It was the smell that did it. The first thing Guy had done when they'd made it down to the beach was wade out into the big water and scrub his skin with sand until it was raw, scouring away the sticky tar. It took some convincing to get Grug to do the same, but eventually, both men were mostly clean of the deadly black stuff.
But Guy couldn't stop smelling it. Even though he built a big fire, and the forest was full of plant smells - some he recognized, some he didn't - he still fell asleep with the smell of tar in his nose.
He woke screaming, small, hard hands shaking him. His own hands came up in reflex and he grabbed blindly, causing his attacker to yelp in pain as his nails dug into the soft flesh that covered hard muscle. "Guy, it's me!" Eep's voice only confused him. "Wake up!"
Suddenly a meaty hand gripped the back of his neck, lifted him off the ground, and shook him until his teeth rattled. He stopped screaming. "Wake up!" boomed a deep voice, and Guy's eyes finally focused. Grug's face hovered in front of him. "Guy, listen to me. You're all right. Everything is okay. You're having a dream."
Guy blinked as his mind finally caught up with what the big man was telling him. His breath came ragged and hoarse. "Dream," he huffed, putting his hands over his face as his brain worked frantically to separate past from present, fantasy from reality. "It was a dream. Everybody's okay?"
"Everybody's here, Guy, just look," Grug turned Guy towards the fire, and Guy counted five more faces staring at him, and Belt's eyes shining off to one side. Guy went limp with relief, all of the fight draining out of him. Grug put him down. Guy's legs couldn't hold him; his knees buckled and he sank to the ground. Eep hopped up to crouch in front of him, her face worried. Guy touched her face, and then put his hands on her strong shoulders. "You're really okay?"
She smiled and reached a hand to brush back his hair. "I'm fine." Something caught his eye. Guy grabbed her wrist and moved her arm into the light. Five long scratches welled blood from her shoulders to her elbows. He sighed, and then coughed. His throat was rough.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking. "Eep, I'm so sorry." She had matching scratches on her other arm.
"It's okay," Eep shrugged. "You didn't mean to. They'll be gone in a day." She tilted her head and touched his face. "What scared you so badly?"
"Nothing," Guy said shortly, pushing himself back to his feet. "Just a dream. I'm fine." He turned his back on her and crossed his arms, trying not to shiver. "I'm sorry I woke everyone. Just—just go back to sleep. I'm going to take a walk, get some—some air." Belt chittered and hopped towards him. Guy reached a hand down and pulled the little animal up onto his shoulder. Belt cooed as Guy headed into the trees, burrowing into his neck.
Guy heard Eep try to follow him, and heard Grug send her gruffly back to bed. He knows, Guy thought, his emotions a jumble. He knows what I was seeing. It made him uncomfortable to be pitied by this man who didn't even like him.
He felt damp and sticky with sweat. He put Belt down, then waded out into the water a short distance, and splashed it up over his head and arms. It was cold, and that helped, washing away the last clinging tendrils of sleep and nightmare. He sloshed out of the water and threw himself down on the sand, blowing his breath out slowly as he stared up into the sky. It was getting lighter; it must be close to dawn. Belt cuddled up beside his head, cooing, and Guy reached up to stroke his old friend. He closed his eyes and breathed deep again. The salt smell of the big water was almost enough to drown out the smell of tar.
Almost.
He heard a familiar pop-crackle behind him, and sat up quickly, twisting to look. The torch blinded his eyes for a minute.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
If he'd expected anyone, it was Eep, but the voice was Ugga's – gentle and quiet. She planted the torch in the sand and came to sit near him. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to," she said. "But it's not safe for you to be out here alone without anything." She laid his knife and a shell in the sand beside him.
So like a mom. It was an effort to swallow the lump in his throat so he could say, "Thanks."
Ugga reached out and smoothed his hair back. Guy closed his eyes. If he tried – no. His mother's hand had been delicate and long-fingered, like his own. Ugga's hand, like Eep's, was wide and strong. But it felt nice anyway.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"No," Guy said, his voice breaking. Tears were beginning to seep from his closed eyes. Belt crawled into his lap, putting his long arms around Guy's waist.
Ugga reached over to him and pulled him against her, drawing his head down on her chest. "You don't have to talk. But you don't have to be by yourself, either. I know I can't be your mother, but I'm here. You don't have to be strong. There's nothing wrong with missing them." Guy's breath hitched.
"They were supposed to be here," he whispered. "I wasn't supposed to do this alone." And suddenly he was sobbing, crying like a little boy while Ugga's strong arm circled his shoulders and she made soft, comforting sounds.
He tried to stop several times, tried to pull away, but Ugga's slight squeeze on his shoulder set him off again every time. Eventually, his sobs subsided and he sat curled against her, exhausted. He felt awful on the outside, his throat and eyes sore, and inside he just felt...tired. Ugga was warm against him, her cheek against the top of his head.
"I know you've been alone for a long time," she said, "But you don't have to do everything by yourself anymore. You're part of our family now. If something's hurting you, it hurts all of us."
Belt cooed, reaching up to pat Guy's face.
"It was such a long time ago," Guy said thickly. "I thought I was okay."
Ugga stroked his hair again. "Sometimes it's like that, when you lose somebody. You're okay until suddenly, one day, you're not. And it's okay to not be okay. You be as not okay as you need to be for as long as it takes. We're here for you."
Guy had to squeeze his eyes shut again. "Thanks, Ugga."
"Are you ready to go back?" Ugga asked. Guy nodded without lifting his head. After a moment, he stiffly unfolded himself and stood, offering a hand up to Ugga. She didn't need it, but took it anyway, and got to her feet. Guy reached down again to pull Belt up. The little animal settled himself around Guy's waist, and squeaked a reminder. Guy picked up his knife and shell. Ugga picked up the torch, which was much shorter than it had been, and they made their way back to the camp, Ugga's hand resting lightly on Guy's back.
He felt eyes on him when they walked back into the firelight; heard Grug and Ugga talking softly. Eep reached out to him as he walked by her. He caught her hand and squeezed it, but he couldn't look at her just then. Guy went to the little hollow where he'd been sleeping, and settled himself down. Belt cuddled in his arms, cooing softly. Mercifully, he didn't dream again.