A Special Visitor

Disclaimer- Okay, okay. I don't own anything etc. Apart from the OC. So don't sue me :D

I uploaded this fic ages ago then took it down because I just lost where the plot was going. So I'll be changing things and expanding on the chapters. I re-read it and basically fell in love with it all over again. Set early on in the series, the reason why they aren't on Red Dwarf will also be explained at some point, so will Rimmer's 'dense mode'.

Chapter One- Cinnamon

Kryten was busy cleaning the table in Star Bug's mess room when Lister charged in wearing some astonishingly clean clothes. Well clean in Lister's case; only three curry stains. The series 4000 almost went in to something that human's called shock at least that's what he thought it was called. It was either that or his eye sockets were malfunctioning. Again.

"Sir, what special occasion is this?" Kryten wondered rushing over to one of his masters.

"What…oh this? All me other clothes have gone missin'" Lister told him looking around the mess hall waiting for that smeg head Rimmer to make an appearance, "someone ejected them via the air lock and now there in orbit of a frozen moon and one of me socks have gone missin' too"

The service mechanoid didn't quite understand, "Are you sure it wasn't ejected with the rest of your clothes sir?" he asked.

"It was on me foot!" Lister said and pointed down to his bald foot. It was indeed missing the grotty and worn sock.

A few moments later one of the Skutter's speeded past with a patchy piece of fabric hooked over its head and the other one chased after it. They were just zooming around the room.

"It appears to me, Sir, that the Skutter's are playing tag with your sock," He said pointing out the obvious.

The Skutter with the sock came dangerously close to the human as it tried to evade the other one. Lister bent down and snatched the sock from it. They turned their eye and claw towards him before rolling off upset and Kryten sympathised with them.

"Sir that was awfully mean of you. They were only playing," he told him with a pained look as they disappeared around the corner.

"What so was Rimmer only playing when he destroyed every single one of me possessions?" Lister rallied.

At just that moment Rimmer appeared from the control room looking especially pleased with himself. An arrogant and smug smile sat on his face. He took a deep breath. Well he simulated taking a deep breath. The hologram was incapable of breathing along with every other biological response or action.

"Ahh what a wonderful morning in deep space, no overly stinking, mould covered, curry stained clothes in the vicinity. Life is good," He said as he looked at Lister and Kryten. His smile grew bigger.

"But Sir that isn't technically correct, you're-" the mechanoid began to state but was cut off.

"I'm a hologram, yes I know Kryten." Rimmer was brought out of his strangely good mood with the reminder that he wasn't alive.

"No sir, what I was going to say was technically you're dead sir" Kryten finished his sentence.

Rimmer flashed his eyes towards him in contempt and he sighed. Before he could retort his roommate was speaking.

"That's a shame…if you were alive Rimmer I'd kill you" Lister threatened him with a step towards him.

The hologram was stood with his back straight and his hands clasped tightly behind his back, "Listy if I was alive, I'd have died from your very poor hygiene a long time ago and-"

The Cat popped his head around the cockpit door sniffing heavily while trying to maintain his hair, "hey guys sorry to interrupt but I'm picking up something funny"

He disappeared back into the cockpit as quickly as he had appeared.

"Probably Rimmah's face," Lister said coldly as they all walked into the cockpit.

"So very hilarious" was all that Rimmer could say to try and shut him up.

When they entered they found the Cat pacing back and forth in the control room looking a little more than shaken. He kept pausing every few seconds to breathe in deeply through his nostrils. Kryten was sat in the seat closest to Holly's monitor and was busy tapping in different codes and reading the print outs.

Rimmer peered out of the cockpit window at the part of deep space that they were currently drifting through. The stars were twinkling in the distance but that's all he could see. Lister, on the other hand, went over to the Cat and tried to calm him down.

"Are you sure you can smell something?" he asked him.

The Cat looked at him, "Yes! When has my amazing sense of smell ever failed?"

Then he went back to pacing, up and down, up and down, up and down, back and forth, back and forth. Rimmer thought he was going to be sick.

Kryten picked up a sheet of paper and held it to the red tinted lighting that was designed to allow the pilot to see better out of the window, "well Sirs I can't find anything on here"

"The bleepy thing?" the feline creature asked desperately.

"If you mean the radar" Rimmer paused and looked at it, "then no"

He wailed, "It has to be somewhere! I can still smell it!"

"What does it smell like?" the hologram asked sceptically.

"It smells like" he took a big sniff and said with a confused tone, "cinnamon!"

Rimmer mumbled to himself, "Definitely not Lister's clothes then"

The human turned to face him having obviously heard the off-hand comment, "Ya know if I weren't so smegging busy I'd dump ya out of the air lock meself!"

"Oh no" Kryten fretted. Another argument was about erupt between them and he felt it was his duty to stop it, "sirs, I'm afraid this isn't the time or the place"

"Holly, why don't you test out Rimmer's dense mode?" he grinned.

The other man's eyes widened, "what?"

"Done dude" Holly's face flashed up on the screen.

"Sirs, I beg you not to do this" the mechanoid placed himself in a strategic position between them.

"Shut up Kryten" Lister made his hand into a fist, "this is between me and the smeg-head Arnold Rimmer"

"It's getting closer!" the Cat sobbed and dived underneath the control panel, "it's here"

Everyone was temporally distracted by his outburst. They looked at each other wondering where this thing was.

When he thought it was obvious nothing was actually going to happen Rimmer said, "It must've passed us by-"

He was interrupted by a violent flash of red light. They all dived under the controls and huddled up next to the Cat. Smoke clouded the room. For what felt like the thousandth time they all prayed for their lives and that they weren't about to die. After a few moments the smoke cleared, Lister and Rimmer realised that they were holding on to each other and quickly let go.

"What do you think that was?" Kryten asked.

"I think it was cinnamon," Lister stood up warily and took a few steps towards the door, "come on"

"Where are you going?" Rimmer asked.

He half turned as he looked around the cockpit, "to investigate"

The room was covered in dust. Holly had seemingly lost the little hair that he had. The Cat and Kryten got up and joined him in the centre of the room. Rimmer on the other hand wondered if there was an escape pod in the cargo bay.

"Holly? Give me a damage report" the man with dreadlocks ordered.

"Err, give me a minute" the face disappeared from the screen and reappeared a few seconds later with a wig, "nothing to report, everything just needs a good clean"

"Let's go" they all turned and left.

Apart from the hologram who at first started to shout, "It could be anything out there!" but changed it to, "you're not leaving me on my own are you?"

They didn't reply and he reasoned that it was in his best interest if he followed them. As he was pulling himself up from his hiding position a spark flew behind him and he ran after them shouting, "Wait!"