This is just a bit of stuff I wrote. I guess you could consider it crack. Most of the content is based on Tre Melvin's video "I Wish A Bitch Would." It was really funny, feel free to check it out.
By the way, this story had minimal editing and was written in the time span of about 10 minutes. If something is really bothering you though, please tell me and I will correct it, best I can. Try not to be to harsh on me.
Disclaimer: I do not in any way shape or form own Hetalia. Idea credits go fully to Tre Melvin. This story is not for any type of profit and I gain nothing from it.
Please enjoy. (Or don't ,you know, it's your choice.)
The sink water rushed over Feliciano's hands, making them feel fresh, clean, and very cold. Kiku was currently in the bathroom stall, since he liked privacy, doing his peeing thing.
"So, Itary, I heard you and America-san got issues." Kiku said suddenly.
"Me and who?" Feliciano asked, drying his hands.
"You know." Kiku said
"Oh." Feliciano replied, brushing his bangs out his face. "I don't have issues with America, America got issues with me."
"So you're not the reast bit scared of him?" Kiku asked from the stall. Feliciano shook his head, careful not to mess up his hair. "Werr, I heard he hits Russia."
"Bitch, America can't even hit a gym, I know you've seen his chicken thigh looking arms." Italy replied.
"Yeah, they do kinda rook rike drumsticks." Kiku agreed. Feliciano admire himself in the bathroom mirror. He really wished romano would tell him when he looked like he just crawled out of Austria's ass.
"I'm sick of France letting him host the meetings, just because we always forget his brother." Italy said, glad to finally have a reason to complain about the American. America was just so annoying.
"Werr, him and the rest of his quote-on-quote friends have been tarking mess about you." Kiku flushed the toilet with his foot. "And, uh, you didn't hear this from me but, apparentry-" Kiku paused for dramatic effect, feliciano hanging on his every word. The Italy brothers were always suckers for gossip. "He was pranning to ask Germany-san on a date."
There was silence in the bathroom. Kiku opened the stall door, to see Italy still at the sink. The Italian was looking directly into Kiku's eyes using the mirror, head cocked in the most unsettling of ways. Kiku gulped, the clock ticked, then ticked again. Then again. Three seconds hand passed. Feliciano was still staring into Kiku's eyes, unblinking.
"I wish a bitch would." The Italian started, voice eerily calm. "I wish…two bitches would, I wish three and a half bitches would, matter of fact…I wish a plethora... of bitches would."
Kiku raised his eyebrows slightly. "Oh?"
"Whenever I see a falling star," The Italian continued, stare unwavering, "I wish that a bitch would, whenever I pass a leprechaun on the street I sigh and… I wish a bitch would. If a genie were to grant me three wishes, do you know what I would wish for?"
"No." Kiku replied.
"1. A, 2. Bitch, 3. Would." Feliciano answered. "I was born and raised in the 'I wish the bitch' woods. Everyday at 11:11 pm, I cross my fingers…and wish that a bitch would. I wish, I wish, with all my heart to fly with the dragons… and that a bitch would."
"Did you just quote Dragon Tales?" Kiku asked.
Felciano ignored him, continuing his speech. "I founded the Make-A-Wish-A-Bitch-Would foundation." Feliciano sighed. "Before blowing out the candles on my birthday cake, every single year, do you know what I wish for?"
"That a-" Kiku started.
"Bitch would." Feliciano finished. "If had one wish!" Feliciano sang. "It would be that a bitch would." He said suddenly back to talking. "Every morning before work, I throw a moneta in the wishing well down the street from my home, in the hopes that someday, I will get Ludwigs dick… and that a bitch would."
Kiku felt his face change to confusion. "Why did I-"
"You may call it wishful thinking, I call it wishful that a bitch would thinking. Before he died, my grandfather, rest his soul," Feliciano looked towards the ceiling and made the sign of the cross. "Asked me what wishes I want to come true in my lifetime, year after year after year, and do you know what I wished every damn time?"
Kiku didn't even try to answer, he just let the Italian keep talking
"That bitch would. Every single christmas, would sit me up on Santa's and Santa would ask me, 'Ho ho ho, what do you wish for this year?', 'That a bitch would.'I replied every single time."
Felciano took a deep breath and sang, "I wish you a merry christmas, I wish you a merry christmas, I wish you a merry christmas… and that a bitch would."
Kiku was surprised at how wonderfully Feliciano remixed the Christmas song.
"I do not… wish you well. I do not… wish you the best. I wish… A. Bitch. Would." Felciano finished. Kiku blinked suddenly aware of the intense staring contest he just had with Feliciano.
The bathroom was silent once more. Kiku felt frozen. The clock ticked and ticked and ticked and ticked and then it tocked because an hour had passed.
"So…"Feliciano said, finally looking away from Kiku. The bathroom door opened and closed and Felciano was gone.
"Werr then." Kiku muttered to himself and washed his hands.
Well, I hope you enjoyed. If you didn't, I'm sorry for wasting your time and please don't leave any rude comments. For those of you did enjoy, please tell you friends, grandma, or dog whichever you have. Try and getthem to read it.
Sorry for the long-ass authors note.