Warning: SPOILERS WITHIN STORY
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, but if I did, certain events wouldn't have happened. I do however own Nori, Masa, Jessica and Nicholas. Also any and all names and events in this fanfiction that occur in real life are 100% coincidental.
Note: I have the first 17 chapters up and ready but will post one a day. Reviews are most loved. I would love to have any and all comments, but no flames. I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts. Some events have been changed and I try to use both the manga and anime, but most information is found in the anime.
Prologue: If You Wanna Get Out Alive
I sigh as I pour the gasoline around the building, my long, white nightgown wavering in the air as I step, making me look like a ghost with my pale skin, making me seem transparent.
As I keep pouring, the memories flow through me. A girl the age of three at her parents wedding. The same girl in class, talking to her friends in the 5th grade. Her again, standing by her mothers side as she died. Her fighting only to be saved by two heroes. Her learning of her father's death. First hug, first kiss, first car accident. First life taken, first heart break. Childbirth. Wedding. Working, slaving over a hot stove for hours. Every little hit. Every little cut. Every little bruise. Every little gunshot wound. Husband and best friends deaths. Son graduating grade, middle, high schools and college. Son's death. That girl was me.
It was all my fault they died. I hadn't paid attention. I was forced to live the last few seconds of my life like this. Feeling the agony that tore at my soul, at my heart. It was suffocating me. I could see the shadow of God's judgment shrouded on me. The figure at the window keeps staring as the gasoline gets poured everywhere. I stop as I reach a dresser that should have been his.
A single picture sat there. It was of a girl in her late teens with black hair, grey eyes that seem to be looking into my soul and wearing straight black leather. She was with three others. Another teen with orange goggles, dark red hair and piercing green eyes. He was wearing stripes and a cigarette hung out of his mouth. Next to him was a boy with gray eyes and white hair, wearing what might have been pajamas. Next to the teen girl was a man her age, blond hair, blue eyes, a scar stretching across the right side of his face, also wearing leather. And both the man and the woman had one hand on either side of a child's shoulders. He resembled the man mostly, if you took a quick glance at him. If you looked closer, he looked liked the woman, having her whole facial structure.
It was my family, most of which were dead. I was the girl, grown up now, age forty. The goggled teen was my "older brother" Matt, the albino was Near. The child was my son, Nicholas. Finally, the blond leather-clad man beside me, was Mello, the closest people to me.
The figure sighs and looks at me. I put the picture down. "You are upset?" It asks in a feminine voice. It walks out of the shadows, revealing itself to resemble what appears to be a lion and a serpent mixed together.
"I'm ending it, Masa. I want him, no, them, to forgive me. What I did was wrong." I reply. My voice sounds cold, but not harsh. "I want it to be over. The only one of the people that I haven't killed yet is Near. I wonder how long he has left. No, I shouldn't be concerned about that. My mission is to destroy the notebooks. Nori's and my own."
I pull my long black hair in a ponytail, to keep it out of my eyes. More memories pull at my heartstrings. I want this war between me and Kira to be over. And it won't. Not until anyone who's lived in Kira's reign of terror has perished. God is making quickly with that.
"It's not your fault directly. Mihael died knowing he was doing what was best for the world. So did Mail. Nicholas didn't take time to understand what his father died doing. So, in a way you helped Mihael change. He and Nate needed to work together to take Kira down. You know the rules, Jessica Hayashi. In order to gain something, you must lose something. In your case, you gained a world your son would feel safe in. In return, you lost a loved one who helped stop Yagami." Masa replies, touching my arm.
"Nori died in vain. He could have let me die that day. Or at least, kill Yagami himself. He knew Light was Kira." I state, looking at where the death-god was touching me. "I deserve to go to Nothingness, like you said. I won't go to Heaven and be with those I love most."
I pour more gasoline over the dresser, dousing it. I sigh, walking into the next room, my own. It's weird. You're promised forever and the person you love most dies the next day. That day, I almost killed myself then. I put my own gun to my head and nearly shot, but reminded myself I had Nick and Near left. Now it was just Near. And he was too busy being N.
"Why die now? It's pitiful. You never acted this way around Nori." Masa says, withdrawing her hand and sitting on my bed as I douse it too with gasoline.
I change the subject. "It...hurts to be in here. It has since Mel died. He promised me we'd live here together after him and Near captured Kira and of course, he was pardoned for his wrongdoings. He was only in here once. The night before he left for Japan. We spent one night here. I remember that night both bitterly and fondly." I say sighing as I touch the sheets. "We swore to ourselves I couldn't risk getting pregnant again, but that one night..." I trail off as a tear falls off of my eyes.
"Why don't you tell me everything. One more time." Masa asks, looking at me. Her eyes are shining. She knows the story as well as I do. She was there part of the way into it.
"Alright. But, before I start my life story, I must warn you. My story has no happy ending. In fact, it won't have an ending until I am dead. You have been warned."