Author's notes: Thanks for reading! I love Shego's character, so I've always wanted to write about it.
The story idea came from a prompt that read something like: You just bought an island, but it only cost five dollars. What's wrong with the place?
So, since I live precariously through cartoon characters, I wrote this fic. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Kim Possible.
...On a small, tropical island...
"Aren't you a little worried? I mean, five bucks for an entire island? It's obviously a trap."
"Never question a good bargain, Shego," Dr. Drakken quoted smartly. "Now where did I put that..." He rummaged in one of the many boxes scattered on the beach for a minute, his head and upper torso disappearing completely as he reached further in, his butt wiggling from the effort. With a triumphant cry, he held up a blue and green cube proudly. "Behold, my instant lair!"
He arrogantly pushed the protruding button on the top, but it did nothing except give a weak couple of beeps.
"Lemme guess," Shego said, propping a hand to her cocked hip, "You bought this at 'a good bargain?'" His back stiffened and she knew she nailed it right on the head.
"Quiet, Shego," the blue mad genius commanded, emphasizing her name for good measure. "I just need to... adjust this..." He started whacking the cube against the side of a box, clearly unsure of how else to approach the problem. She let him be, already bored with mocking him. It just wasn't as fun when it was so easy.
Trying to ignore her boss's fading grunts of frustration, she strolled further down the beach. She had promised herself that one day she'll leave that idiot, but the pay was just too fantastic to give up. And she rather liked working for someone else. It meant she didn't have to sit and plan. Not that she wasn't good at it, because the gods knew she could plan circles around the "geniuses" of the villain community, but it just ate up too much time. Time could be spent elsewhere, like on filing nails and fighting Kim Possible.
Speaking of whom... Shego heard a faint voice that sounded suspiciously like her. Was she hallucinating? Drakken just bought this dumb island on five hours ago. There was no way little Miss Priss found out already. But those voices really did belong to the young hero and her buffoon.
"Ron, this has to be some sort of trap. Nobody would sell an island for five dollars."
"Never question a good bargain, Kim," the blonde boy said and explained, "The seller had a 62% approval rating."
"That's a failing grade," Kim pointed out.
"What?! Since when? Wait, then my math grade!" the buffoon despaired, clearly still uninformed about school grades after 12+ years.
The two rounded the bend and walked towards Shego, but were too emerged in surveying their surroundings to take notice of her. She patiently waited for the boy to stop chattering about the unjust oppression in college before she cleared her throat. Both jumped at seeing her.
"Shego!" they exclaimed, one accusing and one afraid.
"About time you notice," Shego said with a growing smirk directed at Kim. "I was about to start throwing plasma blasts at you."
Ignoring her, the hero demanded, "What are you doing here?"
"I thought that was you parachuting down," Shego lied smoothly and stalked towards the girl. "I'm here to stop you from foiling Drakken's evil plan." Shego was practically itching for a fight with Possible. It had been days since their last one.
"We came on a boat," Kim said confused, catching her lie, but unsure why she was lying in the first place.
"Okay," Shego said, not caring either way, "but can we fight anyway?" Honestly, a few kicks and punches would do.
Kim's eyes flickered in anticipation, but she tilted her head to the side to question Shego's motives. "Why? What are you really doing here?"
Figuring she would just call the computer nerd if she didn't get the truth, Shego told her, "Drakken bought this island. So," she flashed another grin, "technically, you're trespassing, Princess. A $5,000 fine, I believe it is."
"What?!" Ron shouted in objection. He reemerged from his hiding spot behind his best friend. "But I bought this island!"
"When did you buy it?" Shego inquired, finally acknowledging his presence.
"Yesterday!" he declared.
"Well, Drakken bought it on Tuesday and it's a first come, first serve basis," Shego told him and shrugged.
"Where is he? I demand a refund at least!" Ron proclaimed hotly and marched past Shego.
She and Kimmie were alone, if they ignored the buffoon's outraged cries against "the system," so now could they fight? Apparently not because the hero followed her friend back to where Drakken was. Did she have to outright tackle the girl first or something?
Grumbling, Shego crossed her arms in annoyance and trailed behind the two teenagers. Or were they still teenagers? She wasn't big on gossip magazines and they weren't Facebook friends, so she wasn't sure. They were definitely in college because she remembered the whole fiasco with their high school graduation. She shivered. Drakken insisted on keeping the parasitic flowers. They helped him open pickle jars, he claimed. Luckily, they died during the winter, so she no longer had to worry about sneezing every time they were in the same room.
Shego took her time to walk back and regretted returning at all when she saw the two idiots arguing. Kim was standing by her sidekick, looking incredibly unimpressed as well.
"Nuh-uh! This island is mine!"
"Yes huh! I totally bought it yesterday!"
"...Shego!" the doctor, noticing her arrival, cried for help.
"He bought the stupid island yesterday, but you bought it Tuesday," she droned.
He paused, but caught on quickly enough and with twinkling eyes said, "Ah, yes, that's right! Take that, buffoon! I bought it on Tuesday."
"I want my money back!" Ron whined.
"Ron, it's just five dollars," Kim said exasperated.
"It's the principal of the matter, KP. And that much can buy me two nacos! Maybe three of I squeeze it hard enough."
"Maybe this is why you're failing math?" Shego suggested.
She was, once again, ignored. Kim tugged at her friends sleeve and said, "C'mon Ron. I'll buy you those nacos. And something's not right with this place; it's giving me a bad vibe."
"You fight evil super villains everyday," Ron said as Shego and Drakken tried their best to look innocent, "How can this tropical, white sanded island – perfect for my strip of vacation condominiums – give you a bad vibe?"
"Oh, I don't know," Kim said. The ground started shifting. "Maybe because it's sinking?"
Sure enough, as Shego looked down, water was quickly closing around their feet. Good grief, this day just kept getting worse. Nothing was more irritating than wet shoes. "Totally blaming this one on you, doc," Shego told her employer, who was already climbing on one of his boxes. She gracefully jumped on the nearest one and made herself comfortable. They would no doubt be here for a while. At least until Drakken tried to pull out his submarine shark, which then meant they would go undersea for twenty minutes, something would malfunction (probably because Drakken will push the wrong button), and then she would have to rescue them both by dragging his sorry butt back to land.
To the side, Kim was trying to calm the buffoon, who was even further enraged to see his island getting eaten up by the sea. "Ron, let's just go!"
"Afraid of a little water, Princess?" Shego teased from her perch and kicked water towards the younger girl.
Kim threw her a dirty look. Shego smirked in response and splashed her again. While Shego often enjoyed being as annoying as possible to Drakken, ruffling the perfect hero's feathers was something else entirely. She couldn't pinpoint what made it different, she had never bothered to look. All she knew was Kim's nose would scrunch and her brows would furrow a bit and her body would involuntarily tense. And it would sometimes lead to a fight, which was always welcome. Sadly, she didn't rise to the bait this time.
"Not to worry, Shego," Drakken interrupted her thoughts and reached into another one of his blasted boxes. "I have an expandable submarine shark in here somewhere, then we can leave these two to drown in the middle of nowhere."
"I'm good here, thanks," Shego told him and reclined back on her hands, still keeping her eyes trained on Kim. She and the buffoon were wading in waist-deep water.
"Nonsense!" Drakken declared as the submarine miraculously expanded on the first try. Grabbing a few more random items from his now floating boxes, he clamored in it. "Let's go!"
Shego debated for a minute, but eventually decided she would rather deal with the extra swim than the hassle of finding new employment. "Finnne," she dragged out and leaped on to the submarine. As a last taunt, she spun to face the cheerleader, who had to tread water to stay afloat, and extended a hand. "Need a lift?"
She really didn't think Kim would take it. Their track record was clear evidence for this conclusion. But before Shego could take it back, the princess asked, "Are you offering?" and was swimming to the submarine, to Shego's outstretched hand.
Slightly caught off guard, the only thing Shego could do was...keep her hand there. She thought she heard the buffoon call for Kim to "wait up," but she wasn't sure. All her focus was on the redheaded girl reaching up to grab her hand. If there was ever a surreal moment in her life, for some crazy reason this was it.
Kim's wet hand tightly gripped hers, almost painfully so. Then, with no warning at all – well, Kim's sudden grin could have been a warning – Shego was forcibly yanked down. The salty water shook her from her previous daze. Did the princess just play a prank on her? Shego cracked a ridiculous smile. Well, this could only mean one thing: war.
The last thing Ron and Drakken saw was Kim's bewildered face before it disappeared under the sea.
Epilogue:
Kim and Shego had an epic underwater adventure, became mermaids, and swam off into the horizon. The end.
...
Author's notes: My Kigo love has been exposed! They're the ultimate frienemies, so I just couldn't help myself. Please criticize my writing! Even if it's a small grammar error or sentence syntax, all is encouraged. But, leave the epilogue untouched because that's clearly the best part.