Alright, me and Icefur decided to read our own story and point out the mistakes, we skipped the allegiances because no one needs to know ABBAstar can change her pelt and gender!
Bold - Me
Bold and Underline -
Ready for more TSOAS? Well even if your not here I go again! (I feel very worried right now!) (It's not as bad as being int the story!)
ABBAkit woke up and turned into her Russet-brown she-cat form (We said she could change her coat) (Totally not Mary-suish!), 'My little kit, today is your cerimony (It's Ceremony me!), I don't know why you can't be a warrior already, you're a perfect cat.' Her mother Sapphireshine said (Sapphireshine, really!), Stupidkit walked over to them, 'What about me?' He asked, 'I don't know about you, you're too stupid to become an apprentince.' She said, 'Yea.' ABBAkit mewed to him, (That's mean!) 'Well at least I look normal, if I could change my pelt and gender I'd be sick.' He said, (Yea tell her Stupidkit!) 'Don't be mean like that!' ABBAkit said, 'Yea, Just for that, I'm going to tell ContestshippingandPearlshippingforeverstar to delay you're cerimony.' (In real life ContestshippingandPearlshippingstar would of ignored her) She said, ABBAkit smirked and turned into her Cream pelt form (HOW DARE YOU COPY ME!), 'ABBAkit come here!' ContestshippingandPearlshippingforeverstar said to her, 'I shall be your mentor!' He said to her, 'Yay! My brother is going to become my kits mentor!' (He is ABBAkit's uncle!) Sapphireshine said. ABBAkit smiled, she always had a crush on him when she was a she-cat (WHAT THE HECK? SHE IS HIS NIECE FOR STARCLAN SAKE!), however she also had a crush depending on her form on Icepaw, Brownpaw, Adderpaw and Bramblepaw. (Darn it!) 'I can't wait! When Will we start training?' Asked ABBApaw, 'Right now! Come join Icepaw, Brownpaw, Adderpaw and Bramblepaw.' He said, She did as she was told and they had a hunting contest and she won. (How did she win if she was just made an apprentice?)
Like it? Flame away! (You WANT us to flame?)