Two blond men were walking side-by-side, talking up a storm, in the military base at Lior. One was dressed in the standard blue garb of a soldier, the other in a long red coat.
"You hear something?" the soldier asked.
"Such as?" responded the alchemist.
"Sounds like…" the soldier trailed off.
They both rushed to a door and pressed their ears against it. They could hear a conversation on the other side.
"No, sir. That would be strictly against protocol."
"Come on, Hawkeye, you know you'd love it…"
The two looked at eachother.
"What the hell is going on?!?" whispered the alchemist furiously.
"I don't know, but this could be gold!" hissed the soldier evilly.
They resumed eavesdropping.
"Gah… Quit it, Mustang!"
There was a sound of books dropping.
"Mm… just relax…"
"Ah… s-stop…"
"Rela~x."
"Mmh…"
The two spies were excitedly scribbling notes down.
"AHH! Don't do that!!"
"Calm down, Lieutenant."
"S-sir… please… someone could be listening…"
Ed and Havoc stopped dead in their tracks.
"Nobody's listening, Riza… just relax and let me work your worries away…"
"O…Okay…"
They heaved a sigh of relief and pressed their ears ever closer to the door. They could hear the sounds of lips on flesh on the other side, and just thinking about what was happening was enough to give them headaches.
"Ah! S-sir!"
"It's okay, Riza…"
"I don't feel right about this..."
"It'll be fine, just trust me…"
They heard a slight rustle.
"Hm… you've got nice ones…"
"…"
Ed and Havoc stared at nothing.
"This is… uhm…"
"Yeah…"
They shifted uncomfortably. And then, only then…
"Hey Havoc…"
"Hm?"
Ed pulled out a camera, nodding and grinning like a maniac.
"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
"Hell yeah."
"On the count of three… THREE!"
They burst into the room randomly snapping pictures.
"WE GOT YOU… What the…"
Roy was sitting in his chair of his desk and Riza was sitting in hers, both perfectly clothed.
"No, Fullmetal. We got you. I can see it now… 'Famous Fullmetal Alchemist and respected Lieutenant Jean Havoc caught spying on Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye with perverted intentions.'"
Riza just sat there, giving them the, 'I'm sorry, but you know the Colonel…' look.
Their jaws hit the floor.