A Treasure Hunter's Lament
Life's a funny thing. It's amazing how you can think about your life and realize just how completely different it now than how it was a year ago. Sometimes I wonder how you can simply set things aside after it being such a large part of your life so long ago. After a while, those pent up feelings rise up to the surface again, with so much force that it feels like you're going to explode.
I leant against one of the mineshaft walls in the Narshe Mines, arms crossed, my leather hat partially covering my eyes. I put my left foot against the wall for support and looked at the scenery around me. I could see the steam billowing up from the smoke stacks in the town from where I stood, floating up toward the cloud covered sky. The snow was lightly falling around me, sticking to my hair and my clothing. As much as I loved the town of Narshe, it was freezing cold in the mines no matter what time of year it was. I watched my breath come out of my mouth in small white puffs as I contemplated.
For the last few weeks, I've been thinking repeatedly about how I'm completely alone. All my friends have moved on, yet I returned to Narshe to pick up the threads of the life I had before my life changed. My life changed over a girl...
Terra. Terra Branford. The name of an angel...
I will never forget the day that Arvis called me to his house in Narshe to look after the Magitek riding witch. She was brainwashed with a Slave Crown, and I had to go into the mines and find her before the Imperial Soldiers did.
Another thing I will never forget was the first time that I saw her. She was lying on the ground, knocked unconscious from falling through a weak spot from the floor above. She had the most magnificent emerald colored hair, flawless creamy colored skin....She was just absolutely gorgeous.
When she told me she couldn't remember anything except her name, I realized that she had amnesia. Amnesia was my biggest fear, mainly because it ruined my life when the most important person to me had it. My Rachel. We were even going to get married, she told me 'yes!' when I asked her for her hand in marriage. We went out on a walk one day and as we were walking over a bridge...
I tried to save her, yet I failed her. I wasn't going to fail Terra in the same way that I failed Rachel, so I promised her I would look after her until her memory returned.
She ended up being a much larger part of the fate of the world than I expected, and I did everything in my power to look over her and protect her. I succeeded in protecting her...yet did something unexpected.
I fell in love with her.
I never told her. How could I? By the time I realized what my feelings were, she married Edgar, the King of Figaro. I can't object to their marriage. Edgar and I have always been good friends and have gone through a lot together, so I can't tell him how I feel about his wife. What would I, a lone wolf of a treasure hunter, have to offer the Queen of Figaro? Not to mention that it's amazing enough that Edgar would settle down with a girl, the big flirt that he is.
The thought of going to visit them had crossed my mind at least a million times a day, but with the more time that went by, I just decided against it. I know that they're old friends, but they haven't called out to me either. Now that the Returners weren't needed, I was no longer Edgar's secret link to the outside world, so I just resided in Narshe.
I shoved my hands in the pockets of my pants and walked out of the mines back to my place, which was in the northwestern corner of Narshe. I couldn't feel my nose anymore due to the biting wind, so a hot cup of tea would go well with my thoughts that I was having.
I unlocked the door, threw the keys on the counter, put the tea kettle on the stove, and sat down at a chair at my kitchen table as I waited for the water to boil. I cursed at myself for how the thoughts of Terra plagued my mind more and more lately. I often wondered if things would've turned out differently if I told her how I truly felt. Edgar probably would've ended up with her anyway knowing that he is a lot....friendlier with the female population than I am. I have always been more of the type to stay quiet and reserved, whereas Edgar's not afraid of rejection.
I jumped slightly when the tea kettle whistled. I walked over to the stove, and poured myself a cup of hot water. I slowly dipped the tea bag in and out of the water as I shook my head at myself. This was not something that I was going to get over any time soon.
I needed to see her...
I only took one sip of my tea before I placed it into the sink. I grabbed my keys, tied my bandana around my forehead, and decided to take the boat to the South Figaro and walk to Figaro Castle.
/--/--/--/--/--/--/--/--/--/--/--/--/
I nervously swallowed as I walked up to the front gate of the castle. It still looked the same, that's for sure. I had to kick the sand off of my shoes once I reached the stone pathway that led to the front gate, due to the fact that Figaro Castle was built in the middle of the desert. It was convenient though; the castle could submerge itself and move underground to a spot near the city of Kohlingen. The usual guards were standing at their posts and greeted me with smiles when they saw me. I nodded at them as they let me inside the castle.
"Sir Locke, is that...you?" I turned at the sound of my name and I saw the Chancellor walk over to me. I let my face break out into a small smile as I nervously fingered the seam of my vest. "I wasn't aware that you were going to come and visit!"
"It wasn't exactly planned," I said as I shifted my weight on my feet. "I needed a few things from South Figaro, so I thought that I would stop by before going back to Narshe. I figured I haven't been here in a long time and I haven't seen Terra or Edgar in ages."
"Well, let me inform their majesties at once!" He told me to follow him then made me wait outside of the throne room as he told Terra and Edgar of my arrival. I could feel my hands start to sweat, and I had no idea why. I didn't exactly have a reason to be nervous.
After a few minutes, the Chancellor opened the doors back up and told me to enter. I walked into the throne room to see Edgar sitting in his throne with a large smile on his face. Terra was nowhere to be found at the moment, but I was still pleased to see my old friend again. He hopped out of his throne, ran up to me and gave me a huge hug.
"Locke, where have you been?" He broke the hug and kept his hands on my shoulders.
"You know me," I replied simply as I returned the smile that he was giving me. "I just thought I would drop by and say 'hi.'"
"We thought you've forgotten all about us!" I had to laugh at Edgar as he gave me yet another hug. "Dammit, Locke, we've missed you."
"I've missed you too," I said, as the hug was broken again. I looked around anxiously as I put my hands in my pockets. "So, where's your woman?"
"Terra? Oh, she's in her room changing," he said as he gently smiled and motioned with his hand. "You know girls, it takes them eight hours to get dressed, yet they can look beautiful without any preparation at all."
"Have you seen anyone else from our little group lately?" I asked as Edgar started to lead me outside of the throne room. "I've been kind of in my own little bubble in Narshe, so I really haven't seen anyone."
"Celes stops by every now again to chat with Terra, and she's doing well. She's living in Vector and is apparently very happy doing whatever it is she's doing. Sabin, of course, visits on a regular basis. He's now—"
"Locke Cole?" Edgar and I both whipped our heads up to see Terra standing at the top of the stairs in the hallway that we were walking in. The look of surprise on her face only accentuated her beautiful looks. She was wearing a long silky white gown, her neck adorned with a simple, yet elegant, diamond necklace, earrings hung from her ears, and her emerald hair fell down to her lower back in delicate waves. I think that was the first time where I have seen Terra with her hair down. From the time I met her until the day she married Edgar, her hair was always up in a ponytail. I have never seen her look more beautiful. I exhaled the breath that I didn't realize I was holding when I saw her.
"Terra..." She flew down the stairs to give me a hug, gripping me tightly against her. She was gently laced with the fragrance of jasmine, and I embraced her scent. She exited the hug and looked me right in the eyes, her blue eyes sparkling in delight.
"King Edgar?" The three of us turned to face the Chancellor at the doorway. "Pardon the intrusion, but it's almost time for your three o'clock meeting, your majesty."
"Ah, yes," he said as he turned to Terra and I. "I'm afraid I must go, I'm terribly sorry."
"We'll catch up later," I said as he gently kissed Terra on the lips and said goodbye to me as he parted from us. Seeing the loving look that they exchanged pained me yet I tried not to hide it.
"Let's take a walk, you have so much to tell me!" Terra said as she gently grabbed onto my arm and led me to the garden that was behind the castle.
"I don't ever remember this garden being here," I said queerly as I looked around at the dozens of flowers and shrubbery surrounding a beautiful fountain.
"I asked Edgar to put it in," she said as she sat on one of the benches in the courtyard. She placed her hand on the spot next to her, motioning me to sit down. I obeyed and gripped the edge of the bench as I slightly hunched over, still asking myself why I was here. "So how have you been?"
"Same old, same old," I said dryly as I looked at her. The warm spring sun bounced playfully off of her rosy cheeks, making them glow. She looked so heavenly, and it tortured me to see her. I turned my head to the side so she wouldn't be able to see the melancholy look that was placed on my face.
"You seem quiet." She gently put her finger under my chin and guided my head to look at her. Although she was concerned, her eyes still retained the cheerful glimmer that I remember.
"Nah, it's just strange to be here again," I said as she softly chuckled. Silence fell between us and I watched how the wind gently kissed her hair, blowing it in the breeze.
"So many things have changed over the past year," she said with a blissful sigh. "You know, I will never forget that one night that I talked to General Leo on the ship to Thamasa. I told him that I felt I would never feel love. He told me that I was still young, but I always felt that since I was half human and half Esper, no one would want to deal with that burden."
"You know that's not true," I said as I noticed she was still smiling. I was confused over the smile, so I tried to get her to elaborate more. "I mean, come on, we all cared very much for you."
"Well, I meant true love, Locke." She started to twist a few strands of hair with her fingers as she looked down at the ground. She moved the toe of her shoe in circles in the grass as she continued to look downward. "It's strange how I found true love with Edgar."
"No offence intended, Terra," I said as I nervously shifted my weight in the seat. "But this is quite a random topic that you've brought up here."
"I'm just saying that things didn't turn out the way that I would've expected." I continued to look at her in question and she looked up at me. "I was expecting to receive a wedding invitation from you and Celes about a week after Edgar and I were betrothed."
"Celes and I?" I had to let out a small chuckle as I thought about that suggestion. "I don't even understand how you thought that one up. We were just friends."
"I don't know, Relm brought it to my attention once." I laughed slightly louder and rolled my eyes.
"You received word from a ten year old and you believed it?" She nodded at me and almost seemed insulted that I wouldn't call Relm a reliable source. "You never thought of asking me?"
"I didn't exactly find a necessary reason to ask you for I could see it in both of your eyes. She used to look at you with such lust and admiration that I figured you returned it." She shrugged, moved her hair to behind her shoulders and gently smiled. "It's okay, you don't have to deny it."
"I can't deny something that isn't true," I said as I fixed the bandana that crowned my head. I can't say that I never felt something for Celes for she looked so much like Rachel, but that was nothing more than wishful hoping. I longed to be with Rachel again; I spent so many years looking for the magicite Phoenix, only to be devastated that it had too many cracks in it to bring her back for good. Waiting all those years and I was only able to look into her eyes for a moment. However, that moment was enough. I realized then that I had to move on.
"All right, I'll let this one slide by," she said with a smile as she nudged me with her shoulder. "I'm just shocked is all."
"Don't be," I replied with a small smile as I looked into her crystal eyes again. I found myself becoming lost in her eyes and I saw her cheeks flush slightly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She started to become uncomfortable as she moved her hair away from her face and looked down at the ground. I didn't stop my stare; I only made my smile grow wider. "Seriously, Locke, you're starting to frighten me."
I sighed and I hesitantly looked away from her beautiful face. I wanted to gently brush her lips with my own, run my fingers through her silky long hair, feel her body close to mine. I knew that I had to stay away. I couldn't do that to Edgar, no matter how strong and controlling my feelings were. I stood up, stretched and then reached my hand out to her to help her stand up.
"Your majesty," I said as she gently placed her hand in mine and stood up. I brought her into a hug and gently squeezed her. "I hate to cut this reunion short—"
"You're not leaving, are you?" She asked as she looked up at me. Looking into her eyes broke my heart. The thought of holding her in my arms forever was a perfect thought, but it wasn't reality. I slowly exhaled as we separated.
"Yeah, I have to run to South Figaro for a little bit," I lied as I ran my fingers through my hair. "But, it was good to see you."
"Please stay longer," she pleaded as she fell into my arms again. I gently brushed her back with my hand as I stared blankly into the distance. "It's been so long since I've seen you."
"I know, Terra," I said as I blinked back tears. "I just...can't stay here any longer. Please don't ask me to explain it. I just can't."
"I understand." Her reply was muffled slightly because her face was buried in my vest. "I think."
I gently backed out of the hug and looked at her. Her eyes were brimmed with tears and I cupped her face with my hand. She blinked and a tear fell out of her eye and landed on my thumb. I inhaled a shaky breath, dropped my hand, and looked away. I couldn't stand to look at her like this.
"I'll come visit again, that I can promise you," I said as I started to walk away from her. I turned to look at her over my shoulder and she sank down to the bench that we were sitting on before.
"I guess I'm just not understanding why you would come all the way from Narshe after not seeing anyone for a year, and just staying here for a few minutes," I turned to look at her and she had her hands in her lap, her wedding ring sparkling in the sunlight. The lump in my throat was probably as large as the diamond imbedded in the gold band. I knew that she was going to ask me why I was leaving even though I stated not to ask me.
I exhaled as I walked by over to her. I knelt down in front of her and gently took her hands in my own as I looked up into her eyes. She wasn't crying any longer, but the sadness in her eyes was enough to tear me apart. I smiled at her, hoping that my smile would be contagious enough for her to smile as well. I lifted her chin so she would look at me, and she attempted to smile.
"It's hard for me to leave as well," I said as I helped her stand up again. I didn't hold her again for I knew I wouldn't be able to let go this time. "I really must. I have some business to attend to." She let out a small, breathy laugh as we started to walk toward the exit of Figaro Castle. "What?"
"You sound like Edgar, that's all," she said as she thought of her husband. "Business, business, business all the time."
There was silence between us once again as I gathered up some thoughts to form a decent sentence. It took me until we reached the cobblestone walkway in front of the gate when I was able to speak my thoughts. I faced her and put her hands in mine as I spoke.
"Terra, you may find this an impertinent question, but I just want to know the answer."
"What is it?" She gently pressed her lips together as she waited for me to reply.
"Are you happy?"
She blinked several times in confusion, puzzled why I would even have to ask a question like that. I think she was too shocked at my question that she was stunned, for she was silent for a moment.
"Of course I'm happy," she squeaked out once she was able to find her voice. She smiled at me and I squeezed her hands. No matter how much my heart ached by seeing her with another man, as long as she was happy, that is what is important to me. I guess.
"That's all that matters," I said with a smile and gently kissed her on the cheek. She released one of her hands from mine to place it over the spot where I just kissed her. She gently ran her fingers over her cheek in surprise and slightly blushed. "I'll see you around, your majesty."
"Good bye, Locke," she said quietly, almost in a whisper. It was almost pure chance that I was even able to hear her.
"Good bye, Terra," I said as I faced her again for one last glance. I exhaled once again as I faced the direction to South Figaro. I now knew that, like Rachel, I had to let Terra go.
I'd always be there for her, just not in the way that I wish I could be.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and with a heavy heart walked toward South Figaro, leaving my past behind me with every step I took.