Caitlin wasn't sure how she had lost her way since coming back from Killer Frost but, here she was, confused as ever. Cisco and she hadn't really been talking, not with how much had changed between them. Plus, he was busy with trying to get Barry out of the speed force, something she understood completely. No, the only person who had truly been helping her fight her demons was Wally. Something that had left her utterly surprised.
He had come across her sitting in the labs one night after everyone else had gone home. She was in the process of a panic attack (something her therapist had told her would be happening quite frequently), and he had stayed with her until it passed. He hadn't pressed her for information, but she felt the need to explain it to him. She had told him all about how since she had gone back to being Caitlin, just Caitlin, she had found out that Killer Frost had left consequences she had to deal with. Such as anxiety and depression. She was literally afraid of her own shadow.
He had stuck by her after that, making sure she had someone who could help her through her anxiety. He had even taken to spending some nights with her at her apartment, sleeping on her couch, when her anxiety would get to the point that she couldn't breathe. She was grateful for him and his friendship, knowing that out of everyone, he was the only one who hadn't been afraid of her since she had returned.
Then, Barry had returned. Quite literally out of the blue. She knew Cisco had been working on trying to find him in the speed force and bring him back at home. She was left feeling out of sorts with his arrival, not sure how he would feel about seeing her back on the team.
"Remember, Cait, I'm here and you can survive this," Wally murmured as they waited for Barry and Cisco to emerge from the speed force.
"I can survive this," she replied but her hands were shaking so much, she had to tuck them tightly into against her ribcage so no one saw.
Just then, Barry and Cisco emerged and everyone shouted out happily, trying to get Barry's attention. Everyone but Caitlin. She was left feeling small and vulnerable, something Wally picked up on because he rubbed soothing circles into the small of her back.
"Remember to breathe, Cait," he murmured and she nodded her head. She practiced her box breathing her therapist had taught her. In for four, out for four, hold. In for four, out for four, hold. She repeated this like a mantra in her head and it helped ground her for the most part. Until Barry came and stood directly in front of her.
"Your hair is brown again," he commented softly and she nodded her head, trying to fight the impulse to run.
"It is," she whispered so he wouldn't hear her voice shaking. She hated the fact that Killer Frost had left her this damaged and broken; hated the fact that she was so scared all the damn time. Barry's brow furrowed as he studied her.
"Are you alright, Cait?" Barry asked softly and the trembling in her legs grew worse. She felt her entire body shaking.
"F-fine," she muttered but she wasn't, not really. Wally noticed because he squeezed her shoulder gently.
"Good to have you back, Barry," he clapped him on the shoulder before jerking his head to entrance of the labs.
"I just need to talk to Caitlin really quick about some of my last test results; we'll be right back," he murmured and steered Caitlin towards another room, leaving Barry to frown after them.
Caitlin shook on the entire walk there, trying to get control of herself.
"Alright, Cait, just breathe," Wally encouraged gently once they reached a different part of the labs, away from prying eyes.
"I-I c-can't," she stuttered out but Wally nodded his head.
"Yes, yes you can," he murmured. Every fiber in her was screaming to run; to run away and not look back. Wally seemed to pick up on this because he held her arm gently, anchoring her into place.
"You can't run away, Caitlin," he said softly and she nodded her head, eyes darting around the entire room, trying to look for a safe place to hide.
"I-I can't breathe," she exhaled shakily, feeling like the walls of the room were closing in on her. Wally held her hand tightly.
"Practice that breathing technique your therapist taught you. Follow my lead. In for four, out for four, hold," he said soothingly, and she tried to follow his count as best she could. It took her awhile to get her breathing regulated but she eventually did. She exhaled shakily once she had it under control.
"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice after her heart rate had slowed down. Wally shook his head firmly.
"Nothing to be sorry for, Cait. I promised you I would help you through all of this, and that means anxiety attacks as well, no matter how small," he stated and she smiled as much as she could.
They stood there for a few more minutes, giving her time to collect herself.
"When's your next appointment with Carol?" Wally asked softly.
"This evening," she murmured, happy that she didn't have to wait too long to see her again. Wally smiled.
"Good, I want you to tell her you're still suffering from panic attacks, alright?" Wally asked quietly and Caitlin nodded her head.
"I will," she promised softly. Wally smiled gently at her while she continued to collect herself.
"Do you need to take your medication?" Wally asked softly and she thought about it. She didn't want to have to take it, didn't want to rely on medication but sometimes these things couldn't be helped.
"Y-yes," she said hesitantly and Wally smiled.
"That's okay, Cait," he replied reassuringly. She walked to her bag that she had brought into the room with her and searched through it with fumbling fingers, until they wrapped around her anxiety medication. She pulled a pill out and accepted the water Wally had flashed away to get for her. She took a sip and swallowed the pill, knowing it would help her calm down faster.
"I'm going to stay with tonight, alright?" Wally asked softly.
"You don't have to," she murmured but he shook his head.
"Barry just returned, and considering how you guys left your friendship before he went into the speed force, I understand if that triggers some heavy anxiety; I want to make sure you're alright," Wally said quietly. Caitlin thought about it before nodding hesitantly.
"Alright," she murmured, knowing that it was as good as it was going to get for her.
Author's note: just an idea I had about a short story I might do. Let me know if it sounds interesting to you! XOXO