Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.
The Elusive Snowmoose or Ice to Meet You
Narrator: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, it's winter and Bullwinkle is excited.
Bullwinkle: Oh boy Rocky! It's snowing, and there's lots of snow and ice everywhere. You know what that means.
Rocky: You want to go ice skating again?
Bullwinkle: Sure do! I'm gonna go to the lake with my skates. Do you want to go too, Rocky?
Rocky: Bullwinkle, you do this every winter and the same thing always happens. You try to go skating at Breaky Lake, and you fall in the ice. Couldn't you just try skiing or something instead? The search and rescue people are complaining about having to save you every year.
Bullwinkle: Well I can't break tradition!
Narrator: While Bullwinkle drags Rocky to Breaky Lake, Natasha Fatale is informing Boris Badenov and Fearless Leader about an important issue.
Natasha: Fearless Leader, Boris, it says in the Pottsylvanian Eavesdropper that it is snowing in Frostbite Falls.
Fearless Leader: So? Snow is common there, it's called Frostbite Falls for a reason. Besides, it snows in Pottsylvania.
Natasha: Yes, but it's not snowing here yet.
Boris: Why don't we go there for a vacation?
Natasha: That's a wonderful idea! Fearless Leader dollink, can we go skating in Frostbite Falls?
Boris: And skiing, don't forget skiing!
Fearless Leader: Now let me get this straight, you want me to give you a free, random vacation just because some town is covered with snow and ice?
Natasha: You could come with us.
Fearless Leader: Fine, you can go but only if I go with you. I'm not staying in my office while you two are playing in the snow. And if we see Moose and Squirrel, which we do in most episodes, it is your duty to capture them!
Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.
Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle are at Breaky Lake, and Bullwinkle is ready for his annual tradition of skating on a lake with thin ice like an idiot and getting frozen. Well, I guess everyone has a tradition of some sort.
Bullwinkle: You sure you don't wanna go skating?
Rocky: I'm sure. You should probably go to another lake, one that doesn't have a "Danger Thin Ice" sign next to it, and-
Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat while skating!
Rocky: You don't have a long attention span.
Bullwinkle: Yeah, but mine's not as short as Boris. He has a short fuse.
Rocky: Your magic trick never works.
Bullwinkle: It might work when I'm skating. Let's see, there's nothin' up my sleeve... and presto!
He pulls an anchor out of a hat.
Bullwinkle: No doubt about it, I've gotta get another ha-
The ice cracks and he falls in the freezing water.
Rocky: Wow, he never pulled an anchor out of a hat before... oh, don't worry Bullwinkle, I'll go get the Search and Rescue Department!
Narrator: Shortly after Rocky leaves to find help, the terrible trio of notorious no-goodniks arrive at the scene of the incident.
Natasha: Dollink, it is so wonderful that you are letting us have a vacation.
Boris: Yes, you are a kind, great boss.
Fearless Leader: Will you suckups shut up?!? We're villains, you are supposed to say bad things about me, not compliments.
Natasha: It is so horrible that you are letting us have a vacation.
Boris: Yes, you are a despicable, rotten boss.
Fearless Leader: That's better.
Boris: Natasha, there's a lake up ahead. You could go skating there.
Natasha: I don't think so, there's a "Danger Thin Ice" sign. And there's a large, Moose-shaped hole.
Boris: Okay, I'll just go ice-fishing.
Narrator: After several hours of Boris sitting on the edge of Breaky Lake with a fishing pole, he reports his findings to the other spies.
Boris: Natasha, Fearless Leader, I found something!
Fearless Leader: Did you find a brain? You really need one. Or maybe you found nothing, like the inside of your head.
Boris: I'm not sure what it is.
Fearless Leader: Badenov, if you sat there for hours and found something stupid, like a piece of driftwood, I am going to fire you!
Natasha: No dollink, Boris really did reel in a... an animal in a block of ice?
Boris: Yes, and it's a rare fish that is presumed to be extinct.
Fearless Leader inspects the block of ice.
Fearless Leader: Badenov you numbskull! That is not a fish, it's a moose!
Natasha: You're right, it does look like a moose. Boris, how could you mistake that for a fish?
Boris: I was ice fishing, so I thought it was a fish. No problem, I will just put it back into the lake.
Fearless Leader: If you put that into the lake, you're fired!
Boris: Why? It's just a moose.
Fearless Leader: It's not just any moose, it's Moose we have been trying to capture for years.
Natasha: Boris dollink, you finally caught Moose!
Boris: I have?
Fearless Leader: Yes, you have. Now we just need to capture Squirrel.
Boris: Maybe he is in there, too?
Fearless Leader: Boris, jump in the lake and look for Squirrel.
Boris: Anything for you, brave and Fearless Leader. It is an honour to-
Fearless Leader: Shut up and jump in the ice!
Narrator: When Boris dives into Breaky Lake to look for Rocky, who left to find help, he is also frozen.
Fearless Leader: Bwahahaha! What a numbskull!
Natasha: Boss, I think I hear the Search and Rescue Department!
Fearless Leader: We have to hide, and put Moose and Boris somewhere where they can't find them. And we have to make sure that the ice that Moose is in doesn't melt.
Narrator: Rocky arrives with two people from the Frostbite Falls Search and Rescue Department to save Bullwinkle.
Rocky: Hurry, we have to save Bullwinkle!
FFSRD Person 1: Rocky, do we have to save your idiotic friend again?
FFSRD Person 2: Yeah, it's important to make sure that everyone's safe, but your friend does the same stupid stunt every year. He should have learned to stop doing this by now.
Rocky: I have to see Bullwinkle try to pull a rabbit out of a hat in every episode, and I don't complain.
FFSRD Person 2: Good point.
Rocky: Hokey Smoke! Bullwinkle's not there!
FFSRD Person 1: Rocky, is this some kind of joke?
Rocky: No sir, I swear he was frozen in the lake earlier!
FFSRD Person 1: If you don't find your friend to prove this claim, we'll have to report you to the police.
Rocky: Don't worry, I'll find him. I think I know what happened to him.
Narrator: As soon as Rocky flies away and the search and rescue workers leave, Fearless Leader climbs down from a tree. Bullwinkle and Boris were hidden behind some rocks.
Fearless Leader: Squirrel is on to us. We have to get frozen Moose to Pottsylvania, and... Natasha, you can come out now, they're gone.
He searches for her.
Fearless Leader: Natasha, where did you go? I looked everywhere except for the... oh no, she wouldn't!
He finds out that she hid in the lake and is frozen.
Fearless Leader: She did. Oh well, I guess I'll have to take them to Pottsylvania by myself. As soon as Boris and Natasha's ice melts, I will fire them! And Squirrel will never see Moose again...
Narrator: Will Rocky be able to find Bullwinkle in time and clear his name? What is Fearless Leader's evil scheme? And will Boris and Natasha actually lose their jobs? Stay tuned next time for, "A Snowball's Chance in Pottsylvania" or "The Snows of Kilamoosejaro" to find out.