IF I HAD NINETY BILLION DOLLARS

Parody of "If I Had A Million Dollars" by the Barenaked Ladies

Written by Philip Moore

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I would by myself a car

I would buy myself a car

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

Buy some accessories for my car

Maybe some gold-plated tires or steering wheel

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd buy myself a country

And a few of the Christmas Islands

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd spend it all

CHORUS ONE

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd tell Bill Gates to go screw himself

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd do stuff hazardous to my health

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd swallow a 5-gallon jug of gasoline

(dialogue) And then I'd top it all of with some tractor oil. Jeez, I'd be able to afford all the stomach pumps I need. Why not slice my legs off and get them reattached? I know! I could kill someone and get bailed out! God damn, I have ninety billion dollars!

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'll wage nuclear war on Iraq

I think I should scratch that, that's cruel

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd break into Area 51

Yep, then I would meet some aliens

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd auction off Lincoln's remains

Ooh, that would make me some serious dough

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd spend it all

CHORUS TWO

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd buy out every gouvernment

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd rule the world, that's what I meant

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd be King Philip the Almighty

(Dialogue) And then, I would have six million slaves! Then, I'll claim antarctica as my own! And when global warming takes over the planet, and people are fleaing, I'll sell the land for so much, people would rather die! I'll be a TRILLIONAIRE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd probably get a heart attack

Mabye I should scratch that, that's cruel

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'll end up in an insane asylum

I'll be so crazy, I'll forget my name

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd probably throw it in the trash

Or donate it all to charity

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd spend it all

CHORUS THREE

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

If I had ninety billion dollars

I'd be dead