Author's note: I must warn people that this may contain spoilers. I have read up to volume ten of Tsubasa, and though I have tried to keep this fic very neutral and free of spoilers, the knowledge I have gained by reading that far may crop up in here. Enjoy.
It was night time, and Syaoran watched Sakura shift and turn uncomfortably around in her sleep, feeling sorry for her. They had only gotten the feather two days ago and Sakura's memories kept replaying in her mind while she slept. She had not been awake for longer than a few hours before her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep.
Early thatmorning Syaoran came to a difficult choice. To move on and let Sakura continue before she was truly ready, or stay and rest and pray that whereever they ended up the feather would be close by. As much as he wanted to let Sakura sleep, they had to leave the world quickly and move on.
By chance, or fate, Mokona took them to a world that had no feather in it. There were also no humans around. With the soft words of Fai whispering in his ear, Syaoran was convinced that this world was the best place for all of them at the moment.
"Think of it like a little vacation!" Fai smiled. "We have our own private, tropical island with lovely coconuts. And there is a beautiful beach over there. I have never seen such white sand!"
"You have never been to the beach!" Kurogane fumed. "No wonder you have never seen sand like that! And how do you know that this is an island!"
"I have never been to a beach that has not been frozen over, and only an island could be this pretty! But never mind, Kuro-run," Fai bubbled, "You must agree that this is the best place to rest for a bit, ne?"
Kurogane said nothing but scanned his eyes across the cost. He shook his head. "I never trust anything that I have not checked out." With that, he took off walking at a steady pace. He spent the next few hours wondering around, only to find Fai's prediction was right and they indeed were on an island.
Fai only nodded, still smiling. By now, the group had gotten used to each other, to a point that everything came almost second nature to them. Fai and Mokona teasing Kurogane were common small talk, Sakura's encouragement and optimism were always welcomed, and Syaoran's determined nature kept everyone focused.
Other things had also formed on their journey, such as each of the men falling in love with Sakura. Not anything like Syaoran's love for her, but more of a brotherly nature. Fai and Kurogane came to love Sakura like a little sister, and Fai joked around with her as such. Kurogane, on the other hand, gave 'tough' love, as she did remind him immensely of Princess Tomoyo. (One time, Sakura mentioned that Kurogane reminded her a bit of her real brother Touya. He replied with a "Yeah Right." snort. Sakura nodded happily and moved on. When Syaoran looked back on the ninja, he was almost sure he saw Kurogane wipe the corner of his right eye. Kurogane caught him staring and gave him a glare.) Mokona is Mokona, and that was all that was needs to be said.
Though everyone loved Sakura, there was a dark, silent bond between Syaoran, Kurogane, and the smiling Fai.
It was dark, for reasons they all understood, yet never voiced. All had secrets and a past that none wanted to reveal, for to do so would bring unwanted emotions toward them, normally pity. Their reluctance in revealing their past was, in all honesty, a temporary solution to something that they knew subconsciously was never going to disappear and that they would eventually have to face. In light of such a dark future, they came to enjoy themselves and slowly understood what made one another tick. This would take time, much of it, but as far as they could see, they had an abundance of it.
Syaoran knew their bond was also to provide an escape for him. Fai and Kurogane had by now pieced together some of his past with Sakura, mostly his feelings about herpast and current. Their knowledge of the price he had to pay also played an intricate part in how they treated him. They did pity him in their own little, normally unnoticeable ways. If Syaoran knew they pitied him, he never showed it. They also did try to take some of his burden, and helped him when he needed to get away from Sakura.
Sakura had, unintentionally, become a small problem for Syaoran, who was stupidly avoiding his own emotions as much as possible. Now that some of her memory had given her a greater sense of self, she started to ask questions, questions that Fai and Kurogane knew Syaoran would not want answered, nor that could really be answered, unless by the dimension witch (who they all doubted would help them with anything other than providing some supplies-and even that came with a price). It took a while before they realized they had deeply underestimated Sakura (expect for Syaoran, which explained his absence when she got too close to personal subjects). Her questions started out innocently enough, than began digging deeper and deeper for answers.
"Fai-san?" Sakura asked one time, two worlds before.
"hm?"
"What's your home world like?"
Fai cocked his head to the side, thinking. "It snows, your Highness. Lot's of it. We don't have nice, warm places where I live. But we do have art. Lots of it!"
Sakura glanced at him, her lips curving into a smile. "We have art, too. I remember that, it was hanging from the walls when it became cold at night. Large blankets and clothe designs."
"Ah, but in my home world, we had whole caverns of carved ice and snow. Large ice blocks could be turned into swans and-"
"What's a swan?" Sakura asked.
"A bird, princess." Fai replied very matter-of-factly. "A silly looking bird with white feathers that slick out all over the place. One of our ancestors loved swans, and devoted a whole ice cavern to them."
Sakura's eyes widened at the description. They were silent for a moment, before Sakura asked another question. "What's Kurogane-san's world like? Do you know?"
Fai blew his white hair out of his face. "Well," he mussed, thinking. "He said that it had four seasons. Probably lives in an forest area, someplace windy-
"Why do you think that?" Sakura asked, wondering how Fai could have guessed.
"His shoes!" Fai exclaimed, pointing to his own feet for emphases. "He wears muddy boots! And his cloak is very pretty, but mostly used for wind resistance. It is not used much for warmth, I can tell you that."
Sakura nodded her head, and was silent once more, but this time Fai noticed a difference in her posture. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her legs, and fiddled with her toes. Fai watched her nibble on her lower lip, fighting the urge to tell her to stop (Fai never liked it when people bit their lips, but for the princess, he restrained himself. Perhaps in a few weeks he would tell her to stop. In a few weeks, he told his nagging mind, however he knew he would succumb muchsooner.)
Though the princess never hinted at anything, Fai could tell that the conversation they just had was of no real concern to her, most likely to be forgotten in a day or so. Her real intention for talking to him was lurking behind her eyes, waiting for the opportune time to come out. Fai rose to the challenge eagerly, realizing at that moment that Sakura was much smarter than he had previously guessed. She played her cards carefully; with patience and distraction her key moves. Fai smiled to himself. 'Well,' he thought, 'this should be interesting.'
At long last, Sakura asked what she really wanted to know, though she put her question in a different way so that Fai had to look for her true meaning. "What about Syaoran-kun's world? What do you know about that?"
He noted how she put in the word 'know' in her question, as if she expected him to already contain the knowledge, unlike the question she asked about Kurogane's world, which was much more vague. In truth, all Fai knew about Syaoran in general was what the boy told him, which came in extremely limited bits of information. For the moment, however, Fai decided the princess did not need to know that. "You should know that." He said, recording her reaction (the quick roll of her shoulders, the dip of her brows, the way her hand moved from fiddling with her little toe to the much more exciting activity of digging a hole in the dirt.) "Syaoran-kun comes from your world, after all."
Sakura sighed. "He doesn't say too much to me about that for some reason. He told me once that he was in Clow, but he won't tell me where. It's almost as if he doesn't want me to know."
Fai smiled, "Oh, that's good,"
She glanced up, confused. "What's good, Fai-san?"
"Its good that you aren't so naive as you pretend to be."
Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, and Fai watched with glee as she contemplated her next move. 'I must play chess with her,' he thought absentmindedly. "You know much more than you let on." Fai continued.
It was not a question, but a statement. Sakura felt slight unease from Fai's ever smiling face. He truly was a mastermind, Sakura had figured that much, but she had hoped that she could mask her true thoughts. Now, she doubted if she would ever be able to hide anything from him. 'Most likely not,' she thought.
Figuring she had nothing else to lose, Sakura started to talk, thankful that Syaoran and Kurogane were gone. "I know that Syaoran-kun is hiding something from me."
"How did you find that out?"
"The way he answers my questions, or doesn't answer them. It's like he is keeping himself locked away, refusing to allow anyone to see him." She paused. "His eyes. He glances at me whenever he thinks I'm not looking. I have no idea if its because of something stupid I did, like trip, or if he's searching for something else."
"And that annoys you?" Fai prompted her to continue.
Sakura returned to glancing downwards, a blush growing on her cheeks. "In a way, yes. He doesn't tell me so many things, and I just don't know what to make of him. He risks so much for me, and the least I want to do is to thank him properly. Yet how can I do that when I don't really know him at all?"
All Fai said was "hm."
Sakura at last turned her whole body towards him, gripping his arm. "What are you allhiding from me? You, Syaoran-kun, and Kurogane-san, you're all hiding something." she suddenly blurted out.
Fai was mildly surprise, barely that. "Me?" He put his hand on his chest, acting surprised. "Little cute me? Hide? Goodness!"
Though Sakura knew what they were discussing was serious, she could not help but smile. She let the moment sink in, than her grin faded once more.
"Are you afraid of hurting me? If that's the case, I don't care! I want to help!" she proclaimed, still gripping his arm in an uncomfortable manner, "You all are risking so much for me, yet I don't really know who you are." Fai looked in her eyes, amazed how she believed her words with her whole heart, "Tell me, Fai-san. I can handle it. I want to help you. Please!"
Fai pressed his forefinger up against her lips, shushing gently. He patted her lightly on her head, telling her, "I can't, princess."
"Why?"
"Because I made a promise. And I have no right to tell you anything. That's up to Lil Doggie!" he grinned, happy that he finally got to use his nickname for Syaoran.
Sakura tilted her head, "What does Syaoran-kun have to tell me?" she asked.
Fai smiled. "Again, I can't tell you. Though, the answer to unlocking him may be right-," his finger lifted in midair, "under," he moved his finger closer to her face, "your," Fai's finger was an inch away from her nose, "nose!" he flicked his finger on her nose.
Sakura, not entirely satisfied and a bit of her dignity gone when Fai bonked her on the nose, did not press him any further. She got to her feet at the sound of footsteps and a loud, "You are NOT Kurogane, you stupid meat bun! Get off me!"
Before Syaoran, Kurogane, and Mokona came within sight, Sakura glanced over her shoulder at Fai, who stretched out his long arms.
"Fai-san?" she said.
"Hm?"
"...Never mind."
Fai watched her retreating back, wondering what she wanted to say.
Although Sakura confided in him, she also was guilty of keeping many of her thoughts to herself. Fai did not blame her. How awkward it must be, not to know yourself. How strange and alone she must feel, wondering why she felt the things she did.
He sighed, tracing his hand up his arm to his back, watching Sakura greet Syaoran, who, when she turned away, blushed. Fai smiled.
Syaoran was no help to her either in these situations. While it was incredibly obvious that Syaoran deeply loved the princess, Sakura had yet to realize it, which irritated him and Kurogane to no end. It irritated them also because they knew they could do absolutely nothing about it. That was for Her Highness and Little Doggie to figure out.
Fai became aware that his hand was still on his back. He shuddered, feeling very naked and exposed without his mark. 'Well,' he tried to distract himself, 'I should get up.' "Hey Kuro-puppy! Didcha' catch something for me?"
Now, two worlds andone feather later, that conversation seemed ages old. Fai watched as the princess turned around in her sleep. He poked Syaoran in the ribs, saying softly, "Shouldn't you wake her?"
Syaoran's head bobbed up and down and he slowly moved toward her.
When he came close enough, he could see the small beads of sweat that had been forming on her forehead. Feeling lousy for staring at her while she was experiencing some sort of nightmare, he gently shook her shoulder with the palm of his hand.
"Princess?"
Her eyes flew open, out of focus and disoriented.
"Princess Sakura?"
Upon hearing her name, she shook her head and sat abruptly up, breathing heavily.
Syaoran's throat felt dry. "Are you alright, your Highness? Do you want something, water or-" he glanced around the campsite, "...a blanket?" he grabbed his cloak, presenting it to her in what he hoped was somewhat like what she was used to.
When Sakura's eyes showed no recognition, Syaoran sucked in his breath. He had seen that look before.
At last, she spoke. "No, I'm fine. Thank you for worrying about me, Syaoran-kun." She smiled, and he let out his breath. "I sorry! I must seem like a fright!" She wiped the back of her hand across her forehead.
"No, no," he reassured, glad to see her back to herself. "You look fine. Very pretty." he smiled.
Sakura's eyes widened at his words, her face growing hot under his soft glaze. "...erm, thank you,...Syaoran-" she paused, "-kun."
Syaoran's eyes faded when she said that, but Sakura did not notice, for she was looking at the ground now.
"May I ask what the dream was about?" he questioned. Although they received the feather two days ago (more like escaped with it), she had yet to tell him of it, something that Syaoran hoped would become a habit. Of course he did not expect her to tell him of all her memories, many of which would most likely hurt him, yet he still wanted to know mainly because it was an excuse for her to be around him.
The corners of her mouth turned upwards, Syaoran thinking her face was very angelic at that moment. "I was with my father. He was lying on the bed, reading me a story. I held his hand while listening to his voice. We were reading something about a little girl and her sheep. Before he reached the end of the story, he began coughing." Syaoran looked down, already knowing what was to happen to the king.
"Touya came in and took me out. He played with me for the rest of the day. I did not get to see father until my bedtime, when I walked in his room. He was still coughing, yet when he saw me, he smiled, and told me to come sit beside him. I snuggled up to him, and asked him what was wrong."
Sakura's eyes became glazed with tears. "He just talked to me about a boy, and my mother, and Touya. He than let me stay up and told me stories. He talked mostly about my mother, though, and kept saying how much I looked like her. He seemed very sad, and he smelled of healing tea and sand. I think he died a while later. I don't know because the memory ends there."
Syaoran watched as she discreetly tried to wipe her tears. His voice was gone, his heart beating against his chest like a drum. He wanted to help her, hold her, reassure her, like he used to. He wanted to give her his shoulder to lay her head on and sleeve to wipe her tears, yet all he did was sit and watch her tears fall down her cheek.
"Its strange," she continued, "After the day after Touya played with me and I had already guessed what was going to happen to my father, I went on top of the roof, where Touya couldn't catch me. I remember talking out loud to myself, and crying, but than feeling much better. It's like I...ohnever mind."
Syaoran ears perked up. He remembered being on top of the roof. "What?"
"You'll find it silly."
Hesmiled, shaking his head. "No, I won't."
Sakura glanced up. "It's like Ihad an imaginary friend."
Though he had been expecting it, Syaoran felt his stomach drop. Imaginary friend echoed in his mind, bouncing off walls, returning louder than ever. He was her imaginary friend. He had been the one she was talking to. He was the one who made her feel better. He was always there. It had been him. Him, him, him!
"Thank you, Syaoran-kun." Sakura said, snapping Syaoran from his thoughts.
"For what?"
She smiled in all her glory. Her tear streaked cheeks, her flushed face and pink lips, her unruly bed-head hair, her delicate hands and long fingers, her glazed green eyes. She was beautiful.
"For listening."
She rolled over and slept peacefully after that. Kurogane appointed himself as watch guard, Fai and Mokona retired to a sleeping bag ("Mokona sleep with Fai tonight!" "Oh, really? What fun! We can stay up and think up new names for Big Doggie!" "Big Doggie, Big Doggie, Big Doggie!")
Syaoran stayed up too, though not by choice.
He watched Sakura, feeling guilt rush up in his body. He should be ashamed, he told himself again and again, for thinking of himself when he should have been thinking about her, for wanting her.
He clutched his knees to his chest, feeling sweat sting his eyes.
His thoughts of late had been turning toward Sakura in odd ways. He was human, after all, and had human needs, too. Thoughts of hearing her call his name without the ugly 'kun' attached, of not taking her hands away from him whenever he got hurt, of kissing her-
Syaoran sat up, his guilt violently shifting toward anger.
Without having any sense of what he was doing, he crawled silently on his hands and knees toward Sakura, making sure Kurogane's watchful eyes did not see him. Luckily, darkness provided the prefect cloak. Kneeling over her, he lowered his upper body until he was just inches away from her face, his lips right above hers. He brushed his fingertips over her face.
'What am I doing?' the lone voice of reason rang in his head.
His heart thumped loudly against his chest, blood pounded in his ears. 'I was going to kiss her.'
Syaoran jumped back scared away from Sakura and scurried over to his tattered, moth eaten blanket. 'I was going to kiss her." the words repeated themselves. Much in shock at his own actions, Syaoran curled up into a ball once more, listening in fright and cold sweat to the sounds of the night. 'Kami, what is wrong with me? Why did I do that? Oh, Kami, I was going to kiss her! I was going to kiss her...'
It never once crossed Syaoran's mind that his actions were not of an insane man, but of someone who merly wanted affection. However, deep within him he knew that the kiss he wanted would not have been the same if one of the parties was asleep. It had been getting easier, surpressing his feelings, but there were times when he broke down and anger and rage consumed him. The goal he set out to do was more difficult than he ever realized, the sense of lost and helplessness strong. He, unlike his companions, was the most vulerable of any of them, unable to do magic like Sakura and Fai and unable to fight like Kurogane. For the moment, Syaoran, the strong and determined boy, crushed under the weight of the burden places upon his slim shoulders.
The group of a wizard, a ninja, a princess, a boy, and the strange creature that helped them all, was functional, yet at the same time, disastrous. While they were an amazing team with deep friendships, there was an ever-present cloud of uncertainty, secrets, and dark pasts. They all shared in the act of ignorance and avoidance with the knowledge that someday they would have to face their problems. Their future was dark, but for right now, they relaxed thier minds and bodies, and crashed.
Author's note: I do hope this fic is a bit more cheerier than the last Tsubasa fic I wrote, The Bath House, (...'cricket...cricket'.) ooook, maybe not...
I wrote this in one day, mostly when the scenes with Sakura and Fai popped into my head. I was getting no work done on WoF (major writer's block) so I took a break and spent the next fiveto sixhours typing this up. I hope the effort was well worth it and I pleased my few fans out there. If you like this, or think it was complete crap (which it very well may be) please review and either say a few kind words or cuss me out (I'll be considerate of both). Heck, maybe I'll even turn this into a small story, who knows!