i started writing this for leslie like 15 years ago and i just now finally finished it im sorry it took so long leslie ily ALSO this is my 50th work and also the only thing ive written in like 2 months so it's just hitting all kinds of marks i hope you enjoy!
Nezumi isn't affectionate. Or, rather, he doesn't appear to be affectionate, nor does he display affectionate behavior. Or, rather, he hasn't displayed any while Shion was watching.
That, of course, leaves the fact that he might display affection while Shion isn't watching.
It's something that Shion thinks about a lot, if he's honest. He isn't an affectionate person himself, at least when compared to the average person, but he does enjoy it. And it isn't as if there's something he's wanting that Nezumi isn't giving to him, it's just that everyone has to be affectionate at some point, right?
Or, perhaps not.
Shion can't be entirely certain on whether or not Nezumi is, or has ever been, affectionate, but he can say with confidence that he has a way to check.
His plan is simple: when they go to bed he just won't fall asleep right away. He's always been a heavy sleeper and so it wouldn't be effective to try to wake up while Nezumi is or isn't being affectionate, but if he were to be conscious for the beginning of it, if it happens or not, then he would have an answer to his question. Unless it didn't happen – in that case, multiple trials would likely be necessary to gain any conclusion, seeing as Nezumi could simply not have done anything that night, but might have on another night.
In any case, he won't be falling asleep early tonight.
Shion finishes brushing his teeth as Nezumi crawls into bed. He doesn't think it will be too hard to stay awake; he had an easy day doing nothing too strenuous, and so there's spare energy in him that he believes will last until Nezumi reveals himself – or until he doesn't, in which case Shion will just go to sleep. He slides under the covers with that in mind.
"Good night, Nezumi." He says, settling onto his side facing Nezumi. Nezumi lays with his back toward him but responds with a warm voice.
"Good night, Shion."
Shion lets his eyes close.
He can hear Nezumi breathing soft and steady. It doesn't take long for his own breathing to even out given the peaceful setting of the room. He's comfortable on the bed, with Nezumi's warmth close in front of him and the blankets soft against his skin.
Like this, laying here in wait, he has plenty of time to think.
Time to think of Nezumi, primarily – Nezumi and his apparent absence of affection, Nezumi and his soft hands that would be perfect for giving affection, Nezumi and his ridiculous face that would probably be adorable while giving affection. Shion can imagine the fond expression that Nezumi would wear, eyes soft and lips curved into a smile. He can imagine Nezumi's hand moving over his hair, arms wrapping around his waist, lips pressing against his mouth. He can imagine how warm it'd feel.
It leaves a sort of yearning inside him.
He peaks his eyes open and squints into the darkness. The outline of Nezumi's back hasn't moved.
It's only been a few minutes and already Shion is bored. He wonders if it's even worth it to stay up and try to catch Nezumi. He could live without knowing whether or not Nezumi was affectionate, couldn't he? Nothing would happen to him physically if he didn't wait for Nezumi to maybe or maybe not do something. He wouldn't be hurt, or have any negative repercussions. In fact, staying up would be the worse of the two options.
But staying up is the only way to appease his curiosity.
He turns on his back and stares up at a ceiling he can't see. He'll wait a just while longer before giving up.
He takes a moment to wonder why he even cares if Nezumi is affectionate. What is there for him to achieve once he's gained this knowledge? It isn't likely that Nezumi would shift his affections to daylight hours, if he is already currently giving them out at night, even if Shion were to confront him about it. In fact, that would probably just get rid of the affection altogether. So, why?
Curiosity, most likely.
Just wanting to know.
Shion thinks, somewhere deep in him, is the want for that love, that affection. Old memories of his mother's love and attention brought up now that him and Nezumi are living together.
Nezumi moves beside him, and all of Shion's attention shifts to him.
Nezumi moves slowly, cautiously, carefully turning over and pausing. Shion closes his eyes quickly, keeping his breathing as normal as he can manage. After a few moments Nezumi moves again.
A hand settles into his hair, warm and comforting. Nezumi must lean closer because the bed dips further with a squeak from the mattress. Fingertips smooth over his cheeks, pushing hair behind his ear. Lips press warm against his forehead and Shion almost forgets to breath.
"Save the acting for me. I know you're awake."
Shion opens his eyes. Nezumi is propped up on his side, hair falling wildly across his face and mouth curved up in amusement. He reaches out a hand and flicks Shion's nose.
"Why are you pretending to sleep?"
"I wasn't pretending." Shion tries. Nezumi snorts.
"Bad actor and bad liar."
"Why are you awake?" Shion asks, though he figures he already knows the answer.
"Because you weren't asleep."
"I was waiting to see if you would fall asleep."
Nezumi huffs out a laugh. "Which ended up keeping us both up. Genius."
Shion doesn't say anything else, because the words on his tongue are I'm sorry, which isn't the truth at all. He contemplates simply telling Nezumi of his plan – that he was curious about Nezumi's late night affections. He lets his eyes wander over Nezumi's face, still half veiled by his silky hair, and wonders yet again over how a man so beautiful would settle for someone like him.
"I've been wondering," Shion starts, keeping eye contact with Nezumi, "whether you showed affection at night, rather than in the day." Nezumi's face is ever unreadable as he continues. "So, it seemed like the proper course of action to test this hypothesis by staying up and seeing what you did."
"And? What were the results, Mr. Hypothesis?" Nezumi asks, as though he wasn't there the whole time.
"You didn't show any affection, aside from when you knew I was awake. I think further investigation will be needed to gather conclusive results."
Nezumi snorts. "What, so you're going to watch me sleep for the next week to see if I would jump you in the middle of the night?"
Shion thinks it over. "Pretty much."
Nezumi actually laughs at that, falling back onto the bed in a breathless pile. He wipes a tear from his eye and says, "You never fail to amuse me, Shion."
Shion isn't quite sure what to say; he wasn't trying to be funny, but he isn't about to complain about making Nezumi laugh like that. Instead of replying, he simply asks, "Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Do you give me affection while I'm asleep?"
Nezumi is unreadable again. "What, do you want me to?"
"I don't know," Shion answers truthfully.
They're both silent for a moment, Shion watching Nezumi, and Nezumi watching him. After a minute, Nezumi props himself back on his elbow and leans over, smoothing a strand of Shion's hair behind his ear.
"I don't," he says, hair covering his face again but still beautiful to Shion's eyes, "but if you really want me to jump you while you're asleep, we can make an arrangement."
Shion rolls his eyes. "No, thank you."
"Suit yourself." Nezumi flops down next to him, still close enough for their arms to touch, close enough for Shion to feel when he breathes. It becomes quiet again, just the sound of their breaths and the leaky faucet in the bathroom and the cars passing outside. Shion actually does start to fall asleep, lulled by Nezumi's shared heat and the peace of mind he's gained – until Nezumi rolls over and Shion's craving that warmth against his arm again.
"Nezumi?"
"Yeah?"
"Could we-" He pauses, nervous for some unknown reason. "Could we cuddle?"
There's no response and for a moment, Shion wonders if Nezumi had already fallen asleep. But then Nezumi is flipping over to face him, crowding in closer and closer until they're chest to chest, and a weight he realizes is named insecurity is lifted off of him. It's warm in Nezumi's arms, safe, and Shion instantly relaxes into him.
"The offer is still there, you know." Nezumi says, breaking the silence. Shion, tired, doesn't quite understand what he's referring to.
"What offer?"
"To jump you."
Of course. "My answer still stands."
Nezumi might have said something else, might have fallen silent; Shion falls asleep quickly after that, more comfortable than he's felt in a while.
He's gotten his answer, though – this right here is proof enough of it.