Oh, yeah, almost forgot a disclaimer.

Red Dwarf and it's characters do not belong to me-they're just too funny not to write about XD. And that's it, please enjoy.

My first Fan-fic, please let me know what you think.

A New Game

Dave Lister was whistling to himself. He'd finally decided to put 'that' plan in action. Lister went through his bunk (ignoring Rimmer), and over to the sink, where he began brushing his teeth as noisily as possible, taking every opportunity to annoy bonehead that was presented.

"I know what you're doing, the same thing you do every moment we're in the same room. You're trying to annoy me into saying something stupid and you'll mock me for weeks to come." Rimmer finally turned to look at Lister. "Well, not this time me laddo. I am most certainly going to react to you brushing-hang on, you're actually brushingyour teeth, I thought you only saved that for special occasions?" Rimmer's nostrils flared as he spoke, indicating that Smegginess had powered up.

"Don't be a smeg head-I do brush my teeth once a day," Lister spat most of the toothpaste out, deliberately leaving some behind and pulled his lips apart exposing his teeth, covered in a faintly yellow toothpaste.

"Well, I have to admit you have none missing, but the pallor of those things leaves a lot to be desired, Listy. You might think about not brushing your teeth with yellow toothpaste for one."

Lister spat the contents of his mouth into the sink and observed it for a second. Then, having apparently decided what to say, he rinsed with water (or that would be the assumption) from a glass he'd been carrying and turned to face Rimmer, using the toothbrush like some kind of pointer.

"Well, if my teeth are so awful, then how come I've kissed more people than you can dream of, and you can't count your mum in your pitiful list.

"Ahem hem… well, yes Listy, I'm sure you'd like to believe that, but I bet every girl ran a mile when they smelt your breath, they only stayed as long as they did because you used breath spray."

"Still doesn't explain you, maybe I should show you why girls like me more than you."

Lister moved his face close to Rimmer and pressed forced their lips together. He opened his eyes only long enough to see Rimmers eyes bulging and watery, face shaking and his nostrils flared to the size of tunnels. He didn't back off at all (probably shock, and Lister had a hard time not laughing). Lister pulled away and instantly started washing his mouth out with water from the tap and brushing his tongue with his toothbrush. He looked over a Rimmer, sitting still in the same position.

"Errr… Rimmer?"

"HOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!"

"Ah."

Rimmer ran over to the tap and drank as much water as his body could take and still stood there scratching at his tongue.

Lister turned round and made a fist in a kind of celebratory motion. "YEEEEEES!!" He turned back round and saw Rimmer's eye's streaming. He really couldn't take the chilli powder. That was so worth the grossness, he said to himself, and moved as if too look after Rimmer. He took one look at his face, bright red-either from embarrassment or the chilli powder- and burst out laughing and pointing at Rimmer.

Mission Successfull