dreamgirl: Hey y'all, what's up? I'm in the middle of writing the current chapter for My Question, His Answer and finally remembered to write a songfic to a song I've been in love with since, like, September. So here it is!!! My previous song fic "I Will Be" will be featured at the end. For now, this is the past and the beginning of the journey.
Disclaimer: I don't own TRC or the song "Behind Blue Eyes" The Who does. But the Limp BIzkit version is 100 times better. go listen to it. IT'S AWESOME!!!
Enjoy!!
Behind Blue Eyes
Fay didn't know how to express himself to Kurogane. He knew that the ninja could see right through him, but there were times when he couldn't exactly say everything. Kurogane just didn't seem to understand, so Fai just stayed quiet. The kids were out, with Mokona, at a thing called "school". Fai was writing, one of his favorite past-times. While writing, he came up with a song.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Fai had no idea where the lyrics were coming from; he just let his hand go free and his mind go wild.
And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
Everything coming from the Fai's pen was not only emotions, but also memories and truths that were hidden. He wondered where Kurogane was at the time, because he felt himself on the verge of tears. With Kurogane around, he couldn't allow the mask to fall.
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Fai knew that everything had a price: food, clothes, utensils…even feelings such as love. He teared up as he thought of his love for the Japanese man that was nowhere in sight. He would be disgusted with how filthy Fai was if he ever found out. All the lies, the facades, it all hurt Fai. But it hurt Fai evern more knowing that he can never love…or else everyone would be doomed to an eternity in hell.
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
The one with cerulean eyes knew believed that no one could possibly understand him. No one knew. No one cared. But he was still, very much, in love with Kurogane. He blamed the shinobi for every emotion he has felt. Every action he has made and everything he can't give him. Fai may be able to love, but he can never let Kurogane know. Which is one of the reasons Fai has continued to keep his mask on. If none of his agony, sorrows or romantic feelings show, no one will have the need to save him. Never.
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Fai wasn't a bad person. He just had the worst life a person could have. And because of all his problems, he was forced to be a dirty and lying person. Sure, Fai was magician. A magician who has lived a thousand lives, but all he wants is to live a peaceful life with having the need to run. He had dreams and hopes as a child. But time itself has ruined every bit of innocence he had left in him. Love was the only thing he hasn't felt…until now.
No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry
And don't worry
I'm not telling lies.
While writing his song, Fai thinks he should write his feelings in a letter. A letter to Kurogane telling him how the blonde has felt ever since the first day he met him. Fai has been raped from his dreams and has been tortured in every possible way. All he had left were these feelings on a piece of paper. He wrote, 'Dear Kurogane, This may not be the best way to begin a letter, but I will do it anyhow. I understand that you are a man of great pride and strength. You protect those whom you love, and all of your outstanding qualities have drawn me to you. What I am trying to say is…I love you. You may think I am a liar…I am…was, but I am not lying to you about my feelings. You are the only one to see past my walls and the only one to make me feel such feelings. Oh, if only you were to love me too. Thank you, for everything. Love, Fai'.
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Fai never thought that the day would come when he would tell Kurogane that he loved him. But that day had come too soon. He finished up his tearing and began his lyrics again.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
He stacked both his papers onto others so that, if Kurogane were to somehow appear, he couldn't see them. He grabbed the letter and began using his magic to translate it into Kurogane's native language. He sneaked out his room and into the ninja's. To his surprise, Kurogane was sleeping. So he set the letter onto his bedside table and locked the door on the way out. He didn't want to see Kurogane's reaction after reading it. He ran back into his room and took out his lyrics. 'Oh shit', he thought. He realized he didn't give Kurogane the right paper. Fai had translated his song instead of the letter! He felt like a complete dumbass now. 'Well, at least it saved me an embarrassing confession!' Fai thought optimistically. Now all that followed was Kurogane's thoughts on Fai's true feelings. If the ninja were not dense, he would certainly understand what was being implied.
dreamgirl: This will be a series of songfics and will most likely end with "I Will Be". If you have any recommendations on any songs you would like me to include, I would totally do it. Please Review!!!