Title: Kharl Was Having a Splendid Day
Genre: Crossover, YYH/Dragon Knights
Author: Chieira and Ellabel
Pairings: Slight Kurama/Hiei and Kharl/Garfakcy
Warnings: Slight BL, idiocy, and severe TWT (Timeline, What Timeline?)

Disclaimer: We do not own Dragon Knights or Yu Yu Hakusho and are making no money from this story.

A/N: Yeah. We don't know where this came from. Don't ask.

Consider the Dragon Knights universe to be one of the many uncharted parts of the Makai. Yeah. Shut up.

Kharl was having a splendid day. The experiment with those pomegranates had gone rather well, and the zombie dolphins, while not fulfilling his original vision of an immortal invasion task force, had taken care of his bathtub's algae problem, so that was good, too. Garfakcy would be pleased.

Kharl liked it when Garfakcy was pleased.

For one thing, the human's high voice hurt his ears when he got angry. Sometimes Kharl thought he should have let the kid go through puberty before stopping the aging process. That train of thought always arrived at the station of Adult Garfakcy, though, a concept that scared even Kharl.

Kharl didn't like being scared.

Absently rubbing the hairs on the back of his neck, Kharl wandered out into the garden. Garfakcy didn't allow him to so much as water the plants anymore, but he could still enjoy the lovely flowers. The potted hippopotamus was his especial favorite. He smiled at it as he ambled by. In bygone days he would have patted it, but he still remembered the time it patted back. That had taken a bit of explaining.

Hiei, for the moment blissfully unaware of Kharl and his flowers, was annoyed. Bad things happened when Hiei was annoyed.

Koenma, that bratty, pathetic excuse for a demigod, thought he could give him orders. Granted, technically the order had been for Yusuke, the Fool, and Kurama, as well, but Hiei was no one's errand boy, group errand or not. He wouldn't have even bothered answering Koenma's summons at all if he hadn't been with Kurama at the time.

Apparently, Koenma had gotten reports about a human being kept in the Makai as a pet. Hiei was of the opinion that even bothering to worry about it was stupid; that kind of thing happened far too often. The human slave trade was flourishing in the demon world, and rescuing one human wasn't going to change that. But Koenma had taken special interest in the case.

Which was why Hiei was stumbling through this gods-forsaken garden, fighting off a plant that appeared intent upon eating his toes.

Well, sort of.

The reports on the exact whereabouts of the human had been vague, at best. Yusuke, Kurama, Kuwabara, and Hiei had split up, all eager to get the mission over with as quickly as possible.

Perhaps eager wasn't the right word. If someone didn't find that human soon, preferably before a certain tiny, apparently fireproof plant managed to make a meal of his toe, Hiei was going to kill something. A lot of somethings, actually. Kurama first. Because even if this wasn't his plant specifically, he was willing to bet that the redhead knew what it was and had his own arsenal of tiny, toe-devouring plants. And Hiei had to take his anger out on someone, after all. Koenma was second on his list. Then Kuwabara, just because. Then Yusuke, because if he had never defeated Hiei in the first place, Hiei would be ruling the Ningenkai instead of swiping ineffectually with his katana at a digit-hungry weed.

Hiei decided, while doing what looked like a strange, interpretive dance designed to keep his toes out of reach for consumption, that the situation was dire when Kuwabara was third on his kill list.

"OMNOMNOM," said the plant.

Hiei's eyebrow twitched.

On the other side of the garden, Kharl hummed happily as he watched the monster in the pond snatch another three-headed swan. He had never been particularly sure why Nadil had turned down his generous offer of an entire regiment of the fowl, but there was no accounting for the taste of some people.

Over the crunching of bones, Kharl heard a new sound. "Garfakcy?" he called. "Is that you? I knocked over that vat of fish eggs again and it seemed to mingle with those left-over sandwich crusts and now it's hissing and- Garfakcy?"

This was odd. Normally Garfakcy liked nothing better than cleaning up after Kharl. (Particularly when fish eggs were involved. Garfakcy took a savage pleasure in telling Kharl just what a space-wasting slob he was, and Kharl enjoyed observing the extent of Garfakcy's vocabulary. Theirs was a complicated relationship.) Yet here he was, practically handing the boy the mess of his life, and the boy was ignoring him in favor of raining profanity on a plant?

"Garfakcy?"

Garfakcy turned to face him, a snarl on his small face. There was something odd about him, Kharl noticed, something besides the disappearance of one of his feet into the shrubbery. He was momentarily distracted by fond contemplation of the plant. Rodney had been one of his better ideas. Rodney was also the reason Kharl wasn't allowed to water the garden anymore. Kharl was very fond of Rodney.

Garfakcy hated Rodney.

Reminded again of Garfakcy, Kharl stared. What was it? Was he dirtier? No. Was he taller? Nooo. Was he covered in a tasty chocolate shell and dribbled in sprinkles? No he realized:

"Garfakcy! I'm hungry! Get your foot out of Rodney and make me a sandwich!"

"Who the fuck are you and what is a Garfakcy?" The short boy struggled with the botanical life.

Kharl was confused. That wasn't unusual, so he remained unfazed. He thought he might have finally hit on what was unusual, though. "Garfakcy, what did you do with your hair? Was it Rodney? I don't remember putting electricity in her. Maybe it's a new breed of fairy! Oh my gosh, what will those fluttery maniacs come up with next!? A secret weapon? New rules for Dungeons and Dragons? A hamburger made entirely out of tofu!? A-"

Hiei considered moving this demon up to the top of his kill list, if only to shut him up, but he decided that attacking might not go so well while his foot was ankle-deep down the gullet of a plant-monster.

Plants should not have gullets, damnit.

Deciding that further contemplation would only result in more talking and further mutilation of his foot, Hiei lobbed his katana at the demon's head. If he'd been thinking clearly, he would have known that depriving himself of his weapon while trying to rescue his foot from certain digestion would not be a good course of action. However, as he was in the process of rescuing said foot from said digestion, clear thinking was nowhere nearby.

His katana hit the larger demon right between the eyes. Kharl blinked. It would take more than a midget-hurled piece of metal to damage him; he thought Garfakcy would have learned that by now. "Garfakcy? Seriously. I uh. I want a sandwich. Can you make me one now?"

The midget stared at him in disbelief.

"Also, Rodney, let go of Garfakcy. Go on now, there's a good girl."

With a happy purr, the plant relinquished the boy and slithered back to its rock. "Grrblrrrgg," it said to the rock. What the rock said, history has not recorded.

"Come on, Garfakcy." Kharl picked up the sword and handed it back, trying for a pat on the head with his other hand. Only hundreds of years of experience with half-feral adolescents kept him from drawing back a stump. "Garfakcy! What gives?" He thought for a moment. "Oh my, was it the fish eggs? I promise I'll keep them from spawning this time. Hey, hey come on! Garfakcy-y-y-y…" He trotted beside his boy, whose short but purposeful strides were taking them steadily away from the castle, the kitchen, and the peanut butter jar.

"Stop following me," Hiei snapped. He didn't care if the human was in the area. Frankly, he no longer cared if they ever found him, ever finished the mission, or ever got to leave the makai. He was rather fond of the makai, actually; as fond as he ever was of anything, anyway. And by fond, he meant he preferred it to the ningenkai. If Koenma didn't let them leave until they found the human, it would suit him just fine, he decided.

All that mattered, at the moment, was getting the hell away from that crazy demon. If he was strong enough that Hiei's katana had no effect on him, then he was an opponent who would not be taken down easily. Perhaps even an interesting opponent.

Too bad that he was batshit insane, and Hiei suffered from a terminal lack of patience. Besides, if he attacked a demon unprovoked – he considered himself very strongly provoked, but he'd learned over time that his definition and Koenma's very rarely matched up – and caused a stir, he'd never hear the end of it. So he was going back to the rendezvous point, mission be damned.

Hiei's facial expressions aside, Kharl was slightly less amused now. "Garfakcy," he said, more quietly, "I'm serious. Stop this and let's go home."

"Shut up."

"Garfakcy." Even at his angriest, the boy was never disrespectful to him. Until now, apparently. This would have to end. Kharl reached forward and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. Ignoring the furious growls of protest, he lifted his Garfakcy a foot off the ground and hauled him back to the castle.

Oh. Oh. This was an oh-no-he-did-not moment if ever there was one. The bandages around Hiei's arm began smoking dangerously. He remembered, distantly, Kurama's smiling face as he had said, once, while preventing Kuwabara's imminent demise, "When you get angry, Hiei, try counting to ten."

Hiei made it as far as four before a large, black, fiery dragon began its rampage across the countryside.

Once the destruction seemed to have died down, Kharl paused. His burden was now limp in his arms. Shifting him to the other side, he ran his right hand over his own face. Bits of charred flesh and hair fell off. Odd. He breathed a healing spell. Once he had lips again, he returned his attention to Garfakcy. "My, my," he whispered. "When did you learn to do that? And do you realize you just annihilated the garden?"

There was no answer.

TBC