I love South Park with the burning intensity of a thousand suns!
My second favorite character is Craig so I wrote about him this time!
And I also love Tweek. And Craig loves Tweek so it worked out.
I don't own South Park
---
I just can't get no relief lord
Somebody, whoa somebody
Can anybody find me
Somebody to love
-Queen
Tweek twitched slightly, and watched the clock with horror. It slowly ticked closer and closer to 3:30 am. Finally, the blonde heard faint singing from the hallway. He shrieked, grasping the boy asleep next to him. "Craig!" He yelled, shaking the boy awake, "The gnomes! They're here!" Craig sat up sleepily and mumbled something that sounded like "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Time to go to work! Work all night! Search for underpants we!" chanted five little gnomes that walked into the room, heading straight for Tweek's underwear drawer. "We won't stop till' we have underpants, Nummy tum yummy tum yay!" Craig looked at the little creatures, mystified, as they opened the drawer and grabbed a pair of Tweek's underwear.
"Augh!" Tweek yelled, grabbing at Craig's chest, "Craig they're getting away!" Craig blinked out of his trance and kissed the small boy on the top of his shaky head. "I'll get them Tweekers," he called over his shoulder, as he followed the gnomes out the door. "Hey!" Craig shouted at on gnome who trailed behind, "What the hell do you think you're doing, going around stealing underwear?!"
The gnome turned to him and laughed. "Is that all you got pussy?" it called, running to catch up with the group. Craig blinked and then shouted angrily, chasing after the gnomes. He followed them deep into a forest, vaguely wondering what Tweek was doing while he was gone. Probably having a panic attack and thinking the gnomes killed Craig.
The gnomes traveled through a small door which was nestled between the roots of a tree. He managed to squeeze through it and follow the gnomes into a large room. A huge pile of various underpants was in the middle of the room; Craig spotted a bunch of Tweek's Pokémon boxers out of the rest of the pile.
"What do you need all this underwear for," he asked on gnome, that was scurrying near his feet. The gnome looked up at him warily. "Stealing underpants, big business!" The gnome said simply, moving on. "Business," Craig repeated quietly to himself. He walked around, stopping gnome after gnome, always getting the same answer.
"But what are you going to do with all these?!" Craig finally yelled, angrily, pointing at the pile of underwear. A gnome stopped and glared up at him. "Phase 1 is collecting underpants," the gnome said. "Alright," Craig said, still an angry tone in his voice, "Then what's Phase 2?" The gnome was silent for a long time. "Hey," the gnome shouted to another pair of gnomes who were piling underwear into a cart, "What's Phase 2?"
One gnome did not say anything, the other said, "Phase 1, collect underpants." The gnome Craig had talked to spoke again, "Yes, yes I know, but what's Phase 2?" The opposite gnome blinked in confusion. "Phase 1, collect underpants, Phase 3, Profit, get it?" he asked, pointing to a board that had a diagram of what he just said. Under Phase 2 was a big question mark.
Craig made an aggravated noise from the back of his throat. "You guys are retarded," Craig said, walking toward the entrance of the tree. "You're retarded pussy!" a gnome shouted after him. Craig gave the gnome the finger as he walked out. After what seemed like forever, he got back to Tweek's. Craig lugged up the stairs and walked into his boyfriend's room. Tweek screamed loudly, grasping Craig into a tight hug. "Jesus Christ I thought they killed you!" he said, digging his face into Craig's tee-shirt.
Craig laid down on the bed and smiled. "Don't worry Tweekers, those gnomes are retarded pussies." The underpants gnomes never came back.
---
Augh.
I know I suck.
Please review!