Hi! This is my first Twilight fic & I just love Paul so I thought I'd give this whirl. Hope you enjoy :)
Disclaimer: You know it, I don't own it.
"There'll never be another," he whispered the promise before leaning down, his lips approaching mine slowly…
My eyes snapped open, startled from sleep by the memory and I realized I was sitting up with one hand clutched to my pounding heart as I tried to slow its frantic pace.
"Not again," I murmured, flopping back onto my pillow as I ran a hand through my tangled hair. Glancing at the clock I saw the iridescent glow of numbers that were far too low for me to be awake yet. My room was still cloaked in darkness yet I lay still with my eyes wide open unwilling to shut them for fear of what I'd see.
The minutes ticked by as I lay there wide awake while trying to fight the force of the memories that until recently had been some of my happiest.
Three weeks.
It had been three weeks since I'd found him with her.
Two weeks since I'd seen him at all. Only a slight blessing in disguise though all I wanted was to show him how much better off I was without him or to possibly try to hurt him as badly as he'd hurt me.
Finally I sighed, snapping my bedside lamp on as I resigned myself to another sleepless night. I reached down to pick up my worn copy of The Bridge of San Luis Rey from the floor and opened to a random page, sighing again as I began to read.
"Now he discovered that secret from which one never quite recovers, that even in the most perfect love one person loves less profoundly that the other. There may be two equally good, equally gifted, equally beautiful, but there may never be two that love one another equally well."
I snapped the book shut as a stray tear rolled down my cheek, unwilling to continue as my thoughts again twisted back to him. Rolling onto my side, I curled my legs up into my body and shut my eyes tight trying to stop the tears that I knew were coming.
"Fuck Paul," I whispered into the silence of my room as my pillow became soaked, willing myself to sleep and finally, an hour later when my tears had dried, I did.
The toot of a car horn nearly caused me to scratch my cornea with the dark liner I'd been rimming around my eyes. I glanced down at my watch to see that Kim was early and I rolled my eyes before putting the finishing touches on my face.
Finally, nearly an hour and a half after I'd woken from a restless sleep, I was ready to face the day. I carefully examined myself, satisfied that I'd been able to conceal the massive bags that had taken up permanent residence under my eyes over the past few weeks.
I stared at my reflection that used to please me so much: my emerald green eyes with flecks of gold stared back before moving down the bridge of my nose that was marred slightly by the tiniest bump but that I thought added character. I flipped my long dark hair over my shoulder allowing the waves to flow down my back as I expertly tucked my long bangs behind my ear so that they only fell across half my face. I glanced at the flawless Quileute skin that I'd inherited from my mother but only in a much lighter shade with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of my nose, the result of an Irish father. I attempted a wide, pearly white smile at my reflection that ended up as a grimace.
"Damn," I muttered – so close to looking happy and normal. Oh well, I thought as I shrugged my shoulders. I looked good enough that should he be back at school – finally – I'd be able to act as though our breakup had no affect on me. Hurrying from the bathroom into my room I took one final glance in the floor length mirror, satisfied with the faded jeans and plain white v-neck t-shirt before I grabbed my jacket and bag.
Running down the stairs and out the door I saw Kim strumming the steering wheel anxiously, watching her roll her eyes as she caught sight of me. I threw myself into the car, speaking hurriedly before she got the chance, "Sorry, sorry, sorry," I said while turning my eyes up at her and pouting softly, "I just needed to make sure I looked alright – just in case."
Kim visibly softened at my words, "S'ok Tegan," she mumbled back at me before unexpectedly pulling me into a hug. Surprised to say the least since I wasn't exactly a touchy-feeling type girl, I squeezed her back, silently wondering what brought this display of affection on.
When she finally pulled away I looked at her with a slight smile, "What was that for?"
"You've had a rough few weeks and…" Kim trailed off hesitantly.
Arching an eyebrow at her I took a deep breath, "Annnnd?"
"Paul'scomingbacktoday," she rambled off quickly before throwing the car in reverse and peeling out of my driveway.
I felt my heart fall to the pit of my stomach as I stared at her while she tried to keep her face neutral, "Please tell me you didn't say what I think you just said."
Kim blew a puff of air out, giving her chipmunk cheeks as she slowly exhaled, "Jared told me that Paul is probably comin' back to school today…Figured you'd want to know so you weren't surprised."
I sighed softly, knowing that forewarned was forearmed, "Thanks Kimmy, guess it was gonna happen sooner or later – as much as I hoped he had left La Push for good I know that was just wishful thinking."
Looking out the window we drove in silence for a few minutes as I stared out the window at the green forest as we creeped by. Kim wasn't exactly the fastest driver but I'd lost the privilege of my own car about two months into dating Paul and as she had the unfortunate luck of being my best friend she now doubled as my chauffer. I sighed quietly, my thoughts immediately going back to my memories of the months I spent dating Paul Benally.
I had thought it had been love but little did I know how fickle 17 year old boys tended to be. Paul had spent months hounding me to date him and I'd been so resistant to his playboy ways, knowing his reputation. I could only blame myself for thinking he'd changed, thinking I meant something to him but how wrong I was and the stab to the heart of catching him in bed with none other than my childhood enemy, Katrina had yet to dull over the past few weeks.
"Earth to Tegan!" a voice broke through my thoughts and I glanced up startled, realizing we were now at school. I stared at the building, trying to calm my pounding heart. I shook my head slightly, trying to snap out of it. I'd never been a particularly emotional girl but stupid Paul had somehow changed all that.
Taking a few more deep breaths I prepared to put the 'happy mask' on my face as Kim had taken to calling it. I'd surprised myself by what a good actress I could be during the school hours – managing to portray a carefree teen only to crumple the second I left school property.
"Ready?" Kim asked softly, turning in her seat to face me head on, "You look gorgeous – he'll definitely see what he's missing."
I gave a soft groan, "He didn't notice that week he was around – 'stead he just shook with silent laughter."
"Tigs – you don't know he was laughing…maybe he was…well he could have been," Kim trailed off, combing her brain for excuses.
My face was the definition of skeptical as she tried to sputter out an answer. Finally a rolled my eyes slightly, feeling a small smile pull at my mouth, "Let's get this over with."
Kim and I both climbed out of the car, slamming the doors simultaneously. I threw my bag over my shoulder as I steeled myself for the day ahead. Walking quickly towards the school, I cringed when I saw Jared standing waiting impatiently for Kim. As they locked eyes and moved into their own little world I knew I was on my own. Seeing the two of them together would only serve to contrast with my own pathetic singledom so I gave an awkward wave and hurried in the other direction.
I was happy for Kim – really I was – but she and Jared started dating around the same time I finally gave into Paul. Seeing the two of them together reminded me of being part of a couple, something I was no longer.
Walking quickly into school I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone and everyone when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I twirled around to find Jacob Black grinning down at me. He pulled me into a hug, nearly squeezing the life out of me, "Hi little Tigs, how's my favorite cousin?"
I rolled my eyes as I pulled away from him, "Only cousin," I reminded him playfully. Jake wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we both made our way into school, joined moments later by Embry and Quil. As the four of us made our way down the small halls towards our lockers I managed to pretend it was simply a normal day at school as I listened to their playful banter.
That was until I heard his voice.
"Outta my way," it echoed down the hall and I tensed at the familiar, dulcet tone. Jacob's arm tightened around me and I maneuvered out from under his hold moving quickly towards my locker.
"Its fine," I mumbled to him and waved him away when he made the movement to stay. Fumbling with the lock, I tried to calm my nerves as I realized I'd taken his absence for granted. I managed to plaster a smile on my face at the exact second the locker a few doors down from mine slammed shut.
I jumped slightly before glancing up and managing to lock eyes with the last person in the world I ever wanted to see again.
Paul Benally.
Green met dark brown, nearly black today, and I don't know what I expected to find but I certainly wasn't prepared for what I did see.
Numbness. Anger. Shock. Stress. Then…adoration. Affection. Lust. And worst of all, the final emotion: love.
The look on his face was one I'd only glimpsed once before, in a more watered down version: the night he'd promised I was the only one for him, the night we...
It was all too much. I blinked in quick succession, trying to get rid of the memories that were all too fresh, "What the hell are you looking at Benally?" I grumbled, turning back towards my locker, feeling his eyes bore into my face.
"Tigger…" Paul said softly, using the nickname he'd given me years ago when he was just the annoying boy that I loved to hate. Hearing it now, caused a shiver to run down my spine and I fought against the urge to throw my arms around him.
Slamming my locker shut, I managed to glare up at him fiercely, "Don't you dare call me that." Whirling away I stomped away from him down the hallway towards first period, barely registering the pained groan that fell from Paul's lips and the thud that was his fist slamming into the locker.
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