Whump Merlin

Chapter 1:

Merlin sat on the edge of the bed. Please, forgive me Arthur. He begins his letter to Arthur, one of the last things he can give to his friend.

Arthur,

I know you are going to kill me. I already know the punishment for sorcery. Death on the pyre or beheading. I can't die by fire. You were always right, Arthur, I am a coward. I decided to save you the trouble of killing me. By the time you read this, I pray that I will be dead. Lancelot was always right about me, a have no sense of self-preservation. You are going to send me to the dungeon. I have taken hemlock from Gaius's chambers and have a shard of a broken mirror. Hopefully, the guards won't take that from me. If they do, I have my neckerchief, I'll choke myself to death. I can't have this one nightmare come true. I can't have you kill me. I want to die on my own terms. I have to assure myself that you used to care. I want you to know that everything I have done, I have done for you. Like the girl I am, I am sobbing and crying my eyes out while I'm writing this letter. Now, I don't even care anymore. Insult me all you want, soon enough, I will be gone and happy. If you have any questions, ask Gaius, he can answer better than anyone. Just don't punish him, Gaius is a good person. I guess that is all I have to say, other than, I am sorry. Sorry for lying, being a complete idiot, and a clumsy servant. I hope you can forgive me. I believe in you, Arthur. Good luck, you royal prat.

Your loyal idiot, servant, and friend,

Merlin

P.S- I'm going to miss you, Dollophead.

Merlin goes to Arthur's chambers with the letter in his pocket. "Arthur, I need to talk to you."

"When are you going to realize that I decide when we talk?"

"Not today. This is really important." Merlin hands him the letter. "Don't open it until two hours time."

"Merlin. What is the meaning of this?"

Merlin takes a deep breath, "I've been keeping something from you. I can't keep the secret anymore." Merlin begins trembling.

"Well, out with it, Merlin. If it is bothering you this much-"

"I have magic," the three words that condemn Merlin shoot out of his mouth. He falls to the ground shaking.

"Guards! Seize him!" Gwaine and Percival come through the doors.

"Who?" Gwaine asks, scanning the room.

"Merlin!" Gwaine looks at the quivering servant, his friend.

Merlin is whispering to himself almost silently, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's not long now." He repeats the mantra. He walks up to Gwaine and Percival. "Just do it," he says, giving in, "I'm not going to fight. It's not like I have any left in me." Then he begins repeating the mantra, again.

Merlin walks into the dungeon and Gwaine closes it, "I am so sorry, Merlin. What did you do?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Can you just do me one favor?" Gwaine nods, "Get Gaius." Merlin's voice breaks as he says his mentor's name. Gwaine runs off and gets the old physician. "I am so sorry, Gaius. I had to tell him. It was too much to bear. He won't forgive me. He can't."

"Oh, my boy. I never thought Arthur would do this to you. Here," Gaius hands Merlin the book he gave him four years ago. "What happened to the boy that came into my chambers all those years ago?"

Merlin lets out a shallow shaking breath, "He grew up. Listen Gaius, Gwaine can't let this go much longer. You have to go, before Arthur find out you came. Please, explain everything to him."

"Goodbye, my boy." Gaius leaves Merlin in the dungeon. His hands aren't chained. There is a small, though barred window that lets in moonlight. Merlin takes out the hemlock and brings it to his lips. The irony, his weapon would be his doom. He swallows the whole vial. Then, Merlin takes the shard and brings it to his wrist. He makes a slash for each of his loved ones that died. Freya. Will. Balinor. Lancelot. Elyan. And the countless others that had given their lives for him. Like Finna and many druids. Merlin knows that it won't be long now. A faint smile graces his lips, I can protect the prat from the skies. He holds the small blue light that saved Arthur all those years ago, it won't go out until I do.

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Arthur runs his hand through his blonde hair. Why Merlin? How could you betray me like this? Arthur stares at the letter Merlin wrote him. Arthur had waited an hour, he won't wait anymore. He opens the letter and finds that it is stained with tear drops. Instead of the usually neat handwriting Merlin has, the words were written in a shaking hand.

By the time Arthur finishes the letter, he is in tears. Running down to the dungeons, he finds Gwaine by the entrance. "Where did you put Merlin?"

"Why should you care? You didn't seem to an hour ago." The venom in Gwaine's voice is almost unbearable. "Oh look, your crying over the servant. I guess you realized that he would die for you. He thought you were his friend. And so did everyone else."

"Gwaine, just bring me to him. You can beat me to a pulp later." Arthur's voice cracks.

"Why? So you can beat him? I don't think so. Let him be in peace."

"You idiot! He is committing suicide!" Gwaine immediately runs to Merlin's cell, Arthur at his heels. Gwaine fumbles with the lock. Only staring at Merlin's limp body. Bloody body. Arthur looks at his friend. Merlin shouldn't have apologized. He didn't have to. There is a faint blue light in his friend's hand. Gwaine finally gets the door open and runs to Merlin. Arthur pushes Gwaine out of the way.

"Merlin, come on! Wake up! I know you aren't dead, yet. You can't be." The light in Merlin's hand flickers.

"How do you know he isn't dead?" Gwaine whispers.

"When I was in trouble, I guess it was him, a blue light, just like this one helped me through. It was almost comforting. I guess he didn't want to feel like he was dying alone." Arthur turns his attention to the sickly pale servant. Slapping him lightly on the face, he tries to wake him, "Merlin! Wake up! Come on! I order you to wake up! I order you not to die." Arthur's voice cracks on the last word. "Please, Merlin!"

Merlin flinches away from Arthur, "Art'ur, 'm a'mos 'ead. Jus' 'ike 'ou 'anted." Merlin stammers out. "Please, don' 'urt me. Jus' let me 'ie."

Merlin smiles slightly. "Merlin, you are going to be fine."

"Too far gone." His eyes begin to close, " 'ou don' want 'o lose 'e. Never thought you care'"

"Don't you dare close your eyes! What did you take?"

" 'emlock. Don' bo'er Art'ur, jus' stay wit' 'e. Don' le' 'e die alone."

"Gwaine. Go get Gaius! Maybe he can help Merlin. Quickly."

Gwaine runs out of the room. "So col'"

"Hang on, Merlin. Just a few more minutes. Wait," Arthur looks around to make sure no one can hear him. "Use magic to get the poison from you." Merlin shakes his head.

"Never use magi' unless 'ou in danger."

"I order you to, Merlin." Merlin nods slightly and speaks in a tongue that Arthur had heard of.

"Ge' 'way, Art'ur." Arthur moves from Merlin a few feet. Not too far, he doesn't want to leave his friend. He hears the flapping of wings and Merlin sees the eye of a golden colored dragon.

"I had to come, young warlock. Please don't kill me as you promised. I only come to assist you, not to bring down Camelot."

The warlock summons the last of his strength, "Kilgharrah, I need you to heal me. Taken hemlock and severed my wrists multiple times."

"As you wish, Emrys." The dragon breathes a shimmering breath on Merlin. To Arthur's surprise, Merlin's ragged breathing had become even. The wounds in his wrist had healed, though blood still surrounded him. Merlin looked up at the dragon, as the beast spoke, "Merlin, scars will still remain, but your magic is intact. What you did was risky, but I am glad you had done it. You must explain everything to the young king. Oh, what troubles you have bared for your destiny. You surprise most, Emrys."

"Thank you, Kilgharrah. Take heed to what I said last time you set foot in Camelot. I wasn't sure you would come."

"I could not resist, even if I wanted to."

"Do not come back to Camelot unless I order you to."

"As you wish." With that, the dragon flies away.

Arthur nears Merlin, but then Merlin's eyes widen and he scuttles back against the wall. "Don't Arthur. Please. I said I was sorry. Why couldn't you just let me die? I was so scared. I am still scared. I wish you hadn't read the letter. I should've grabbed more. It would have been quicker."

"Merlin! Don't ever say that!"

"Have you ever known what it is like to be afraid of yourself? To see everything you love just crumble right in front of you? Or, how about to see your best friend murder the woman you love?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The bastet was a girl, Arthur! A girl that I loved! One that actually understood me."

"I-I didn't know."

"I know, and I hope you can forgive me. Because I hated you for only a few moments. It was the only time I felt like I could kill you. But, I forgave you long ago, but I hope that you could forgive me."

"Of course, Merlin," Arthur reaches out to touch Merlin's shoulder, but it only causes Merlin to whimper. "Why are you so scared, Merlin?"

"Maybe because you threw me in the dungeons. I have had nightmares about my death, Arthur. Burning at the stake. Beheading. You beating me to death. They can get worse than that. I would have been happy to die for you, Arthur. But, not by your hand. I was willing to die for you once I was your servant. Your friend. Or maybe that was only in my head. You could keep me here forever, Arthur. I will always be loyal to you.

"Everything I have done. I did it for you. I never wanted any harm to come to you." Sobs erupt from Merlin. "I thought you had died so many times. I saved your backside so much that I have lost count. But, you never tried to hurt me. Except in my nightmares. And today. I have been afraid of myself for so long. I am a monster who is afraid of power. Afraid of himself. And I just wanted to die. I wanted you to know how much I helped you. I didn't want any secrets. I told you. I knew how you would react. So, I tried to kill myself." He close his eyes and sobs. "And failed. I thought I would be free."

"Merlin, I am so sorry."

"Why haven't you killed me, yet?" Merlin screams.

"Merlin, I will never kill you." Arthur goes to near Merlin.

"Don't touch me!" Merlin eyes turn gold and then he looks at Arthur, who slammed against the wall. "Arthur, I am so sorry. Please. I didn't mean to. Sometimes the magic- I lose control. I was scared. Please, Arthur. I'm sorry. So sorry." Merlin crawls over to Arthur. "Are you okay? I swear, I didn't mean to."

"It's fine, Merlin." Arthur holds up a gloved hand and Merlin squeezes his eyes shut. "Merlin, I won't hit you, I promise." Merlin opens one eye, then the other. "I am sorry that you are so afraid of me. I hate that everything we had has changed overnight. Just know, that whenever you need me, Merlin. You can come to me. I will always be your friend."

"Thank you, Arthur." Merlin takes Arthur's arm, "I know that you won't hurt me. I think that the fear that gripped me since I became your friend is subsiding."

"It's good to hear. Now, let's get you out of here. Gwaine should be back, unless Gaius thought you would be dead by now. Can you do me one favor?"

"Anything. What is it?"

"Just, ask the knights not to try and kill me."

"Sure."

~Two Months Later~

"Hey, rise and shine, Dollophead," Merlin shouts with a grin on his face. Arthur goes to grab the goblet from the nightstand, but pauses, realizing that Merlin could freak out. "Arthur, seriously. I don't care if you throw things at me, as long as you don't try to torture me or beat me up or kill me." Arthur chuckles.

"Okay, well I guess I should get up then. I guess you've gotten my breakfast?" Merlin looks at Arthur. "Okay, I guess not." Merlin pulls a plate from behind his back. "Oh wow, Merlin, you are doing good today. How's the Court Sorcerer job going for you?"

"Good, but I am finding it hard to juggle being your advisor, sorcerer, and servant."

"Okay, well, you don't have to be my servant, Merlin. I told you that. You insisted that you wanted to still serve me."

"I was born to serve you. You were born to be a great king."

"Merlin, you will be serving me even while you are court sorcerer. Plus, I think I can manage without a servant."

"Oh please, Arthur. You can't even get dresses without help. What if I come to help in the morning and stop at 10 am?"

"That would work Merlin. Then, at least I don't have to deal with George for a full day."

"Thank you, Arthur."

"You can leave Merlin. You were late again, it's nearly noon."

Merlin runs out the door, but not before he can give the king a cheeky grin and say, "Thanks, Dollophead." He slams the door, and hears the clatter of a chalice hitting the ground. Gwaine comes up to Merlin, "Okay, Gwaine. Arthur and I were just joking around. I told you, I'm fine."

"It's not that. I have an emergency."

"What is it?"

"I need you to conjure up some ale. I was banned from the tavern for two days."

"Nice try, Gwaine." Then, the two friends laugh and Merlin knows that everything is going to be fine.

Okay, well, a plot bunny attacked me. I was in the middle of writing "Please" (another fanfiction for Merlin) and I couldn't shake this idea and put it away for later. So, I hope you liked it. Please review, it will make my day!

~Lunatris262~