I own nothing *sighs* Seriously ...you know I would have made some changes*snickers*. So I will simply play with them for a bit and return them.
Many thanks to my most spectacular and awesome Beta Amy! She keeps it pretty and me on track and I love her for that!
This was written for TIBBS Yuletide Advent Calendar 2013 on Live Journal.
NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS
March 28, 1991
Dear Soldier,
Hi. Well that sounds lame but I really don't know what to say here. Sorry I don't know your name or anything about you other than the fact that you're a wounded soldier. Sorry about that. I guess I should start by telling you my name.
My name is Tony, well really it's Anthony Dimitri DiNozzo Junior but suffice it to say I really don't like to be called that at all, and I am really more of a Tony. My father calls me Junior and I detest that, so to say it is a bit of a sore spot is an understatement.
Guess you're wondering why I'm writing you huh? Truthfully, my therapist said that I needed to get out of my own head…expand my horizons and all that jazz. Not sure I am on board with that…I hate shrinks. How the hell do they know what is good for you? Just because they went to school doesn't mean they have all the answers.
So what if I am depressed…it happens. So I am having trouble changing directions. When I am ready, I will.
See how much this has helped already?
Thanks,
Tony
April 21, 1991
Tony,
Seems like you have a story, we all do and they aren't all pretty.
I have to agree with you…I hate shrinks myself. Why the hell would I want to open up about personal stuff with them? They don't know me.
Guess I could tell you my name; Gunnery Sergeant Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I am a Marine and right now currently injured as you know. Having to think about direction changes myself, maybe we can help each other.
Jethro
May 10, 1991
Leroy Jethro….seriously? Can I call you Gunny?
What kind of injury do you have? I was playing football when a Wolverine tackled me. Broke my leg in several places and injured my knee as well. I am not trying to make it sound like it is the end of the world or anything, because seriously I know that, but I was going to go pro. Love sports, in fact I am a Phys Ed major. But the Doctors have all insisted on telling me that I need to give up that dream. Real encouraging of them isn't it?
My 'father' believes that this is a great reason for me to get into business and follow in his footsteps. He still doesn't understand why that isn't going to happen. But that is another story for another day.
So what are you thinking about doing? I suppose the intensity of your injury has some of bearing on that.
Thanks for writing back by the way.
Tony
May 21, 1991
Tony,
Yes, you can call me Gunny. I was named after my dad's friend, great guy.
I injured my knee in an explosion. Shrapnel tore it to pieces…won't have the same mobility and that makes serving problematic and near impossible. Going through a bunch of shit and just trying to come out sane.
A Wolverine huh? Sorry to hear that dashed your dreams of going pro. Sounds like you and your father have some major disagreement going on. I can understand that, have that myself. But that as you say is a story for another day.
You don't want to be a Phys Ed teacher? Ok…so what else interests you? No need to rush into something, but as you're laid up you can think about things that interest you. As for me, honestly I don't have a clue.
Always wanted to be a Marine, love it. Too many things have changed for me and right now living seems to be all that I can manage. Maybe I shouldn't be offering up any advice here Tony.
Jethro
June 4, 1991
Gunny,
Strange as it may sound, I get what you're saying. So no, I don't want to talk to someone else. It seems that we have twin injuries and that has to count for something, right?
Truthfully, I took up Phys Ed to piss off my father. Long story short he disowned me when I was twelve. What the hell I did to deserve that I have no idea. Sent me off to Military school and washed his hands of me. Unless of course, he wants something.
Being the heir apparent he wanted me to follow him. But why should I? He was never there for anything that I accomplished so I would rather keep it that way. I can make my own way, have for years.
But the idea of teaching does interest me. I remember teachers that sparked my interest and made the subject come alive. I would love to be able to ignite someone's passion.
You know that you can tell me anything. We're bonding…I share you share…anything. Is it odd that through a letter I feel like I can trust you? I mean I have already shared stuff that no one knew. Weird, huh?
Tony
June 12, 1991
Tony,
Never been a good talker…and opening up and sharing , not my strong suit. But since we are 'bonding' as you say I will try.
Honestly there is nothing that you could do to find yourself disowned. Especially at twelve! What the hell kind of man is your father? I am starting to believe in this bonding shit, because I want to pull out my sniper rifle. So good for you for pissing the man off.
How did you put yourself through school? Can you change your major or add to it? Ok…so you don't want to teach Phys Ed, what does interest you? The subject that will allow you to ignite someone else? I bet there is something, sounds like you have an idea or two. Talk them out with me.
My dad showed up with a date on the worst day of my life. The funeral of my wife and daughter. Damn…that is the first time I have mentioned them in any way since they died. Not sure how I feel about that.
Jethro
June 23, 1991
Gunny,
I am so sorry. I can't imagine that depth of loss. I lost my mom when I was eight, but this is a different level entirely. I wish there was something that I could do…say. Just know that I am here if you want to vent, yell, cry (yes I know you are a Marine but still). I am honored that you trusted me enough to share that.
I can also say that I understand your anger at your dad. Though I doubt his intention was to cause you more pain, the idea of a stranger at that time is more than you should have had to handle.
You know that you can tell me about your girls. If you want to of course…no pressure.
As for how I am putting myself through school; scholarships and a part time job. I will grudgingly admit that I am a bit of a geek (please don't tell anyone) and have a 3.8 GPA. My major is Phys Ed with a minor in Computer Science. I love to learn everything. I am a bit nosey, in case you couldn't tell.
I would love to teach a Film class. My mom and I shared that; she and I would have our dates and go to a movie. My father wasn't around much, always on the prowl for a business scam. Yes, I said scam…he is a conman. Usually comes out on top of a deal and he had married many wealthy woman. I have lost count how many step-mothers I have had.
Tony
July 1, 1991
Tony,
You should be proud of how you've made your own way. That is an accomplishment. Have you looked into film courses as well as possibilities of teaching such a class? Is there a demand for that? I'll admit that since I have been a Marine I am severely behind in that sort of thing. Maybe you can teach me.
Be a nice way to share the passion that your mother had for film and the special times that you shared. No one can take that away from you. As for you sperm donor…well it is a good thing that I am laid up. I am feeling the need to teach him a lesson. Sorry if I am over stepping my bounds.
Shannon, she was my wife…she was a red-head and fierce. She was her own person and believed in rules; after all everyone needs a code to live by. That was what she told me the first time I met her. I was at the train station in Stillwater PA (my hometown) in uniform and shipping out.
She asked me if I was a lumber jack and I was never so glad to say no. She had a rule about dating them. She was quick to laugh and an amazing cook. Made our house a home and put up with me.
Kelly…never a little girl that was prettier. She had a quick smile and was fiercely loyal to her friends. A real good combination of Shannon and me. I can remember the first time I held her; she was so small and I was sure that I was going to hurt her.
I miss them every day Tony. But somehow talking to you makes that pain ease a bit. Not sure that makes sense or not.
Jethro
July 7, 1991
Gunny,
Makes a lot of sense…to me at least. I have already opened up to you and trust me I never do that. I usually hide behind wise comments, deflection and a smile. I rarely even mention my father and his wives or business. And I never share my mom with anyone; so yes….I get it.
Shannon and Kelly sound so amazing. I wish that you still had them with you. I would give anything to make that happen. How many rules did Shannon have? Do you still use them today? I wonder about the lumberjack…had to have been a story there.
Did you teach Kelly to ride a bike? Did she like sports, dolls?
I miss my mom too. I wonder what would have happened if she had lived. So many things changed when she died. She was beautiful; blonde hair and green eyes. She was born in England. We went there when I was six to meet the family. She was so different from them I guess is the best way to describe it. They didn't think a great deal of my dad at all.
I have looked into Film…recently and there are a lot of directions I can go. What about you? Just because you can't be an active Marine doesn't mean that you can't serve in other ways. What drew you to the Marines? What are you passionate about?
I would really enjoy bringing you up to date on movies and stuff. That would be really cool.
Tony
July 31, 1991
Tony,
Sorry it has been a while. You brought up a lot of memories and as much as I enjoyed them, I also had to deal with the pain. You have managed through your letters, to make it safe to bring them up and once I allowed the pain a place to go, I felt better. Not good, but truthfully like I wanted to live.
I'll be honest Tony; it was touch and go there for a bit. Couldn't imagine my life without them and as hard as that is I know for a fact that Shannon would slap me silly if I did what I had contemplated. Certain there is going to be days like that, but I can do this.
Shannon had a lot of rules, she reveled in thinking them up. Kelly used to roll her eyes when she'd bring the notebook out. But the rules kept popping in. Kelly played soccer and she loved dolls. She had a vivid imagination and would make up stories. I can't tell you how many impromptu plays I attended in the back yard.
As for what I am passionate about…I guess that would be helping people…making the world a better place. Big aspirations I know…but it all starts with one person right? Maybe I could do some sort of law enforcement. I have always had good instincts and can tell when someone is lying. Maybe that can be transformed into a law position.
So what is your favorite film?
And Tony….thank you.
Jethro
August 15, 1991
Gunny,
You're welcome…but I am not quite sure what you're thanking me for.
Can you promise me something please? If you ever start to feel that you're headed for that dark tunnel…please get a hold of me. I can't quite explain why the thought of you and I not corresponding makes me feel lost…but it does. For whatever reason you have become important to me, so don't make me hobble your way and kick your ass, because I will. I don't mean to sound so…hell I don't know what it is, but it is there…ok?
I am kinda at a loss here, so don't mind me if I cut this letter short.
Tony
September 1, 1991
Tony,
I promise you that I will talk to you if I feel that way again. I certainly didn't mean to worry you. I don't intend to make you hobble here and kick my ass. Though for some reason I feel you would have every right to. You, though I can't explain it, take me out of my head and actually make me feel like living again.
I know that sounds strange and like you I have no way to explain it. Maybe we should just go with the flow and not worry about it. Shannon used to say 'It is what it is'. I think it works in this case, what do you think?
You would be proud. I started looking into different types of law enforcement and put some feelers out. I have no idea what will happen, but I am looking forward to seeing what happens.
You asked what I was thanking you for and that is a complicated answer. You might not know how quiet and private I am, and after reading that it probably seems strange considering I have shared many details about me, Shannon and Kelly with you.
But somehow with you I find myself opening up, sure I could rationalize that it is because we are writing and I have no choice but to put down words, but yet I think that if we had met I would find myself doing the same thing.
You have made my pain manageable as you shared your own and have allowed me to share my girls. I don't think you know how amazing that is to me. So that is a small part of why I am thanking you.
Ok…that is enough emotional stuff for now. Keep this up and we'll have to paint each other's nails (I wonder if I could get the Marine Insignia?).
Jethro
September 13, 1991
Gunny,
Ok…didn't mean to sound like I was flying off the handle, I apologize, but that scared me. I am glad to know that you get it. And I must agree with Shannon (did she know Yoda?) and I will just let it be.
I am proud! What type of law enforcement? Of course that depends on where you're located, and no I am not hinting for an address! But I am curious about which direction you are leaning. That would definitely be a way for you to still help people and serve – so to speak.
That is a pretty high honor you have bestowed on me and I am honored that you feel that level of trust with me. I might not be able to explain it, but I feel the same way, as I have said before. I want you to open up with me and not feel that you have to screen anything that you say.
I never thought I would say this, but I am glad I actually listened to my therapist and wrote a letter and truly grateful that it landed in your hands. Damn…I sound like a girl, but I am sure you know what I mean. After all you mentioned getting your nails done! And by the way a nurse said that the Marine Insignia was totally possible.
I have added a few film classes to my new schedule, yes, though I am laid up I have managed to continue school due to some professors believing that it was a good idea. I suppose my grades and attitude may have helped a bit as well. They made some suggestions and right now, I am putting my toe in the water.
Would it sound odd to say that I hope we meet someday?
Tony
September 18, 1991
Tony,
No it would not seem odd to want to meet someday. I'll admit that that has been something I have really been thinking about, but didn't know how to broach the subject. Glad you did and we will.
Originally I talked to the FBI, I don't like the CIA at all, honestly not to fond of the FBI either…but they seem to be better behaved. But I crossed paths with an investigator on base and he was with NIS.
Some sort of Navy cop that deals with crimes against the Navy and Marines. I really kind of like the idea of that being that I can still serve my fellow soldiers if that makes sense. Mike (the guy I ran across) Franks, seems to think that I have potential, all because I helped him put together a few pieces of an event on base and catch the guy. I just had a gut feeling and went with it and he seems to think that is a handy skill. I am really thinking about it and have a meeting to talk to their Director.
I live in Alexandria so I won't have to move. See…I trust you with my location, might come in handy if you visit. I could show you some pictures of Shannon and Kelly. It may be hard as hell to do that, but I get the feeling that they would like that. Of course if it is ok with you as well.
I am with you on being grateful that I opened up a letter all those months ago and for the fact that I actually wrote back. Never done that before. As you well have been told, words and I are not always friends.
Glad to see that you're looking at your options and that they have found a way to help you continue school. How much further do you want to go? A Masters?
And for the record I was kidding about the nails. Not gonna happen.
Jethro
October 1, 1991
Gunny,
So do I give that gut of yours a good feeling? Or do you need to wait until we meet to get that reading?
I looked up NIS and it seems like a small but rather reputable agency. I have to agree with you about the CIA, I get that they are spies, but they always seem way more underhanded than they need to be. They need to watch some James Bond and learn a few things. But the FBI? I really hope that you choose not to be a Feeb. Let's just say that I don't have a high opinion of them after they investigated my father.
Nothing happened, so either they didn't have a strong enough case or he bought them off, either way I don't trust them. I know my father is questionable, enough said on that.
I would love to look at pictures of your girls with you. I kinda feel like I know them a little bit. But I don't want you to worry about it if it gets to be too much. It's gonna hurt like hell, how can it not? But at the same time I bet they would love that you shared them and didn't close them off. And no, I am not a psychologist, I kinda read a lot (I warned you I was a bit of a geek) and for a while thought I might go that route.
Just know that I am here for you.
So you are close to DC and all the action! Ok…not action per say, but you know what I mean. Do you like Chinese food? Pizza? What is your favorite food? I'll have you know that I love to cook. Wow…that sounds…I don't know, like I am listing all my good qualities. Guess if I do that you should know my bad ones as well.
I talk too much! Might not have been able to tell, but usually when I do ramble I am putting ideas together.
Anyway, I didn't have a normal, wonderful childhood. My parents were filthy rich and though my mom and I shared many things, I was also raised my housekeepers and nannies. I am not complaining, really, I had some wonderful people around me. I can't say that I don't wish it was different, but that can't be changed.
I spent a great deal of time in the kitchen and loved watching them cook and create. As I grew older they would teach me and I loved it. So I guess the why isn't as important as the fact that I do love to cook.
Been toying with getting a Master's in the future…don't know. I guess that I don't have to decide now so I will wait and see. And not all schools have a Master's in Film or Education and as for combined I just don't know.
What about you? Have you ever wanted to go to college? When I was at the Military Academy I thought about going further, but I have a bit of a problem with authority. Not that I wouldn't obey an order, there had just better be a good reason for it. Figured that would be a problem.
Tony
October 17, 1991
Tony,
I am pretty sure my gut thinks you're ok. It's never led me astray before can't see that it would now.
Talked to Mike Franks again and he showed me around, let me see what I would be doing and learning to do. It definitely lets me use some skills that I have, but damn! There is a bunch of shit I don't know. I guess it's really no different than when I signed on the dotted line and joined the Corp. I had no clue of what that would turn into either.
Seems to be a time for firsts for both of us. Seems like we aren't doing too badly; we're both looking at new careers and we are both opening up. That is something I never thought I would do.
Can I state again that I wish I could see your father and have a discussion with the man? Ok, that may be stretching the truth a bit, I may not talk. I can guarantee that you did better without your father's money and you did it your way. I can also see why you would be relieved that I am not going to be a Feeb, did meet a nice guy at the FBI however. Guess there has to be at least one.
I like Chinese, pizza is always good- but my favorite is cowboy steaks. I'll make you one, let you judge for yourself. Are you able to venture away from the hospital? I was thinking it was time to meet, been thinking about it for a while, if you're still willing. I enclosed a mock up business card that Franks gave me. I think he was trying to show me some perks. Not real sure how it was supposed to entice me to NIS, but it is coming in handy now.
I am not a great cook, maybe you can give me some tips. I can do some simple things.
And you're right, there is no need to rush your decision, you have time. Me…never really gave much thought to going to school. But who knows.
Jethro
November 11, 1991
Dear Gunny,
Happy Veteran's Day! I thank you for your service.
I don't think I have told you how much fun I had last week. Meeting you was better than I could have imagined. I hope you couldn't tell how nervous I was. I couldn't even explain why.
You're right! Cowboy steaks are the best! I don't think I have ever had anything that good. And you still won't tell me what the secret is? Damn you.
I'm glad that you seemed to enjoy 'Arsenic and Old Lace'. I think the classics have a life of their own and Cary Grant was the quintessential ladies' man. Maybe next time we can do some James Bond?
I am glad that you decided to put a few of Shannon and Kelly's pictures on the mantle. They need to be there, they're a part of you. I like to think of them watching out for you. Maybe in a few more years we can unbury the time capsule that Kelly and her friend buried.
Thank you Jethro, for sharing. I know that wasn't easy, but I loved hearing how happy they made you.
What does it say about me that I can't stop thinking about you?
Tony
November 21, 1991
Tony,
I haven't had that much fun in a very long time Tony. I didn't think that was possible. You made me laugh and I really didn't expect to do that.
Someday, maybe, just maybe I'll tell you the secret behind the cowboy steaks. And I promise to try your Spaghetti Bolognese. Maybe when you come again, I'll cook it for you.
Seems funny to be writing when we talk on the phone all the time, but I am not ready to stop. And I know that makes no sense at all.
Love,
Jethro
December 1, 1991
Dear Gunny,
Just got home and off the phone with you, but I can't seem to stop myself from writing. I know that in a few weeks I'll be home again, but ….
Thanksgiving was awesome. We managed to cook a whole dinner! Mike Franks was a bit gruff, but overall he seems like an ok guy. How do you think you're going to like working with him?
How is it we can talk, ok maybe it more me than you, for hours and I feel like there is still more to say? I don't know what the hell is happening and I hope that my actually saying this doesn't ruin what we have. I never have felt anything like this Jethro. Tell me I am not imagining it…
Love,
Tony
December 10, 1991
Dear Tony,
Can't tell you what it is either. Just know that I can't imagine not knowing you…talking to you…and never (besides Shannon) have I ever felt like this. And I have all these conflicts running through my head; Shannon, timing, age, sexuality…everything.
No, Tony, you're not imagining this, though I am not sure what this is. Or even what you want it to be. And do you realize that you said that you'll be coming home again. Home, Tony. That what it feels like when you're here and I want more of that.
Love,
Jethro
December 24, 1991
Dear Gunny,
Open the door.
Love,
Tony
Jethro read the letter three times before realizing that all he needed to do was follow that one instruction. Opening the door he was meet by Tony's smile.
"Surprise!" The look on his Gunny's face made all the planning that went into this moment worth it. Bribing the postman to deliver the letter, waiting quietly (and patiently) for Jethro to read the letter and hopefully follow that one request. The last part nearly caused him to go up and knock on the door several times, but for once he was able to wait and the end result was better than he could have imagined.
Jethro grinned. "I am, very happily so. Get your ass in here, it's cold out there." Gently pulling the younger man inside, he shut the door behind them.
Tony shrugged off his coat laughing as a few wayward snowflakes landed on Jethro. "Starting to snow."
Frozen at the sight of Tony standing in front of him, smiling, laughing and looking at home, in his home, he knew without a doubt this was where he wanted to be. For all the differences, and there were a few, he was certain that this man was the reason his heart was still beating.
Feeling a gentle shove he found himself standing right in front of Tony. No longer wanting to play it safe or hide he leaned in and sighed as his lips met up with the younger man's. There was no resistance only the feeling of belonging as their lips joined. It was simple perfection.
As their need for air forced them to separate their eyes met and were reflections of one another. Love for one another clearly evident.
"Thank God." Tony gasped out. "Been wanting you to do that for quite some time."
Jethro chuckled as he shook his head. "You could have said something…given me a hint…or simply kissed me."
"Was too nervous…didn't want to screw up what we had even if I wanted more. Was hoping my showing up with mistletoe would give me the excuse to take a chance." Tony pulled the small abused sprig from the front pocket of his jeans.
Jethro smiled and closed his hand over Tony's. "Guess we don't need this now. Seems we're both on the same page here…want the same things."
"Definitely. I want everything, the whole kit and caboodle. Can you handle that?" Tony smiled shyly, his expression hopeful.
"Oh yea." Jethro pulled Tony against his body. "More than anything." Taking a deep breath as he rested his forehead against the younger man's. "I love you Tony."
"I love you too." Tony sighed happily lowering his lips to Jethro's. "Merry Christmas."