wedge."
"He could have heard us talking about a prank. We talked about part of it in public I think, so it's possible." Tycho cleared his throat, "But that has nothing to do with their relationship, only with the pranks that have been going on between the Wraiths."
"I think that Wedge is naturally resistant to having conversations about his feelings, and relationships, in the same way that Wes has been. And I think that Wes is avoiding being alone with Wedge out of his fear about their relationship. I just don't know how much I should interfere before they manage to figure out what they are doing to each other. We don't have a lot of time before they'll be on their own with the Wraiths again. I have a bad feeling about that happening if they haven't managed to figure this out by then."
"Do you think that whatever is being miscommunicated is going to be solved by one conversation?"
"No, but if miscommunication is the main problem, it would certainly be a good start. I just don't want to be the one to give such advice, it isn't exactly something I'm well known for myself." Hobbie gave Tycho a slight smile, "I would hate to have to start taking my own advice."
Wes didn't come to his quarters that evening, and Wedge wasn't in the mood to put off their discussion any longer. He stalked down to Wes's room, used the code he had been given when they first arrived on the Mon Remonda, and went inside without announcing himself first. The room was neat, though that might have meant more if Wes had been sleeping there more often, and the lights were off. Even though Wes was in his bunk, he wasn't sleeping yet and he turned to watch as Wedge moved toward the bunk and sat on the edge.
Wedge put his hand on Wes's back, leaving it there for a moment, "I know that you don't want to have this talk, but our friends have been pressuring me to corner you and they seem to know something that we don't." He took a deep breath and moved slightly so Wes could roll over and sit up. "Is there something wrong that I don't know about?"
Wes looked at him for a few seconds, as if debating whether to pull the bacta patch off fast or slow, and then making his decision he shifted his gaze to a point beyond Wedge's shoulder, "Is this," he gestured between them, "something you really want?"
"I'm not sure what you mean." Wedge shook his head, "This distance? No, that isn't something I want."
"I mean our relationship, if that is what we have. Do you actually want this, or is it just a means to some other end?"
Wedge shook his head again, not quite understanding. "I wouldn't have started anything with you if it wasn't something I wanted. I don't know what other end would be achieved by it." He rested a hand on Wes's knee, "Is this something that you want?"
"Wedge, I've wanted this for years. I've been in love with you forever, and everyone seems to know that." Wes laughed softly. "I know that I'm not the kind of person that anyone really wants long-term. I've driven you crazy more often than not. I just . . . please don't make this into some kind of joke. I don't think I could survive everyone knowing that this didn't mean anything."
"Didn't mean anything? Wes, listen to me. This does mean something to me, I would never have gotten involved with you if it didn't. This isn't just some sort of tease, or temporary arrangement, at least not for me, and from what you said, it doesn't seem like it from your side either." Wedge sighed, still feeling as though they were talking past one another. "I do want long term with you, if we both survive. It's just that- you know how likely that we'll both survive and have the chance to do something like retire? It's hard to plan and hope, when at any second it could all disappear."
Wes hesitated, torn between wanting to believe and trust in what Wedge was saying, and what he had heard being discussed about a prank. It didn't seem as likely now that he wasn't as startled, but it still played upon his doubts. He shifted over in his bunk, "Are you going to stay here tonight?"
"I would like to, if that's okay with you." Wedge ran a hand through his hair, he didn't feel right about leaving, even if things had the appearance of being more settled, or more honest between them as Hobbie had said. "I've got to use the refresher and then I'll be right back, alright?"
Wes nodded and moved over a little more in the bunk. They didn't have a lot of space for two people, and Wes usually claimed that Wedge's bed was bigger than his own. Sometimes it was, but on the Mon Remonda it was difficult to find that extra inch or two. Wedge did have the advantage of a private refresher, which Wes did not, and he had to go back to his own quarters briefly to grab a few things that he would need in the morning as well.
As soon as Wedge was gone again, Wes had a realization. He told Wedge that he loved him, but while Wedge had said he wanted the relationship and wanted long term, he hadn't mentioned love at all. Wes sat up and looked around his room for a moment, seeing nothing out of place, and then got out of bed to grab a pair of sleep pants to wear. They were going to have to spoon together in order to fit onto the bunk without one of them falling off, and he wasn't in the mood for anything more than that tonight.
He sat on the side of the bed, waiting for Wedge to return. Wedge usually slept on the side pressed against the wall, and Wes didn't want to get too comfortable if he needed to move again. He glanced around his room, feeling as though he had forgotten something. Waiting made him anxious, and he fidgeted and checked the chronometer repeatedly before his door chime sounded again. Wedge didn't wait for permission to enter the room this time, and he only paused for a moment when he saw that Wes was sitting up waiting for him.
"I just need to change quick." He smirked, "It didn't seem like such a good idea to wander the corridors in my sleeping clothes. Who knows what might have happened." Wedge sat his small bundle of clothes on Wes's desk and started undressing. He stopped with his shirt off and looked closely at Wes, when there was no response. "Are you sure this is okay?"
"I don't expect a strip tease, if that's what you want to know." Wes shook his head slowly, "Of course this is okay, if it wasn't I would have said so before. I'm just tired." He grabbed the pillows and fluffed them a little as Wedge continued changing, "Which side do you want?"
"The usual." Wedge shrugged, wanting to make a light-hearted comment, as he normally would at that question. If he was reading things correctly it wouldn't be the right thing to say at the moment though. He paused while climbing into the bunk, and moving to the wall side, "Are you sure this is okay?"
Wes sighed loudly, "Yes, please stop asking and just move over." He sat on the edge of the bed, hesitating about getting closer.
"I don't just mean this," Wedge waved a hand over the bed and between them, "Are we okay in general? Hobbie isn't going to be giving dirty looks at all the meals tomorrow, is he? I meant what I said before, this does mean something to me, and I do love you. You know that, right?"
Wes looked up sharply at the word 'love' and shook his head slightly, "You didn't say that you loved me earlier."
Wedge shifted so that he could look directly at Wes, instead of just over his shoulder, "Well, I should have, because I do love you. I'm sorry that I haven't been clear about that, I suppose that's why I had to be pushed into the conversation, I'm not very good at expressing these things sometimes."
"Was Hobbie really giving you dirty looks?" Wes relaxed, finally laying down in the bed. It was a smaller bunk than what was comfortable for two, but Wedge shifted a little and moved to his side again, and they found a better position spooning together. "He's known about how I feel about you for years. I made him swear never to tell you.
Wedge, can we just say we're good for now and go to sleep? I'll talk to Hobbie in the morning so he won't give you any dirty looks, unless it is for some other reason. I have this demanding commanding officer who scheduled an early briefing, and no excuse to be late."
Wedge shifted slightly, "I'll agree to that as long as you promise something." He touched the hand that Wes had on his chest briefly, "If I do something that makes you question how I feel about you, or what our relationship is, you have to talk to me about it and not hide."
"I promise to try, but I think that's the most I can do for now."