A/N: OMG this has to be one of the most frustrating stories I've ever written. Normally when I write a story I have a general lay out in my head and can sit down and write it out more or less in a linear fashion beginning to end. But not this story, no this story has to be the least linearly written story I've ever churned out.

This story kept coming to me in bits and pieces a scene here, a scene there but all at different points in the story which was all fine and dandy until it came time to write the inbetween stuff tieing it all together that's when things came to a screeching halt and I couldn't the words that would make it all flow smoothly together to come to me. I had to force myself to work on this in bits and pieces again in a not linear fashion so I was constantly having to jump around and tweak things so that I wasn't contradicting myself and what not.

I apologize if this story feels awkward or rough in places but after weeks of painstaking work it's done and now I can wash my hands of it and move on to the next one whatever that may be.

Laying on the unfamiliar, familiar bed in Rose's old room at her parent's house, Rose softly snoring next to him, the Doctor stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep that he knew wouldn't come, to come. A week now they'd been crashing at Jackie and Pete's, seven very long days, while their flat was fumigated. Once they'd made the decision to get their own place Rose and the Doctor had wasted no time in finding themselves a flat and the Doctor had to admit that doing the whole domestic thing - buying furniture, picking out china, deciding on paint colors - hadn't been nearly as bad as he'd imagined those things would be.

All-in-all they had a pretty nice set up and things had been going great for them right up until a week ago when a termite infestation in the building had been discovered. The building management had wasted no time in arranging to have the building fumigated top to bottom, and any and all damage that may have been caused repaired. This of course meant that all of the residents had to vacate the building for several days. Fortunately most everyone had friends or family they could stay with and the small handful that didn't were put up in a hotel by the building owners.

The Doctor wished he could blame his insomnia on the fact that he was being forced to sleep in a bed that wasn't his own (he'd grown quite fond of the bed that he and Rose shared in their own home, this one just wasn't the same), but that was only a small part of the problem.

Eleven months, six days, fourteen hours and eight minutes that's how long he'd been living in Pete's World, living his new life, not running.

In the beginning it hadn't been so bad, there were so many new and exciting things to occupy his mind and time. Learning his new body, learning Rose's body, experiencing things for the first time as a human would, had kept him from noticing the stillness, noticing the claustrophobic nature of his new life. But things had soon become routine, predictable, and he was again starting to feel that unscratchable itch just under the surface of his skin that had been almost as much of a companion to him as the TARDIS had been.

So far he'd been able to keep himself more or less in check and prevent Rose from noticing his restlessness, but he knew it was only a matter of time. He didn't think that she was quite consciously aware yet that he was starting to have issues, but the Doctor could see that her subconscious was churning away over the problem. It hadn't helped his cause when one day the overwhelming urge to just move got to be too much and the Doctor without much conscious thought to the consequences had jumped in the car and taken off no destination in mind just the need to be on the move.

Of course when he'd finally come to his senses and returned to the flat two days later tail tucked between his legs he'd found a frantic and furious Rose waiting for him. After a thorough and well deserved tongue lashing the Doctor had promised to never take off like that again, but even so he still periodically found himself feeling caged in and an overwhelming need to be on the move. So he'd taken to nocturnal wanderings while Rose slept, first just around their building and then had slowly expanded out into the neighborhood.

It was on one of these nightly excursions that he had found a park with a runner's trail winding through it. He quickly discovered that if on nights where he was feeling overwhelmed he just ran and ran around the trail until he was too tired to move the itch would subside just enough to allow him to fall into bed and sleep undisturbed, of course when he did finally awake the next day the itch would be right back under his skin.

Letting out a soft sigh the Doctor carefully slid from Rose's side and out of the bed for the umpteenth time. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a light t-shirt he scooped up his tennis shoes and padded light foot out the door. Making his way downstairs he stopped to sit down on the last step and slip his shoes on. Ducking out the sliding door at the back of the kitchen he inhaled the crisp slightly chilled air then randomly picked a direction and started running.

'Feet pounding...'

'One foot in front of the other...'

'Heart pumping….'

'Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth….'

The Doctor didn't know how long he'd been out running when his aimless path eventually took him back by the house. Glancing towards the back patio area, the steady rhythm the Doctor had fallen into faltered as he spotted Jackie sitting on one of the garden benches. Debating whether or not he could keep running and pretend like he hadn't seen her the Doctor found himself momentarily frozen in place when Jackie's determined gaze locked with his. It was almost as if she knew exactly what he'd been thinking and was daring him to try it. Knowing better than to ignore a determined Tyler woman the Doctor let out a defeated sigh and began jogging back towards the house.

Coming to a stop in front of Jackie, the Doctor, chest heaving, took a moment to catch his breath. It was at times like this that he really missed his full Time Lord physiology, he'd never used to get winded before, but stuck in his now mostly human body he found it happening at an alarming rate. Of course the more he ran the better his stamina got, but it was the principal of the matter.

Without a word Jackie held out a bottle of water. The Doctor hesitated staring at it as if it was a bomb about to go off. "It's not poisoned if that's what you're thinking."

Still unsure of Jackie's motives the Doctor reluctantly took the offered water, but didn't move to open it. "Shouldn't you be in bed asleep or something?"

"Yes I should, and so should you." Jackie gave him that raised eyebrow that always had the Doctor feeling like he should be preparing for a slap. "You're late by the way."

"What…?"

"You're late, you should have been back by this way almost twenty minutes ago."

"Umm….wha….how….?" The Doctor was feeling a bit confused by the segue in topic and about why Jackie seemed to have been timing his runs.

"I have a toddler remember? He isn't exactly known for willfully and peacefully sleeping through the night. Tony's always looking for an excuse to be awake. It's a miracle if we can go a whole night without him waking us up because he's thirsty or hungry or needs the bathroom or because there's a monster somewhere in his room. All though now that I think about he hasn't used the monster excuse for a while now and that used to be a favorite."

"Probably 'cuz I monster proofed his room for him months ago." The Doctor finally opened the water bottle, sitting down next to Jackie.

"Of course he would believe you capable of that but not his parents." Jackie let out a soft chuckle. "But that's besides the point, what I'm trying to say is that in case you hadn't noticed Doctor, Tony's window overlooks the backyard. Wasn't hard to see you slipping out into the woods in the dead of night and it doesn't take a genius to notice a pattern."

"Ok that explains how you know about my nightly runs, but that doesn't explain what you're doing out here now instead of being in bed." The Doctor could feel himself starting to get antsy and he didn't like it. This constant need to be in motion, to be on the move was starting to wear him down.

"Because Doctor you obviously have something gnawing away at you and you don't seem willing to talk to Rose about it so here I am sitting on this bloody cold bench at some ungodly hour offering you a bottle of water and a sympathetic ear."

That last bit made the Doctor pause with the water bottle to his lips and glance at Jackie from the corner of his eye. Finishing the water he lowered the bottle and began fiddling with the label. "What makes you think I need a sympathetic ear?"

"Doctor please, you and I both know that normal untroubled people don't make a nightly habit of running around like the Hounds of Hell are on their heels."

The Doctor sat mute staring off into the distance, not able to deny what Jackie was saying. It didn't make it any easier for him to talk about his problems though. Time Lords didn't make a habit of talking about feelings and deep emotional things, they were supposed to be all stoic and noble and the Doctor was finding it hard to break hundreds of years of conditioning.

"You're starting to feel trapped aren't you?" Jackie let out a soft sigh realizing that she was probably going to have to carry the bulk of this conversation. "Starting to feel this constant need to be on the move. No matter how hard you try you just can't seem to stay still. Being indoors it practically makes your skin crawl, You're barely sleeping, sleep is damn near impossible…."

The Doctor stared at Jackie debating the likelihood of her having developed telepathic abilities.

"No I haven't suddenly become a mind reader I just recognize the signs, Rose went through something similar when we first came here." Jackie admitted. "I'm just surprised that it's taken this long for it to hit you. You spent centuries traveling all of space and time, compared to you Rose's time doing the same was a mere blink and yet it only took a couple of weeks for her to start climbing the walls, you've manage to make it almost a whole year."

"Yeah well I've had a lot more things to adjust to and figure out to occupy me than she did." The Doctor scratched the back of his head. "How...how'd she….?" he lowered his head suddenly not able to make eye contact.

"How'd she cope? That Doctor is a conversation you need to have with her." Jackie could see that the Doctor was full of doubt and uncertainty. "Doctor do you think Rose is stupid?"

"What!?" The Doctor's head snapped up "Of course not, she's brilliant."

"Yes she is, and it's not gonna take long for her to start putting two and two together, if she hasn't already. You need to talk to her about this. Letting her see this side of you isn't going to change how she sees you, how she feels about you. Treat it like a band-aid and just rip it off, it'll bring you closer together."

Not knowing what to say, which was an odd feeling for him, the Doctor just leaned forward, elbows on knees, and hung his head. The two fell into a silence that while not entirely uncomfortable wasn't exactly comfortable either.

"She's pregnant isn't she?" Jackie broke the silence a moment later, her voice steady, void of any emotion one way or the other about what she'd just said. She'd had sneaking suspicion for some time now as to what the catalyst behind the Doctor's itchiness was; time to take her own advice and rip the band-aid off.

"Yeah...yeah she is." The Doctor tried to keep his voice neutral even though he was anything but. He honestly couldn't believe how much that simple admission made out loud hurt deep down inside his chest, in his heart. He'd been trying so hard to bury his head in the sand about the whole thing and if he was honest with himself his denial about impending fatherhood probably wasn't helping with his restlessness. "Don't think she's made that realization yet though at least not that she's told me."

While yes Rose was on the pill and he for the most part used condoms (there was the occasional slip where things got really heated really fast and condoms came as a sleepy after thought) it had just never really occurred to the Doctor that children were a possibility in his new life, protection he figured was just something that humans expected their partners to use. Time Lords didn't procreate the way humans or any other species for that matter did, they weren't compatible with anyone but their own kind, at least not without a lot of medical intervention. It should have occurred to him though, he was biologically human in most ways now so why not in matters of reproduction too.

"You don't sound overly thrilled." If it were any other bloke sitting there sounding like knocking her daughter up was the end of the world Jackie would've smacked him into the next century, but it wasn't just any old bloke it was the Doctor and she couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for the man.

"What…? No of course I-."

"Don't lie to me Doctor." Jackie may have been willing to give the man some sympathy but that didn't mean she'd just idly sit back and let him crush her dear Rose. No if this pregnancy was going to be a major issue for the Doctor she wanted to know about it now so that she could try and cut it off at the pass before either he or Rose got hurt beyond repair.

The Doctor gave up trying to hold himself aloft and let his shoulders slump, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. "Jackie I love Rose, I do with every beat of my heart, you know that and I'll love this child. I'm not going anywhere if that's what you're afraid of. I just….I know I should be feeling thrilled, ecstatic, over the moon with joy…."

"But you don't."

"No, I don't." He'd spent so many years coming to grips with the fact that fatherhood was something he'd never have again, was something he'd had his chance at and destroyed. As a full Time Lord he'd been the last of his kind which had meant no more children for him ever. Yet here he was facing that prospect once again and he knew that he should be ecstatic at getting the second chance he'd secretly longed for deep, deep down, but all he could find himself feeling was terror. Terror that history would repeat itself, that if it did there'd be no pulling him back from the brink.

"I want to Jackie, Rassilon I want to...but I just can't let myself. All I can think of, the only thing going through my head is 'What if I do it again? What if I hurt my family again?' it just keeps playing over and over in my head."

"You would never hurt them." Jackie couldn't believe that the Doctor would actually think himself intentionally capable of hurting anyone he loved and cared about it just wasn't in his nature, not the Doctor she knew. "You couldn't-" Jackie startled as the Doctor suddenly burst up from his seat whirling around to face her, a look of anger like she'd never seen before on his face.

"Don't, don't you dare sit there and tell me I couldn't hurt my family, that I'm not capable! Because you know what Jackie that's exactly what I am! I am more than capable, I've done it before so what's to say that I won't again? I had a family, a wife, children, hell even grandchildren, back on Gallifrey and you know what happened? I killed them, I murdered every last one of them in cold blood right along with the rest of my people-"

He couldn't do this any more couldn't bare this burden it was just too much. Barely aware of the tears pouring down his face the Doctor collapsed to his knees chest heaving from his outburst. Suddenly without warning the Doctor felt arms wrapping around, arms that he would know anywhere. He didn't know why Rose was suddenly there at his side, how she'd known that he needed her but he didn't care just clung to her like his life depended on it.