Authors note: Jasper had this problem throughout the twilight series, in the story he never showed Bella the bite marks.
May be triggering: this may be extremely triggering, please read with caution if you are easily triggered.
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or any of the characters. The author of the series, Stephanie Meyer does. I'm not in any way making a profit, purely for entertainment purposes. I also don't own any of the quotes used or the little bit of shakspere.
'You hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the thing on the inside'
- girl, interrupted
Alice, beautiful Alice, everything about her is beautiful. She's so pure; innocent Bubbly, fun, energetic. And then look at me, murder, weak, and ugly. Scars all over my body, constantly mocking me telling me how weak I am. A self-conscience coward. The burns cover my entire body, every inch of my body except my hands face and neck.
"Jazz, you ok?" Emmett said snapping me out of my daze. I looked down at the video game, an Xbox. Emmett was playing vs. me and I was losing. My whole body was shaking un-controllably, I needed it. I needed the high temperature to burn into my skin until I heard a sizzle. I flinched from the craving being too much. I paused the game and put the controller on the couch and got up.
"I'm just goin' to my room." I said in a strained voice. Emmet knows about my problem.
I got up from the couch and went up the stairs and into the room I shared with Alice. I lay on the bed and turned the television on. I flipped through the channels looking for something that would catch my interest. Nothing did so I settled for watching the news.
I looked down at my legs and they were shaking, my whole body was shaking. I needed it, I needed to burn myself. It's not worth it to fight it; it's not just what I wanted it's what I need. I need it more than anything, more than blood. More than anything I could think of.
I got up and frantically starting searching for a lighter. I looked in Alice's drawers, and then my own. I didn't find one. I was shaking too much I could barely open the drawer. I looked in Alice's closet and then her jewelry box, no such luck. Where else could one be? I got on my hands and knees and looked under the bed. Sticking my hand all the way under the bed I rubbed the floor. My hand hit a smooth object made out of metal. I pulled it out and found a lighter. I held it close to my chest and thanked god that I found one. I put the lighter in my pocket.
"I'm goin' hunting!" I yelled to Emmett since he was the only other person home. I opened my dresser and put on a short sleeve shirt
"Do you want me to come with you?" Emmett asked me.
"No, I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt." I answered.
"okay." He mumbled. That was the rule nobody sees them, with few exceptions. Because I don't want anybody knowing how weak I really am.
The lighter was jingling around in my pocket making a pretty little bell noise like Alic-'don't you dare compare this to Alice' I yell at myself. I'm running as fast as I could to get far enough away from the house so that Emmett wouldn't hear me if I do scream. I've almost tripped a couple times because I'm shaking so much. My whole body is vibrating and it won't go away until I fulfill my needs. I sit down on the ground at a random spot. I take my shirt off and then I take the lighter out of my pocket and open it. I slid my thumb on the metal grinders and then held my thumb on the red button. I put the small flame on a partially healed area of skin. In a couple of seconds it hurt, I felt pain. I felt something. I leaned my head against a tree and I felt peaceful, peaceful beyond words.
When I hear the beautiful sizzle noise I move the lighter and find more partially healed skin and put the flame on the skin. My skin heats up and comforting warmth is spread through my whole body. The warmth comforts me, like sitting near a fire but now I was just touching it. I did the same thing countless more times.
I hunted a couple deer before returning home. Carlisle's and Rosalie's cars were in the driveway. Before you even walked in the front door you heard Nessie showing Emmett what they got him. I heard Alice in our room putting her stuff away. Since I was wearing short sleeves I couldn't go through the front door. I walked around the house and saw there weren't any open windows. I went over near my bedroom window and grabbed pebbles and started throwing them at the window. Might as well be romantic. Alice opened the window and smiled her flawless smile. She quoted shaksphere, but since I don't like the classics I don't read them and I didn't know what Romeo says after that so I just laughed. Alice moved to the side so I could come in. I jumped on a nearby tree and then I jumped and landed inside the house. Alice was right next to me. She looked down and saw my arms.
"You're wearing short sleeves?" she whispered.
"Just for the hunt, I didn't realize everybody would be home." I said also in a whisper. I walked to my dresser and took out a long sleeve shirt; it was a basic black t-shirt.
"You know the family won't mind if you don't cover them up." Alice told me still in a whisper.
"But I mind. You know how I feel about it ." I said "can you turn around so I can get changed?" I asked. She didn't argue and turned around. I quickly changed my shirt.
Alice and I walked down stairs. Before I could even make it to the living room my adorable little niece ran up to me screaming "Uncle Jazz!" she gave me a hug. I had to bend down so she could be eye level. With a physically seven Nessie standing on my toes, I walked to the living room. Everybody was in the living room, and we were all laughing and talking. But I know that won't last long, somebody will say something, and the craving will come back.
What'd you guys think?If you have any questions about the story don't be shy. Im sorry if Jasper didn't sound like a boy, im a girl so I don't really know how guys heads work. A little background: everybody in the Cullen family knows except for Bella and Renesmee. Sorry if it's short I'm still trying to figure out how long each chapter should be, eventually all of the chapters will be a good review, favorite follow. I love all you guys! Constructive critsism welcomed! p.s. I used the line break for like the first time sorry if I went a bit over-board. I'm also trying to make it seem like Jasper has a Texas accent so it I make it look weird I probablly tried that, make me aware of it and I'll fix it.