Darling
I knew it was us from the moment I saw you. It was you and me. We should have been together forever. But that was not what fate had in mind. I remember the first time I saw you. It was on the Hogwarts Express, the first day at school. I remember the first words you said to me. Not that they were any important at all. It was about Neville's toad of all things. Funny isn't it? That I should remember something like that. But that's how it is when you're in love. Of course, I know that you don't remember things like that, but you never were the kind of person who looked back. You liked to live in the moment. What you have in the moment was much more important to you, than the things that where. But I have nothing more than the things of the past.
I knew the moment you opened your mouth that it was something special about you. Remember when Harry and you told me your names and I was just busy with Harry? About all I had read about him? I only did that because I didn't know what else to do. You made me nervous. I can see the grin on your face when you read that and knew that I was nervous because of you. You used to love to make me unsure. It was really weird that you managed that lately, but that time on the train I was. I didn't know what to do, so I hid behind my knowledge. You would say that it was so typical me. Books and learning has always been my good side.
There has always been something special about you. Your red hair and freckles. Your way of always getting into trouble. You have always had that talent, if I can call it that, to say the wrong thing. I was so sad the first months at school. I hated you for not liking me and I hated myself for not hating you with all of my heart. But I couldn't hate you. I never could. No matter what you did you had a special place in my heart. You always will. You are my one true love.
When you said those things to me on Halloween, it was like everything just fell apart. I cried like I never cried before. I hated the world, I hated you, I hated school (Yes, actually I can hate school too, Ron. So, wipe that look off your face!). But most of all I hated myself for not knowing what my feelings where. I was so confused. I had never cared so much about how people liked me or not. I couldn't understand those feelings and you of all people should know how much I hate not knowing things. There were a lot of different things going on in my head. You know what? I actually didn't notice the troll right away, I was so focused on my own feelings that I didn't notice. A mountian troll! Fun really, I always thought that I could handle that kind of situation well. But I didn't. You and Harry saved me. You were both brave, even then. I learned to be brave after that, but I am still not brave about the important things, like you and Harry. I was scared as hell every time you were in danger.
Then we became friends, and a stone was lifted from my heart. I was still confused; you don't know how much chaos there was in my brain at that time. I don't think I had recognized my feelings for you as love yet. It was more like…I don't know. There was just something about you. Something I couldn't put my finger on, but it was there, always. You were in my thoughts every moment. When you fell during the chess game, it was like the blow hit me too. I can still feel it inside; along with all the other times you had been hurt. I have buried it all inside me. Together with the last blow. The last one for you. No, I can't write about that yet, I'm sorry. I don't want to cry now. This is for you and I don't want to cry while I am writing it. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but at the same time it is easy. It lifts something from my heart, it makes me stronger. It makes me more alive than I've been the last two years. And it helps, you help.
At first I was mad at you. No, that's not right. I was angry, I was furious. I thought you had forgotten me, that you had walked away, and that you were gone. But when I realized that you actually had gone beyond the point where I could reach you, the anger disappeared. It went away, into the depths of my heartbroken soul. I didn't cry for you, not then. Right there, there was only emptiness and a black hole within my heart, the part of my heart that had your name written on it. I hope that it pleases you to know that that place in my heart now is full again. It is full of you and my memories with you. It has the first thing you ever said to me. It has the time we became friends. It has all the small everyday things. It has our first kiss. It has your death day. And one place in the middle of it, is you. Just plain you, Ron standing there grinning to me. I am just waiting for you to say that it was all a joke, that it didn't happen, and that we will be together again. And that is all that matters. Sometimes I go into this room in my heart and remember. On days like today when everything stands clear before me. On days like this I remember YOU. Not everyone's picture of you, but the person you where deep inside and who I saw late at night when we lay on your roof and talked. Do you remember those nights? I loved them. I still do. And I loved you Ron. I truly did. I am glad I wrote this letter to you. It was great for me. I hope that with this letter I can say goodbye. I won't forget you, I never will. But with this letter I want to move on and tomorrow I want to start fresh on the first day in the rest of my life.
I will never forget you. Goodbye Ron.
I love you,
Your Hermione