I've decided to cross post some of my work from my Archive of Our Own account (Username: KorrinBelle) for better visibility. This story was originally written as a one shot, but does have a sequel (title: Living Without Regret) which I cannot post here due to MA rated content.

Drunk and Content

Where am I?

Rin didn't know what was wrong with him, and he stopped a moment to rub at his pounding temples. His head felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton. His whole body felt light, but his thoughts moved so slowly. What his eyes saw lagged a half second behind what they looked at and his vision swam as he attempted to stumble his way down the hallway. He thought he had been looking for a bathroom, perhaps to splash some cold water on his face and try to wash away the groggy feeling weighing him down, but he couldn't quite remember. And he was lost.

How did he get lost? Suguro's family Inn wasn't that big, was it? Yet for some reason he couldn't think of where he was in relation to any of the rooms he was familiar with. He'd been fine at dinner with Shima, but now ... Had he been poisoned?

With one hand leaning against the wall for support, he continued his attempt to stumble down the hallway. As he passed an open door, a blur of motion was his only warning as he suddenly found himself yanked in to one of the side rooms. His vision swam at the sudden movement and when he finally found his footing and the world stopped spinning, he was face to face with a scowling Suguro. Suguro's fists were clenched in the front of Rin's shirt, and he was leaning down so they were face to face, only a few inches apart. His brow was furrowed in concentration, and he was scrutinizing Rin's face as if he was having trouble making sense of what he saw.

Wondering what he'd done to piss the other boy off now, Rin was about to protest when Suguro closed the distance between them, planting his lips sloppily against Rin's.

What...?

Rin froze, his mind going blank. This wasn't happening. This wasn't real. Did this mean Suguro wasn't mad at him anymore?

Suguro released Rin's shirt, moving his hands up to dig his fingers in to Rin's hair, holding his head tightly, and kissing him insistently. Rin's heart was pounding as heat seemed to course through his body. He was suddenly aware that he hadn't moved at all, and he put his hands on Suguro's chest, trying to push him away, but Suguro's grip on his head kept him from getting very far.

"Suguro, stop -" he tried to protest, twisting his head away, but opening his mouth was perhaps not the best idea as Suguro took advantage of the opening and slipped his tongue inside. Rin felt Suguro's tongue caressing his teeth and gums, and almost instinctively, he began to push back with his own.

Rin felt himself getting uncomfortably hot. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty, and he began to panic as he felt himself involuntarily growing hard. He didn't know what was going on, what was wrong with him, or what was wrong with Suguro for that matter. Rin began to struggle against the larger boy, but he didn't want to hurt him. Dizzy and off balance from whatever it was that seemed to be effecting the both of them, he tripped over Suguro's feet, dragging both of them to the ground. Rin landed sprawled on his back, with Suguro above him, bracing himself with one knee between Rin's legs and an arm on either side of him. They were both breathing heavily, and Rin froze, his breath hitching in his chest as Suguro stared down at him. Suguro's cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were clouded, with desire or whatever else it was that seemed to be impeding their senses. The hair clips he normally wore were gone, and his long hair hung down in a mess, obscuring his face.

"I've wanted this for a long time," Suguro said breathlessly, slurring his words. He leaned down and planted his lips against Rin's again, but this time a gentle brush of skin on skin. He reached up with one hand to gently cup Rin's cheek.

Rin's heart was hammering in his chest. He couldn't move. He could hardly think. He'd just lost his first kiss, his first couple of kisses for that matter, not to mention making out, with tongue, to a boy no less. Rin had dreamed of this day ever since he'd been given the opportunity to join the ranks of other (semi)normal high school students, but none of his fantasies had ever quite played out like this.

"Something is wrong with us..." Rin muttered a half hearted protest. He had his hands placed against Suguro's chest, but was no longer trying to push the other boy away. Beneath the Suguro's clothes he could feel his taught, muscled chest, and beneath that he thought he could feel Suguro's heart beat, pounding away like his own.

"Don't care," Suguro said, his breath gusting across Rin's cheek. He leaned in towards Rin again, but this time he simply buried his head against the other boy's neck, breathing in the scent of him and lying his body firmly on top of Rin's. Rin could feel Suguro's erection pressing against his thigh through his pants. His hips jolted against his will and he groaned at the sudden surge of pleasure the friction and pressure caused.

Suguro was definitely attractive, but was Rin attracted to him? He had admired Suguro almost right from the start. He admired how cool looking and tough he was, how hard he worked and how determined he was to reach his goals. Until his secret had been revealed, Rin thought of him as a reluctant friend and rival, and he'd been deeply hurt when he thought he'd lost Suguro's friendship and trust after he'd worked so hard to earn it. He'd never had friends before, and he never knew it would hurt so much to lose them.

To think that he hadn't lost those things after all... Rin smiled, closing his eyes.

Slowly, as if afraid of spooking the other boy, Rin brought his arms up around Suguro and held him tightly, leaning his head against Suguro's shoulder. In spite of the odd feeling dulling his senses and weighing him down, Rin felt content, like he could stay there, on the floor, in Suguro's arms, forever, blotting out the rest of the terrible world and all the other problems that weighed down on him.

Until Suguro began snoring in his ear.

Rin lay there on the floor beneath Suguro's dead weight, not sure what to do. Despite his earlier feeling of contentment, the floor was hard, Suguro was heavy, and if Rin wasn't mistaken, he was starting to drool. Struggling for a moment, Rin grunted as he rolled Suguro's body off of him.

Rin sighed as he ran his hands through his hair, looking down at Suguro's prone body. This was probably for the best. He needed time to think and sort out how he felt, and right now his mind still felt foggy. He looked around, realizing he was in Suguro's room. That only made sense. At least he knew where he was now.

He took the time to lift Suguro and put him in to his own bed. He reached for Suguro's belt, to undo his pants and undress him, but froze as heat flooded his face. If the past ten minutes hadn't happened, he wouldn't have hesitated. It didn't help that Suguro's pants were still tented with his arousal. In the end Rin left him clothed, making a weak attempt to tuck a blanket around his body to keep him warm.

Eventually Rin did find his way to a bathroom, and then down to the room where many futons were set up for the exhausted exorcist, but between the alcohol still clouding his mind and his endlessly swirling thoughts, sleep did not find him.

The next morning at breakfast Rin hesitantly avoided Suguro, afraid to meet his eyes, to see what he might find there, but Suguro ignored him completely, pretending he wasn't there. He was acting as if the previous night hadn't happened. Rin sat with his back to Suguro, within earshot, and began to eat breakfast as he eavesdropped on the conversation Suguro was having with Konekomaru.

"I can't remember a thing from last night," Suguro complained, "... Kinda' feels like we downed a couple before conking out, eh?"

Rin felt a cold, empty pit open up in the base of his stomach, but said nothing. If Suguro didn't remember and was back to ignoring him... He had no idea how to broach the subject of what had happened, or what Suguro had meant by any of it.

"I've wanted this for a long time."

What was "this"? Sex? A relationship? Did he even realize it was Rin he was speaking to? He had seemed so out of it...

Rin sighed. He was confident that, even at the highest point of their friendship, Suguro would outright deny any such feelings if Rin confronted him about it directly. That was just the kind of guy he was. To try to talk about it now, after losing control in the forest... after losing control and attacking Suguro in front of his family? It would be an utter disaster.

Even I'm not that stupid, Rin though with a pout.

"Mornin', Okumura," Shima said with a yawn as he approached the table and took a seat across from Rin, pulling him away from his thoughts, "Did you get back to your room alright last night?"

Rin blinked, staring blankly at Shima as he tried to push aside the memories from last night, hoping his face didn't give away his aching heart. "... Don't remember," he said finally.

It's probably better this way...