This is my first fanfic so I hope it is ok :D It is written from the point of view of Adler so it is a bit different from the norm but I hope that you still like it :D
I wish...
I love him.
At least I think I do. What else could it be? Why him, I mean, I should hate him, shouldn't I? He seems to hate me anyway. It just seems that whenever I'm around him, I can't think straight. This just isn't like me. It's meant to be them that can't think straight around me, not vice versa.
Just the simple fact of him saying my name will send shivers down my spine. And if he touches me...
It just doesn't bare thinking about.
It's obvious he's attracted - if that's even the right word - to that John character. Oh, how I wish I were him. I would notice the undisguised signals he is sending off.
Or would I? If his attentions were directed my way would I react the same way as John? Would I consider myself unworthy of his attentions (like John blatantly does) and think that I had misinterpreted what I had seen? Of course not, this is me I'm talking about here; I would never think myself unworthy of anyone's attentions.
But then again I'm not just talking about anyone; I'm talking about him, Sherlock, the man of my desires.
I dream about him. Every night. Sometimes even during the day. I've never felt this way before. I don't know what to do, or who to turn to. Who can I discuss my obsession (because that's what it is) with? Exactly, no one.
Everyone else seems to despise him. Or at least not like him. Except his brother and John, and I can't exactly discuss it with them can I? Mycroft would laugh and John, well I just can't talk about my obsession with Sherlock with the man that his attentions are towards.
It wouldn't even be so bad if it was a woman that he was attracted to, but it's not. It's a man. I mean, how can I compete with John, I'm a woman and he's, well he's a man.
The worst thing is that I think he used to be attracted to me and I missed my chance. I was too busy playing a heart throb to notice what was right there in front of me. And now he's moved on. Why couldn't I have noticed earlier? Why?
I don't know, maybe I deserve this torture for hurting all those other men before. Maybe someone up there has decided that I should pay for my actions, however young and naive I was at the time of making them. I wish I believed this, then I would have someone to blame other than myself, but I can't blame others for my own mistakes.
Sometimes (when I'm in an uncharacteristically nice mood), I hope that John 'wakes up and smells the roses' so that Sherlock is happy. Then I resort back into being bitter, little old me. No wonder he doesn't like me anymore.
Sometimes I just wish that I could be John for a day to just experience his love, and yes, I know that is wrong. But it is true. I don't really care how I just want to have him love me, and not just some doctor. I always feel horrible after having thoughts like these. How could I want to inflict pain on Sherlock? I've already hurt him enough. I just wish he were mine, that my dreams were real. I wish that I could be the one to make him eat and sleep, to complain about him playing his violin at God knows what time in the morning and to trip over his experiments.
I just want him to love me back.
so what did you think of my first fanfic? Please review. :D