Kamui is Straight!!
A horrifying revalation brought to you by: Alex Shinigami and Tara-chan
Disclaimer: We apologise in advance for the overly BLATENT torturing of Kamui (oh, but that what we like? Sailor Senshi: Ne ne....), and the utter mocking of any and every X character we love and hate. Except Kusanagi, 'cause he's too *nice* to torture.
You've been warned.....
Part One: Kamui is Straight! Homework Help!
'Their Destiny was foreordained....'
Or something like that.
Kamui Shiro was a normal high school kid, with normal problems. A powerful young man with strong psycho-err, pyschic/telekinetic powers, a bringer of the End of the World....yewah, he was pretty normal for a kid living in Tokyo in the year 1999....
Especially since it had been the year 1999 for quite a few years now.
And now, all Kamui wanted was a bath, and some quiet time to do homework. Which would mean he would inevitably need to go and ask Subaru for help. Which would inevitably mean more 'touchy-feely-*friendly*' moments. The very thought made him cringe.
'It's bad enough I have to deal with Fuuma and Keiichi....well, at least Fuuma only attacks me outside school, Keiichi likes to attempt to grope me during classes....,' sighing, Kamui headed towards his current home, some rich guy who used to go to CLAMP campus was letting all of the Ten no Ryu stay in his mansion. How utterly nice and conviniant.
'At least *he* stopped trying to attack me when I told him I was a guy,' thought Kamui.
Kamui fidgeted with his tie, which Subaru now fixed for him everyday...the dreamy look in his eyes as he did it always made Kamui think that he was imagining tying Seishiro's tie. How utterly droll, seeing as Seishiro was the one who killed his sister....
'Then again, Fuuma killed Kotori, and everyone thinks that we are in love...GOD! I mean, really, he tries to kill me while trying to screw me senseless with my clothes on at the same time...if the pain and the fact that we were both guys didn't turn me off all the time, I might be flattered...wait, no I wouldn't. I think I'd just be pissed. Oh wait, the only difference is now I'm pissed and in pain most of the time.'
Kamui passed through the doors of the mansion, and waved at Nekoi playing with her little spirit dog, and smiled. 'At least she's nice to me. Well, Karen and Aoki-san are too, but she at least is my age and not trying to glomp me all the time...,' he thought.
The truth was, Kamui was tired of being the object of all of the male CLAMP characters affections. 'Just because I look like Hikaru doesn't mean I like guys too.' Everyday, when he walked to school, he watched as Fuuma floated in the sky watching, with Seishiro on his back. It was a funny sight, but after the tenth day of being stalked on his way to school, it was getting annoying. Well, and then there was the day that Seishiro had fallen off of Fuuma's back, and had gone crashing to the ground. Kamui had turned around and openly started to laugh, until the Sakurazukamori decided to show an emotion, and emotion that could have been the angriest anger Kamui had ever seen, even more angry then the time he accidently spilled water on Aoki's manga-ka's finished pages (Ohh, that had been bad, especialy when Aoki started to cry, saying he couldn't go home that weekend because he had to get the manga-ka to redo the ruined pages, and he had been more than angry...his little girl was having another birthday, she had been turning whatever age she was again for the third year of 1999, and he had wanted to go home again, oh, bad bad BAD time...Kamui was pretty sure he had another enemy, until Karen thought she'd try to quick dry the papers with her fire power, which just led to more of Aoki's tears and a blackened coffee table, which got him in trouble wth that guy who owned the mansion....whoever he was....), and then the Sakurazukamori started to chase him...Oh, needless to say, he didn't go to school that day. He hid in a dumpster, and had come home early, smelly, and took a shower. Then, as soon as he got the towel wrapped around him, Subaru came in, asking questions about the Sakurazukamori, and that led to another meeting of the Ten no Ryu, where Kamui was wearing only a towel.
'I hope that doesn't happen agan,' thought Kamui. 'I don't think I could stand anymore of Subaru's 'come hither' looks. It's starting to freak me out a bit. The first time was okay...but after time 234,518,762, I lost track.'
The number was closer to 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999....you get the idea. it's a BIG number.
Quickly making sure there were no hidden camera's, Subaru's, Chi no Ryu's or Keiichi's, he ran into the shower, and got clean.
'At least I don't have a braid like Hikaru.....or as soon as I thought it was safe to turn around, I'd be drug into bed with one of the men trying to get into my pants.....'
Kamui thought about that girl in his homeroom.
'Or a member of the opposite sex, Hinoto forbid....'
He rolled his eyes, and got into the shower.
Kamui was working on his hordes and hordes of homework....thoughts of pychically blasting his teachers flew threw his head, but he shook them away. Besides, when the end of the world came, finally, at least then he'd die an educated man, right?
Ri-i-i-ight.
Finally, he caved in, and seached out Subaru, in hopes he could get some help. He knocked lightly on Subaru's door, hoping that hs friend and unwanted suitor was in. "Subaru-san?" he asked, cautiously. "Subaru-san, it's Kamui, I was wondering-"
The door opened, and Subaru was wearing a leather body suit. Kamui almost fainted. He was wearing happy pj's that featured bears and clouds, and was the happy and cheerful opposite of the 25-year old in front of him.
"Hello Kamui," said Subaru in a gruff voice. "I was just *cough* *cough*-"
"Subaru-san, are you okay?" asked Kamui.
"Fine," he replied in his usual voice. "I think I caught a cold though. That's why my voice keeps cracking."
Suddenly, there was a breeze, and cherry blossoms floated by. "Oh, I thought you were gong through puberty, Subaru-kun," said an all too familiar voice.
"Look, I have to help my Kamui right now, not you," sad Subaru. "Can we please be angsty and innuendo-y later?"
Seishiro sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll see you later, my little uke," he said, and jumped out the window. Subaru cringed at that last remark, and Kamui blinked.
"Subaru-san....."
"Yes, Kamui?" He put an arm around Kamui's shoulder. Kamui paled a little....
'The price I pay for tutoring...it' a good thing I don't ask Fuuma.....'
"Okay, I hate to sound stupid, but what's an uke? I've never heard the word before, except when Fuuma and Seishiro are talking about us, or when Karen's around."
"Karen?" asked Subaru. He pondered something for a moment, than shrugged. "Well, I guess women can be uke too....."
"Okay, that's great, real swell there," said Kamui, none too amused wth Subaru's evading the question. "But what the hell is one?"
Subaru blushed. "Ask Aoki. Now, about your homework," he said, a hand sliding idly around Kamui's waist, "Let's see what we can do....."
Awhile later, after dodging each one of Subaru's 54 advances (a new low record for homework help for Kamui), Kamui was still plauged by a burning question.
'What is an uke?'
Walking around the mansion, he saw Aoki entertaning the manga-ka he worked for. He decided to wait until later to ask what an uke was, because he didn't want the manga-ka to kill him for the water incident. At least Aoki didn't do what he threatened, still, he hadn't thought that Aoki knew such language that would make Sorata blush, and from all accounts, the manga-ka had an even WORSE reaction.
At the time, Kamui had thought that impossible. Still, it wasn't worth asking and disturbing Aoki to find out.
Walking into the kitchen, he saw Sorata hitting on Arashi again.
"Come on, Arashi-baby," he said, "I love you! And it only hurts the first time!"
"Listen, Sorata," she said, looking him in the eyes, with a patented Heero Yui death glare (she must have been watching Gundam Wing reruns with Nekoi), "I am not your 'hunny'! I'm not your 'baby', 'sweetie pie', 'sugar plum', or 'schnookums'! I'm a Shrine MAIDEN! M-A-I-D-E-N!!"
"Well, we could change that," he said, sliding in close. It looked like Arashi was going to bite his nose off, but instead....
Instead, they began making out on the countertops. Kamui paled even more, making himself as white as a movie screen (which by all accounts, is all the paler the Kamui of the Ten no Ryu could possibly get), and almost fell over.
'Remind me to never make a sandwich on *that* countertop again,' thought Kamui, regaining his composure. 'Oh well. I'll ignore them, and grab a bite to eat. Hot damn, everyone around here is hyped up on hormones....'
Leaving the kitchen quite unnoticed, he searched out someplace to just sit, and contemplate life. Or, some reasonable faxsimille.
Part Two: Seishiro and Subaru! Out Of Character Fun!
Meanwhile, Subaru was lying on his bed, thinking about Kamui.
'Oh, that beautiful black-violet hair...those lovely eyes...what wouldn't give to touch that body without those obtrusive clothes on...he's got such a pretty body, with a lovely frame for someone so young....You know, know I understand why Seishiro was so obsessed with me when I was younger...sixteen year olds have great bodies in the CLAMP universe.'
Cherry blossoms floated around Subaru's bed, and he sighed. Turning to face the window, he smiled. "Hello, my sexy little Sei-chan," said Subaru.
"Hmph," said Seishiro. "There's nothing little about me." The Sakurazukamori sat down beside his lithe and pretty onmyouji lover, and smiled.
Subaru stroked Seishiro's leg, and smiled. "I know," he said.
Soon, the two were a mix of tasty limbs and writhing bodies. Subaru, of course, was on the bottom, as usual, and enjoying every bit of it. The sounds of leather being peeled off were heard, and the sounds of a suit tearing soon followed.
"Damn," muttered Seishiro. "That was Armani too."
"Oops," giggled Subaru. "So-"
"Stop!" said Seishiro, grinning. "We are supposed to be having a wildly out of character moment! If you fall back in character-"
"Oh, right. My bad," said Subaru.
Later, when it was dark outside, and the stars had been out for awhile, Subaru and Seishiro just layed there, smoking ciggerettes, and enjoying the moment.
"You know, Sei-chan," said Subaru, in the euphoria of the after, "You smell like Fuuma."
Seishiro laughed. "And you smell like Kamui."
Subaru laughed. "At least you get some from *your* Kamui....."
"Yes, well," said Seishiro. "Subaru-kun, if you ever get your Kamui to unfreeze himself around you, let me give you this peice of advice....."
"Yes, Darling?"
"Let the Kamui be on top," he said.
"Wha-at?!"
"Face it," said Seishiro. "You are as bad as that cute Chihaya from Earthian. You are everybody's uke."
Subaru scowled. "Well, at least I'm not a housewife like Kamui."
"No, you are the housewife's uke," said Seishiro.
Suddenly, Seishiro and Subaru felt there out of character moment come to an end. If they were allowed to feel emotion when they were in character, they would have been sad.
"Get out of here!" yelled Subaru. He put on pants and a nearby t- shirt. He was happy they were his angsty black. "Don't touch me again, you murderer of my sister!"
"Is that the thanks I get for showing you a good time?"
His only response was a vase shattering beside him, and Subaru's tears as he crumpled to the floor.
Outside the door, Karen and Arashi were walking by, and they head the vase shatter.
"Sounds like Seishiro-san is paying a visit to Subaru again," said Arashi.
Karen nodded. "Those two are worse than any newlywed couple I've met."
They both shrugged. "Men," they said in unison.
Next time: Part Three: Kamui Learns About Ukes! Nataku Plays Poker?
Please review, and send email: Volettara@aol.com
A horrifying revalation brought to you by: Alex Shinigami and Tara-chan
Disclaimer: We apologise in advance for the overly BLATENT torturing of Kamui (oh, but that what we like? Sailor Senshi: Ne ne....), and the utter mocking of any and every X character we love and hate. Except Kusanagi, 'cause he's too *nice* to torture.
You've been warned.....
Part One: Kamui is Straight! Homework Help!
'Their Destiny was foreordained....'
Or something like that.
Kamui Shiro was a normal high school kid, with normal problems. A powerful young man with strong psycho-err, pyschic/telekinetic powers, a bringer of the End of the World....yewah, he was pretty normal for a kid living in Tokyo in the year 1999....
Especially since it had been the year 1999 for quite a few years now.
And now, all Kamui wanted was a bath, and some quiet time to do homework. Which would mean he would inevitably need to go and ask Subaru for help. Which would inevitably mean more 'touchy-feely-*friendly*' moments. The very thought made him cringe.
'It's bad enough I have to deal with Fuuma and Keiichi....well, at least Fuuma only attacks me outside school, Keiichi likes to attempt to grope me during classes....,' sighing, Kamui headed towards his current home, some rich guy who used to go to CLAMP campus was letting all of the Ten no Ryu stay in his mansion. How utterly nice and conviniant.
'At least *he* stopped trying to attack me when I told him I was a guy,' thought Kamui.
Kamui fidgeted with his tie, which Subaru now fixed for him everyday...the dreamy look in his eyes as he did it always made Kamui think that he was imagining tying Seishiro's tie. How utterly droll, seeing as Seishiro was the one who killed his sister....
'Then again, Fuuma killed Kotori, and everyone thinks that we are in love...GOD! I mean, really, he tries to kill me while trying to screw me senseless with my clothes on at the same time...if the pain and the fact that we were both guys didn't turn me off all the time, I might be flattered...wait, no I wouldn't. I think I'd just be pissed. Oh wait, the only difference is now I'm pissed and in pain most of the time.'
Kamui passed through the doors of the mansion, and waved at Nekoi playing with her little spirit dog, and smiled. 'At least she's nice to me. Well, Karen and Aoki-san are too, but she at least is my age and not trying to glomp me all the time...,' he thought.
The truth was, Kamui was tired of being the object of all of the male CLAMP characters affections. 'Just because I look like Hikaru doesn't mean I like guys too.' Everyday, when he walked to school, he watched as Fuuma floated in the sky watching, with Seishiro on his back. It was a funny sight, but after the tenth day of being stalked on his way to school, it was getting annoying. Well, and then there was the day that Seishiro had fallen off of Fuuma's back, and had gone crashing to the ground. Kamui had turned around and openly started to laugh, until the Sakurazukamori decided to show an emotion, and emotion that could have been the angriest anger Kamui had ever seen, even more angry then the time he accidently spilled water on Aoki's manga-ka's finished pages (Ohh, that had been bad, especialy when Aoki started to cry, saying he couldn't go home that weekend because he had to get the manga-ka to redo the ruined pages, and he had been more than angry...his little girl was having another birthday, she had been turning whatever age she was again for the third year of 1999, and he had wanted to go home again, oh, bad bad BAD time...Kamui was pretty sure he had another enemy, until Karen thought she'd try to quick dry the papers with her fire power, which just led to more of Aoki's tears and a blackened coffee table, which got him in trouble wth that guy who owned the mansion....whoever he was....), and then the Sakurazukamori started to chase him...Oh, needless to say, he didn't go to school that day. He hid in a dumpster, and had come home early, smelly, and took a shower. Then, as soon as he got the towel wrapped around him, Subaru came in, asking questions about the Sakurazukamori, and that led to another meeting of the Ten no Ryu, where Kamui was wearing only a towel.
'I hope that doesn't happen agan,' thought Kamui. 'I don't think I could stand anymore of Subaru's 'come hither' looks. It's starting to freak me out a bit. The first time was okay...but after time 234,518,762, I lost track.'
The number was closer to 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999....you get the idea. it's a BIG number.
Quickly making sure there were no hidden camera's, Subaru's, Chi no Ryu's or Keiichi's, he ran into the shower, and got clean.
'At least I don't have a braid like Hikaru.....or as soon as I thought it was safe to turn around, I'd be drug into bed with one of the men trying to get into my pants.....'
Kamui thought about that girl in his homeroom.
'Or a member of the opposite sex, Hinoto forbid....'
He rolled his eyes, and got into the shower.
Kamui was working on his hordes and hordes of homework....thoughts of pychically blasting his teachers flew threw his head, but he shook them away. Besides, when the end of the world came, finally, at least then he'd die an educated man, right?
Ri-i-i-ight.
Finally, he caved in, and seached out Subaru, in hopes he could get some help. He knocked lightly on Subaru's door, hoping that hs friend and unwanted suitor was in. "Subaru-san?" he asked, cautiously. "Subaru-san, it's Kamui, I was wondering-"
The door opened, and Subaru was wearing a leather body suit. Kamui almost fainted. He was wearing happy pj's that featured bears and clouds, and was the happy and cheerful opposite of the 25-year old in front of him.
"Hello Kamui," said Subaru in a gruff voice. "I was just *cough* *cough*-"
"Subaru-san, are you okay?" asked Kamui.
"Fine," he replied in his usual voice. "I think I caught a cold though. That's why my voice keeps cracking."
Suddenly, there was a breeze, and cherry blossoms floated by. "Oh, I thought you were gong through puberty, Subaru-kun," said an all too familiar voice.
"Look, I have to help my Kamui right now, not you," sad Subaru. "Can we please be angsty and innuendo-y later?"
Seishiro sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll see you later, my little uke," he said, and jumped out the window. Subaru cringed at that last remark, and Kamui blinked.
"Subaru-san....."
"Yes, Kamui?" He put an arm around Kamui's shoulder. Kamui paled a little....
'The price I pay for tutoring...it' a good thing I don't ask Fuuma.....'
"Okay, I hate to sound stupid, but what's an uke? I've never heard the word before, except when Fuuma and Seishiro are talking about us, or when Karen's around."
"Karen?" asked Subaru. He pondered something for a moment, than shrugged. "Well, I guess women can be uke too....."
"Okay, that's great, real swell there," said Kamui, none too amused wth Subaru's evading the question. "But what the hell is one?"
Subaru blushed. "Ask Aoki. Now, about your homework," he said, a hand sliding idly around Kamui's waist, "Let's see what we can do....."
Awhile later, after dodging each one of Subaru's 54 advances (a new low record for homework help for Kamui), Kamui was still plauged by a burning question.
'What is an uke?'
Walking around the mansion, he saw Aoki entertaning the manga-ka he worked for. He decided to wait until later to ask what an uke was, because he didn't want the manga-ka to kill him for the water incident. At least Aoki didn't do what he threatened, still, he hadn't thought that Aoki knew such language that would make Sorata blush, and from all accounts, the manga-ka had an even WORSE reaction.
At the time, Kamui had thought that impossible. Still, it wasn't worth asking and disturbing Aoki to find out.
Walking into the kitchen, he saw Sorata hitting on Arashi again.
"Come on, Arashi-baby," he said, "I love you! And it only hurts the first time!"
"Listen, Sorata," she said, looking him in the eyes, with a patented Heero Yui death glare (she must have been watching Gundam Wing reruns with Nekoi), "I am not your 'hunny'! I'm not your 'baby', 'sweetie pie', 'sugar plum', or 'schnookums'! I'm a Shrine MAIDEN! M-A-I-D-E-N!!"
"Well, we could change that," he said, sliding in close. It looked like Arashi was going to bite his nose off, but instead....
Instead, they began making out on the countertops. Kamui paled even more, making himself as white as a movie screen (which by all accounts, is all the paler the Kamui of the Ten no Ryu could possibly get), and almost fell over.
'Remind me to never make a sandwich on *that* countertop again,' thought Kamui, regaining his composure. 'Oh well. I'll ignore them, and grab a bite to eat. Hot damn, everyone around here is hyped up on hormones....'
Leaving the kitchen quite unnoticed, he searched out someplace to just sit, and contemplate life. Or, some reasonable faxsimille.
Part Two: Seishiro and Subaru! Out Of Character Fun!
Meanwhile, Subaru was lying on his bed, thinking about Kamui.
'Oh, that beautiful black-violet hair...those lovely eyes...what wouldn't give to touch that body without those obtrusive clothes on...he's got such a pretty body, with a lovely frame for someone so young....You know, know I understand why Seishiro was so obsessed with me when I was younger...sixteen year olds have great bodies in the CLAMP universe.'
Cherry blossoms floated around Subaru's bed, and he sighed. Turning to face the window, he smiled. "Hello, my sexy little Sei-chan," said Subaru.
"Hmph," said Seishiro. "There's nothing little about me." The Sakurazukamori sat down beside his lithe and pretty onmyouji lover, and smiled.
Subaru stroked Seishiro's leg, and smiled. "I know," he said.
Soon, the two were a mix of tasty limbs and writhing bodies. Subaru, of course, was on the bottom, as usual, and enjoying every bit of it. The sounds of leather being peeled off were heard, and the sounds of a suit tearing soon followed.
"Damn," muttered Seishiro. "That was Armani too."
"Oops," giggled Subaru. "So-"
"Stop!" said Seishiro, grinning. "We are supposed to be having a wildly out of character moment! If you fall back in character-"
"Oh, right. My bad," said Subaru.
Later, when it was dark outside, and the stars had been out for awhile, Subaru and Seishiro just layed there, smoking ciggerettes, and enjoying the moment.
"You know, Sei-chan," said Subaru, in the euphoria of the after, "You smell like Fuuma."
Seishiro laughed. "And you smell like Kamui."
Subaru laughed. "At least you get some from *your* Kamui....."
"Yes, well," said Seishiro. "Subaru-kun, if you ever get your Kamui to unfreeze himself around you, let me give you this peice of advice....."
"Yes, Darling?"
"Let the Kamui be on top," he said.
"Wha-at?!"
"Face it," said Seishiro. "You are as bad as that cute Chihaya from Earthian. You are everybody's uke."
Subaru scowled. "Well, at least I'm not a housewife like Kamui."
"No, you are the housewife's uke," said Seishiro.
Suddenly, Seishiro and Subaru felt there out of character moment come to an end. If they were allowed to feel emotion when they were in character, they would have been sad.
"Get out of here!" yelled Subaru. He put on pants and a nearby t- shirt. He was happy they were his angsty black. "Don't touch me again, you murderer of my sister!"
"Is that the thanks I get for showing you a good time?"
His only response was a vase shattering beside him, and Subaru's tears as he crumpled to the floor.
Outside the door, Karen and Arashi were walking by, and they head the vase shatter.
"Sounds like Seishiro-san is paying a visit to Subaru again," said Arashi.
Karen nodded. "Those two are worse than any newlywed couple I've met."
They both shrugged. "Men," they said in unison.
Next time: Part Three: Kamui Learns About Ukes! Nataku Plays Poker?
Please review, and send email: Volettara@aol.com