Midnight. Chas sighed. Things weren't okay, and he doubted if they ever would be again….he should have kept his big mouth shut, but of course he hadn't, and now John was angry. Really angry. Like, not-ever-talking-to-you-again angry. Jesus, he really fucked up this time. As he let his fingers run over the steering wheel of his cab, he tried to organize his thoughts about what had happened that evening.
From what he could remember, it had already started the moment John had entered the cab, too grouchy to say the slightest word. Now, John was never very talkative to begin with, but Chas had sensed this was different, this silence had been…almost violent. He should have taken the hint right then, but of course he had to try to talk to John. What the fuck had he been thinking?! So stupid.
He had talked about dumb stuff at first….the new band he liked, another exorcism book he'd bought, that asshole from school….he had talked as always, without even expecting an answer back from John. He wasn't even sure if he'd even wanted an answer; thinking about it, he just talked to fill the silence. He usually was very comfortable with it, the silence, but something was different today, and without even being aware of it, he just rambled on about anything that came to mind. Unfortunately, at some point, the subject of 'caring about' came to mind. God, how did he ever think of that? He sighed. It had been that damn road trip book his teacher had given him; he had been telling John about how one of the lads out of the story lost his life saving his friend whilst stranded somewhere in the desert. It had been a pretty good read actually. And that was all he wanted to tell John….he'd never meant to ask him who he really cared about. Fool. Immediately after he'd asked the question he'd looked in the mirror, and he'd seen Constantine's angry look. "Oh come on John, there must be someone you care about. You can't be that cold" "Shut up Chas." "This has something to do with your parents right?" "I'm warning you Chas." "What about me than John, don't you care about me? Jesus John, I thought we were friends." He cringed just thinking about it; why did he never know when to shut up? At that point he had pulled into the parking lot and within seconds John had been out of the car. "Too far kid." "John, come on…." He knew it for sure, he'd fucked it up for real this time. John never talked much, let alone about stuff like this. He wasn't even sure if he should bother to wait, he wasn't sure John would be coming back….he'd never said anything other than 'shut up' before, and he wasn't sure if…..
Suddenly the cab door swung open, nearly Chas a heart attack. He turned towards the person getting in, but quickly turned back around as he saw John settling himself on the backseat, a tired look on his face. They were both silent, and Chas hardly dared to take a peek at John in the rear-view mirror. At least he came back, what more could he ask for, right? Chas placed his hand on the keys, ready to start the car and drive them back to the apartment, when in a hushed voice John said "Don't say anything, okay. Don't even fucking look at me or I'll stop talking." Chas just nodded, trembling all over, as he waited for John to continue. "Listen, what my parents did to me, it doesn't hurt me anymore. It simply doesn't because I stopped caring, and yes, along the way I stopped caring about almost everything and everyone." "What!!?" Something in Chas snapped, and he turned around to lean over the seat. He managed to lean over far enough to get his face close to John's as he was yelling at him. "How can you fucking say that, after all we've been through. I thought you cared about me. Well, speak up. DO YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME?" John grew visibly angry. "Get the fuck away from me, I told you to stay put." "I DON'T CARE. IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, JOHN CONSTANTINE. TRY THINKING ABOUT ME FOR A CHANGE." John sighed and turned his head away from Chas. "LOOK AT ME, FUCKING LOOK AT ME!!!" "It hurts to look at you." The sudden revelation caught Chas off guard and he felt himself calm down. "What?" "I said I stopped caring about almost everyone…..looking at you reminds me I care about you. And it hurts. Can't you see what you mean to me....?" All Chas saw was the hurt expression on his friend's face. "I….Jesus John, I…" "I worry about you okay, I don't want anything to happen to you. You're…..you're my only friend." John had turned his head and was looking straight into Chas' eyes. "I know I'm difficult, but I fucking care, okay?" Their eyes locked for just a second more, and then, out of the blue, Chas shot forward over the car seat and hugged Constantine. "Hey, hey kid, come on." But Chas felt the hand rubbing his back just before it gently pulled him back. He knew. John avoided to look at Chas as he waited for him to take his seat behind the wheel. "Home please." Chas smiled. And as he started the car he looked in the rear view mirror. Blank face, blank expression, but he clearly saw the twinkle in his friend's eyes. He knew he was halfway there.